exercise

Exercising My Mind & Body

Posted on March 10, 2015 Written by Tonya

I love to exercise.

No, really.

I am not a fitness guru nor do I wear a size 2, but I’m strong and determined and love to move.

I entered a gym for the first time as a Freshman in college on the University of Arizona campus and have been intrigued by how the body and muscles works and how certain foods and my diet make me feel.

I love the physiology of exercise and how moving our bodies increase endorphins, adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin. Just a few of the cocktail of chemicals and hormones that are released in the body beautifully and naturally every time you exercise. There have been many times in my life when I have come to rely on exercise, instead of say, antidepressants or copious amounts of liquor. There is a strong link between exercise and happiness.

These days I spend more time walking or running along the beautiful Southern California coast, throughout my neighborhood or at a nearby nature center than I do in a gym. I almost always have a sleeping sidekick in a stroller. I’m careful to plan my walks around Lola’s nap time and “we” log anywhere between 12-15 miles per week. I will chat with Lola, call a friend, listen to This American Life or music or sometimes let the sound of my own breath center me. I let my mind wander and find an inner peace.

If I don’t get an hour or more of exercise time every day, I go nuts. Or I make the people around me nuts. It doesn’t always happen and I try not to beat myself up about it if it doesn’t.

One of the very best gifts I have ever received was a treadmill and I’ve been known to hop on it well after dark.

I exercise so that I can eat.

Like, really eat.

I exercise to think.

I exercise to challenge myself and push my limits. If I’m not walking, I’m struggling at the ballet barre, a class I am bound and determined to conquer or doing yoga.

I love knowing I’m just half an hour away from a better mood.

Exercise is empowering It’s my “me time”, although I am seldom alone having pushed both Lucas and Lola for miles and miles or being pulled my Charlie Pasta, it is my time to pause and force everything else going on in my life aside and do something just for me.

Do you like to move? What is your exercise of choice?

Loving & Loathing The Holidays

Posted on December 15, 2014 Written by Tonya

This is a hard time of year for many people.

Myself included.

From the week before Thanksgiving through January 1, I waver between being on the verge of a complete panic attack, find myself anxious and excited with everything there is to do to prepare for the big days ahead, feel tempted to stick a fork in my eye over complete frustration, exhibit weepy and melancholy behavior over people I miss, how pretty all the lights are and the kindness of strangers, I’m more exhausted during the holiday season than any other time of year and I am filled with a sense of blissful happiness. During this time frame, I can go through this cycle on a daily basis.

I’m a mess.

I simultaneously love and loathe the holidays.

Pulling three bins of Christmas crap out of the garage and untangling lights is the worst. Lola’s mild but curious interest in the tree and ornaments? Magical.

The hunt for the perfect gift, piles and piles of presents, marathon wrapping sessions and ribbon paper cuts? I loathe it all! The look on their faces when they open your gift = AWESOME!

Baking with Lucas? Yes, please! Eating half a dozen cookies and having to workout a little harder… BLAH!!

The daily To Do list? No, thanks. Crossing items off, however, feels great.

Spending time with friends doing holiday related activities? Love it.

Receiving beautiful holiday cards in the mail? J’adore! Picking a decent family photo, designing a card, addressing and stamping 200 envelopes… not so much.

The Elf of the Shelf? The jury is still out, but we are definitely having fun with it!

What do you love and/or loathe about this time of the year?

Beating Myself Up

Posted on March 31, 2014 Written by Tonya

Last week I went to Old Navy to get Lucas some play shorts and t-shirts and pants for school (what is it about boys wearing out the knees in every single pair of pants they wear?!). I like Old Navy a lot; they have a great selection, true to fit sizes and the price is always right.

Occasionally I’ll buy something fun and trendy for me there as well and right now all of the super cute light-colored springy items have hit their racks and it was too tempting for me. For the better part of eight months all I’ve worn are stretchy pants with secret tummy panels and billowy shirts with elastic along the sides. I’m ready to shop!!

But seriously, what the hell was I thinking trying on pants? I am so far from my pre-pregnancy weight, let alone my pre-pregnancy body. I am able to fit into my “fat” jeans, but none of my true regular pants yet. Those are several sizes from where I am today.

When I was pregnant with Lucas I gained 33 pounds. This time around, 44. 44!! I’m blaming the fertility meds I was on the first trimester and my adoration of baked goods and sandwiches. I’m already down 30 pounds and I know the last 10 are the hardest, but I want results NOW!!

