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My Second Child

Posted on August 8, 2016 Written by Tonya

It’s true what they say about second children, they totally get the shaft. There’s fewer photos, less fanfare surrounding milestones, they tend to fend for themselves on occasion, enjoy the snot out of all the hand-me-downs and are inadvertently overlooked from time to time.

Take this blog for instance, I started writing Letters For Lucas shortly after Lucas, my first born was two months old. I wanted a place to record his every move and share my, what I thought at the time, were deep and profound thoughts on motherhood.

It was my first time and this was my online diary of what we were both experiencing, a baby book of sorts. Letters For Lucas literally started just as that, letters to my son. It eventually grew in many ways and has sadly now all but been abandoned. I treasure this space and wish I had more time to write. I often think about having the whole thing printed because I don’t want to lose these words, these memories, and I feel guilty not sharing letters, thoughts and wonderful happenings about Lola here.

My second child, my daughter, my precious sweet Lola. The child we longed and waited so patiently for. Lola brings so much joy to our lives and it is hard to believe that she just turned 2 1/2. She is a sassy girl and we love her to pieces.

Lola started preschool this summer. Eek! She goes three mornings a week to the same preschool Lucas attended and loves it and this morning was the first that she blew me kisses and waved goodbye instead of crying and pleading with me to stay.

She started taking ballet classes this summer too and and next to riding her scooter or big brother’s hand-me-down bike, it’s one of her favorite things to do.

Spunky and smart, Lola is the perfect combination of girly and sporty, which I adore. She loves books and playing with Thomas the Tank Engine and his friends, pushing one my old dolls around in a baby stroller and having bumper car remote control car races with Lucas all over our living room.

We are in the process of potty training and soon she will be in a “big girl” bed. Later this month she’ll be a flower girl in my sister’s wedding and you know I can’t wait to share those photos! Now, if I could just find her the perfect flower girl dress.

And will you please take a look at this little nut in goggles?!

Oh, my heart, my sweet Lola.

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Done! – NaBloPoMo

Posted on December 10, 2015 Written by Tonya

So much for owing myself six more consecutive NaBloPoMo posts. Agh!! Well, I tried.

This time of the year is so rough with lengthy to do lists, shorten tempers and trying to squeeze it all in. Just this past week was crazy!

We got our tree, the boys went out of town while Lola and I stayed home and nursed colds, did a bunch on online holiday shopping, decorated the house and started our holiday cards, oh and my sister got engaged! More on that later….

At any rate, I consecutively wrote 17 posts in a row and a total of 23 for the month. This will be my last NaBloPoMo post.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Editing photos, even if it’s just adding a watermark or resizing is a huge pain in the ass.

2. Participating in NaBloPoMo felt like homework every.single.day. and I decided I don’t appreciate writing under pressure.

3. I have plenty of content and ideas and don’t need prompts at this point in my life and I was thrilled to have cleared out my drafts folder.

4. NaBloPoMo kept me from watching hours of mindless TV. And reading. And I love reading. And TV.

5. This exercise encouraged me to let go of perfection and just write.

6. I’ve been blogging for over six years, but I’ve never blogged with any kind of regularity. I viewed this as a fun challenge, but decided I don’t want to be a full time blogger, I want to write bigger, more meaningful, meatier pieces and aim higher. I’ve been published a few places and I’m very proud of that and want to do more of that. Having said all that, however, I am motivated to keep adding to my blog when the mood strikes me. I like this space.

7. Writing begets writing. Even if it’s bad, I have to keep writing! I have to get it off my chest, out of my head and out here, there, anywhere for the sake of my own sanity.

Thank you for so much for reading my 7707 words and for the 50 comments.

23 days!! Yay me!!

Did you participate in NaBloPoMo, or NaNoWriMo? Did you finish? What have you learned from the challenge, whether you finished it or not?

Half Way Point – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 15, 2015 Written by Tonya

Two things.

It’s November 15, which means I have reached the half way point of NaBloPoMo!!

15 days in a row of blog posting. 15 days of writing. I haven’t done that in a very long time.

I’m thrilled and don’t want to lose the momentum, but this is when the blog post a day program for me may go a little sideways.

My husband and I are headed out of town tomorrow for four days, just the two of us.

Scandalous, I know.

Where are we going you ask? New York!

And I am not taking my laptop.

I have a couple of posts scheduled but I may miss a day or two.

I’ll make up up for it. I’m completely committed to publishing for 30 days in a row, a couple of those days may fall into December.

Sorry for the non-post post, but I gotta get back to packing and snuggling my children. This will be the longest I’ve ever been away from them. Sigh.

#816 – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 2, 2015 Written by Tonya

Cough-cough.

Let me just clear away the cobwebs.

It’s been a while.

I love writing.

I enjoy sharing my story.

I miss my blog.

So when something like National Blog Post Month comes along, as it does every November, I am always tempted to participate.

One blog post a day for 30 days. This from someone who has only posted 45 times this year? The entire year!

