Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Taking Care Of Business

Posted on August 10, 2016 Written by Tonya

It’s a leap of fate starting a business, there is also a very, very steep learning curve and things pop up almost daily that you never thought would. Decisions to be made, records to keep, documents to create, meetings, brainstorming sessions, strategy, and expenses. So. many. expenses. But here we are,  Take Flight Social Media Consulting is almost 6 months old!!

We had a business plan by mid-February, took on our first client March 1, filed for an LLC March 22, launched our website April 5 and became “Facebook official” April 7.

We have worked with 11 clients to date and currently have eight on our roster.

I learn something new almost every day and thrive from trying to balance all my different roles. It’s definitely a juggling act. I misstep on occasion, but today, all the balls are in the air.

Things I didn’t know I’d love about having my own business. Also known as, things I’ll never take for granted:

  • Choosing an awesome business partner, who shares your vision, work ethic and is always a friend first. I’m so glad we are in this together, Nichole!
  • Reliable Wi-Fi. Duh.
  • Excepting help when offered and knowing when to ask for it.
  • Supportive husbands and families.
  • All. the. caffeine.
  • Dry shampoo.
  • Voxer.
  • Amazing friends who send business our way and cheer us on because they genuinely want us to be successful.
  • Clients that let us do you what we’ve promised.
  • Asking for what we’re worth!!
  • Taking on the risk and reaping the rewards.
  • Slowly paying off our investor.
  • Karma.
  • Sundays. Sundays are sacred. Sundays are for family.

Things I’ve done while owning my own business that I’m not so proud of:

  • Held conference calls in the car, bathroom (with the mute button on, of course!), grocery store, car pool, parking lots, my closet, dressing rooms, etc.
  • Produced eight pens from my purse at any given time.
  • Gone through the Starbucks drive-thru just so I can respond to an email.
  • Been in jammies and not brushed my teeth until way past noon.
  • Let my children watch way too much TV on the days they are both home with me. Mommy guilt, much?
  • Manically checked and rechecked my phone and email for likes, engagements, notes from clients or potential clients after having delivered a killer proposal.
  • Told a client I didn’t care for their product. Gulp. They took it pretty well, considering.

The list of things I’ve done that I am proud of far exceeds the above list. I never thought I’d be here at all, but it has been an amazing ride and I have enjoyed every minute. I love what I do, who I do it with and I’m eager to see where the next six months take us!

Airplane

“Your reputation is more important than your paycheck, and your integrity is worth more than your career.”

– Ryan Freitas, About.me co-founder

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Related Posts:

  • How To Be Present
  • Timing My Online Life
  • A Good Cry

Filed Under: a mother's guilt, confession, family, friends, goals, gratitude, internet, iphone, list, motherhood, quotes, take flight, work, working mom Tagged With: a mother's guilt, confession, family, friends, goals, gratitude, internet, iphone, list, motherhood, quotes, take flight, work, working mom

For Now

Posted on December 15, 2015 Written by Tonya

The world is a scary place.

And it is getting scarier everyday.

Just this morning, The Los Angeles Unified School District shut all schools after receiving a “rare threat” from an overseas email account.

Sometimes I stand over my sleeping babies and weep.

What have I done bringing them into such a place?

These tiny humans have no idea what is going on in the world.

They know nothing of terrorist attacks, mass shootings, discrimination, or hate.

For now.

But they will.

In their rooms late at night is the place I feel the safest.

They are okay, their worlds are in tact. They are unaware.

For now.

Carefully I kiss their cheeks, brush the hair from their faces and breathe in their innocence.

I quietly hope for a better world for them as I tiptoe out of their rooms.

A world with more tolerance, more understanding and more love. A lot more love.

My six-year-old gets it.

For now.

goodheart

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Filed Under: a mother's guilt, conversations with Lucas, current events, quotes Tagged With: a mother's guilt, conversations with Lucas, current events. quotes

Thanks & Giving – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 26, 2015 Written by Tonya

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Be grateful.

thanks and giving

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Filed Under: gratitude, holidays, NaBloPoMo, quotes Tagged With: gratitude, holidays, NaBloPoMo, quote

Home – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 24, 2015 Written by Tonya

I have had 30 different homes.

I’ve lived with my mom and dad, my sister, dogs, cats, fish, roommates that became friends, boyfriends that became husbands, husbands that became fathers and two adorable children.

