Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Done! – NaBloPoMo

Posted on December 10, 2015 Written by Tonya

So much for owing myself six more consecutive NaBloPoMo posts. Agh!! Well, I tried.

This time of the year is so rough with lengthy to do lists, shorten tempers and trying to squeeze it all in. Just this past week was crazy!

We got our tree, the boys went out of town while Lola and I stayed home and nursed colds, did a bunch on online holiday shopping, decorated the house and started our holiday cards, oh and my sister got engaged! More on that later….

At any rate, I consecutively wrote 17 posts in a row and a total of 23 for the month. This will be my last NaBloPoMo post.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Editing photos, even if it’s just adding a watermark or resizing is a huge pain in the ass.

2. Participating in NaBloPoMo felt like homework every.single.day. and I decided I don’t appreciate writing under pressure.

3. I have plenty of content and ideas and don’t need prompts at this point in my life and I was thrilled to have cleared out my drafts folder.

4. NaBloPoMo kept me from watching hours of mindless TV. And reading. And I love reading. And TV.

5. This exercise encouraged me to let go of perfection and just write.

6. I’ve been blogging for over six years, but I’ve never blogged with any kind of regularity. I viewed this as a fun challenge, but decided I don’t want to be a full time blogger, I want to write bigger, more meaningful, meatier pieces and aim higher. I’ve been published a few places and I’m very proud of that and want to do more of that. Having said all that, however, I am motivated to keep adding to my blog when the mood strikes me. I like this space.

7. Writing begets writing. Even if it’s bad, I have to keep writing! I have to get it off my chest, out of my head and out here, there, anywhere for the sake of my own sanity.

Thank you for so much for reading my 7707 words and for the 50 comments.

23 days!! Yay me!!

Did you participate in NaBloPoMo, or NaNoWriMo? Did you finish? What have you learned from the challenge, whether you finished it or not?

NaBloPoMo November 2015

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Filed Under: blog, challenges, list, NaBloPoMo, question, writing Tagged With: blog, BlogHer, challenges, list, NaBloPoMo, question, writing

So Very Thankful – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 25, 2015 Written by Tonya

It’s that time of year again, when we should express our gratitude for people and things a little more so than the rest of the year.

Topping my list of course are; the 35 years I had with my parents, Todd, Lucas, Lola, my sister, my friends, Dave Matthews, books, reliable WiFi, my health, having a job I love and these 15 or so simple joys:

1. Name a color you are thankful for. Blue. All shades, from Robin’s Egg, Slate and Turquoise to Navy, Midnight and Cornflower. I love blue.

2. Something your spouse does that you are thankful for. Without fail he gets up each morning with our children.

3. Something your kids do that you are thankful for. I love it when they get along, play or read side by side and laugh together.

4. A food you are thankful for. Mexican. I swear I could live off of chips, salsa and guacamole. And the spicier the better!

5. What recent good news are you thankful for? As a former sun worshiper, I had two moles removed recently resulting in 10 stitches and a nasty infection from the bandages, but the negative skin cancer result was totally worth it!

6. Name a drink you are thankful for. I couldn’t just pick one so in no particular order; water, Diet Coke, Chai tea lattes, Tequila and wine.

7. Name a restaurant you are thankful for. Jan’s Health Bar. It’s within walking distance of my house, has the best smoothies and salads and chicken salad worth dying for!

8. Talk about an animal you are thankful for. I guess dogs, although my own gets on my every last nerve!

9. Name a beauty product you are thankful for. I discovered two this year that I love; Lancôme Hypnôse Doll Lashes and Nerium Night Cream.

10. Name a cleaning product you are thankful for. Clorox Disinfecting Wipes. I should owe stock. Seriously.

11. What social media platform are you thankful for? Facebook, but Instagram is a strong second. Both are such amazing ways to stay connected and showcase your photography and true works of art, your children.

12. Tell us why you are thankful for the last person who texted you. Nichole, for so many reasons. She’s kind and generous and the love she has for her children and all the small moments that make life so joyful is an inspiration.

