annoyances

My Candidate

Posted on November 9, 2016 Written by Tonya

It is the day after the 2016 Presidential election and I am sad, shocked, confused, and very worried for our country.

I know I’m not alone.

The candidate I voted for, researched, supported, donated money to, believed in and admired did not win.

My candidate is tough as nails.

My candidate has withstood a constant barrage of hatred, vilification, smears, and mudslinging for 25 years. Republicans blame her for everything!

I was able to look past my candidate’s flaws and scandals. I saw a person who has spent much of her life fighting for causes that are important to me; family values, children, education and equality for ALL, especially women and minorities. She has been a champion for advancing equal opportunities for women and girls in America and around the globe, calling women’s empowerment “one of the great causes of my life.”.

This is who I want in the White House. Electing our first woman president would be an important step to ending gender inequality. And now that I am the mother of a daughter, this is imperative.

More than ever.

This country is so full of hate.

I still believe.

My candidate impressed me with her intellect, judgment, and compassion. We all know the mess she endured because of her husband’s infidelities. That was not her doing. She tried to protect her family as best she could and in the end, perhaps having her own political agenda and dreams of leading our nation from the Oval Office, stood by her man.

I took Lola with me yesterday when I went to vote bright and early and snapped a photo outside my polling location, an elementary school within walking distance of our home. Elated to finally see a woman’s name on the ballot, I proudly voted for my candidate with my daughter at my side.

I was not expecting to be emotional but I cried anyway.

I cried tears of joy because I thought we had come so far and not since Barack Obama have I cared this much about politics.

I voted for Obama in 2008 while pregnant with Lucas and rejoiced at his win while at a Madonna concert at Petco Park. That was a magical night.

Watching Decision 2016 unfold on NBC as polls closed across the country I was thrilled to see the many blue states light up. I thought my candidate had it in the bag.

I was wrong.

So many of us were wrong.

Today I believe more than half of our country is made up of ignorant ass hats.

But I digress.

As I try to honor the outcome of the election and make sense of this America we live in, I will continue to teach my children, my sweet innocent children love, kindness and tolerance. I will teach them that ALL lives matter and to use their voice. Loud and often!

Donald Trump is going to be our president.

And as Secretary Hillary Clinton said this morning in her concession speech, “we owe him an open mind and the chance to lead”.

This is really happening.

And it will be interesting to say the very least.

——————————————————

The following is from The Huffington Post article, America Elected A Man Who Said ‘Grab Them By The P***y’ Over The First Female President:

Donald Trump openly bragged about using his celebrity status to sexually assault women. And multiple women accused him of actually doing so.

He said he was in favor of banning people from entering the United States based on their religion.

He believes that women he finds physically unattractive or overweight are lesser people.

He thinks that many Mexican immigrants are rapists.

He mocked people with disabilities.

He encouraged violence against protesters at his political rallies.

Bah Humbug

Posted on December 9, 2015 Written by Tonya

I’m all about Christmas.

For the most part.

I enjoy decorating; strategically placing snow globes, Santa Clauses and stuffed reindeer throughout the house, and switching the everyday guest and dish towels, soap dispensers and candles for holiday ones.

Lugging those stupid red and green over-sized plastic bins out of storage is physically demanding and the more I use, the more I’ll have to put away come January.

I love finding a tree, covering it with all of our mismatched but oh so meaningful and beloved ornaments and the scent of pine that fills our living room.

The needles drive me crazy as does having to “feed” the tree twice a day so it stays fresh. Our tree drinks more water than I do! And spending over an hour untangling strings of lights and trying to get them on the tree right was super frustrating.

I savor baking days and using cookies cutters and seeing the children covered in flour and icing.

I could definitely do without the extra lbs. or the colossal mess. Sigh.

I get a thrill from trying to find perfect gifts for people I love and have fun wrapping and attempting to make beautiful bows and avoiding bags as much as possible.

Oh, but the lack of parking spots and the long lines just to save a few bucks aren’t really worth it. The paper cuts are no picnic and I really need to practice the measure twice, cut once rule.

