Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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My Candidate

Posted on November 9, 2016 Written by Tonya

It is the day after the 2016 Presidential election and I am sad, shocked, confused, and very worried for our country.

I know I’m not alone.

The candidate I voted for, researched, supported, donated money to, believed in and admired did not win.

My candidate is tough as nails.

My candidate has withstood a constant barrage of hatred, vilification, smears, and mudslinging for 25 years. Republicans blame her for everything!

I was able to look past my candidate’s flaws and scandals. I saw a person who has spent much of her life fighting for causes that are important to me; family values, children, education and equality for ALL, especially women and minorities. She has been a champion for advancing equal opportunities for women and girls in America and around the globe, calling women’s empowerment “one of the great causes of my life.”.

This is who I want in the White House. Electing our first woman president would be an important step to ending gender inequality. And now that I am the mother of a daughter, this is imperative.

More than ever.

This country is so full of hate.

lolaforpresident

I still believe.

My candidate impressed me with her intellect, judgment, and compassion. We all know the mess she endured because of her husband’s infidelities. That was not her doing. She tried to protect her family as best she could and in the end, perhaps having her own political agenda and dreams of leading our nation from the Oval Office, stood by her man.

I took Lola with me yesterday when I went to vote bright and early and snapped a photo outside my polling location, an elementary school within walking distance of our home. Elated to finally see a woman’s name on the ballot, I proudly voted for my candidate with my daughter at my side.

I was not expecting to be emotional but I cried anyway.

I cried tears of joy because I thought we had come so far and not since Barack Obama have I cared this much about politics.

I voted for Obama in 2008 while pregnant with Lucas and rejoiced at his win while at a Madonna concert at Petco Park. That was a magical night.

Watching Decision 2016 unfold on NBC as polls closed across the country  I was thrilled to see the many blue states light up. I thought my candidate had it in the bag.

I was wrong.

So many of us were wrong.

Today I believe more than half of our country is made up of ignorant ass hats.

But I digress.

As I try to honor the outcome of the election and make sense of this America we live in, I will continue to teach my children, my sweet innocent children love, kindness and tolerance. I will teach them that ALL lives matter and to use their voice. Loud and often!

Donald Trump is going to be our president.

And as Secretary Hillary Clinton said this morning in her concession speech, “we owe him an open mind and the chance to lead”.

This is really happening.

And it will be interesting to say the very least.

——————————————————

The following is from The Huffington Post article, America Elected A Man Who Said ‘Grab Them By The P***y’ Over The First Female President:

Donald Trump openly bragged about using his celebrity status to sexually assault women. And multiple women accused him of actually doing so.

He said he was in favor of banning people from entering the United States based on their religion.

He believes that women he finds physically unattractive or overweight are lesser people.

He thinks that many Mexican immigrants are rapists.

He mocked people with disabilities.

He encouraged violence against protesters at his political rallies.

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Filed Under: a mother's guilt, annoyances, controversial topics, current events, family, inspiration, loss, milestones, motherhood, parenting, potty training, pregnancy2, question, raising girls, twitter, update, video, vote, wordless wednesdays, work, working mom, worry Tagged With: a mother's guilt, annoyances, controversial topics, current events, election, family, Hillary Clinton, inspiration, loss, milestones, parenting, politics, raising girls, vote, women, worry

Paris – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 13, 2015 Written by Tonya

One minute my six-year-old and I are in the movie theater giggling over The Peanuts and sharing a bucket of popcorn and the next I’m hearing of the devastation in a city I hold near and dear to my heart.

On a night when thousands of Paris residents and tourists were reveling and fans were enjoying a soccer match between France and Germany and an American band performed at a concert venue, horror struck.

Terrorists attacked six locations throughout the French capital and at the stadium where the soccer match was underway.

So far there have been 153 deaths.

I can’t wrap my brain around this tragedy.

Another tragedy.

It’s just too much.

What is happening with our world?

Why is there so much hate? So much evil?

My “problems” don’t even compare to this. They’re not even in the same realm.