It doesn’t matter how many addresses I’ve had, they say home is where the heart is and they’re right.

Home is also where I can drink cereal milk  straight from the bowl, remove my bra, pile my hair in a messy bun on top of my head, stay in jammies all day on Sunday’s and collapse into a bed where I know I’ll get a good night sleep.

Home is where every sound is familiar and comforting; my husband’s keys in the front door, Lola talking quietly in her crib, airplanes flying overhead starting at 7AM.

Home is shelter, a safe haven and a soft place to land, relax, live, eat, laugh and enjoy a glass of Cabernet.

I asked Lucas what home meant to him and he said, “my blanket, my room, and the people in it.” Perfect.

Today is the second anniversary of our family living in our current home, a house we patiently waited to be built. Lucas and I drove by it so many times leading up to our move-in date and just stared, both of us imagining our lives within its walls and under its roof. I took pictures of the progress and we talked about the life we’d make here.

Our house. October 24, 2013. One month before we moved in.

Our house on October 24, 2013, one month before we moved in.

Two years and so many memories.

FullSizeRender

Our home today, November 24, 2015.

I love my house but it’s the people I share it with that make it my home.

Dorothy was spot-on: There’s no place like it. As we journey through life―dodging the occasional wicked witch―it’s comforting to know that a cozy bed, loving arms, and perhaps even a Munchkin or two await, just across the threshold. – Real Simple

NaBloPoMo November 2015

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  • The Wedding
  • My Candidate
  • Taking Care Of Business

Filed Under: conversations with Lucas, family, home, milestones, move, NaBloPoMo, photos, quotes Tagged With: conversations with Lucas, family, home, milestones, move, NaBloPoMo, photos, quotes

New York State Of Mind – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 23, 2015 Written by Tonya

New York was amazing.

New York is amazing! So much energy and life and lights and sights and sounds.

I hate to admit I was apprehensive about going.

I’ve never been away from my children for that long (four days!) and never that far! I was worried about the state of world affairs, especially after the terrorist attacks in Paris and spent the whole weekend leading up to our flight talking myself into the trip and then out of it again. I thought at the very least, Todd and I should travel separately. I was a basket case.

But then my wise friend Nichole, who knew what I was going through, sent me this quote the day before our trip and it solidified my decision:

There is a saying in Tibetan, ‘Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.’ No matter  what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster. – Dalai Lama XIV

I’m glad we went.

It was good to get away, spend time reconnecting with my husband and nice to savor meals, sleep in and have no agenda, no where we had to be. Plus, New York is gorgeous this time of year!

We spent an entire day in Central Park and I took hundreds of photographs. These are some of my favorite.

centralpark

Central Park – November 17, 2015

imagine

Located near Central Park West between 71st and 74th Streets, Strawberry Fields is a 2.5 acre area of Central Park that pays tribute to the late Beatle, John Lennon, singer, songwriter, musician and peace activist. John Lennon and his wife Yoko Ono lived in the Dakota Apartments adjacently located to this area of the park. It was here, walking into his home, on December 8, 1980, that John Lennon was murdered and shot dead.

angelofwaters

Bethesda Fountain rises high above Bethesda Terrace, looking over the hundreds of visitors that come every day to enjoy the view of the lake and relax at the “heart” of the Central Park. The sculpture that tops it, Angel of Waters, was designed by Emma Stebbins in 1873 and is one of the most recognizable icons in the entire park.

I also got to meet one of my favorite bloggers, Kirsten of The Kir Corner and not that I am surprised, but she is just as lovely in person as she is online!

hope

This powerful and bold word for anybody living in the 21st century is on the corner of 53rd Street and 7th Avenue. This Robert Indiana piece is just as important and powerful as “LOVE” (which is close by on 55th Street and 6th Ave).

NaBloPoMo November 2015
I suck.

I really tried to post every day of this month, but with travel and packing, unpacking and packing again (we leave for San Francisco tomorrow), plus laundry, having Lucas home and everything else in between, it didn’t work out.

Oh well.

This will be my 19th post of the month.

And I’ve missed three days so far. Sigh.