I revel in pulling out my mother’s Christmas dishes to use all month and like the challenge of putting together a menu for our Christmas Eve celebration.

I have zero complaints about the dishes, but trying to please everyone’s palette is damn near impossible in my family and I get testy when people meddle in my kitchen.

I adore playing cheerful holiday music (whenever the new Adele album isn’t).

But really, how many times can I hear Jingle Bells?

I like creating our family holiday greeting card and honestly don’t mind hand addressing over 250 cards.

Trying to capture a decent family photo is an absolute joke and it is high time that we cut our list WAY back!!

We avoided the dreadful family photo shoot all together this year and had Lucas design our holiday card. I adore it!

I love getting together with family and friends, all the social engagements make me so happy and I RSVP yes to everything!

But, what to wear, what to wear? And the day after fogginess makes me wish I didn’t drink so much. Plus, another evening out means another evening I’m not wrapping presents or addressing holiday cards.

I look forward to the children’s photo with Santa each year.

Of course, out of the six taken, one turned out sort of okay.

Lola was terrified! Poor little girl.

Ah, yes… the holidays. Such a delightful time of year, the sights, sounds and labor of it all. Holy crap, what a pain-in-the-ass. And it’s not like regular life ceases to exist just because it’s the holidays! There’s still lunches to be made, laundry to do, homework to oversee, dishwashers to be emptied and supermarket visits. So many supermarket visits.

It’s messy and chaotic, wonderful and fun.

I go to bed most nights in December with a tension headache. There’s so much pressure and too much to do, but still, it is my favorite time of the year.

Even More Things I Know For Sure – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 17, 2015 Written by Tonya

Turns out at 43 I know some stuff.

Not a lot of stuff but enough.

I’ve shared before: 13 Things I Know For Sure and 13 More Things I Know For Sure.

For those of your keeping track, I’m up to 39 things I know for sure, as in without a doubt, I’d bet my next paycheck on it certainty.

Here again, is a list of 13 more things I know for for

1. People drive through our neighborhood too fast.

2. People drive too fast in general. Last May I got a speeding ticket, my first in years and I paid dearly for it. I’ve tried to slow ever since.

3. There are few things like reveling in the fact that all the laundry is done. I live for those five minutes each week!

4. All neighborhoods should have sidewalks.

5. Any time I step foot in Target I will spend $100.00. Even if I just go for one or two items. I know I’m not alone in this phenomenon.

6. Any time I step foot in a store that has carts and I think that basket will do I’m wrong!

7. If you give a child a napkin and they will find anything else inappropriate to use instead.

8. Inevitably a playdate will fall on the day after the housekeeper has come.

9. 5 to 7 days after we’ve been at a bounce house (or any public venue) birthday party, Lucas’s nose will start running like a faucet and within 48 hours his sister’s will too. But I will will be the one down for the count for at least two days! Good times.

10. As soon as the dishwasher in my house is emptied, it’s full again.

11. Lucas will try a new food at someone else’s house and love it, but the minute I serve it to him in our home, he won’t eat it.

12. My children truly have no idea how much they are loved. There is just no way.

13. Every day brings a chance to start over, a clean slate, a new beginning. And thank God for it!

What do you know for sure?

Today

Posted on October 15, 2015 Written by Tonya

Today.

This godforsaken day.

It comes every year.

Just as it is supposed to.

All the days in between are tough enough, but this day?

This day is the worst.

Eight years ago today I lost both my parents.

Both of them.

At the same time.

Most people who know me or who have been reading Letters For Lucas for any length of time know the story, but in case you don’t, they died of carbon monoxide poisoning in their home while living and working in Tunisia. You can read more here.

I hate this day.

I’m more raw, irritable and melancholy than usual on the anniversary.

I swore to myself I wasn’t going to write or post anything today but I had to because, this day.

If I didn’t acknowledge today, I’d feel like I was doing my parents a disservice, as strange as that sounds. I know I don’t need to prove to anyone how much I miss them, how my heart aches that they will never know my children, how every single time I look into my son’s eyes, I see my father, that I wish I could hear their laughter again and feel their arms around me.

