I am uncertain how or when it will happen, but we are working on it.
In the meantime, I can’t suppress the visions I have of Lucas being an older brother.
I am trying to enjoy right now, the time that I am able to devote solely to my first born, the time that includes just the three of us. I hope Lucas will remember this time too.
But, I do see him playfully bantering with a little sister or brother, invading their space and pushing buttons just to get a rise out them.
I see the sweat glistening on the two of their foreheads as they collapse in giggles on the couch after a long summer’s afternoon in the backyard.
I see him reaching out to grab her hand as we cross the street and nodding to me as if to say, “I’ll take care of her”.
I see him letting her win a round of Go Fish or Checkers, because that’s what big brothers do.
I can hear the two of them pleading with me and their dad to let them stay up just a little longer because they are having too much fun to go to bed yet.
I see him helping his kid sister open a jar of jam for her toast as they rush around the kitchen trying to out the door for school.
I see him gently brushing the hair out of her eyes and a tear from her cheek after her first major heart break and then immediately vowing to kick the boy’s ass who did it.
I see the four of us sitting around our dining room sharing our highs and lows of the day, always supporting, sometimes challenging and deeply loving one another.
I would like to think that they’ll be close, my children; that they will gang up on their father and I as we vote on family vacation destinations, where to order take out, the naming of our pets and which movies to watch together. I hope that they will be there for one another in good times and in bad. Especially the bad.
Three become four.
I am uncertain how or when it will happen, but we are working on it…