Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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My Candidate

Posted on November 9, 2016 Written by Tonya

It is the day after the 2016 Presidential election and I am sad, shocked, confused, and very worried for our country.

I know I’m not alone.

The candidate I voted for, researched, supported, donated money to, believed in and admired did not win.

My candidate is tough as nails.

My candidate has withstood a constant barrage of hatred, vilification, smears, and mudslinging for 25 years. Republicans blame her for everything!

I was able to look past my candidate’s flaws and scandals. I saw a person who has spent much of her life fighting for causes that are important to me; family values, children, education and equality for ALL, especially women and minorities. She has been a champion for advancing equal opportunities for women and girls in America and around the globe, calling women’s empowerment “one of the great causes of my life.”.

This is who I want in the White House. Electing our first woman president would be an important step to ending gender inequality. And now that I am the mother of a daughter, this is imperative.

More than ever.

This country is so full of hate.

lolaforpresident

I still believe.

My candidate impressed me with her intellect, judgment, and compassion. We all know the mess she endured because of her husband’s infidelities. That was not her doing. She tried to protect her family as best she could and in the end, perhaps having her own political agenda and dreams of leading our nation from the Oval Office, stood by her man.

I took Lola with me yesterday when I went to vote bright and early and snapped a photo outside my polling location, an elementary school within walking distance of our home. Elated to finally see a woman’s name on the ballot, I proudly voted for my candidate with my daughter at my side.

I was not expecting to be emotional but I cried anyway.

I cried tears of joy because I thought we had come so far and not since Barack Obama have I cared this much about politics.

I voted for Obama in 2008 while pregnant with Lucas and rejoiced at his win while at a Madonna concert at Petco Park. That was a magical night.

Watching Decision 2016 unfold on NBC as polls closed across the country  I was thrilled to see the many blue states light up. I thought my candidate had it in the bag.

I was wrong.

So many of us were wrong.

Today I believe more than half of our country is made up of ignorant ass hats.

But I digress.

As I try to honor the outcome of the election and make sense of this America we live in, I will continue to teach my children, my sweet innocent children love, kindness and tolerance. I will teach them that ALL lives matter and to use their voice. Loud and often!

Donald Trump is going to be our president.

And as Secretary Hillary Clinton said this morning in her concession speech, “we owe him an open mind and the chance to lead”.

This is really happening.

And it will be interesting to say the very least.

——————————————————

The following is from The Huffington Post article, America Elected A Man Who Said ‘Grab Them By The P***y’ Over The First Female President:

Donald Trump openly bragged about using his celebrity status to sexually assault women. And multiple women accused him of actually doing so.

He said he was in favor of banning people from entering the United States based on their religion.

He believes that women he finds physically unattractive or overweight are lesser people.

He thinks that many Mexican immigrants are rapists.

He mocked people with disabilities.

He encouraged violence against protesters at his political rallies.

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Filed Under: a mother's guilt, annoyances, controversial topics, current events, family, inspiration, loss, milestones, motherhood, parenting, potty training, pregnancy2, question, raising girls, twitter, update, video, vote, wordless wednesdays, work, working mom, worry Tagged With: a mother's guilt, annoyances, controversial topics, current events, election, family, Hillary Clinton, inspiration, loss, milestones, parenting, politics, raising girls, vote, women, worry

Timing My Online Life

Posted on October 29, 2014 Written by Tonya

My friend Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life recently posed the question: how many hours do you think you spend online each day? My response was as follows:

Hard for me to say, a good solid two hours every night after the kids go to bed and periodically throughout the day… Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, games, etc. All on my iPhone. Maybe five hours total?

When I read blogs or write or comment, it’s usually on my laptop and nowadays that is maybe five hours per week, if I’m lucky.

Just this week for the first time Lucas asked me point blank, “Mom, why are you on your phone all the time?” That stopped me in my tracks.

I was completely guessing and in all honesty really had no idea but felt it was too much. 

I don’t work so I’m not in front of a computer all day and can’t seem to find the time to write very much anymore, but my phone is always within reach, on silent so I won’t react every time it makes a sound. I hate those people who hear a message alert that is not even their own and they grab their phone anyway. 