13. Name a candy you are thankful for. I’m not a big candy person, but right now I am loving Trader Joe’s Ts & Js Sour Gummies.

14. Name an app on your phone that you are thankful for. Voxer!

15. What are you looking forward to that you are thankful for? Christmastime. It truly is the most magical time of the year!

What are you thankful for?

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 2. Answer the So Very Thankful tag questions.

NaBloPoMo November 2015

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Even More Things I Know For Sure – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 17, 2015 Written by Tonya

Turns out at 43 I know some stuff.

Not a lot of stuff but enough.

I’ve shared before: 13 Things I Know For Sure and 13 More Things I Know For Sure.

For those of your keeping track, I’m up to 39 things I know for sure, as in without a doubt, I’d bet my next paycheck on it certainty.

Here again, is a list of 13 more things I know for for

1. People drive through our neighborhood too fast.

2. People drive too fast in general. Last May I got a speeding ticket, my first in years and I paid dearly for it. I’ve tried to slow ever since.

3. There are few things like reveling in the fact that all the laundry is done. I live for those five minutes each week!

4. All neighborhoods should have sidewalks.

5. Any time I step foot in Target I will spend $100.00. Even if I just go for one or two items. I know I’m not alone in this phenomenon.

6. Any time I step foot in a store that has carts and I think that basket will do I’m wrong!

7. If you give a child a napkin and they will find anything else inappropriate to use instead.

8. Inevitably a playdate will fall on the day after the housekeeper has come.

9. 5 to 7 days after we’ve been at a bounce house (or any public venue) birthday party, Lucas’s nose will start running like a faucet and within 48 hours his sister’s will too. But I will will be the one down for the count for at least two days! Good times.

10. As soon as the dishwasher in my house is emptied, it’s full again.

11. Lucas will try a new food at someone else’s house and love it, but the minute I serve it to him in our home, he won’t eat it.

12. My children truly have no idea how much they are loved. There is just no way.

13. Every day brings a chance to start over, a clean slate, a new beginning. And thank God for it!

What do you know for sure?

NaBloPoMo November 2015

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Paris – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 13, 2015 Written by Tonya

One minute my six-year-old and I are in the movie theater giggling over The Peanuts and sharing a bucket of popcorn and the next I’m hearing of the devastation in a city I hold near and dear to my heart.

On a night when thousands of Paris residents and tourists were reveling and fans were enjoying a soccer match between France and Germany and an American band performed at a concert venue, horror struck.

Terrorists attacked six locations throughout the French capital and at the stadium where the soccer match was underway.

So far there have been 153 deaths.

I can’t wrap my brain around this tragedy.

Another tragedy.

It’s just too much.

What is happening with our world?

Why is there so much hate? So much evil?

My “problems” don’t even compare to this. They’re not even in the same realm.

My thoughts are with Paris and all I can do is hold my babies extra close tonight.

This is an attack not just on Paris and not just on people of France, but this is an attack on all of humanity and the universal values that we share.
– President Barack Obama

paris

Peace For Paris by Jean Jullien

NaBloPoMo November 2015

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The Kitchen – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 13, 2015 Written by Tonya

The first thing in the morning, it’s chilly, quiet, dark and spotless, but before long it comes to life and it gets crazy!

In my house, everything happens in the kitchen. It is the epicenter of the house, the heartbeat of our home.

Designed for preparing and cooking meals, the 4′ x 7′ granite island in the middle of our kitchen is the main focal point, not to mention the most used. Throughout the day, it serves as a dumping ground for mail, permission slips, library books, and receipts; it becomes a workstation, a place to do homework, take spelling tests, practice letters, complete puzzles, wrap presents, pay bills, write, arrange flowers, fold laundry and make arts and crafts.

My kitchen this morning.

My kitchen this morning.

With outlets on each side, a waffle maker, mixer, blender, handheld vacuum, phone charger or computer are always plugged in.

Our kitchen is our family’s home base, our favorite place to congregate, surrounded by our children’s artwork, the family calendar and our favorite foods. Most nights the island is our dining table too.