My thoughts are with Paris and all I can do is hold my babies extra close tonight.

This is an attack not just on Paris and not just on people of France, but this is an attack on all of humanity and the universal values that we share.
– President Barack Obama

paris

Peace For Paris by Jean Jullien

NaBloPoMo November 2015

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Filed Under: current events, NaBloPoMo, question, quotes Tagged With: current events, NaBloPoMo, Paris, question, quotes

Tracy’s Story: Say No To NuvaRing

Posted on July 9, 2014 Written by Tonya

My sister Leah met Tracy the Fall of 2002 when they were both Freshman at the University of Arizona. They have been best friends ever since.

I have had the pleasure of spending a little time with Tracy over the years and have always enjoyed her company. She is witty and smart and has been a good friend to Leah.

Tracy was particularly instrumental to Leah’s grieving process when we lost our parents in 2007 and was there for her the night we found out they had died. Tracy was there for my sister when I could not be. I will always be grateful to her for that. 

Last summer, Tracy who lives in New York was visiting my sister in LA.

One night the three of us went to dinner and to see Beyoncé in concert. We had a great time and as always it was fun to witness the banter that only two good friends can share. That was a Friday. Two days later, at 29 years old, Tracy suffered a stroke.

Last week she shared the following on her Facebook wall and with her permission I am sharing it here:

One year ago today, 3 weeks past my 29th birthday, I had a stroke. It was caused by the birth control NuvaRing. Due to this event I lost a significant amount of my left peripheral vision. I’m so BLESSED to say it wasn’t worse – women died. I’m not celebrating this “anniversary”, rather I’m ready to share my story, so that it may help others.

Full disclosure – I entered the class action suit, along with 3,800 other women, against the makers of this product, Merck. The final payout Merck was responsible for was 6% of what a similar case paid out, we’re talking a few millions versus a few hundred billion. Basically a slap on the wrist for a company that is knowingly selling a dangerous product to millions of otherwise healthy women, like me.

So, I didn’t settle and here’s why:

If you had a life altering stroke at 29 years old during the height of a beautiful California vacation that ripped vision and sensation from the left side of your body, would you settle?

If you spent two days in the hospital and worried your entire family, friend and professional circle, would you settle?

If you had to correct your mom in a room full of doctors that glasses wouldn’t help because the injury wasn’t in your eyes, it’s in your brain, would you settle?

If over the last 7 years you told several doctors of your experiences with migraines, never to be taken seriously, would you settle?

If you still walk cautiously through every single intersection worrying that you may not see the motorist, bicyclist or Mac truck, would you settle?

If you secretly dread shopping because it will require you to perform exhaustive and annoyingly slow eye scanning, would you settle?

If you sometimes avoid large crowds because you worry you will bump into, trip or hurt yourself or others, would you settle?

If people still ask you “how’s your vision” and you have to tell them that it’s no better, would you settle?

If something that happened to you on one day of your life is now something you think about every day, would you settle?

If you knew officials claim the type of stroke you had doesn’t “support a casual link” to NuvaRing, but the FIRST THING the ER doctors asked you to do when they identified your stroke was to remove your NuvaRing, would you settle?

If all official medical reports point directly to NuvaRing, but the courts don’t care, would you settle?

If the after insurance amount in medical bills was more than the payout, would you settle?

If you knew that other women died because of NuvaRing, would you settle?

Please share/tell my story to one person, then it’ll be worth it.

For those of you who don’t know, NuvaRing is a birth control option for women. It is a small flexible contraceptive ring, about the size of a silver dollar. The NuvaRing contains the same hormones as many birth control pills. It is inserted manually into the vagina, where it is left for three weeks. There, a continuous, low dose of hormones is released. Then the ring is removed for one week. This is the week you have your period.

According to Tracy, many young women and their common stroke-like symptoms are being ignored. She was given an IV initially and sent home.

Tracy has zero regrets about not settling in the class action suit and is hoping that someday soon there will be enough studies that prove arterial strokes are directly linked to medications like NuvaRing, in the meantime regaining 100% visibility may never happen for her, but she is optimistic in new visual training programs offered by the School of Optometry at SUNY.

