lovey

Bassinets, Cribs & Sleigh Beds

Posted on September 29, 2016 Written by Tonya

~ I wrote this August 23, 2016, but I don’t get around here very much anymore. ~

From the window of my walk-in closet I watched a man my husband works with pick up Lola’s crib and mattress from our front porch, load it into his van, and drive away.

It took him three trips to and from where we left the furniture and a garbage bag full of baby blankets and linens.

His sister’s friend or a cousin or someone who can’t afford one, needs the crib now more than we do.

The lump in my chest arrives almost immediately upon witnessing this and I have the following thoughts….

I’m thrilled to see the crib go to a new home and I love the thought of a new baby sleeping in the crib.

I’m a big fan of out with the old and in with the new.

I enjoy my children reaching new milestones exactly around the time they are meant to.

And yet, although I know it’s time, I’m tearing up as I watch the man drive away.

I want to yell out, “Stop! We need it one more night”.

Lucas’s crib is still in the garage. We will be donating it next. His is dark wood and we spent a small fortune on it and it’s matching dresser and bedside table. Because… first born.

Lola’s crib is white. I had to get her white because she’s a girl and all little girls have white furniture.

The mattress, however, provided gentle slumber to both of my small babies and I hope whoever sleeps on it now is surrounded by love and light and has the sweetest dreams of a bright and prosperous future.

It’s time.

Lola enjoyed two years, two months and one day in that crib. Prior to that, she was in a bassinet in our bedroom.

She outgrew that too, as it seems this is what babies do.

Now she proudly dreams her nights away in a big girl bed.

A beautiful white sleigh bed.

With ice cream sheets.

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In Praise Of The Lovey

Posted on October 21, 2013 Written by Tonya

It’s been camping and to Disney Land, attends preschool every day he does and we wouldn’t dream of taking a vacation without it.

It has been gripped tightly on Ferris wheel rides, throughout Christmas pageants, while trick or treating, scary scenes in movies and lovingly caressed during story time.

The poor thing has been dragged through airports, zoos, parks and tossed up in the air, gotten stuck on walls and in the refrigerator.

It has cleaned up the most unspeakable messes when nothing else was available.

Luckily there are four, all equally loved, but only one original.

Once known as his “ya ya”, Lucas first took to his lovey at just 10 months old. It has been a constant source of love and security ever since and is my hero because it has the ability to comfort him in ways I can’t or haven’t yet learned.

Does your child have a favorite item that they cling to when the going gets tough?

The Bad Stuff Can Wait

Posted on April 18, 2013 Written by Tonya

He doesn’t know about the Holocaust, 9/11, Columbine, Waco, explosions in Boston or West.

He believes guns are only for shooting the bad guys, although he doesn’t really understand the concept of “bad guys”.

Sandy is something he gets after a day at the park or beach not a devastating hurricane or the name of an elementary school in Virginia.

He knows his mommy and daddy can comfort him, although when he’s really apprehensive, like standing in line for his first (kid-friendly) roller coaster at Knott’s Berry Farm, his lovely does it best.

He doesn’t understand political smear campaigns, bullies or strangers.

He wants to be friends with everyone and upon meeting him for the first time, don’t be surprised if he invites you over for a play date.

He hears his mommy curse from time to time but doesn’t realize that words can be very harmful.

He sings the Thomas & Friends theme song with such conviction, it has become his own personal anthem.

He’s never heard of Ricin and to be honest, I hadn’t either until a couple of days ago.

He doesn’t know that there are children dying of starvation, children that don’t have fresh water to drink, shoes on their feet or beds to sleep in.

I believe he could live off peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (with the crusts cut off), pretzels and M&Ms.

He asks a lot of questions about how far away heaven is and why he can’t visit his Grandma and Grandpa Adams.

He loves to practice winking at me and writing his name; and has mastered Candy Land and Memory, especially when he gets to shuffle the cards.

He thinks when an airplane takes off, it always lands and a familiar face or exciting adventure awaits him.

He doesn’t know that evil exists and that bad things happen to good people for no reason whatsoever.

It’s a big bad scary world out there and I can only shelter my son for so long. I can only control what he hears and sees for so long. For now, I have all the answers, but soon I won’t. I want Lucas to learn about the world around him, the good, the bad and the very ugly, but first I want him to have a childhood; filled with only things that make him smile.

I look over at him now, sitting in the middle of our living room, surrounded by his cars and trusty lovely. He is watching a bright and colorful episode of Bubble Guppies and I think, the bad stuff can wait.