I’ve been walking a lot and since bringing Lola home have worked back up to 4 miles 3 to 4 times a week but it’s time to kick it up a notch…. more cardio, less carbs and maybe enlist a professional! I’ve never been on a diet or nutrition plan, but I’m ready to make some serious changes in my diet.

It’s also time to give myself a break.

It took 9+ months to put all that weight on, I was creating a human for God’s sake so it’s going take a while to get back the way I was.

If I ever do.

The problem is I live in the worst place on the planet for a woman’s body consciousness. Southern California is full of beautiful and fit people. And it can be a very judge-y environment. In my case, most of it self inflicted, but with so much healthy living going on around you, it’s hard not to get caught up in it. I’ve shared my thoughts on weight here and here before but pregnancy is different.

Isn’t it?

I love exercising and I’m not above hard work. I know I’ll get there, but why do I beat myself up like this and why can’t all tags say this? And better yet, why can’t we believe it?

Click on image for source.

A good reminder for us all, no?

Playlist

Posted on December 13, 2012 Written by Tonya

Music helps me.

For as long as I can remember I have sang along to my favorite songs and other tunes that I just couldn’t escape. For every major milestone in my life, I can associate a song. Certain lyrics speak to me and make me feel better; or worse depending on my mood. But they always assure me I am in good company; that someone in the world has felt exactly what I am.

I’ve shared some of my favorite workout tunes before and that playlist is ever growing and changing. I need songs to lift me up and give me that extra ump to sweat a little longer, run a little faster and challenge myself.

I’ve had a little bit too much
All of the people start to rush.
Start to rush babe.
A dizzy twister dance
Can’t find my drink or man.
Where are my keys, I lost my phone.

Just Dance – Lady Gaga

While planning my wedding I put together a playlist of timeless love songs and listened to it as I got ready, walked down the stairs of our house, out into our backyard and met my groom. From there on, a solo guitarist took over, but whenever I play that playlist, I am right back there taking my father arm and descending the staircase.

You know me better than that
Think I’d leave you down
When you’re down on your knees?
I wouldn’t do that

By Your Side – Sade

When my parents died, I created a playlist of songs that would guarantee to make me cry. Like big ugly, crocodile tears cry because sometimes I’d walk around for days with a lump in my throat and finally just had to let it out. I’d give in, press play on a playlist I called “Amazing Grace” because that was one of my mother’s favorite songs and let the tears flow. It is a healing mix of deeply personal songs and family favorites and I always felt a little better afterward hearing it. A good cry often has that effect.

But all that I know is I’m breathing
All I can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing now

Keep Breathing – Ingrid Michaelson

Before Lucas was born I put together a collection of songs aptly titled, “Birth Day” that I had hoped to listen to while in labor. Things moved too fast for me to even grab my iPod the night he was born, but I listened to that compilation over and over and over in the weeks and days leading up to his arrival. The songs were dreams I had for my son, uplifting and hopeful.

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold

My Wish – Rascal Flatts

This year I made a new playlist full of songs of empowerment, triumph, strength and promise. Each one screams: don’t give up! They have become my anthems.

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

A Thousand Years – Christina Perri

I am pretty sure the artists included on this list weren’t singing about infertility, but they work.

For me.

What are your go-to songs when you need a good cry, a swift kick in the pants or gobs of inspiration?

Between Fit & Comfort

Posted on October 2, 2012 Written by Tonya

I am thrilled to have Angela of Tread Softly (formerly known as Tiaras & Trucks) on Letters For You!

Angela has always been a big supporter of Letters For Lucas and I have always admired her writing, especially her contributions to Write on Edge, where she serves as Managing Editor.

We have a lot in common, apart from both being moms and bloggers, we both enjoy running and LOVE to read. Angela writes stellar book reviews and often for BlogHer Book Club. Her review of The Night Circus is one of my favorite and the letter she shares here today is equally insightful and clever. Please enjoy!

Dear Achilles Tendon,

I understand you might feel a bit left out; I’ve been verbalizing writing goals and talking about house projects and publicly scratched my plans to run a half marathon this month. I heard your little temper tantrum, stubbornly tightening up as I let go of my training plan and attempted to get in miles when and where I could.

Out of respect for your hurt feelings, I agreed to take a running break. So I’ve been passing time on an elliptical machine that leaves me unfulfilled—my coveted runner’s high can’t find me on those giant paddle-pedals.

I thought we’d reached a delicate understanding, dear body. I would close my eyes on running and let you heal. You would toe the line on other cardio equipment and keep the status quo.

I wasn’t expecting a rebellion.

Walking out of the gym that morning, tentatively stretching my heel all the way to the ground, the air held the unmistakable lightness of fall. No humidity hung between the street lights and the stars, and my sweat-dampened shirt felt uncomfortably cool for the first time in months.