Grief is such a bitch. It knows how to turn you completely inside outside every chance it gets. Especially on days like today.

I thought I knew what a broken heart was last year and the year before that and the year before that, how it felt and what it looked like. I didn’t know anything.

After eight years it still hurts.

Deeply.

One Week

Posted on August 25, 2015 Written by Tonya

For several minutes, I could hear the steady bounce of the springs on the trampoline. I could him karate chopping the air and yelling “Hi-Ya!” as well as other combative nonsense.

Then suddenly I heard nothing.

Until…

“Mom, mom!! Come out here, I want to show you something!”

Expecting to see a strange insect or the dog doing something grotesque, this is what I found instead:

“I’m bored!” – Lucas, 6 – August 25, 2015

“Mom, are you here? Do you like it? It’s called, I’m bored.”

Needless to say, we have reached the point of summer when I am about to pull my hair out, otherwise known as, it’s time to send someone back to school!

The first half of our summer was very scheduled with five weeks of camps; skateboard, baseball, science, nature center and reading and throughout the 84-day (who’s counting?) break there have been lots of fun outings, a couple of mini staycations, two dozen play dates, three almost completed activity books, arts and crafts, tons of swimming and beach days and some good quality family time. With just one week to go before the 2015-16 school year starts, I’ve run out of ideas.

I love hanging out with my soon to be first grader, but like me, Lucas does better with structure and his recent acting out only proves to me that children want to be doing something. I have tried my best to keep him occupied, entertained and busy but most of my latest suggestions just sound “boring” to him. Guess what doesn’t sound boring? Playing with the iPad! Yeah, he’s had some marathon runs with that thing the last couple of days and I’ve learned more than I ever hoped to about Dragon City and Minecraft. His pathetic pleads for “10 more minutes” are getting the best of me.

I’m tired of hearing him complain about how there is nothing to do and think the only solution left is to GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!

One week.

I can do it.

And so can he!

Have your children gone back to school? How did you ~~celebrate~~ get through the last grueling week?

An Irksome Encounter

Posted on August 7, 2015 Written by Tonya

Something happened yesterday that really irked me.

I took Lola and Lucas to a sandwich shop that we have passed dozens of times and Lucas and I have said that we want to try. We are loyal patrons of Subway, but love sandwiches and will try them anywhere.

Sandwich World is in a strip mall filled with mechanics and other auto repair shops.

It wasn’t even noon yet and nearly an hour before we typically eat lunch.

As soon as we entered the restaurant I scanned the walls for highchairs. I didn’t see any but then again Lola, at 18 months old is in a refusal to sit in a highchair for mealtime phase anyway. It’s challenging to take her out these days, but I was willing to try.

We waited our turn in line and while I ordered and paid for sandwiches for the three of us, Lucas picked out two bags of potato chips for us to share. Then we found a table with four chairs. Lola took the seat next to Lucas. While we waited for our order I opened a bag of chips and doled them out to both children.

Lola was having fun putting hers in a small empty water cup. Our table was wobbly and I grabbed a few sugar packets to try to study it with very little luck. Lucas repetitively asked if he could go to the beverage station and fill all three water cups. I asked him to wait thinking wobbly table and water cups don’t mix.

There were a dozen tables in the entire place, the majority meant for two people. Only three were for three or four diners. Two of those were occupied and we were seated in the one in between those.

There was a group of four men to one side of us and a woman seated alone to the other.

To me the woman appeared middle-aged, short convenient haircut, little to no make up, tank top and khakis with a laptop open, several papers and file folders spread out across the table. She was talking on her phone when we first sat down. I saw a paper plate with crumbs and a half eaten sandwich covered partially by a wadded up napkin. Presumably she already had her lunch and was now using the table as a makeshift office.

The men were talking quietly amongst themselves.

