motherhood

Bassinets, Cribs & Sleigh Beds

Posted on September 29, 2016 Written by Tonya

~ I wrote this August 23, 2016, but I don’t get around here very much anymore. ~

From the window of my walk-in closet I watched a man my husband works with pick up Lola’s crib and mattress from our front porch, load it into his van, and drive away.

It took him three trips to and from where we left the furniture and a garbage bag full of baby blankets and linens.

His sister’s friend or a cousin or someone who can’t afford one, needs the crib now more than we do.

The lump in my chest arrives almost immediately upon witnessing this and I have the following thoughts….

I’m thrilled to see the crib go to a new home and I love the thought of a new baby sleeping in the crib.

I’m a big fan of out with the old and in with the new.

I enjoy my children reaching new milestones exactly around the time they are meant to.

And yet, although I know it’s time, I’m tearing up as I watch the man drive away.

I want to yell out, “Stop! We need it one more night”.

Lucas’s crib is still in the garage. We will be donating it next. His is dark wood and we spent a small fortune on it and it’s matching dresser and bedside table. Because… first born.

Lola’s crib is white. I had to get her white because she’s a girl and all little girls have white furniture.

The mattress, however, provided gentle slumber to both of my small babies and I hope whoever sleeps on it now is surrounded by love and light and has the sweetest dreams of a bright and prosperous future.

It’s time.

Lola enjoyed two years, two months and one day in that crib. Prior to that, she was in a bassinet in our bedroom.

She outgrew that too, as it seems this is what babies do.

Now she proudly dreams her nights away in a big girl bed.

A beautiful white sleigh bed.

With ice cream sheets.

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Taking Care Of Business

Posted on August 10, 2016 Written by Tonya

It’s a leap of fate starting a business, there is also a very, very steep learning curve and things pop up almost daily that you never thought would. Decisions to be made, records to keep, documents to create, meetings, brainstorming sessions, strategy, and expenses. So. many. expenses. But here we are, Take Flight Social Media Consulting is almost 6 months old!!

We had a business plan by mid-February, took on our first client March 1, filed for an LLC March 22, launched our website April 5 and became “Facebook official” April 7.

We have worked with 11 clients to date and currently have eight on our roster.

I learn something new almost every day and thrive from trying to balance all my different roles. It’s definitely a juggling act. I misstep on occasion, but today, all the balls are in the air.

Things I didn’t know I’d love about having my own business. Also known as, things I’ll never take for granted:

Choosing an awesome business partner, who shares your vision, work ethic and is always a friend first. I’m so glad we are in this together, Nichole!
Reliable Wi-Fi. Duh.
Excepting help when offered and knowing when to ask for it.
Supportive husbands and families.
All. the. caffeine.
Dry shampoo.
Voxer.
Amazing friends who send business our way and cheer us on because they genuinely want us to be successful.
Clients that let us do you what we’ve promised.
Asking for what we’re worth!!
Taking on the risk and reaping the rewards.
~~Slowly~~ paying off our investor.
Karma.
Sundays. Sundays are sacred. Sundays are for family.

Things I’ve done while owning my own business that I’m not so proud of:

Held conference calls in the car, bathroom (with the mute button on, of course!), grocery store, car pool, parking lots, my closet, dressing rooms, etc.
Produced eight pens from my purse at any given time.
Gone through the Starbucks drive-thru just so I can respond to an email.
Been in jammies and not brushed my teeth until way past noon.
Let my children watch way too much TV on the days they are both home with me. Mommy guilt, much?
Manically checked and rechecked my phone and email for likes, engagements, notes from clients or potential clients after having delivered a killer proposal.
Told a client I didn’t care for their product. Gulp. They took it pretty well, considering.

The list of things I’ve done that I am proud of far exceeds the above list. I never thought I’d be here at all, but it has been an amazing ride and I have enjoyed every minute. I love what I do, who I do it with and I’m eager to see where the next six months take us!

“Your reputation is more important than your paycheck, and your integrity is worth more than your career.”

– Ryan Freitas, About.me co-founder

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My Second Child

Posted on August 8, 2016 Written by Tonya

It’s true what they say about second children, they totally get the shaft. There’s fewer photos, less fanfare surrounding milestones, they tend to fend for themselves on occasion, enjoy the snot out of all the hand-me-downs and are inadvertently overlooked from time to time.

Take this blog for instance, I started writing Letters For Lucas shortly after Lucas, my first born was two months old. I wanted a place to record his every move and share my, what I thought at the time, were deep and profound thoughts on motherhood.

It was my first time and this was my online diary of what we were both experiencing, a baby book of sorts. Letters For Lucas literally started just as that, letters to my son. It eventually grew in many ways and has sadly now all but been abandoned. I treasure this space and wish I had more time to write. I often think about having the whole thing printed because I don’t want to lose these words, these memories, and I feel guilty not sharing letters, thoughts and wonderful happenings about Lola here.