I thought it would be interesting to time myself daily for one week to see exactly how much time I actually do waste spend on my phone and I’m shocked at the results.

Happily shocked.

From Saturday, October 11 – Tuesday, October 21 each and every single time I used my phone or laptop, I started a stopwatch and at the end of the day, just before I fell asleep, I stopped it and captured a photo. Here are the results for nine days:

online life

I timed everything I did: looking up directions, composing texts, phone calls, searching Google, reading blogs, reading and responding to e-mails, posting to Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, taking photos, editing photos, creating notes, listening to podcasts while walking, playing games, EVERYTHING! On average I spend just over three hours on my phone per day.

Incidentally, there is a smartphone usage tracking app (of course) called Moment ($4.99 on the App Store) and the creator, Kevin Holesh designed it for the exact reasons I wanted the data. “Since it’s so difficult to convince ourselves to leave our smartphones alone, Holesh said he wants people to at least find a balance of “connected and disconnected” that’s right for them.

So often make excuses for the reasons we are online and the time it takes us away from our family and friends and what’s really important and all that time can really add up.

My goal was to track my usage for one week but I ended up doing it for 11 days because it was easy and I found it so interesting. It turns out that scrolling through my Facebook feed, posting a cute pic of my kids or playing my turn in Words With Friends doesn’t take nearly as long as I thought it did.

I wonder if my usage was reduced because I was aware of the experiment. I noticed I didn’t comment as much on Facebook, read as many articles or view as many YouTube videos.

The majority of phone time was late at night when I didn’t have anyone to attend to, when I should have been reading or writing (!) or talking to my husband, however, he is a lights out at 10 o’clock kind of person and I stay up until midnight almost every night. After we caught up and watched a show or two on TV, I turned to my phone. Perhaps I’d get a more restful sleep if I put my phone down.

I also timed my laptop usage, although during the 11 days I only used it once and for roughly an hour.

If you have ever wondered about your phone usage, I encourage you to try this challenge and please share your results. And relax, it’s probably not as much as you think!

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Filed Under: challenges, facebook, family, friends, internet, iphone, question, sleep, twitter Tagged With: challenges, facebook, family, friends, internet, iphone, sleep, The Miss Elaine-ous Life, twitter

7 Years & Counting… A Great Gift Idea

Posted on August 4, 2014 Written by Tonya

Seven years ago today I married my husband in a small ceremony in our backyard.

wedding

It has been the highest of highs (creating two amazing children, buying and making homes together and starting a business topping the list) and lowest of lows (losing my parents and struggling with secondary infertility topping the list).

Traditional or modern.

That was the question.

Well before our first anniversary, my husband and I decided that we would follow the traditional list of gifts for each of our anniversaries.

You know the gift list that was probably created by those geniuses at Hallmark…. paper for year 1, cotton for year 2, leather for year 3. Click here if you are unfamiliar.

Come to find out, thanks to Wikipedia, the origins of the current gift conventions date to 1937. Before that, only the 1st, 5th, 10th, 15th, 20th, 25th, 50th, and 75th anniversaries had an associated gift. In 1937, the Jewelers of America introduced an expanded list of gifts. The revamped list gave a gift for each year up to the 25th, and then for every fifth anniversary after that. You know Hallmark took this list to heart and ran with it!

Traditional anniversary gifts come from the list that was started in the middle ages in Germany with husbands giving garlands of silver and gold to their wives on their 25 and 50 years of marriage. – See more at: http://www.anniversary-gifts-by-year.com/traditional-anniversary-gifts.html#sthash.5xgs5LAF.dpu
Traditional anniversary gifts come from the list that was started in the middle ages in Germany with husbands giving garlands of silver and gold to their wives on their 25 and 50 years of marriage. – See more at: http://www.anniversary-gifts-by-year.com/traditional-anniversary-gifts.html#sthash.5xgs5LAF.dpuf

So, what’s the seventh year traditional gift? Wool and/or copper. Basically a sweater, however, I did have fun with the copper part after I hit up Twitter for ideas! My husband is the worst person on the planet to shop for, so thank you to @christinA.

