Tonya

The Things Lucas Says

Posted on March 5, 2012 Written by Tonya

Kids say the darnedest things… darnedest, most embarrassing, completely sincere, funniest, totally annoying and very heart-tugging things.

Here are some of my current favorites out of my kid’s mouth:

Upon hearing a baby or toddler crying, Lucas will exclaim, “Maybe he needs some uppy.” (as in, the child needs to be picked up).

When searching for anything, Lucas calls out in a singsong voice, “Oh car, where are you?”.

Lucas told a caregiver at the Kids Club at the gym recently that he had a sister and when I asked him about his fib, he replied, “I don’t have a sister yet, but I will someday.” Perhaps he knows something I don’t.

Before we go anywhere, Lucas asks if he can bring something, typically a lot of something (a pile of books, a bucket full of cars, five stuffed animals, etc.) and I always try to limit the quantity, wherein the negotiating begins and he’ll say, “I’ll just bring them in the car, but not take them in the supermarket.” He’s a smart kid and this logic works on me every time.

Out of the clear blue, Lucas will profess his love for his lovey by saying, “I love lovey, he’s my buddy.” It’s so sweet and endearing.

We hear, “Not today, dear.” in response to a lot of questions these days. This is a line from Corduroy, one of Lucas’ favorite books. I HATE the word dear as a term of endearment so this one bugs me to no end.

Corduroy by Don Freeman

Saving the best for last, Lucas says “OMG” and appropriately. It cracks me up each and every time. I take full credit for this one.

What funny things do your kids say?

Gene

Posted on March 4, 2012 Written by Tonya

A friend passed away on Tuesday.

A friend my family has known for 29 years.

A friend that even though wasn’t thought of on a daily basis, we shared a chapter of our lives together. He and his wife, Nellie lived down the street from my family for two years when we all lived in Karachi, Pakistan and a lifelong kinship was born. That tends to happen when you live overseas.

A friend just three days shy of turning 70 years old is no longer with us.

An amazing photographer, cook, teacher, world traveler and much, much more.

Gene, you will be sorely missed.

My heart goes out to Nellie, whom I can’t wait to hug on Thursday at Gene’s Memorial Service.

If I Had Known…

Posted on March 1, 2012 Written by Tonya

If I had known the last time I saw you was going to be the last time I’d ever see you…

… I would have hugged you a little tighter and a lot longer.

… I would have studied your face memorizing each and every line.

… I would have reached for your hand and squeezed it hard, never wanting to let you go.

… I would bottled up your scent.

… I would have listened more carefully to your story, gleaning from all your wisdom.

… I would have told you how beautiful you looked that day.

… I would have insisted on another photograph.

… I would have expressed my sincerest gratitude for all that I have because of you.

… I would have said “I love you” one more time.

… I would have willed you to stay.

If only I had known.

This photograph was taken on my wedding day, (August 4, 2007) it is the last photo I have with my parents. They died two months later.

Dear Mom

Posted on February 28, 2012 Written by Tonya

Jennifer of Midwest “Mom”ents is kind and always very supportive. She has a darling blog about her life and two adorable daughters and keeps late Twitter hours, which is where we connect the most.

I am grateful to have (Not Just Another) Jennifer here today with a sad, yet very loving letter to her mother.

Dear Mom,

How do you express thanks for an entire childhood in one letter? So much to say, I don’t know where to start. I know I was always a bit of a daddy’s girl. I always thought it was because he and I were more alike. But now that I’m older, I realize I’m exactly like you. That’s probably why it sometimes felt like magnetic poles pushing us apart when I was young, especially a teenager. But no matter how sassy or unappreciative of you I was, you always gave more with a smile. I don’t know how you did it. I know some of it is the innate maternal reaction of a mother. I love our girls, too, and that definitely plays a part in being able to tolerate a lot. But I certainly don’t have a servant’s heart like you do.

Now that I’ve been doing this SAHM gig while I’m unemployed, I gradually find myself doing more and more of the same things you did. I can’t sleep at night. I’ve always been a night owl like you, but I mean, I find myself awake until 1 or 2am most nights. Which is crazy since the girls are up at 6:30am. And there’s no reason why I should be sleep deprived except my own inexplicable need to stay up reading a book, doing dishes, watching a show, doing laundry, playing Angry Birds, putting together a craft project I found on Pinterest, etc. Unfortunately, the tired version of me is much less patient with the girls than you were with us.

I know there were times sis and I got in trouble and were sent to our rooms or heard, “Just wait til your father gets home!” But I really don’t remember you yelling at us or punishing us. I think of you working in the garden, sewing dance costumes, wearing yellow rubber gloves to clean, baking with us, teaching us how to crochet, playing games with us, working out to Richard Simmons, cooking awesome spaghetti, teaching us how to make the bed properly. I remember you consoling me after nightmares and kissing my boo-boos better and cheering me on at softball games.