My second child, my daughter, my precious sweet Lola. The child we longed and waited so patiently for. Lola brings so much joy to our lives and it is hard to believe that she just turned 2 1/2. She is a sassy girl and we love her to pieces.

Lola started preschool this summer. Eek! She goes three mornings a week to the same preschool Lucas attended and loves it and this morning was the first that she blew me kisses and waved goodbye instead of crying and pleading with me to stay.

She started taking ballet classes this summer too and and next to riding her scooter or big brother’s hand-me-down bike, it’s one of her favorite things to do.

Spunky and smart, Lola is the perfect combination of girly and sporty, which I adore. She loves books and playing with Thomas the Tank Engine and his friends, pushing one my old dolls around in a baby stroller and having bumper car remote control car races with Lucas all over our living room.

We are in the process of potty training and soon she will be in a “big girl” bed. Later this month she’ll be a flower girl in my sister’s wedding and you know I can’t wait to share those photos! Now, if I could just find her the perfect flower girl dress.

And will you please take a look at this little nut in goggles?!

Oh, my heart, my sweet Lola.

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My Daughter – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 16, 2015 Written by Tonya

My daughter.

She’s feisty and fun and full of sunshine.

This girl smiles all the time.

And her smile is infectious. I hope she always has that ability, the world could use more friendly faces.

I can’t believe she’ll be two soon. Why does childhood go by so fast?

My brave, strong, fearless daughter.

She loves being read to, going for walks around the block, blowing dandelions, jumping on the trampoline with her brother and doing “homework” each school night right by his side.

Watching the two of them together makes my heart swell. Knowing they will always be there for one another is the best feeling a mother can have.

We fought so hard for this little girl. But that’s just a faded memory now.

We needed her and she was meant to be ours.

Our family was perfect before and now it’s complete.

My daughter.

Back To School

Posted on August 30, 2015 Written by Tonya

As I carefully cut price tags off shorts and hang collared shirts both one size bigger than last year, my mind is flooded with thoughts and my heart starts to ache.

I think about what a fun summer we’ve had and how I’d like a little more. A little more time with Lucas. Just Lucas.

I think about how much my boy has grown in the last three months and what an awesome child he is. He’s funny and smart, curious about everything, a great reader and super big brother.

I think about first grade and how on earth this happen so quickly. I think about all of his first days of school so far. There have been four. Starting in 2011, Lucas went to preschool two mornings a week, then three, followed by three full days a week, then four and then came Kindergarten.

I think of all that I hope this school year will be for my son.

It is his second year in what still feels like a new school to me. He, on the other hand, fits right in and I love how his eyes light up whenever he talks about it.

I hope first grade is kind to him. I hope he is kind too. To everyone!

I hope he does his best, makes new friends, learns a ton and knows that I’ll be thinking about him every day.

I run my fingers along the crisp new shirts as they hang side-by-side in the closet, no longer on baby hangers and I weep.

An Irksome Encounter

Posted on August 7, 2015 Written by Tonya

Something happened yesterday that really irked me.

I took Lola and Lucas to a sandwich shop that we have passed dozens of times and Lucas and I have said that we want to try. We are loyal patrons of Subway, but love sandwiches and will try them anywhere.

Sandwich World is in a strip mall filled with mechanics and other auto repair shops.

It wasn’t even noon yet and nearly an hour before we typically eat lunch.

As soon as we entered the restaurant I scanned the walls for highchairs. I didn’t see any but then again Lola, at 18 months old is in a refusal to sit in a highchair for mealtime phase anyway. It’s challenging to take her out these days, but I was willing to try.

We waited our turn in line and while I ordered and paid for sandwiches for the three of us, Lucas picked out two bags of potato chips for us to share. Then we found a table with four chairs. Lola took the seat next to Lucas. While we waited for our order I opened a bag of chips and doled them out to both children.

Lola was having fun putting hers in a small empty water cup. Our table was wobbly and I grabbed a few sugar packets to try to study it with very little luck. Lucas repetitively asked if he could go to the beverage station and fill all three water cups. I asked him to wait thinking wobbly table and water cups don’t mix.

There were a dozen tables in the entire place, the majority meant for two people. Only three were for three or four diners. Two of those were occupied and we were seated in the one in between those.

There was a group of four men to one side of us and a woman seated alone to the other.

To me the woman appeared middle-aged, short convenient haircut, little to no make up, tank top and khakis with a laptop open, several papers and file folders spread out across the table. She was talking on her phone when we first sat down. I saw a paper plate with crumbs and a half eaten sandwich covered partially by a wadded up napkin. Presumably she already had her lunch and was now using the table as a makeshift office.

The men were talking quietly amongst themselves.