Fear & Anxiety

Posted on May 10, 2012 Written by Tonya

It is completely heartbreaking (and to be fair, a little frustrating) when your child is inconsolable because they lack the words to express what ails them or what they desire.

If you knew, you could address it, right? When our children were infants, we went through the check list: is he wet?, is it meal time?, is he gassy?, is he tired?, etc. As their vocabulary increases, they can tell you what’s wrong or what they need. Instead of their grunts and groans and our second guessing, we hear, “more grapes” or “I have a tummy ache”. It’s wonderful!

Lucas has an extensive vocabulary, but it is devastating to visibly see anxiety and fear getting the best of him. He doesn’t have the words to describe those feelings and we are struggling to calm him through two very scary (to him) situations: fire alarms and swim lessons.

Let me back up a little…

When we were in Hawaii last summer, we were awakened on the first night of our stay by a loud fire alarm scaring Lucas half to death. I have never seen him so frightened. He was shaking and holding on to me tighter than anyone ever has and it took him a long time to get back to sleep that night.

Six months later he was in the Kids Club at the gym I attend and there was a fire alarm and everyone was evacuated from the building.

Once a month at his preschool, he experiences a fire drill, which just adds more fuel to the fire (no pun intended).

All of these incidents are discussed in our home on a regular basis. Even when we think we’ve moved past it, Lucas will demand that we tell him the “story” of what occurred during each scenario over and over and over.

He knows “fire alarms are just loud and don’t hurt you”, “we need them to be safe in case there is a real emergency”, and that his teachers will give him a “heads up”, if there is going to be a drill on one of the three days he’s at school, but he is still struggling.

Lucas’ other source of anxiety is swim lessons. He LOVES every form of water and has no qualms about going under water, floating, blowing bubbles, etc. We have completed four Parent & Me classes, BUT he is not a fan of his semi-private lessons and he frets about it all morning leading up to it. He ends up doing all the work in the 20 minute class, but cries all the way through.

For both of these issues, I have taught Lucas some basic deep breathing techniques for when he begins to feel scared and of course, we talk about what he’s experiencing and assure him that it’s okay to be scared.

Turns out the deep breathing helps me too, as there is nothing sadder than that face he makes just before his eyes well up with tears and his chin starts to quiver. All I can do is scoop him up and kiss him repeatedly and hold him and protect him.

My little boy.

On one hand, anxiety is a natural condition that helps us cope with new experiences and protects us from danger, so he HAS to work through it, but he’s only (almost) three and on the other, he’s a boy and society says that he is suppose to be tough and brave and show little emotion. As his mother, I just want to help him the best way I can.

If you’re the mother of a boy, how are you teaching that it is okay to be fearful? Do you have any tips for taming anxiety?

Golden Slumbers

Posted on March 28, 2012 Written by Tonya

Do you know how many times we check on you after you fall asleep at night?

We carefully tip-toe into your bedroom, breathe in your scent, make sure you are tucked in and that the temperature is just right.

Sleep, pretty darling, do not cry and I will sing a lullaby.

We reposition and adjust your small body and limbs for your maximum comfort and safety.

We locate your lovey and place it gently in your arms, where it can easily be found if needed.

Golden slumbers, fill your eyes. Smiles await you when you rise.

We tenderly reassure you, “Mommy and Daddy love you so much” and give you kisses.

We put toys and books back in their places and pick up little socks from the floor.

Sleep pretty darling, do not cry, and I will sing a lullaby.

We make silent wishes that your sleep is sound and your dreams are sweet.

Between the time when you go to bed and we go to bed, there are at least three visits. Maybe more. Sometimes you stir, but usually not. Sometimes there are complete, yet sleepy incoherent conversations.

No matter how trying the day was, or what struggles we endured during dinner and bath time, your peaceful face is the last thing we long to see each night before we close our own eyes.

Once there was a way to get back homeward. Once there was a way to get back home.

We quietly leave your room knowing how blessed we are and gladly leave another piece of our hearts warm and safe with you.

Sleep, pretty darling, do not cry and I will sing a lullaby.

My Second Child

Motherhood

Posted on March 9, 2012 Written by Tonya

Motherhood can be a roller coaster ride. Each day is different from the last. It is not for the faint of heart or weak stomached.

Motherhood is calculating the number of diapers and extra clothes you think you might need knowing no matter how many extras you pack, you will not have enough.