I pulled my folded jeans out of their drawer and over my legs, unaccustomed to the feel of denim after a season of skirts and dresses and the occasional cotton pajama pants. Fastening the button was simple and they zipped with ease. As they had months before, within minutes the too-stretchy fabric would need to be yanked up time and again throughout the day.

They still fit—as they should have, since my running hiatus was only counting days. Yet the seams pressed uncomfortably into my legs. I slid my hands over the faded thighs, trying to remember if they’d looked exactly like this in April.

I resisted the urge to stride to the bathroom and jump on the scale. I wanted to scrutinize the numbers the way I missed studying the treadmill screen as I gauged my pace during faster intervals. Instead I bent to the floor, cringing a bit at the way the waistband felt against my waist. Touching you, my poor, sore Achilles, reminded me I still need time to heal.

But now I’m left wondering how much of my self-image is tied to my identity as a runner. Feeling strong and fit shouldn’t be connected to the sole act of pounding my feet into pavement or a moving rubber belt over and over again. But it might.

So dear Achilles . . . please heal. Accept my offer of rest, ease your soreness, and allow me to run again. If not, please call a truce with my brain and with my body image. Because fall and winter in Michigan are chilly and long and call for many more days of jeans.

Love,
Me

P.S. I’ll buy you new shoes this week.

Please follow Angela on Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest.

A Day In The Life

Posted on September 30, 2012 Written by Tonya

A couple of weeks ago, one of Mama Kat’s Writing Workshop prompts was: Share a day in your life represented only in pictures and the time the pictures were taken.

I loved Katie’s (of Sluiter Nation) so much that I wanted to try one of my own.

This was a fun exercise.

Thursday, September 27:

7:37 AM

8:34 AM Off to preschool!

9:02 AM

9:13 AM

11:02 AM Meeting a friend for a walk and hoping my toenails are dry.

12:37 PM Lunch time.

2:46 PM

3:02 PM Pick up!

4:10 PM

5:22 PM

5:43 PM

7:06 PM Back to School night.

9:22 PM

10:08 PM

10:27 PM Grey’s Anatomy premiere.

11:48 PM My husband always goes to sleep before I do.

This Time It’s Personal

Posted on August 26, 2012 Written by Tonya

My posts have been sparse and a little on the light side lately. I’ve experienced blog burn out before and taken blogging breaks. I’ve even experienced writer’s block, but this is different.

This time it’s personal.

Where have I been you ask?

I promised myself to take some of the pressure off during the month of August.

I told myself I needed focus on something other than my (in)fertility, medications, hormone levels, doctor’s appointments and marking days on the calendar.

I wanted wear little to no make-up, let my hair dry naturally, throw on a baseball cap and s l o w down, get back in touch with myself and my family and friends and just be for a while.

Relaxing is so hard for me and like many of you, I struggle with being present, being truly in the moment and realizing that so much of what I actually need is in the simple things; a wag of a new puppy’s tail, my son’s face lighting up as he gets the last puzzle piece to fit, the satisfying feeling of sweat dripping down my back, belly laughs and good cries.

So far I’m pleased with my progress…

My husband and I celebrated our five year anniversary by spending the weekend in San Francisco. We rented Segways, walked across the Golden Gate Bridge and enjoyed some fabulous dinners. A big huge thank you to my in-laws for keeping Lucas while we did so.

We’ve been having fun getting acquainted with our new puppy, Charlie Pasta!

I’ve been living deadline free, having quit my freelance job the end of July.

I took Lucas on a trip to Santa Barbara to visit with high school friends, a couple I hadn’t seen in a dozen years. We picked up right where we left off, which is the great thing about old friendships!

This trip also marked my first time taking Lucas in a pool by myself. It was challenging at first, but a huge success. He is such a fish and we had a blast!

I have been staying up too late to read rather than play on my phone or struggle to pump out a blog post and after a mandatory three month hiatus, I have picked up my hot yoga classes again.

I’m spending more time outside and soaking up what is left of summer. There have been trips to the library in search of books about dinosaurs, many rounds of Go Fish, lots of pretend play, several hours logged in front of the TV watching the XXX Summer Games and Scooby Doo, countless walks around the neighborhood with our new furry friend and last week I was able to spend three glorious hours at the Getty Center by MYSELF.

All I have wanted to do is spend time with my sweet family, practice living in the moment and keep cool! I hope you are doing much of the same.

I’ll be back soon.

When was the last time you took a blogging break? I highly recommend it!

Incidentally, today marks my third year blogging. Ironic, no?