And I remember you as an incredible wife. You always made sure that after we gave Dad our big welcome home hugs and kisses that we left him alone to “watch the news” for 30 minutes, AKA, take a nap. You were making dinner, and I’m sure we drove you nuts, but you knew he needed time to decompress, and you willingly gave him that space. You never fought with him in front of us. We could tell when you were mad, but you just said his name in a terse way, then pursed your lips, and bit your tongue. We knew you would be discussing things later, though. And now that I’m older and know more of the history of your relationship, I’m in awe of your devotion to being a good wife.

So when you started having memory trouble a few years ago, I felt like I should be there for you the way you have always been there for me. But I had a newborn, a husband, and a full-time job. I didn’t visit you as often as I should have to play games or cards or Memory with you. And I was a little bit in denial, to be honest. Now that you have been diagnosed with short-term memory difficulty and dementia, I can see how you had been faking it for much longer than we knew about it.

The part that’s the most difficult for me to grasp is the paranoia that’s begun this past year. The night you left me a message at 2am saying Dad was having you committed and if you disappeared that you wanted someone to know what had happened was the last time I went to bed without my phone on the nightstand. Then you decided that the neighbors who live in the house behind you wanted to break in the sliding glass door from the patio to your bedroom to attack you. That was about six months ago. You’ve been sleeping on the couch in the living room ever since. And a couple of weeks ago, you told me that Dad stole $400 from you.

I can’t imagine how horrifying it must be for you to feel that your husband is plotting against you and feeling trapped and isolated. I love you so much, and it’s heart wrenching to see you go through this and be unable to do anything to help. You are the kindest, most generous person I know, and you do not deserve to spend the golden years of your life in this kind of hell.

Here’s to you, Mom, the one I admire and strive to emulate and if I’m being perfectly honest, am terrified of one day becoming.

Send Eyedews STAT!

Posted on February 27, 2012 Written by Tonya

For those of you that don’t know, Eyedews are a refreshing, single use, under-eye rejuvenation treatment, specifically formulated to help you look like you don’t have a two-year old who won’t sleep through the night.

They are in a word, AMAZING!

This post is for Vlog Talk. Prompt #3). If you went to Blissdom, what was the experience like? If you didn’t go, what did you do instead?

24 Envelopes

Posted on February 27, 2012 Written by Tonya

Watching movies has always been my way to relax and I try to see all the latest ones, usually over the course of a few nights because I can’t stay awake from start to finish, so I adore red carpet events.

I love the Golden Globes, Emmys, Grammys, SAG Awards and the coup de grace…the Oscars, my favorite of all the awards shows!

I have always been the girl captivated in front of the TV, ballot in hand, watching the arrivals to see what everyone is wearing, who’s with whom, the extravagant and eye popping jewels, the hair, the makeup, all of it!

Whether it’s rude and ridiculous (Bridesmaids), dark humor amidst family drama (The Descendents), or the utterly sublime (The Artist), Oscar night is a celebration of cinema and all the reasons we love Hollywood…

To read more on my Oscar take, please visit my post today, 24 Envelopes on Smart Mom Style.

On The Move

Posted on February 24, 2012 Written by Tonya

This August we will have known each other for 21 years.

That’s a long time to be friends with someone.

But even the best of friendships wane and things go left unsaid and feelings are hurt, opinions are expressed and lines all crossed. We suffer and vent in silence and before we know it, it’s been six years since you spoke to one another.

Today I am over Courtney’s Feature Friday writing about the loss of a dear friend. Please come visit me there….

I’m His Mom

Posted on February 22, 2012 Written by Tonya

While at the park today, someone asked me if I was Lucas’ babysitter.

Could it have been the hoodie and Converse sneakers that prompted the question?

It certainly wasn’t the lines on my face or the hair pulled up in a bun on top of my head.

Or was it?

Don’t we look alike?, I thought.

Don’t we have the same blue eyes?

If you spent any time with the two of us together, you’d recognize in an instant the same short temper, extremely strong will and an inability to sit still for too long.

If you listened to us, you’d hear the same phrases coming out of our mouths and inflection in our voices.

If you watched us chasing each other across the grass, you would have heard the infectious laughter than only two people that spend as much time together as we do can share.

If you looked closely, you’d see an immeasurable love and a bond so pure that only parent and child can share.

If you could look into my head, you’d realize how much space is occupied by thoughts of this boy’s well-being, including his daily nutrition intake, overall health and happiness, growth, sleep cycles, education, relationships, and striving to be the best role model I can be.

I wish you could see the way he reaches for me as if I’m the only person in the world .

We have the same blood running through our veins and his heart is mine as mine is his.

Babysitter?

No. I am way more than his babysitter, “I’m his mom.”, I stated proudly.

I’m lucky enough to be his mom.

Dear Sarah

Posted on February 21, 2012 Written by Tonya

Katie is the genius (not to mention Child, Adolescent, and Family Psychotherapist and Parenting Expert) behind Practical Parenting and I have learned so much from her posts about being a better mom.

Her potty training tips are awesome, her post, The Great Mom Debate is one of my favorites and she even inspired the Valentine’s Day love notes I made for Lucas.