So far, 815 people have signed up for this lunacy. 815. That’s a lot of people dedicated to their blogs, their words, their writing, their readership and their community.

Why not me?

Well, I have all the excuses in the book… I’m too busy, there are not enough hours in the day to do the things I need to do, let alone find a quiet moment in which to put thoughts to paper, I’m easily distracted (Facebook, Twitter and don’t even get me started on the vortex that is Pinterest), my computer is a piece of shit and freezes up on me every several minutes (are you familiar with the wheel of death, because I am?!) and no one really cares what I have to say are just a few.

But you know what, finding time for something I enjoy and is good for my soul I can do and as far as readers, it’s so easy to tell myself I have no audience, but it’s simply not true. I know when I post people read. It may only be a dozen people, but my words are read.

One thing I’ll never complain about is subject matter. I don’t need writing prompts. I have tons of material, hundreds of blog post ideas whirling around my head and dozens of blog post drafts, just waiting to be finessed and published. I have ideas for books. In theory, this should be easy. There was a time when I did post every day.

So, here goes nothing…

I’m up for the challenge.

I think.

815 just became 816.

Wish me luck.

I’m already a day behind!

My Blank Pages

Posted on January 10, 2015 Written by Tonya

Happy New Year! I hope your 2015 is off to a stupendous start.

Although I’m not quite sure why, I just renewed my domain name.

I only blogged 83 times last year.

83.

Pathetic, right?

Especially for someone who has so much to say.

Blogging has changed a lot in the last six years but my reasons for doing it have not. It’s primarily for myself, to keep family and friends updated and for my children to read someday.

I had planned to share photos of our Christmas (Lola’s first!), a 2014 recap and my New Year resolutions (read and write MORE!!), but I doubt that’s going to happen.

I’m sitting here staring at a blinking cursor and thinking about all the blank pages ahead of me, all the words I will use to fill 2015. I have high hopes of being more disciplined and consistent with my writing and actually making some of the blog post ideas I have a reality. I look forward to confidently submitting my writing and on the days I’m not writing or fretting over writing, I hope I’m living in the moment.

I have a full and very rich life and my blank pages will fill themselves.

Eventually.

I hope you will stick around for the ride, no matter how infrequent.

In A Nutshell

Posted on August 27, 2014 Written by Tonya

Lucas and I had a blast in Chicago and I will share more about our first annual mother/son trip, including photos soon, but first I want to acknowledge my FIVE year blogiversary! Just under the wire, I might add as it’s almost midnight on the West Coast.

I posted the following photo on my Facebook fan page because I didn’t think I would be able to write a post and wanted to recognize this day in some way and I received a comment with the exact message that I needed to read today.

The note is from a new friend and Letters For Lucas reader, Darya and says:

The first words I ever said to you was at the GLOLunch and I told you how happy and relieved I was to have you ask the question regarding time to blog posts vs your new life–what to do? I may be new to blogging, but I am kinda old to mothering and woman-ing, and I can promise you that the blog will wait, your babies will not. Keep on keeping on, Momma and we will all be here when life circles back around. Congratulations! And when it comes to blogging, you are already at the place where I want to be.

Thank you, Darya. Thank you for your wise words and understanding.

The last couple of months have been both challenging and busy with summer camps, karate, swim lessons, play dates, trips, concerts, a traveling husband and a lot of laundry! At one point today I looked at my coffee table and captured this shot:

My life in a nutshell.

This is my life in a nutshell these days… A dirty diaper, a bottle, a fearless and delicious baby, Lego, struggles over activity books vs. screen time, endless rounds of Connect 4 and Spot It, which if you aren’t playing with your 5-10 year old, you should be, remnants of snacks and counting down to Kindergarten!

The only thing missing from this photo besides my best buddy Lucas of course, is my daily intake of caffeine. In a moment of mothering weakness, I called my husband at work and asked for help. I needed some relief, so a few hours later, he rescheduled a meeting, came home early and took Lucas skateboarding.

This is motherhood.

This is mothering.

This leaves little time for blogging.

And I’m okay with that.

Here’s to five years, but more than that, here’s to mothering!

BlogHer 2014

Posted on July 23, 2014 Written by Tonya

Three years ago when I attended my first BlogHer conference in San Diego, I was so nervous but looking forward to learning all that I could about blogging and how to be a better blogger. Back then I considered myself just another mommy blogger.

I carefully planned the sessions I wanted to attend and my daily and evening outfits, complete with accessories and shoes, made sure I was a “plus one” or personally invited to all the “right” parties and walked the exhibit floor handing out my blog cards to everyone I met. I had high expectations and was out to impress. Don’t get me wrong, I was still me, but I felt as though I had to prove that I belonged.

It was fun and I did learn a little but I mostly enjoyed meeting other bloggers, women who I had come to know so well through the generous words they shared on their own blogs and through other social media outlets.