Two little people sit perched in bar stool sized chairs on one side of the island making requests for additional servings, more milk, a cup of yogurt, and umpteen other items, while my husband and I stand on the opposite side stealing bites of food from our own plates as we tag team the requests, shoo the dog away, clean as we go and attempt to connect as a family.

Whether three dozen cookies are cooling, a lasagna is being assembled, book reports are being written, holiday cards are being stuffed into envelopes, or dried paint dots are still visible from the last finger painting session, it’s always a vicious cycle of mess making and mess cleaning. My kitchen is both my favorite and least favorite room in the house.

The kitchen is where we come to laugh, play, learn, experiment, share, create, eat and love.

The kitchen is where we live.

Is your kitchen the heart of your home?

NaBloPoMo November 2015

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Warts & Body Image – NaBloPoBo

Posted on November 9, 2015 Written by Tonya

My son has warts.

They are located in four of the nail beds of his fingers and other various places on his hands, sprinkled across the bridge of his nose, above his top lip and along one side of his jawbone. In all he has close to 50. You have to know what you’re looking for to even see them. Some are flat and some are raised.

IMG_7179

Warts do not harm a child’s health and often go away on their own.

Lucas’s warts aren’t grotesque and they don’t bother him in the least bit. At least they didn’t until this summer when he mentioned something to his dad about having them removed.

This broke my heart.

At his six year wellness check up I spoke to his pediatrician about remedies and she referred us to a pediatric dermatologist.

Doctors remove warts in several different ways:

  • Immunotherapy treatment, which uses the patient’s own immune system to fight the warts. One type involves injecting candida to the largest 2-3 warts present creating a mild allergic reaction to occur. This reaction may cause the warts to go away. This treatment can take 3-5 visits 3-4 weeks a part before results are seen.
  • Freezing with liquid nitrogen, a more potent medicine than found in over-the-counter freezing remedies and can be very painful.
  • Applying a prescription-strength salicylic acid nightly.
  • Taking a twice daily pill for up to three months.
  • Laser surgery. A last resort due to scaring.

We have been to the dermatologist four times, opting for the first course of treatment and so far we have seen zero results, in fact, there are possibly more warts than before. Sigh. Warts are known to quickly spread.

I’m frustrated but have tried to be careful not to express it.

Lucas is frustrated. He dislikes the shots, can’t understand what the “big deal” is, despises doctor offices in general and like me, wishes to see results.

One of our appointments was during school hours and although he only missed an hour, he was distraught. I’ve been able to make all other appointments after school hours.

At our last appointment, he completely lost it.

I haven’t seen this boy cry in weeks.

Big huge crocodile tears poured from his eyes uncontrollably from the moment we were escorted to the examination room until we walked across the parking lot and returned to our car to go home.

He struggled with his words and couldn’t articulate himself.

I was beside myself. This is the worst part of parenting, seeing your child in pain and not being able to do a damn thing about but hold him and wipes away his tears.

In this moment, with the doctor and her medical assistant staring at me, searching for answers and Lola carrying on for her Grover doll we had left in the car and wanting my phone and no doubt confused by seeing her big brother in pain, I was reminded how little my boy still is.

He’s only six.

He has no way of knowing at six that someday, if we don’t start treatment now, these warts may be the reason why he won’t hold someone’s hand. I also never want Lucas to experience negative comments and hurtful teasing about the way he looks from classmates and peers. This would crush him.

Even after we were safely in the car and it was just us and he had calmed down a little, he couldn’t talk to me about his feelings. I can only assume it was a culmination of things.

I was also reminded that we haven’t had a single body image discussion with this child. He’s too young. His body is going to grow and change in so many ways over the next 10 years that I just thought we’d wait until some of those changes started to occur before we brought them up. How native. Of course if he asks questions; why do you wear make up, why do you eat salad, why do you pluck your eyebrows, etc. we answer.

My husband and I both exercise regularly and promote physical activity from a health and longevity aspect, but haven’t covered physical appearances with him.

It’s time.

Or maybe not.