I am happy to have Katie here today with a letter to her friend Sarah. Friendships are so important and the ones that stand the test of time are unbelievably precious. We should all be so lucky to have friendships as strong as the one Katie and Sarah share.

Thank you so much to Tonya for having me here today. I have loved her letters for quite some time, as she often echoes the thoughts that run through my mind. Her letters are beautiful and always heartfelt, no matter the topic at hand. I often leave here thinking that I should do this too…write down the things I should have said or still have the opportunity to say. When she started Letters for You it was almost as if she heard my silent plea. I’m not sure that that I would find a way to sit down and write the letters that should be written on my own time, but I am honored to have the chance to share one here.

Dear Sarah,

It was over 36 years ago that our mothers first planted the seed of friendship for us. It was over 36 years ago that they both thought, thank god, a playmate for my little girl.

What started as a blind date in the sand box flourished into a friendship that I’m not sure even they envisioned. What began as digging, board games, and Strawberry Shortcake grew into the best friendship I have ever known.

In you I found another sister. A sister who would balance me out without the added sibling rivalry (we’ve never once felt the urge to compete). A sister who would stand tall by side and never, ever waiver. A sister who would always remind me of home.

Through countless tubs of Rainbow Chip frosting and repeated viewings of Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, we survived those tumultuous years referred to as “puberty”.

Through bowling trips with John and Russ, weekends skiing in Vermont, and long summer nights full of big dreams, we conquered high school. We escaped the mean girls, played sports against each other without hard feelings, and laughed our way through high school dances.

Through beers, stories, dinners, and a few more beers, we enjoyed every moment of our time in Boston. Despite attending different colleges, we always found time to just be us.

But it wasn’t always easy…

At times, we’ve lived continents apart. At times, we’ve lived states apart. Today we live 3,000 miles apart. The distance has never felt larger.

We’ve helped each other through some very difficult life events. Events we never expected to endure.

Together we’ve survived suicide, cancer, infertility, and family strife. Oh, the never-ending family strife.

Together we said goodbye to my father, who always considered himself your father too, and my Nana, who was just as much yours.

Together we remained strong as we waited for the signs of remission when cancer hit a family member. Together we celebrated good health and new beginnings.

Together we fought my long and exhausting battle with infertility. We talked, cried, and laughed our way through the ups and downs until we reached the end.

Together we welcomed four babies into this world, just as we always knew we would.

Together we learned to separate our families of origin from our growing families.

Together we learned to find our voices and speak up for the needs of our own little families.

Together we learned to walk on.

Friendship is a funny thing. At times, it can come and go. As some friendships fade away, new friendships emerge. Some people say that best friends don’t exist beyond high school, that adult friendships are different.

But I know better.

I know that some friendships are meant to last a lifetime.

Your friendship has been the one constant all of the years. Your friendship has enabled me soak up every bit of enjoyment from the good times and to just survive the not-so-good times. Your friendship has taught me to be strong, loyal, and loving.

Above all, your friendship has taught me the value of just being me. And for that, I will always love you.

Love,
Katie

Katie & Sarah circa 1978

Staying Afloat

Posted on February 20, 2012 Written by Tonya

It’s not unusual for me to leave clothes in the washer or dryer overnight or to walk out of the house wearing my slippers, but it is unusual for me to put Windex in the refrigerator, completely miss an appointment that I not only have on my phone calendar with an alarm reminder, but also on my paper calendar.

That’s not like me.

That’s not like me at all.

It’s not unusual for me to have to reheat my tea three times in the morning, only to forget all about it all together in the microwave, however, boiling a pot of water down to nothing *TWICE* while attempting to make Lucas mac and cheese is very unusual.

I’ve turned into a scatterbrain.

I rewrote a “To Do” list the other day that I already written with exactly the same tasks. I’m religious about my lists, almost can’t function without them, especially my grocery lists, but last week I had to go to the grocery store three times because I kept forgetting items that were clearly marked on my list.

I’m spinning my wheels and something is off. I’m snappy and feel the pressure of just barely staying afloat. Something’s going to suffer, it’s inevitable something’s got it give. Sadly, I fear it has been my blog. I haven’t been sharing my thoughts here as much as I would like to (or need to).

I’ve taken on a freelance writing job at Smart Mom Style, which is something that I have wanted for a long time and I am absolutely loving, but I am CLEARLY struggling with balancing it all, keeping my head above water and staying sane at the same time. I feel behind on everything in my life and all out of sorts. I am trying to find the perfect balance (is there such a thing?!) and until I do, my posts here will be scarce.

It’s an age old mommy problem… trying to balance work, home, exercise, “me time”, couple time and quality time with anybody and anything and all without letting a single ball drop.

How do you balance your life, your career, blog and family? How do you stay in control and keep your cool? When are you most productive? Do you wake up before your children so that you can savor a few precious moments to yourself or are you a night owl, like me and stay up way past your bedtime trying to get it all in? Any tips or tricks would be most helpful and appreciated.

Click on image for source.

The Things Lucas Says

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