Spring Break 2012

Posted on April 16, 2012 Written by Tonya

Today I’m missing my little side kick, but I am proud to report I we survived Spring Break!

In the beginning there was worry and dread. Lots of dread and then, I made a list! I outlined each day and before I knew it I was actually excited about Lucas being on Spring Break!

The days were long, I’m not going to lie, but we had so much fun together.

There was a trip to the aquarium, a birthday party, a play date, ice cream, scooter time, a much needed hair cut, plenty of park time and we started swim lessons!

There were also at least 20 rounds of the game Cars & Trucks cards, pizza and macaroni and cheese lunches, a couple of afternoons with no naps that we filled with crayons, paint and multiple viewings of Rio. Oh, and there was one afternoon spent with a babysitter so Mommy could get her yoga on.

All in all the week went by super fast and we didn’t even get to everything on my list, but the memories of our time together and Lucas’ first Spring Break will last a lifetime.

Linking up with Galit (These Little Waves) and Alison’s (Mama Wants This) monthly link up, Memories Captured.

My Body

Posted on March 21, 2012 Written by Tonya

My body is strong.

My body carries me and my body lets me down.

My limbs contort and stretch, pushing, pulling, reaching, carrying, holding.

I sit cross-legged along side my energetic little boy and move cars and trains around a track, help him with puzzle pieces, locate lost toys under the couch, stack blocks and build towers with Legos

I chase my son around the park and delight as I listen to his sweet laughter.

I lean over the bathtub and scrub away dirt and grim that has been collected during the day with a warm wash cloth.

I sing, dance, giggle and tickle.

I lift and cradle my precious boy every opportunity I get.

My body gains and loses and lifts weight. It sweats as I push it and I feel as though my heart might burst right out of it’s chest cavity.

My body makes me feel alive.

My lungs take in fresh sea air as I walk along the beach searching for calm and answers.

Mercifully at the end of each day, my body lets me rest peacefully.

The best thing my body has done, and the thing that I will forever be in awe of; was to allow me to carry a baby to term and deliver my son. For that, I will always feel empowered, important and grateful.

The worst thing about my body and the thing that makes me hate it; it refuses to let me do it again. Once so capable, it now struggles.

My body has let me down.

My body is strong.

Channeling My Inner Teeny Bopper

Posted on January 22, 2012 Written by Tonya

I adore music and do just about everything better with it playing in the background.

My musical taste is very eclectic (read an old post I wrote called My ipod Has Schizophrenia to get a better understanding).

Lately, I have been channeling my inner teeny bopper with some super fun, upbeat tunes that I just had to share.

Some of you may be completely OVER these songs because they do get a lot of radio play, but I love them and as long as they keep putting a smile on my face and spring in my step, I’ll keep listening to them. Plus they make me feel young(er).

Incidentally, all of these put together make for a great workout playlist!

In no particular order, my Top 10 favorite songs this month:

1. What The Hell? – Avril Lavigne

Favorite line: All my life I’ve been good but now I’m thinking what the hell

2. Tonight Tonight & I Like It Like That (featuring New Boyz) – Hot Chelle Rae

Favorite line: I don’t know if I’ll make it but watch how good I’ll fake it

3. Who Says? – Selena Gomez & The Scene

Favorite lines: Who says you’re not star potential?
Who says you’re not presidential?

4. Good Life – OneRepublic

Favorite lines: Hopelessly I’m taking a mental picture of you now
‘Cause hopelessly the hope is we have so much to feel good about

5. Pumped Up Kicks – Foster the People

It’s all about the whistling!

6. Mr. Know It All & What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger) – Kelly Clarkson

Favorite line: ‘Cause baby, you don’t know a thing about me

7. The Show Goes On – Lupe Fiasco

Favorite lines: Anybody ever wonder, when they would see the sun up
Just remember when you come up
The show goes on!

8. The Edge of Glory – Lady Gaga

This song will forever remind me of BlogHer ’11 and how I SHOULD HAVE participated in that awesome Flash Mob!

9. We Are Young (featuring Janelle Monae) – Fun.

Favorite lines: We are young
So let’s set the world on fire
We can burn brighter
Than the sun

10. Faster – Matt Nathanson

Favorite lines: You taste like sunlight and strawberry bubble gum
You bite my lip, you spike my blood
You make my heart beat faster

I’ve been known to make (and mail) CDs before, so if you are interested (and I can remember how to do it), let me know!

This post was inspired by Stasha’s Monday Listicles, a linky right up my alley, because I LOVE lists!

Exercising My Mind & Body

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Beating Myself Up

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