Tomorrow morning bright and early, I will be traveling to San Jose, where I will attend this year’s BlogHer 10th anniversary conference.This time around I consider myself more than just another blogger, I am a writer. I have a voice and a story and believe I have made a (albeit miniscule) difference by sharing my grief and infertility struggles, my words and myself.

My expectations for this year’s conference are much lower than they were in 2011 and I have very few plans. I hope to learn more about this community I belong to and love so much and will attend a couple of sessions on writing and the future of blogging, but what I am most excited about is seeing old friends, making new ones and gaining a renewed dedication to my space.

I have shared before how I feel I have neglected Letters For Lucas over the last couple of years and I’m in dire need of a resurge. I think this is just the ticket!

That taxi is going to be here in 12 short hours so I suppose I better start packing!

Are you going to BlogHer this year? If so, please look for me!

Letters For Lola

Posted on July 22, 2014 Written by Tonya

Notice anything different about my blog?

Take a look at my new header!

My “letters” are now for Lucas and Lola.

It only took me five months to get around to making the addition!

Thank you to my terrific (and very, very patient) designer, Creative Kristi Designs.

I remember when I first started working with Kristi to redesign my blog in the summer of 2011 and had the forethought of leaving room in the header for a subsequent child, one that I had no idea would take so long to enter our lives. I’m blessed that Lola is finally here and so thrilled and very proud to see her name at the top of my blog along side her brothers.

I’ll still go by Letters For Lucas on Facebook and Twitter.

Why I write (April, 2014)

Slacker

Posted on June 29, 2014 Written by Tonya

I’m such a slacker! I can’t believe I only blogged twice this whole month. And it was a very eventful month; between celebrating my turning 42 this week (I had every intention of sharing my anti-Bucket List), Charlie Pasta turning 2 (I’m still fuming over the fact that he pulled a $35 tri-tip off the counter my husband had just barbequed for a dinner party last week), Lucas turning 5 (!), his graduating from preschool, having several lines in his first school play, enjoying not one but two family staycations, plus a girl’s trip to Las Vegas, Father’s Day, Lola’s first time in a pool, and a host of other milestones, activities, ups and downs. It’s definitely summer and we are definitely busy having fun and living.

I was recently asked what my plans were with my blog and sadly, I didn’t have a response at the time. Letters For Lucas has taken a back seat to all the fun and the sweet long awaited addition of Lola and although I am 100% okay with that, I have vowed to share more, write more and spend more time here because I love my little space on the Internet and writing is good for my soul.

Next up is Fourth of July in Santa Barbara, BlogHer, an exciting mother/son trip and I am determined to finish writing Lola’s birth story, so please stay tuned!

She Writes

Posted on April 29, 2014 Written by Tonya

Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life tagged me in her recent post on writing and the timing couldn’t be better as I am exploring what I want to do with my blog and writing in general.

I used to consider myself just another mommy blogger and then I learned to abhor that title and then I considered myself just a writer because at the time and for several months I was getting paid to write. Now I’m not sure what I am. I write as many blog posts as I can but I’m having difficulty finding the time anymore and when I do write I am super critical of my work.

My goal has always been to write from the heart or not at all. I believe I’m known in the blogosphere as that girl that lost both her parents tragically and/or that girl that battled and then beat(!) her secondary infertility. I was lucky enough to have my own infertility column at SheKnows for close to a year. My articles can still be found here. I am most proud of those posts.

1. What am I working on?
I’m always working on a blog post in my head or sleep or shower and have over 80 drafts… some are just a sentence or two or idea for a topic I want to explore in more depth and others are several paragraphs long but I am still editing and reediting and making myself bonkers over.

2. How does my writing differ from other’s of it’s genre?
Simple, my writing is mine. My words. My story. My life. There are many bloggers/writers that are better at their craft than I am but I believe the more I write, the better I’ll get.

The very best compliment that I have received about my blog and writing is that I write exactly the way I talk. I like that.

3. Why do I write what I do?
In the first year of Letters For Lucas, my posts were literally that, letters to my son, Lucas. I wanted to document his life and how motherhood was shaping me, or should I say, reshaping me. It has since grown and evolved and became a place that I truly treasure. Nowadays I only visit and share sporadically and when it comes to my writing and what I share, sometimes I need to write what I do to get it out of my head, to document it and other times I just want to because it’s fun.

4. How does my writing process work?
I love when the words just flow out of me, when there’s little thought and lots of emotion, when I don’t second guess myself or scrutinize over every word. It doesn’t happen very often but when it does, it’s magic! Usually wine is involved.

For me, if and when I get to the point where I press <publish> then I’ve succeed and beyond that, the feedback and reaction I get to what I’ve shared is what I thrive on.

Thanks, again, Elaine for asking me about my writing process.

Now it’s your turn…. Natalie of Mommy of a Monster and Coreen of The Adventures of Captain Fussypants & Little Miss, tell us about your writing process!

My Second Child

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What I Write About