A simple gift idea for your 7th wedding anniversary

First I came up with seven significant years to us, scoured our piggy banks to find pennies minted in those years and used super glue to affix them to a piece of paper in the shape of a 7. I included a brief explanation of the years in chronological order beneath the 7, found an inexpensive frame at Aaron Brothers and voilà!

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Filed Under: arts & crafts, milestones, twitter, wedding Tagged With: arts & crafts, milestones, twitter, wedding

A Parenting Lesson In Preparedness: Lucas Lost His First Tooth!

Posted on July 30, 2014 Written by Tonya

You know you’re a mom when on the rare occasion you go out of town, monumental things will happen at home.

Okay, so that’s a little dramatic, but Lola did officially start crawling over the weekend I was in San Jose at BlogHer 2014 (I’ll share a recap post on the conference in a few days).

And Todd sent me this photo of Lucas’s first loose tooth!

text So exciting.

I had visions of going to the bank for crisp $2 bills, carefully painting the bills with glitter glue and downloading a template for Tooth Fairy stationary. A visit from the Tooth Fairy is very special, especially when it’s your first one.

I was reassured by my fellow mom friends that it takes a few days for a loose tooth to come out so I wasn’t too worried about it coming out while I was away.

Well, it happened last night! After a long day at Super Hero summer camp, karate lessons and a fun dinner out with friends, it was very late when we got home, way after bedtime late.

Lucas had been saying in the car that is tooth felt “looser” so he rushed to show his dad as soon as we walked through the door. Todd only had to wiggle the tooth slightly and after four days of being loose, it came out!

Why does everything happen at bedtime?

While Todd bathed and fed Lola, Lucas and I wrote a letter to the Tooth Fairy, I snapped a couple of terrible photos and then read him two books because even though it was well after his bedtime, he can’t go to bed without a story. I was trying to keep calm and not think about all the rushing around I would soon be engaging.

tooth

Once Lucas was safely asleep, I was scouring Pinterest for ideas, drafting a letter from the Tooth Fairy, asking about the going rate for baby teeth on Twitter, dragging out the printer, painting a $10 bill with glitter, drying it with a hairdryer and destroying any evidence. All at 11:00 at night.

Oy, the lengths we go to, right?

Neither of us had a $5 bill and Todd actually offered to go out and make change but we decided that was where we draw the line.  

My advice to parents of new five-year-olds about to lose teeth, get your shit together early. You can thank me later!

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Filed Under: blog conference, milestones, parenthood, pinterest, twitter Tagged With: blog conference, milestones, parenthood, pinterest, twitter

Letters For Lola

Posted on July 22, 2014 Written by Tonya

Notice anything different about my blog?

Take a look at my new header!

My “letters” are now for Lucas and Lola.

It only took me five months to get around to making the addition!

Thank you to my terrific (and very, very patient) designer, Creative Kristi Designs.

I remember when I first started working with Kristi to redesign my blog in the summer of 2011 and had the forethought of leaving room in the header for a subsequent child, one that I had no idea would take so long to enter our lives. I’m blessed that Lola is finally here and so thrilled and very proud to see her name at the top of my blog along side her brothers.

I’ll still go by Letters For Lucas on Facebook and Twitter.

sibs

Why I write (April, 2014)

 

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Filed Under: blog, facebook, news, siblings, simple joys, twitter Tagged With: blog, facebook, news, siblings, simple joys, twitter

One Year Ago

Posted on August 14, 2013 Written by Tonya

I love the old adage, “the more things change, the more they stay the same” because in life there are many, many things that should never change.

For example and just to name a few: my favorite bagel shop should never under any circumstances stop making their scrumptious cinnamon sugar bagels because even though I don’t indulge in one very often, I love just knowing they are there and they smell insane.

I believe champagne should always be popped when there’s something fabulous to celebrate and even when there’s not.

I think goofy games should always be played at baby showers no matter how much the guests and typically the guest of honor bitch about them.

Sesame Street should never go off the air, even though my son has never been a fan.

I especially hope my husband never ceases to make me laugh and my son always prefers to sit next to me instead of across form me when we are at a restaurant.