I wanted to share Tracy’s story because it’s important and because I have a tiny following here and thought I could help spread the word about the dangers of NuvaRing. I am currently shopping for new birth control and I know many of you may be as well or know someone who is. I’m begging you to take the time and do the research on ANY birth control you are considering. It could save your life.

For more information, here are two articles Tracy recommends, they are relevant and extensive on the subject of the NuvaRing case, Danger in the Ring and Parents of 24-year-old killed by NuvaRing reject their part of $100 million settlement.

Say No To NuvaRing!!

Please share Tracy’s story!!

Please share this post and if you have any follow up questions for Tracy, leave them in the comments below.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, current events, friends, health Tagged With: aunt leah, birth control, current events, friends, health, NuvaRing

I Heart Jimmy

Posted on April 30, 2014 Written by Tonya

As a busy and sleep deprived mom of two, I don’t have nearly as much time as I used to to read magazines or even my Twitter feed to find out what’s going on in the world. I have also stopped watching many of my favorite shows, but there is one that I DVR religiously… The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. I have laughed my way through every single episode since he took over on February 17, 2014 and I look forward to it each day. Of course, I’m day behind, but at least I feel hipper watching it.

I grew up begging to stay up late to watch Johnny Carson host the now 60 year old Tonight Show but not because I really cared about the show or guests, but because my parents did. I never tuned in to Jay Leno because I didn’t connect with him. I respect the Tonight Show institution and when I heard Fallon was taking over, I knew he’d breathe new life into it and do a stellar job in the process.

If you’re not watching, you should be!

10 things I love about The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon:

1. Fallon was amazing on SNL and has proven to have impeccable comedic timing.

2. His monologue keeps me on top of entertainment and world news. He also “gets” social media and uses pop culture references that I appreciate and identify with. This must be why my parents enjoyed Carson. A host you can relate to equals good entertainment.

3. He’s goofy, funny, cute, and so talented. I wish he were my neighbor!

4. I adore his childlike enthusiasm for his awesome guests. He genuinely gets visibly starstruck and it’s super adorable.

5. He doesn’t just conduct boring interviews, he makes his guests do wacky things like roller golf, participate in lip-synching contests, and play flip cup and beer pong.

6. His bromance with Justin Timberlake. Together they are truly unstoppable and hilarious. Case and point: History of Rap 5.

7. His impressions. Have you seen his Tom Petty or Vladimir Putin?

8. The endearing way he talks about his daughter and fatherhood.

9. His banter with his sidekick, Higgins. When the two of them go at it, it can be pee in your pants funny. They have an incredible connection and none of their playful back and forth is scripted.

10. This video (okay, so it’s from his old show, but still)…. Dave Matthews GPS spoof.


This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 5) List 10 things you love about your favorite show.

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Things I Wish We Could Talk About

Posted on April 20, 2013 Written by Tonya

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of something I wish I could talk to my parents about. I regret not truly thanking them for my life. Literally. And all the opportunities they gave me. I wish I had expressed my gratitude for  being good parents, staying together, teaching me right from wrong, showing me the world, bailing me out a time or two and for my sister. I can only hope they knew how much I loved and respected them.

But it’s the everyday stuff that I wish we could talk about.

I long to share the daily funny things Lucas says and does, seek counsel on the big decisions my husband and I face, relive the warm and wonderful childhood I enjoyed and learn more about the people they were.

The list is endless, but first and foremost, I wish I knew more about my mother’s fertility. I’d like to ask her if she and my father really decided to wait almost 12 years before having my sister or if she had struggles conceiving too. I remember her saying her mother had miscarried but I don’t know the details and I should.

So many times, Lucas will do something that reminds me of myself at his age and I’ll wish I could confirm the memory with my mother. I have a whole set of memories that don’t include my sister because for so long it was just the three of us, Mom, Dad and me. A lot of those memories are fading now.