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    Filed Under: friends, NaBloPoMo, photos, quotes, travel Tagged With: friends, NaBloPoMo, NYC, photos, quotes, The Kir Corner, travel

    Paris – NaBloPoMo

    Posted on November 13, 2015 Written by Tonya

    One minute my six-year-old and I are in the movie theater giggling over The Peanuts and sharing a bucket of popcorn and the next I’m hearing of the devastation in a city I hold near and dear to my heart.

    On a night when thousands of Paris residents and tourists were reveling and fans were enjoying a soccer match between France and Germany and an American band performed at a concert venue, horror struck.

    Terrorists attacked six locations throughout the French capital and at the stadium where the soccer match was underway.

    So far there have been 153 deaths.

    I can’t wrap my brain around this tragedy.

    Another tragedy.

    It’s just too much.

    What is happening with our world?

    Why is there so much hate? So much evil?

    My “problems” don’t even compare to this. They’re not even in the same realm.

    My thoughts are with Paris and all I can do is hold my babies extra close tonight.

    This is an attack not just on Paris and not just on people of France, but this is an attack on all of humanity and the universal values that we share.
    – President Barack Obama

    paris

    Peace For Paris by Jean Jullien

    NaBloPoMo November 2015

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    Filed Under: current events, NaBloPoMo, question, quotes Tagged With: current events, NaBloPoMo, Paris, question, quotes

    A Walking Contradiction – NaBloPoBo

    Posted on November 6, 2015 Written by Tonya

    I take a handful of vitamins with a swig of Diet Coke.

    I follow up a killer workout with a fast food lunch.

    I despise everything Kardashian but will click on a link to see how Kim has “broken the Internet” (again).

    I long to be a minimalist but can’t get rid of sentimental mementos I’ve been holding onto for years.

    I’m both quiet and shy and loud and outgoing.

    I claim to dislike Selena Gomez, Ariana Grande and Demi Lovato and yet somehow know the lyrics to their songs when they are played on the radio.

    I am a perfectionist and a procrastinator.

    I love apples but can’t stand apple pie or apple sauce.

    I have to exercise almost daily but when it comes to dropping and picking my son off at soccer practice, which is only four blocks from our house, I insist on driving.

    I want to be noticed and appreciated, yet hate attention.

    I’m predictably unpredictable.

    I am spiritual but consider myself agnostic.

    I support animal rights but I eat meat.

    I HATE using the TV as a babysitter, but will be the first to put the children in front of it (as a last resort) if I need a breather! Of course, parenting is full of do as I say, not as I do moments, isn’t it?

    walkingcontradiction

    Illustrated by @theblacklinebylauren

    Life is messy, chaotic and so are people.

    Contradiction is part of being human and the only way to avoid being a walking contradiction would be to deny the pieces of myself that don’t fit nicely into designated slots someone else believes they should.

    I can’t limit myself that way. And neither can you. Even if one action or practice contradicts another. Being happy on the inside is all that matters.

    I say, go on, contradict yourself! There are no limits.

    NaBloPoMo November 2015

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    Filed Under: character, NaBloPoMo, quotes Tagged With: character, NaBloPoMo, quote

    Today

    Posted on October 15, 2015 Written by Tonya

    Today.

    This godforsaken day.

    It comes every year.

    Just as it is supposed to.

    All the days in between are tough enough, but this day?

    This day is the worst.

    Eight years ago today I lost both my parents.

    Both of them.

    At the same time.

    Most people who know me or who have been reading Letters For Lucas for any length of time know the story, but in case you don’t, they died of carbon monoxide poisoning in their home while living and working in Tunisia. You can read more here.

    I hate this day.

    I’m more raw, irritable and melancholy than usual on the anniversary.

    I swore to myself I wasn’t going to write or post anything today but I had to because, this day.

    If I didn’t acknowledge today, I’d feel like I was doing my parents a disservice, as strange as that sounds. I know I don’t need to prove to anyone how much I miss them, how my heart aches that they will never know my children, how every single time I look into my son’s eyes, I see my father, that I wish I could hear their laughter again and feel their arms around me.

    Grief is such a bitch. It knows how to turn you completely inside outside every chance it gets. Especially on days like today.

    I thought I knew what a broken heart was last year and the year before that and the year before that, how it felt and what it looked like. I didn’t know anything.

    After eight years it still hurts.

    Deeply.