Dependability is nice, tradition is comforting, being surrounded by people and things you can trust and count on is very good and support and unconditional love is priceless, but looking back just one year ago, almost everything in my life is different, some WAY better, some WAY worse. 

Exactly one year ago today I posted Letter to my Blogging Buddies by Alison of Writing, Wishing as part of my weekly series, Letters For You, I was desperately in love with and getting to know our new puppy, Charlie Pasta, I was trying to find the good in myself and making lists. I wasn’t sharing much else.

Only six of the 11 posts I published last August were mine, all the others were guest posts. So far this month, I’ve written nine posts, including this one so I’m sharing more, which can only be healthy for my psyche.

I think.

Since August, 2012, we have moved and are now living miserably uncomfortably in a teeny tiny apartment as we search for our dream house and I’m still getting to know our dog, who turns out is A LOT more work than my four year old and I regret getting almost daily.

Charlie Pasta and I are NOT in a good place these days, although as he sleeps peacefully at my feet as I type this, I realize I really do love him.

How has your life changed in the last year?

And what are some things you hope never change? I asked this on Twitter the other day and all I heard was crickets, so won’t you please indulge me?


This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt #3. What were you blogging about last year at this time? What has changed?

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Connection

Posted on March 15, 2012 Written by Tonya

I left my phone in my friend’s car Monday night. The circumstances are still a bit hazy aren’t important. Upon discovering this Tuesday morning and after the twitching subsided, I actually enjoyed being without my phone for two days.

Honestly.

Because I have a laptop. 🙂

Yes, I was fine until the electricity went out for the better part of the afternoon on Wednesday, which also happened to be a rare day Lucas decided to take a nap.

To make matters worse, I decided if I couldn’t be online or watch TV that I would take a shower; shave my legs, deep condition my hair and put on a face mask, only to find our hot water had been shut off too!

No, we are not delinquent bill payers. It turns out there was some “power line” emergency on our street or rather a termite infested tree that had to be chopped down. I still don’t really know, as my husband and I both got different stories from the men in hard hats directing traffic.

At any rate, everything has been restored now and I learned a valuable lesson: while it might be nice (and necessary) to unplug every now and then, I like being connected.

I like commenting on Facebook status updates and posting photos of my kid and seeing yours on Instagram. I enjoy “checking in” places on Four Square and hearing my husband’s voice midday. I’m lost without my electronic calendar and having iTunes at the ready is comforting, as are the text messages my BFF and I share throughout the day. Pinterest is where I get all my good ideas anymore and I am bound and determined to beat Jessica at Scrabble one of these days!

In short, connection is good.

Just in case you wondering.

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Filed Under: annoyances, facebook, friends, internet, iphone, me time, twitter Tagged With: annoyances, facebook, friends, internet, iphone, me time, twitter

About Last Night

Posted on January 12, 2012 Written by Tonya

Last night Lucas finally went to sleep somewhere between 8:00 and 8:30, after multiple pleads visits from both Mom and Dad to “settle down”.

I love this time of the day, the hours that we reclaim our house and get to enjoy the peace, the calm after the storm, if you will; a real conversation, a movie from start to finish or other adult activity.

Tonight, however, went something more like this….

Todd nestled in our bed with his laptop to write an appraisal for work and I was in the living room spread out on the couch watching TV, computer on my lap and wine in hand. I was tweeting, pinteresting, catching up on blogs and above all, relaxing, in other words, I was multitasking.

It was after 10:00 by the time I made it to bed. Todd was asleep shortly there after. I laid next to him quietly and read for an hour and a half… 100 pages!

At 11:45 I turned off the light.

There in the dark, even though I said I wasn’t going to do it, it beckoned me.

And you know what happened next… one Website sent me to another and then another and another and another and…

I played six turns of Scrabble (scored one bingo!), five turns of Words With Friends, tweeted more, pinned five new items, checked out my Facebook news feed, commented, “liked”, listened to the whirl of the dish washer run through nine cycles, nudged my partner a couple of times to stop the snoring, thought I heard Lucas open the door to his room twice and all the while cursing myself for being up past my bedtime AGAIN!

Then I wrote typed this post.