I wonder how my father would react to having a President in the White House that I simply adore. He was a staunch republican and we would have heated discussions about gun control, a woman’s right to choose and same sex marriage all the time. He was “old school” and would be the first to admit that he just didn’t “get it”. I think my dad would have respected Obama, especially this week.

As educators, I wonder what they both would have thought about teenagers shooting up elementary schools and igniting bombs in public places, hurting innocent people, killing children. My father loved Boston and rooted for both the Red Sox and Celtics. I think he would have been glued to the television yesterday and like so many of us, devastated and confused.

I didn’t know my grandparents on either side very well and I’m sorry that I didn’t ask more questions about them when I had the chance. I also should have taken the opportunity to ask more questions about my parents childhoods, what they dreamed of when they were children and if they if had any inkling that they would make a success life overseas.

I would love to talk to my dad about the book he wrote and published and hear about his writing process. Perhaps it would help me with mine.

In so many ways time has stood still since my mother and father’s deaths almost six years ago and I know I’ll be collecting discussion points for the rest of my life; things I wish we could talk about. Current events, parenting advice and family history aside, honestly I’d talk about the weather with either of them if I could.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, current events, family, grandparents, grief, KRA, loss, memories, MSA Tagged With: aunt leah, current events, family, grandparents, grief, KRA, loss, memories, MSA

The Bad Stuff Can Wait

Posted on April 18, 2013 Written by Tonya

He doesn’t know about the Holocaust, 9/11, Columbine, Waco, explosions in Boston or West.

He believes guns are only for shooting the bad guys, although he doesn’t really understand the concept of “bad guys”.

Sandy is something he gets after a day at the park or beach not a devastating hurricane or the name of an elementary school in Virginia.

He knows his mommy and daddy can comfort him, although when he’s really apprehensive, like standing in line for his first (kid-friendly) roller coaster at Knott’s Berry Farm, his lovely does it best.

He doesn’t understand political smear campaigns, bullies or strangers.

He wants to be friends with everyone and upon meeting him for the first time, don’t be surprised if he invites you over for a play date.

He hears his mommy curse from time to time but doesn’t realize that words can be very harmful.

He sings the Thomas & Friends theme song with such conviction, it has become  his own personal anthem.

He’s never heard of Ricin and to be honest, I hadn’t either until a couple of days ago.

He doesn’t know that there are children dying of starvation, children that don’t have fresh water to drink, shoes on their feet or beds to sleep in.   

I believe he could live off peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (with the crusts cut off), pretzels and M&Ms.

He asks a lot of questions about how far away heaven is and why he can’t visit his Grandma and Grandpa Adams.

He loves to practice winking at me and writing his name; and has mastered Candy Land and Memory, especially when he gets to shuffle the cards.

He thinks when an airplane takes off, it always lands and a familiar face or exciting adventure awaits him. 

He doesn’t know that evil exists and that bad things happen to good people for no reason whatsoever.

It’s a big bad scary world out there and I can only shelter my son for so long. I can only control what he hears and sees for so long. For now, I have all the answers, but soon I won’t. I want Lucas to learn about the world around him, the good, the bad and the very ugly, but first I want him to have a childhood; filled with only things that make him smile. 

I look over at him now, sitting in the middle of our living room, surrounded by his cars and trusty lovely. He is watching a bright and colorful episode of Bubble Guppies and I think, the bad stuff can wait.

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Safe

Posted on December 14, 2012 Written by Tonya

Today I let the remainder of our holiday cards sit on the dining room table unaddressed and dirty dishes fill up our sink.

I carried Lucas more than letting him walk and much to his delight served him caramel and chocolate covered popcorn with lunch.

I snuggled up with him on the couch as watched Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer together and silently thanked God that he was with me.

He’s been napping for an hour and I swear I’ve checked on him half a dozen times, kissing him lightly on the cheek. 

I wept.

It is a somber day.

The fire station at the end of my street has it’s flag at half mast.

Our preschoolers are not safe.

Our high school teens are not safe.

Our college kids are not safe.