    8

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    Filed Under: annoyances, grief, loss, milestones, quotes Tagged With: annoyances, grief, loss, milestones, quotes

    Old School Blogging: The ABC’s Of Me

    Posted on September 17, 2015 Written by Tonya

    I’m linking up with my friends, Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life and Andrea of About 100% for a little Old School Blogging and this month is the ABC’s of me, a questionnaire of sorts.

    Come play along! Copy and paste the words in bold below, write your post and link up.

    A- Age: 43 or…

    oldenoughquote

    Best. Quote. Ever.

    B- Biggest Fear: Missing my children’s futures and having them both turn out like assholes.

    C- Current Time: Nap time!

    D- Drink you last had: Diet Coke

    E- Easiest person to talk to: My 19 month old daughter.

    F- Favorite Song: #41 by Dave Matthews Band

    G- Grossest Memory: The time Lucas smeared poop on his bedroom wall. It was AWFUL. I wrote about it. Of course. (I’m Still In Shock, February, 2012)

    H- Hometown: I was born in Amarillo, Texas but grew up overseas. Arizona was home for a long time and now, it’s wherever my children are. 

    I- In love with: My husband and children. And always in that order.

    Two drifters off to see the world. There's such a lot of world to see.

    Two drifters off to see the world.
    There’s such a lot of world to see.

    J- Jealous Of: I wouldn’t mind being Beyoncé for a day.

    K- Killed Someone? What the hell kind of question is that?

    L- Longest Relationship: The one with myself.

    M- Middle Name: Dawn

    N- Number of Siblings: 1

    O- One Wish: Ah. I wish more than anything that my parents were still alive.

    P- Person who you last called: Lisa, my ray of sunshine friend.

    Q- Question you’re always asked: Uppie?

    R- Reason to smile: Topping the list today is Lucas’s latest family portrait:

    familyportrait

    Complete with disco ball (don’t ask!).

    But I also love; a good sweat, starting a new book, my children’s laughter, finding time to write, sunflowers, smelling the sea, an iced Chai tea latte, date nights, fresh sheets, Christmas morning, Dateline, capturing the perfect photograph, green lights, a glass of Dreaming Tree Cab, spending time with my friends, my sister, Jimmy Fallon, the smell of rain, kindness, pizza, fast Internet connection, a good hair day, stop me anytime.

    S- Song you last sang: Something annoying on KidzBop.

    T- Time you woke up: 6:30

    U- Underwear Color: I’m not wearing any. Shhh…

    V- Vacation Destination: I’m dying to return to kiss under the Eiffel Tower again, but also look forward to seeing the Golden Gate Bridge, sipping a margarita on the beach in Cabo (hopefully next summer!!) and standing in the middle of Times Square sooner rather than later. (:

    W- Worst Habit: Setting impossible expectations and being disappointed.

    X- X-rays you’ve had: Mouth, leg, fingers and ankle. Nothing was ever broken.

    Y- Your favorite food: Mexican… lime, cilantro, onion, jalapeno, avocado, chips, margaritas

    Z- Zodiac Sign: Cancer, the crab. Explains so much.

    cancer-2

    Incidentally, I’ve done one of these before, ABC in June, 2013.

    Your turn! Answer the questions, post them on your blog and then link up at Elaine’s or Andrea’s place (don’t forget to tag #OSBlog on Twitter when you share!)

    Related Posts:

    • Old School Blogging: Reflections
    • Old School Blogging: I Am
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    Filed Under: blog hop, diet coke, DMB, list, love, old school blogging, photos, quotes Tagged With: About 100%, blog hop, diet coke, DMB, list, love, old school blogging, photos, quotes, TDA bio, The Miss Elaine-ous Life

    Old School Blogging: Reflections

    Posted on January 14, 2015 Written by Tonya

    I’m linking up with Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life for a little Old School Blogging and today I’m doing some major reflecting on jobs I’ve had, idols, personal accomplishments and my last meal….

    Who do you idolize?
    The 15-year-old in me wants to shout Dave Matthews because… Dave Matthews.

    The mother in me wants to say my fertility doctor because… Lola.

    But really, anyone who has more creativity than me, whether it’s artistically, or musically, someone who can look at the contents of my refrigerator and cupboards and come up with an amazing meal, people that can draw anything other than a stick figure, people who are kind beyond measure and go out of their way consistently to do things for others, people that write and speak effortlessly and with passion and conviction, these are the people I idolize.