Lola was in good spirits but definitely starting to get rowdy by bouncing around in her chair. She thinks she’s such a big girl now that she is avoiding highchairs. At one point the chair slipped out from underneath her and she fell on the floor. Good thing for cushy diapers. I tended to her quickly and she cried for less than a minute. I was able to distract her with an airplane flying overhead. She was soon back to munching on Doritos.

Between the table, Lola’s high energy and Lucas’s continued desperation to fill our water cups, I felt the best move would be to get our sandwiches to go. Sometimes as a parent you just know things have the potential of going south quickly and even if there were only 6-7 other people trying to enjoy their lunch, I’m mindful of my children getting unruly and my patience running thin.

I told Lucas as soon as they called our number I was going to have lunch bagged up and we would go home to eat. The woman sitting behind us said very loudly, “Yes, that would be a good idea.” And it wasn’t in a “Oh, I’ve been there, you’re awfully brave to bring two children out to lunch.” sort of way, if you know what I mean. I have found in my six years of motherhood that mothers are typically empathetic and sympathetic to one another even long after their children are grown. I know I am when I am out without my children. We are all in this together and a little understanding can go a long way.

Normally one to avoid confrontation and stew over it later thinking up all of the perfect things I could’ve and should’ve said, like I did the first and only other time a restaurant patron said something out of line directly to me (Speechless, December 2009), I simply said, “I didn’t ask you.”, to which she mumbled something about quitting while I was ahead or leaving well enough alone.

Really?

I didn’t want to get into with her but the last time I checked Sandwich World wasn’t an office and rowdy or not, my children and I had every right to be there.

People who make annoying comments like this when you’re in the thick of trying to keep things under control or reaching a decision to leave an establishment to the benefit of all parties involved either never had children or don’t remember being children.

Has anything like this ever happened to you? How did you react?

Incidentally, Sandwich World sandwiches were good enough, but I think we will stick to Subway.

And while on the topic of children in restaurants, if you missed my friend, Janelle’s (Renegade Mothering) tongue in cheek post, Don’t be a Dick in Restaurants, it is a must read. The comments are kind of the best part.

The Best Thing About January

Posted on January 29, 2015 Written by Tonya

January sucked.

Top to bottom.

I celebrated the new year sick in bed, had two decent weeks and then my whole family was hit with the flu. Lola’s temperature reached as high as 104 one evening and we were so nervous calling her pediatrician every few hours for advice. My entire body hurt so much that I hurt couldn’t get out of bed for two whole days. We were down for the count for almost a week. Each one of us saw the doctor and were prescribed meds. Nasty lingering coughs remain. I know we aren’t alone. Tis the season, right?

What should have been my dad’s 68th birthday was yesterday and that always makes me sad, bitter and grief ridden.

And then this morning, my husband was admitted to the ER. He woke up with a back ache but felt it was more tissue related and went to his gym to see if his trainer could “stretch him out”. Turns out it was/is kidney stones. Five hours at the hospital and four heavy duty pain killers later, he is resting and waiting for them to pass.

Tomorrow is my daughter’s first birthday and I am a mess.

I’m happy for this milestone but melancholy that my baby is no longer a baby. Lola is toddler, through and through. She’s almost walking and “talking” like crazy. She’s willful and feisty and funny and so sweet. Lola worships her big brother and wants to get into anything that isn’t for babies. She loves to empty drawers, play with remotes and other electronic devices, dive head first down the stairs and squirm and roll over while getting a fresh diaper. We all agree she’s the best thing that ever happened to us.

It was completely surreal being in the same hospital where she was born a year later today.

The best thing about this month is celebrating Lola.

I have been working on a birthday letter to her for several days. I hope to share it here tomorrow, but for now I’ll share these lovely photos my friend, Tereza captured. Lola wasn’t too into the balloons but looked awfully cute just the same.

These photos are special for a few reasons; I take photos of Lola all the time but haven’t had professional shots taken since she was born and the purple Ralph Lauren dress she’s wearing, it was her cousin, Francesca’s. Francesca is 11 now.

Thank you, Heidi for handing it down.