Incidentally, we have decided no more injections and no more doctors. We are going to try a nightly cream and hope for the best.

Oh, parenting why must you be so hard?

Do you discuss body image with your child(ren)? Also, if you have dealt with warts, please share any tips you may have!

NaBloPoMo November 2015

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Filed Under: body image, challenges, conversations with Lucas, difficult subjects, health, NaBloPoMo, question Tagged With: body image, challenges, conversations with Lucas, difficult subjects, health, NaBloPoMo, question

Bibliophilia: Redux – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 8, 2015 Written by Tonya

I don’t know if it’s because both my parents were educators, they read to me a lot as a child, I love spending time (not to mention lots of money) in bookstores and libraries, or because my playpen, as the story goes, was in a room surrounded by shelves and shelves of books,  but my first word was “book”.

I read to my children everyday. Lola’s current favorites are Curious George and Dancing Feet and Lucas can now read chapter books and has discovered Nate the Great. He is dying to start the Harry Potter series, which believe it or not, I haven’t read!

Sadly, since I’ve had children my leisure reading has been cut in half. I miss it very much. There is nothing better than getting lost in a good book. Historical fiction modern day fiction are suspense novels are my favorite.

Books can transport you to another place and time and introduce you to interesting characters that you don’t normally encounter in your day-to-day life. I enjoy the relaxation of reading, especially when hours have passed and I don’t even realize it because I’m so enthralled in a good book. Sitting quietly with a juicy epic is truly one of life’s greatest pleasures and brings me a lot of peace.

My Personal Book Facts:

  • I am a founding member of a book club called JUGS (Just Us Girls) that my friend, Nancy and I started almost 12 (!) years ago and I used to live for our monthly meetings. Our discussions were always lively, fun and thought provoking. If it weren’t for our group, there are many books I would have missed. Unfortunately, despite many attempts to revive the group, it hasn’t met since 2010. People just got too busy.
  • I have a really hard time starting a book without finishing it, no matter how much I may want to throw it into the fireplace (i.e. Saving Graces, a terrible JUGS selection), however, the older I get, the more I realize life is just too short to read crap!
  • I always start books in bed.
  • One of my very best friends is in my life today because we initially bonded over books. Thank goodness for Patricia Cornwell and Kay Scarpetta!
  • Since 1999, I have kept a list of every book I have read maintaining (pre-mommyhood) an average of 35 books per year. Now it’s more like 15. My father also kept a list of the books he read and I often turn to it for recommendations.
  • My husband gave me a Kindle for Christmas 2014 and the purist in me took six months before I downloaded my first book and several weeks to actually read it, but now I’m head over heels hooked!

Some of my favorites include (in no particular order):
1. The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory
2. The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
3. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith
4. The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
5. The Pact: A Love Story by Jodi Picoult
6. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
7. The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold
8. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
9. Sarah’s Key by Tatiana de Rosnay
10. Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
11. Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty
12. Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail by Cheryl Strayed (this book moved me so much I write a blog post about it called Unwavering.
13. The Help by Kathryn Stockett
14. Wonder by R.J. Palacio (the first book I read on my Kindle!)
15. Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
16. My next book!

Love her or hate her, I believe Oprah Winfrey single-highhandedly got our nation reading again when she established her book club in 1996. All hail the Queen!

As any voracious reader knows, there are so many books out there, it can be hard to choose just what to read next. I’m always in the middle of book, even if ends up taking me a month to read! At the moment I am in between books and this is a place I don’t like to be.

What’s up next on my reading list? Good question. My husband and I are going to New York next week without the children, so I want something juicy and epic for the plane ride there and home. I have a ton of titles on my Goodreads list to read. 979 to be exact and I’m always adding to it, but I want to know recommendations! I’m thinking The Goldfinch. Have you read it?

What are you currently reading?

NaBloPoMo November 2015

I wrote a version of this post in October 2009 called Bibliophilia.