Lola was in good spirits but definitely starting to get rowdy by bouncing around in her chair. She thinks she’s such a big girl now that she is avoiding highchairs. At one point the chair slipped out from underneath her and she fell on the floor. Good thing for cushy diapers. I tended to her quickly and she cried for less than a minute. I was able to distract her with an airplane flying overhead. She was soon back to munching on Doritos.

Between the table, Lola’s high energy and Lucas’s continued desperation to fill our water cups, I felt the best move would be to get our sandwiches to go. Sometimes as a parent you just know things have the potential of going south quickly and even if there were only 6-7 other people trying to enjoy their lunch, I’m mindful of my children getting unruly and my patience running thin.

I told Lucas as soon as they called our number I was going to have lunch bagged up and we would go home to eat. The woman sitting behind us said very loudly, “Yes, that would be a good idea.” And it wasn’t in a “Oh, I’ve been there, you’re awfully brave to bring two children out to lunch.” sort of way, if you know what I mean. I have found in my six years of motherhood that mothers are typically empathetic and sympathetic to one another even long after their children are grown. I know I am when I am out without my children. We are all in this together and a little understanding can go a long way.

Normally one to avoid confrontation and stew over it later thinking up all of the perfect things I could’ve and should’ve said, like I did the first and only other time a restaurant patron said something out of line directly to me (Speechless, December 2009), I simply said, “I didn’t ask you.”, to which she mumbled something about quitting while I was ahead or leaving well enough alone.

Really?

I didn’t want to get into with her but the last time I checked Sandwich World wasn’t an office and rowdy or not, my children and I had every right to be there.

People who make annoying comments like this when you’re in the thick of trying to keep things under control or reaching a decision to leave an establishment to the benefit of all parties involved either never had children or don’t remember being children.

Has anything like this ever happened to you? How did you react?

Incidentally, Sandwich World sandwiches were good enough, but I think we will stick to Subway.

And while on the topic of children in restaurants, if you missed my friend, Janelle’s (Renegade Mothering) tongue in cheek post, Don’t be a Dick in Restaurants, it is a must read. The comments are kind of the best part.

No Longer A Rookie

Posted on May 21, 2015 Written by Tonya

Having battled unexplained secondary infertility for over three years, I know it is completely irresponsible to say this, but anyone who has one child, really should have two.

Not only is a sibling great for teaching communication skills and learning how to share, but it also creates a built-in lifelong friendship and promotes the value of teamwork. I honestly can’t wait until my youngest, Lola is old enough to work together with her brother, Lucas to go head to head with me and my husband. I want them to plan and scheme and support one another always.

Apart from all the sibling benefits, having a second child has made me a better mother to my first.

With four-and-a-half-years between them, I am such a different, more relaxed mother to Lola than I ever was to Lucas.

With Lucas, I was such a rookie! I was anxious and worried most of the time. I tried to stick to a “schedule” as much as I could, consulted charts, tracked development and marked milestones, called his pediatrician A LOT and made sure he ate an all organic diet until he was two years old and there was never dessert. I hovered far too much. Because that’s what you do with your first. I didn’t know any different. I was going crazy trying to be a “good mom”.

With Lola, I’m WAY more at ease. I didn’t have that sense of calm with my first. I give her a lot more freedom and I know that she’s okay. In large part, my comfort is due to the four-and-a-half-years of experience I gained from Lucas. Where I was unsure the first time around, I am loving this confident mom I am becoming. And that ease has transferred to the way I am with Lucas. I’m not as rigid with him as I used to be.

I still have anxiety and worries but knowing ~~sort of~~ what to expect is so comforting, especially in these early stages. Lola is only 15 months old.

Lucas was my whole world for so long and received a lot of undivided attention before his little sister was born and I was fearful that Lola wouldn’t benefit from that, but because of the age gap, Lucas is in school five days a week for 5+ hours per day and has activities beyond that leaving Lola and I lots of bonding time. Sometimes Lucas is actually the one to get the shaft now that Lola is so young and still depends on me for all of her needs. That makes me sad, but I know it won’t also be this way. She’s growing more independent every day.

Even though my children are different from one another and I try to keep the comparisons at bay, I know that there are many obstacles ahead of us and mothering traits I haven’t even begun to tap into, I’m just happy not to be a rookie mom anymore. I’m happy to have found some self-assurance and I can only hope that both my children are benefiting from it!

Of course, ask me tomorrow and I’ll probably be pulling my hair out feeling anything but confident.

The Woman In The Photo

Posted on May 9, 2015 Written by Tonya

She was a first time mother at the age of 23.

The year was 1972.

I can’t even imagine.

I became a mother at 36.

Not that I knew any more than she did. But the 13 years I waited to start a family I believe gave me a greater sense of self, not to mention over a decade more life experience.

Having a child changes everything, no mater what age you are.