13 More Things I Know For Sure

Posted on January 19, 2015 Written by Tonya

Call it Murphy’s Law, women’s intuition, or just knowing myself and those around me really well, there are certain things that as a 42 and a half year old woman I have come to learn and know to be without a doubt true.

Here are 13 more things I know for sure:

1. As soon as I warn my five-year-old that his elbow is dangerously close to a cup of milk, he will knock it over.

2. Just as I am are ready to leave the house, my toddler will have a gigantic poop! This will not only be frustrating, but make me later to wherever it was I was suppose to be five minutes ago.

3. It’s always better to call than e-mail or text.

4. I will always leave my son’s classroom after volunteering my time with a smile on my face and a renewed sense of wonder and imagination.

5. I have to exercise daily for my sanity and those around me.

6. The day before I have a manicure scheduled I will break three fingernails.

7. If I plan to take my toddler to said manicure during her scheduled nap time, she will not sleep.

8. The game or toy or book or article of clothing or concert or fill in the blank that I am most looking forward to will be back ordered, out of stock or sold out, but if karma is on my side, I’ll find it at Target.

9. Being a mother is the hardest job on earth. Hands down.

10. The minute I think, “Gee, I haven’t been sick in a while,” I will feel a tickle in my throat and be sore from head to toe.

11. What works in your house may not work in mine and vice versa and that’s okay.

12. I know that change is inevitable and I’m much better off adjusting than struggling to keep things the way they are.

13. I know that life is a roller coaster and all I can do some days is hold on and enjoy the ride and or scream my head off!

For my previous 13 Things I Know For Sure, click here. And if you’re keeping track, that 26 now. Go me!

What do you know for sure?

She’s Here!

Posted on February 10, 2014 Written by Tonya

She’s here! She’s here! I am thrilled, grateful, full of joy and so, so much love. There truly are no words to describe how happy I am to finally have this tiny baby girl in my arms.

However…

between constipation, engorged boobs, sore nipples, painful pumping sessions, lack of sleep, not being able to move around comfortably, swollen feet and hands, stitches, burning sensation in my abdomen, multiple bouts of crying throughout the day, not being able to drive for two weeks, an over active pre-schooler, mounds of laundry, an insatiable thirst and crazy out of whack hormones, postpartum days really suck.

On the other hand, there is a very supportive and helpful husband, an understanding 4-year-old, in-laws to look after Lucas, a sweet and curious dog, friends who visit bearing gifts, meals, sound advice and laughter, doctors and specialists who know better, breast feeding support groups, pain medication, cabbage (if you have ever breast fed, you’ll understand), time and moments like this:

It was worth the wait and worth all the postpartum BS. Bring it… I’m getting stronger every day and slowly healing.

I will share Lola Paige’s birth story soon and more photos, but blogging will be intermittent for the next few weeks as I’ll be busy snuggling my newborn miracle. Thank you for understanding.

Sick

Posted on November 11, 2013 Written by Tonya

I love everything about being pregnant except being sick.

Okay, nobody enjoys being sick, but I especially do not enjoy being sick. In fact, I hate it!! I don’t have time for anything that slows me down. Not now. Not ever. Well, especially not now… this is critical Mommy/Lucas bonding time and I need to be on my A-game, do my share of packing (we move in 11 days!) and rock my third trimester.

Being sick sets me back.

Being sick turns me into a not nice person.

Being sick sucks.

Being sick and seven months pregnant really sucks.

Being sick, seven months pregnant and not able to take anything stronger than Tylenol or Robitussin and having a preschooler, REALLY, REALLY sucks!!

I am not a good sick person, if there even is such a thing.

I am currently battling my THIRD cold/flu/yuck in two months and I got a flu shot. A lot of good that did me, but my OB would not let me leave her office without one. She also made me promise that my husband and son would get one too. They did and they haven’t been sick.

So unfair.

Ugh.

This is what my last five days have looked like:

I’m not looking for any sympathy or anything.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Day 11: I am grateful for veterans, for they are responsible for all of the freedoms we enjoy today. #30daysofgratitude

My Candidate

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