Stupid phone.

(Written and) sent from my iPhone

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Dear Grandma Honey

Posted on October 18, 2011 Written by Tonya

I’m honored to have Monique, better known on Twitter as SurferWife here today with a tender letter to her dearly departed Grandma Honey.

After reading this, be sure to visit Monique’s blog, A Day in the Life of a Surferwife and search for “celebrity encounter”. You’ll be glad you did!

Dear Grandma Honey,

Just those first three words up above create a pit in my stomach and a clenching in my throat. How do I even begin to express my gratitude and appreciation for all that you have brought to my life?

Even though you were ALuckyDame of A Beautiful Mess and also my husband’s maternal grandmother, you were still my grandma, too, in all aspects of the name. Considering I met and started loving you when I was a mere 12 years old, gives us more time spent together than I ever had with either of my own biological grandmothers, that both passed when I was a teen.

Your cute, fluffy little white hair, high pitched, little grandma voice, your happy smile and warm eyes were all crucial pieces in you becoming everybody’s adopted Grandma Honey.

From the day I met you and Grandpa Bud, more than 22 years ago, I felt an instant connection. I always felt like you genuinely cared about me and my well being. When I went off to college, I eagerly awaited your cute handmade and hand stamped holiday cards. At any family gathering, I could count on you sitting me down and asking me about every element of my life. Your many questions about what I was eating and why I was so skinny, if there were any suitable boys to date, and if I did my homework always left me with a smile on my face and a giggle in my heart.

When I came home nine years ago with my sweet baby boy Jason, you showered him with gifts and welcomed him into your life with open arms. That alone meant more than the world to me and I hope you knew that, Grandma.

And then when your beloved grandson and I announced to the world that we were an item a couple years later, you and Grandpa Bud gave your blessing and told me what a perfect match we were, and why didn’t we figure this out years before when we were kids?

We celebrated the birth of your first great-grandchild, my daughter, on the day you buried your husband. It was an honor to be such a crucial component on a day that encompassed the circle  of life for you. I could see the love and admiration in your eyes every time Haley reached a milestone. Just pure and unconditional love between a grandmother and her great-granddaughter.

Our time we spent together these past six years, when I legitimately became your granddaughter through marriage, is invaluable to me. Our long chats over McDonald’s ice cream, nutty bars and many lunch outings always left me so satiated and grateful to have a grandma that was loved by so many. The bond we shared will leave an eternal smile and place in my soul.

My heart hurts terribly knowing our conversation full of giggles and gossip have come to an end on this earth. But I hold tightly to the notion that we will do it again  in another universe, Grandma. Thank you for loving me the way you did. I feel like the luckiest granddaughter-in-law ever for it.

Delphine Long - September 26, 1919 - September 18, 2011

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Filed Under: grandparents, gratitude, grief, guest post, Letters For You, loss, love, twitter Tagged With: A Day in the Life of a Surferwife, celebrity encounter, grandparents, gratitude, grief, guest post, Letters For You, loss, love, SurferWife, twitter

We Remembered

Posted on October 18, 2011 Written by Tonya

We remembered.

We avoided eye contact at first.

We got dressed and put on make-up.

We went to brunch and toasted with champagne.

We enjoyed a little retail therapy and indulged in sweet treats. Both helped for a little while.

We received dozens of beautiful flowers and at least a 100 of other tokens of love and well wishes throughout the day in the form of phone calls, text messages, Facebook and Twitter posts. Each one helped immensely.

We listened to their favorite music and smiled.

We talked about the year ahead and what they would be missing.

We drew animals and painted shapes with Lucas and giggled.

We sat around the dining room table and devoured the comfort food my husband prepared. There were more toasts.

We looked through the sympathy cards we were sent four years ago. Many I had not read before. All of them heartfelt.

We went to a movie and sat side by side in the dark and laughed in all the same places.

We hugged.

We cried.

We remembered.

Another anniversary come and gone.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, friends, gifts, grief, life, loss, memories, milestones, movies, music, pastime, TBW, twitter Tagged With: aunt leah, friends, gifts, grief, life, loss, memories, movies, music, pasttime, TBW, twitter

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