I love this photo.

There’s so much I wish I could ask this young woman. Deep mysteries and trivial information I would have loved for her to reveal to me.

Was she happy? Was she worried about being a good mother? Did she have close girlfriends to confide in? Was her mother helpful after I was born? How did she feel when her father held me for the first time? What made her feel special? What book was she reading? Where did she like to shop for clothes? What did she have breakfast? What was her favorite flower?

The questions are endless.

The look on her face in this photograph has always intrigued me. It’s equal parts exhaustion, bewilderment, adoration and indifference. Sums up motherhood pretty well, especially in those early newborn days. There is a lot going on behind those Mona Lisa eyes.

I’ve stared at this photograph for hours over the years and the longer I look at it, the more I see myself. Not 23 or 36 year old me, but me today.

I want to be a different mother to my children than my mother was to me, more open, more involved, a reflection of her best characteristics. Like she, I’m flawed in my own ways.

I learned many valuable lessons from my mother; the importance of sending thank you cards, how to celebrate holidays, the pure joy that can be found in a chocolate chip cookie and how to relax.

There are still so many questions for the women in the photo.

I miss her.

I miss a relationship I never had with her. I miss a relationship I could have had with her.

I think our relationship would have bloomed once I became a mother. I would have turned to her like I never was able to as a child.

Luckily, we all have two opportunities to have that mother/daughter bond. Once as a child when we have absolutely no control and again as mothers ourselves. If Mother’s Day is difficult for you too, please remember that.

If you have a difficult relationship with your mother, if your mother is gone, or you are struggling to became a mother, you are not alone.

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10 Things I Wish My Babysitter Knew

Posted on May 8, 2015 Written by Tonya

Since September I have had a sitter two days a week, 4-5 hours each day to watch Lola.

Her sole responsibility during those 8 to 10 hours is to watch Lola, keep her safe, feed her a bottle and lunch when she wakes from her nap and do some very light housekeeping.

Typically Lola sleeps for two hours on each of those days.

One of those days I ask the sitter to do both children’s laundry. Two loads. Wash, dry, fold and put away.

It’s kind of a kick job if you ask me.

We pay well, provide meals and the hours are somewhat flexible.

I have had three different young women in this position. The first one was too old and too ill to keep up with an energetic toddler, my last one was the best, but she took on a full time job. Our current one… ugh!!

Here is a list I wish I could give her:

Dear Jane (not her real name, by the way),

If you haven’t already guessed by now, I’m completely anal about our house and the care of our children. Having said that, despite numerous conversations you and I have had, here are a few things that I wish you ~~could get through your thick skull~~ knew:

1. If I call you, pick up your phone. The same goes for texts.

2. If there is an incident while I am out, especially if blood is involved, contact me immediately. No exceptions. I really don’t want to find another bloody T-shirt balled up in the bottom of the laundry hamper.

3. Poopy diapers must be walked outside to the physical garbage can.

4. If Lola is napping I don’t mind if you take a ~~break~~ nap, however, please pick up any messes that you and/or Lola have made first. I believe that my house should look exactly the way I left it upon my return. I don’t want to do your dishes.

5. I do not provide doggie bags or to-go cups.

6. If you are going to be later than 10 minutes, you need to let me know.

7. Never, ever put a bottle in the crib with Lola. Ever!

8. A little exercise and sunshine are good for everyone. Please go outside!! Or if you are going to stay in, try one of the age-appropriate activities from the play time activity book I have left out, dogeared and made notes all over that I leave out for you every day you are here. Just saying.

9. Don’t feed Lola anything we haven’t already talked about. I’m still pissed about the apple juice.

10. I really don’t know what’s wrong with the outfits I lay out for Lola and why you refuse to put them on her. Seriously, what’s up with that?

Lastly, I realize I sound like a complete ~~bitch~~ control freak, but you should know I truly appreciate your time and all your efforts. Thank you.

I know how much you love Lola, I do trust you with her and I love the photos you send me.

I know when I walk out the door, my daughter is in good hands.

Sort of.

With kind regards and a hopeful heart,
Tonya

Bassinets, Cribs & Sleigh Beds

In The Moment

Posted on April 10, 2015 Written by Tonya

I’d be lost without local publications, such as Parenting OC.

This free magazine offers help for mothers of newborns, tots, preschoolers and teens. It contains award-winning articles with family wellness information, baby care tips, and OC school listings.

Their summer camp issue is one of my favorites and I also love their monthly calendar of things to do in and around Orange County and the In The Moment feature.

Especially this months…

I submitted this photo in December and can’t believe it has finally been published. I am delighted! With a circulation of over 70,000, little Miss Lola is going to be everywhere.

Thank you to my friend, Shelby for the encouragement. Photography is something that I have always adored and hope to improve over time.

Bassinets, Cribs & Sleigh Beds

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