Motherhood is reluctantly allowing one (or two) special treats because of the adorable way they were asked for.

Motherhood is beaming with delight when three complete strangers compliment you on your two year old’s inflight behavior.

Motherhood is begging your child not to open the door of the public bathroom stall while you’re half naked. Repeatedly.

Motherhood is sweating through your pantyhose as you struggle to get a car seat installed correctly in a rental car.

Arriving at Tucson International Airport.

Motherhood is rising blood pressure and thinning patience when your son will not sit still, stop whining, or accept any of the activities you’ve brought for him to do while at a very adult function.

Motherhood is quickly scrubbing crayon out of a pew cushion before anyone notices.

The scene of the crime!

Motherhood is coaxing a child to eat and worrying about his nutrition intake, but still offer ice cream in exchange for ten more bites.

Motherhood is pretending to call the ice cream store only to find out they are closed.

Motherhood is capturing small moments that will forever be etched in your memory.

No trip to Tucson would be complete without a visit to Bookman's, our favorite used bookstore.

Motherhood is doing three loads of laundry in the middle of the night, wiping sweating brows, singing lullabies and willing whatever nasty bug has attacked your child to leave him in peace.

Motherhood is searching the Internet at 2 in the morning and again at 3:15 for tips on how to treat a dehydrated child.

Motherhood is heart swelling tenderness as he reaches for you and only you.

Motherhood is heavy sighs and silent gratitude as your poor sick child finally drifts off to sleep and do does your leg because he’s in your lap.

Motherhood for me was all of the above over the last 24 hours. All of the above and an indescribable willingness to do it all over again. That’s motherhood.

A HUGE big thank you to Lucas’ aunt Leah for all her help on our quick and very eventful trip to Tucson.

The Things Lucas Says

Posted on March 5, 2012 Written by Tonya

Kids say the darnedest things… darnedest, most embarrassing, completely sincere, funniest, totally annoying and very heart-tugging things.

Here are some of my current favorites out of my kid’s mouth:

Upon hearing a baby or toddler crying, Lucas will exclaim, “Maybe he needs some uppy.” (as in, the child needs to be picked up).

When searching for anything, Lucas calls out in a singsong voice, “Oh car, where are you?”.

Lucas told a caregiver at the Kids Club at the gym recently that he had a sister and when I asked him about his fib, he replied, “I don’t have a sister yet, but I will someday.” Perhaps he knows something I don’t.

Before we go anywhere, Lucas asks if he can bring something, typically a lot of something (a pile of books, a bucket full of cars, five stuffed animals, etc.) and I always try to limit the quantity, wherein the negotiating begins and he’ll say, “I’ll just bring them in the car, but not take them in the supermarket.” He’s a smart kid and this logic works on me every time.

Out of the clear blue, Lucas will profess his love for his lovey by saying, “I love lovey, he’s my buddy.” It’s so sweet and endearing.

We hear, “Not today, dear.” in response to a lot of questions these days. This is a line from Corduroy, one of Lucas’ favorite books. I HATE the word dear as a term of endearment so this one bugs me to no end.

Corduroy by Don Freeman

Saving the best for last, Lucas says “OMG” and appropriately. It cracks me up each and every time. I take full credit for this one.

What funny things do your kids say?

A Hundred Hearts

Posted on December 5, 2011 Written by Tonya

Lucas is 2 1/2 years old today and they were right. I was warned. Everyone that said it goes by fast. By it, of course, I mean childhood…. mine, yours and especially our children’s.

One minute it was just Todd and I and the next we became a family by bringing home our newborn son. Fast forward in lightening speed time, we began celebrating all of his amazing milestones and he soon turned one and then two and now attends preschool, sleeps in a twin bed, lives on macaroni ‘n cheese and has begun asking us all sorts of inquisitive questions about the world around him.

Right before our eyes Lucas has turned into a little person… a wonderful, thoughtful, strong-willed, energetic little person.

I constantly search for the pause button and desperately try my best to stay present so that I don’t miss a moment of his childhood.

I want to remember these days of sweet innocence and discovery forever.

A hundred hearts would be too few
To carry all my love for you.
– Author Unknown

Linking up with Galit (These Little Waves) and Alison’s (Mama Wants This) Memories Captured.

The photo above was created using picnik.