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10 Things I Love About Trader Joe’s – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 4, 2015 Written by Tonya

I like to complain about their produce, which goes bad way well before the expiration date and not just bad, but moldy, stinky, I-just-bought-this-two-days-ago-bad and how stupid busy it is no matter what time of the day or day of the week I go, but the price is always right and I very seldom buy a product I don’t enjoy.

Nevertheless, these are my Top 10 Things I Love About Trader Joe’s:

1. They have a beautiful and exotic flower selection ranging from orchids and succulents to sunflowers and start gazer lilies.

2. Potato medley. These are amazing… yellow, red and purple potatoes all in one bag!

TJPotatoMedley
3. Samples. The Trader Joe’s kitchen located way back in the far end of the store is always whipping up something new and delicious.

4. Inexpensive and really good wines perfect for on the way to the party hostess gifts or to enjoy with a bowl of popcorn by yourself while watching Scandal.

5. Mediterranean Humus Snack Pack. Seriously I eat one for lunch most days and they are a nice alternative to sandwiches for school lunches.

TJsHumusSnackPacks
6. Yogurt pretzels. Delish!
7. Nourish All-In-One Facial Cleanser and Nourish Oil-Free Antioxidant Facial Moisturizer. Ever since my friend, Morgan of The Little Hen House (she doesn’t blog anymore and I can’t find her review) shared a review of these two products five years ago, I’ve been hooked. It’s light, gentle, nondrying and way less expensive than the stuff I used to use!
Nourish
8. Jo-Jos. These are like Oreos, but better. Better because the ingredients don’t sound like a science experiment and because they come shaped like pumpkins in October and filled with peppermint and coated in chocolate and sprinkled with candy canes in December!

9. Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups. These are bite sized pieces of heaven and never last very long in our house, as exhibited in this photo. There are only two left!

piecesofheaven

10. Cute stickers for the kids at checkout. These are free for the asking, change with the seasons  and aren’t sticky stickers so they won’t leave residue all over your car.

Oh no! I just realized I didn’t cover all the convenient and yummy frozen foods this terrific store offers; polenta, chicken and veggie wonton soup, pizzas (three cheese, four cheese, minis) waffles, stirred fried veggie rolls, Mini Hold The Cone! Ice Cream Cones and the list goes on and on and on.
If you don’t have a TJ’s near you, I am truly sorry because you are missing out on some amazing products. But, I have good news! Did you know that Amazon sells 20 pages of Trader Joe’s products? How cool is that?
If you frequent Trader Joe’s as often as I do, what are your favorite products?

NaBloPoMo November 2015

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Filed Under: favorite products, NaBloPoMo, photos, question Tagged With: favorite products, food, NaBloPoMo, photos, question, Trader Joe's

One Week

Posted on August 25, 2015 Written by Tonya

For several minutes, I could hear the steady bounce of the springs on the trampoline. I could him karate chopping the air and yelling “Hi-Ya!” as well as other combative nonsense.

Then suddenly I heard nothing.

Until…

“Mom, mom!! Come out here, I want to show you something!”

Expecting to see a strange insect or the dog doing something grotesque, this is what I found instead:

imsobored

“I’m bored!” – Lucas, 6 – August 25, 2015

“Mom, are you here? Do you like it? It’s called, I’m bored.”

Needless to say, we have reached the point of summer when I am about to pull my hair out, otherwise known as, it’s time to send someone back to school!

The first half of our summer was very scheduled with five weeks of camps; skateboard, baseball, science, nature center and reading and throughout the 84-day (who’s counting?) break there have been lots of fun outings, a couple of mini staycations, two dozen play dates, three almost completed activity books, arts and crafts, tons of swimming and beach days and some good quality family time. With just one week to go before the 2015-16 school year starts, I’ve run out of ideas.

I love hanging out with my soon to be first grader, but like me, Lucas does better with structure and his recent acting out only proves to me that children want to be doing something. I have tried my best to keep him occupied, entertained and busy but most of my latest suggestions just sound “boring” to him. Guess what doesn’t sound boring? Playing with the iPad! Yeah, he’s had some marathon runs with that thing the last couple of days and I’ve learned more than I ever hoped to about Dragon City and Minecraft. His pathetic pleads for “10 more minutes” are getting the best of me.