I am devastated by the Connecticut elementary school shootings, which killed more than two dozen people, mostly children not much older than my own. 

It is among the world’s worst mass shootings.

These young people had their entire lives ahead of them.

The only way to honor these children is to have stricter gun control laws! Civilians do NOT need weapons that can fire 100 rounds of ammunition at rapid speed. Ever.

I hope none of you are close to this tragedy.

Life is precious.

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Filed Under: current events, gratitude Tagged With: current events, gratitue, gun control laws

On My Mind

Posted on November 2, 2012 Written by Tonya

The trees in my front and back yard are standing tall and proud.

Many are not.

My neighborhood is intact.

Many are not.

I know where my next meal is coming from.

Many do not.

I know where I’m sleeping tonight, warm and snug in my bed next to my husband with my son just as safe down the hall.

Many do not.

I have hot water and power.

Many do not.

I drove through a gas station to fill up this morning and it took less than five minutes.

Many are waiting hours upon hours.

My family and friends are safe.

My dog is at my feet.

I am grateful beyond measure.

It is the very least I could do….

Click on image for more information on how you can donate too.

Before starting dinner tonight, I told Lucas about the hurricane on the East Coast in the simplest terms that a three year old mind can comprehend and he asked by name if each and every one of the important people in his everyday life were okay; Aunt Leah, Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Gary, Aunt Heidi, Annabelle, Francesca, Uncle David, Aunt Gail, Miss Sharon, Laura, Colleen, Jackson, etc., etc. and then he asked if we would have a big storm too.

As I choked back my tears I assured him we were safe.

We then listed all of the things that we were thankful for starting with each other.

The millions affected by Superstorm Sandy are on our minds tonight and should be on yours.

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Filed Under: current events, gratitude, weather Tagged With: current events, goodwill, gratitude, Superstorm Sandy, weather

Looking Forward

Posted on July 25, 2012 Written by Tonya

I have been so down in the dumps lately with our infertility journey coming to a much needed break (for now) and the recent damage I’m having to deal with at my parents house that when I saw Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop prompts for this week, I couldn’t help but pick #1: Share one good thing you’re looking forward to.

I have found that it is so important to see the good in your life, especially when you feel like the walls are caving in around you and all you want to do is cry.

Mine is a very blessed life and I have so much more to make me smile than frown and came up with not one, but SEVEN really great things that I’m looking forward to:

1. Seeing Iris with my sister this weekend.

Click on image for source.

2. Celebrating our five year anniversary in San Francisco next weekend.

3. Bringing home our puppy home  on August 7.

Taken on July 24. Puppy is 7 1/2 weeks old!

4. A new pile of books to tackle! I just read The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern and if it is possible, it made me fall in love with reading all over again. Seriously, if you haven’t read this book, please do, it’s absolutely magical.

Here are three others I’m anxious to snuggle up with!

5. Duran Duran concert with my girlfriends on August 11!

6. Mastering the camel pose – someday, I hope! And look this elegant while doing it. Sigh.

Click on image for source.

7. More moments like this with Lucas, someone I look forward to being with every single day: 

What are you looking forward to?

 This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt #1) Share one good thing you’re looking forward to.

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Remembering Whitney

Posted on February 12, 2012 Written by Tonya

Like the rest of the world, I was completely shocked hearing the news of Whitney Houston’s death on Saturday. What a tragic loss.

As a teenager, I spent countless hours singing into my hairbrush in front of the mirror and coming up with dance moves to all kinds of popular music, but I distinctly remember trying to hit and hold the long notes just like Whitney in her mega hits, “Saving All My Love for You”, “So Emotional” and the incomparable “I Will Always Love You”. It was never going to happen, but was very fun trying and her songs will forever be a part of the fabric of my youth. 

Whitney’s voice is golden and no matter what personal demons she may have faced, she paved the way for so many young stars today and there is no doubt her talent will be missed.

Yesterday, while visiting my sister we had an impromptu Whitney session and even Lucas got in the groove. 

RIP Whitney.

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