Lucas Today

Posted on September 5, 2011 Written by Tonya

Every month I used to share a list of all of Lucas’ milestones, but I haven’t complied one in a while. Every day Lucas shows me another wonderful side to his personality. His likes and dislikes are as complex as yours and mine. He’s amazing.

Here is what I know and appreciate about my son today:

Lucas doesn’t have to be the center of attention. He is much happier being left alone to do his own thing. He’s a true observer, curious and quiet, taking in his surroundings, unless he’s the only child around and then, all bets are off!

Lucas is very loving IF and when the mood strikes him. He enjoys giving “pat-pats”, especially to babies and stuffed animals and nothing melts my heart more than hearing him say, “Mommy, come up here” when he wants to be picked up.

Lucas loves blueberry bagels, blueberry scones, blueberry waffles, blueberry yogurt, blueberry cereal bars and blueberry muffins, but will NOT eat a blueberry.

Lucas loves water in all forms; he lives for bath time, swimming pools, playing with his water table in the back yard, charging fearlessly for the ocean and diving into fountains.

Lucas loves sitting in his “special” chair to watch TV, singing the “ABC’s” no matter where we are, throwing dirt, meticulously removing wrappers from crayons and dancing. You should see his “hotel dance”.

Lucas’ favorite past time I would have say is playing with his Thomas & Friends trains and is ability to identify each one is astounding.

Lucas’ favorite color is yellow, favorite movie is Cars, favorite meal is macaroni and cheese, favorite dessert is M&M’s, favorite book is Where The Wild Things Are and smiles brighter than the sun when he plays with Play-Doh.

Lucas loves older children and if they give him the time of day, he will follow them around like a little lost puppy dog and talk about them for weeks.

Lucas pretty much refuses to pose for the camera and with nearly 6000 photos of him in iPhoto, I suppose I don’t blame him.

Lucas will ask for his lovey first and then “Mommy” if he hurts himself or bonks into something. I’m not happy with this, but I understand.

Lucas will march over to his lime green time out chair when asked. Shocking, I know!

Lucas isn’t a fan of meat. Occasionally we can get him to eat turkey and only recently (as of last week) has he started enjoying hot dogs.

Lucas is afraid of four things:

Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage ride at Disneyland.
A creepy red mask at a Mexican restaurant we used to like to frequent.
Loud fire alarms like the one that went off repeatedly at our hotel in Hawaii on our first night of vacation.
Roller coaster rides.

As you can imagine, this list could go on and on and on, but I’ll ~~spare you~~ keep some things to myself. Lucas appears to be a typical two year old, but he is my two year old.

Be Still My Heart

Posted on August 10, 2011 Written by Tonya

With his fingers firmly pressed into the back of my arm, Todd urged me to move toward the exit. “Say goodbye and let’s go,” he said forcefully.

He was right.

“Bye, Lucas. Mommy loves you and I’ll be back to get you very soon.”

“Bye, Mommy,” was all I got in return as he scurried around the playground.

Don’t linger, I kept repeating in my head all morning. Don’t make it hard on him. Wait until you get back to the car to cry.

And cry I did.

For him.

For us.

But mostly, for me.

My little boy is in school!

I kept my phone close to me on vibrate and with the ringer turned up to the maximum volume for the three hours we were apart, fully expecting a call from the school begging me to come pick up my son because he missed me so much.

Alas, the phone didn’t ring.

Not once.

When I arrived 15 minutes before I was due, I saw my little boy sitting contently in the lap of the teacher’s aid. Feelings of guilt, relief, surprise and happiness washed over me.

He was fine.

He did it!

We both did.

We made through Day 1.

As soon as he saw me, his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and he rushed over to me, careful not to step on any of the napping bodies that covered the floor. And then all I felt was grateful. Grateful that I was able to bring him home and not have to keep him there the rest of the day like so many other working mothers have to. What a sight for sore eyes.

I know I kissed and hugged him a little more than usual that day, so proud of him. So full of love.

I missed Day 2 because I was at BlogHer, but I heard Lucas did equally as well.

This week has been a bit harder and there have been some tears, requests for Mommy and his lovey, which his teacher says is normal for week 2. Today he asked if he could take his lovey tomorrow “…to have in his cubby”, just in case. I think that can be arranged.

We are all getting used to a new schedule, time apart and having a student in the house. One thing I won’t have any trouble getting used to are the art projects my little buddy hands me with so much pride in his eyes.

Ah, be still my heart:

Lucas' first piece of school artwork.

Bassinets, Cribs & Sleigh Beds

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