    What is something you are really proud of that you have accomplished?
    I hope it goes without saying that I’m really proud of my children and my marriage (most days).

    I also love that I have kept up with an exercise regime that works for me and makes me feel good. I walked 534 miles in 2014!

    I’m proud of the many 5Ks I’ve participated in, the one half-marathon and three (!) Susan G. Komen 3-day walks.

    I’m really proud of the infertility column I wrote for SheKnows. I shared what I was experiencing on a day-to-day basis with my own struggle and it was always from my heart. I know that my words helped other women battling infertility and hopefully still do.

    I’m proud that I submitted and read a piece I wrote in front of a large audience for Listen To Your Mother two years ago.

    What is something that you are not so proud of?
    I am not proud of my behavior sometimes. I hate that I get to a point with my son where I yell. I hate yelling!! We seem to be having a listening problem.

    I have a tendency to be selfish and fly off the handle, as they say. My husband gets the brunt of it and it’s completely unfair. I’m working on my patience level and lowering my expectations.

    Who was your best friend when you were 5, 6, or 7? Tell me something about them.
    Charmaine was my first sleep-over-mimic-the-dance-moves to Grease 2-shaved-my-legs-with-for-the-first-time real friend. We met in second grade while both living in Karachi, Pakistan and are still friends today. She lives in Holland and I haven’t seen her since 1985 but I love that we have kept in touch over the years.

    What is one thing you wish you could still do but may seem impossible right now?
    A really good cartwheel or the splits. For as much yoga and other exercise that I do, I am so not flexible.

    If you could chose it, what would be your last meal?
    Filet Mignon with peppercorn sauce, my husband’s twice-baked potatoes, steamed broccoli, a glass of The Dreaming Tree Cabernet and cannoli for dessert.

    What are two or three jobs you’ve had that you liked?
    There are aspects of every job I’ve ever had that I really enjoyed. Mostly the people and relationships, and there were aspects that were downright awful. Mostly the people. Just kidding. I’m most grateful for working in publishing at two different companies, Fancy Publications and Crain Communications.

    I think my favorite job was my early years of working in an advertising agency. The creativity and buzz was electric and I really felt a part of something special. It was my dream job. I thrived on the impossible deadlines and late hours, until I didn’t.

    What is one job that you did not like?
    The first job I accepted out of college I hated mainly because of the bitchy women and I worked with and also because I was asked to change my name. Long story but there was another Tonya on staff so I went by my middle name. It was a stupid and regrettable decision on my part.

    What is your least favorite chore around the house?
    Hands-down unloading the dishwasher!

    How tall are you? Do you wish you were taller? Shorter?
    5′ 7 1/2″ and I’m okay with it. I haven’t always been, especially when dating shorter guys.

    How old are you? What is something you have learned in those years that you want to share?
    I am 42 and a 1/2 and yes, the half is still important to me today as it was when I was 5 and a 1/2!

    I’m still learning, but one thing lately I know for sure is that when being seated at a restaurant, it’s okay to say, “I don’t want to sit here, can we find another table?”.

    I also cannot implore younger women enough to take care of their skin… sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen! Apply it everywhere, not just your face but your entire neck and upper chest. I wish I had started that process a lot earlier.

    As I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown more comfortable in my skin and with my body and that is something I never thought would happen.

    What is one of your favorite quotes on love, life or motherhood (choose one)?
    I am a collector of quotes so this is nearly impossible to answer, but one that I come back to over and over again is: “And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful then the risk it took to blossom.” – Anais Nin

    But I also love: “Always be a first rate version of yourself, and not a second rate version of someone else.” – Judy Garland

    And there’s this one: “The real things haven’t changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong.” – Laura Ingalls Wilder

    Related Posts:

    • Old School Blogging: The ABC’s Of Me
    • Old School Blogging: Full-On Random
    • Old School Blogging: I Am

    Filed Under: advice, aging, blog hop, DMB, Listen To Your Mother, old school blogging, question, quotes, random, SheKnows, TDA bio Tagged With: advice, aging, blog hop, DMB, Listen To Your Mother, old school blogging, question, quotes, random, SheKnows, TDA bio, The Miss Elaine-ous Life

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