I’m tired of hearing him complain about how there is nothing to do and think the only solution left is to GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!

One week.

I can do it.

And so can he!

Have your children gone back to school? How did you celebrate get through the last grueling week?

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An Irksome Encounter

Posted on August 7, 2015 Written by Tonya

Something happened yesterday that really irked me.

I took Lola and Lucas to a sandwich shop that we have passed dozens of times and Lucas and I have said that we want to try. We are loyal patrons of Subway, but love sandwiches and will try them anywhere.

Sandwich World is in a strip mall filled with mechanics and other auto repair shops.

It wasn’t even noon yet and nearly an hour before we typically eat lunch.

As soon as we entered the restaurant I scanned the walls for highchairs. I didn’t see any but then again Lola, at 18 months old is in a refusal to sit in a highchair for mealtime phase anyway. It’s challenging to take her out these days, but I was willing to try.

We waited our turn in line and while I ordered and paid for sandwiches for the three of us, Lucas picked out two bags of potato chips for us to share. Then we found a table with four chairs. Lola took the seat next to Lucas. While we waited for our order I opened a bag of chips and doled them out to both children.

Lola was having fun putting hers in a small empty water cup. Our table was wobbly and I grabbed a few sugar packets to try to study it with very little luck. Lucas repetitively asked if he could go to the beverage station and fill all three water cups. I asked him to wait thinking wobbly table and water cups don’t mix.

There were a dozen tables in the entire place, the majority meant for two people. Only three were for three or four diners. Two of those were occupied and we were seated in the one in between those.

There was a group of four men to one side of us and a woman seated alone to the other.

To me the woman appeared middle-aged, short convenient haircut, little to no make up, tank top and khakis with a laptop open, several papers and file folders spread out across the table. She was talking on her phone when we first sat down. I saw a paper plate with crumbs and a half eaten sandwich covered partially by a wadded up napkin. Presumably she already had her lunch and was now using the table as a makeshift office.

The men were talking quietly amongst themselves.

Lola was in good spirits but definitely starting to get rowdy by bouncing around in her chair. She thinks she’s such a big girl now that she is avoiding highchairs. At one point the chair slipped out from underneath her and she fell on the floor. Good thing for cushy diapers. I tended to her quickly and she cried for less than a minute. I was able to distract her with an airplane flying overhead. She was soon back to munching on Doritos.

Between the table, Lola’s high energy and Lucas’s continued desperation to fill our water cups, I felt the best move would be to get our sandwiches to go. Sometimes as a parent you just know things have the potential of going  south quickly and even if there were only 6-7 other people trying to enjoy their lunch, I’m mindful of my children getting unruly and my patience running thin.

I told Lucas as soon as they called our number I was going to have lunch bagged up and we would go home to eat. The woman sitting behind us said very loudly, “Yes, that would be a good idea.” And it wasn’t in a “Oh, I’ve been there, you’re awfully brave to bring two children out to lunch.” sort of way, if you know what I mean. I have found in my six years of motherhood that mothers are typically empathetic and sympathetic to one another even long after their children are grown. I know I am when I am out without my children. We are all in this together and a little understanding can go a long way.

Normally one to avoid confrontation and stew over it later thinking up all of the perfect things I could’ve and should’ve said, like I did the first and only other time a restaurant patron said something out of line directly to me (Speechless, December 2009), I simply said, “I didn’t ask you.”, to which she mumbled something about quitting while I was ahead or leaving well enough alone.

Really?

I didn’t want to get into with her but the last time I checked Sandwich World wasn’t an office and rowdy or not, my children and I had every right to be there.

People who make annoying comments like this when you’re in the thick of trying to keep things under control or reaching a decision to leave an establishment to the benefit of all parties involved either never had children or don’t remember being children.

Has anything like this ever happened to you? How did you react?

Incidentally, Sandwich World sandwiches were good enough, but I think we will stick to Subway.

And while on the topic of children in restaurants, if you missed my friend, Janelle’s (Renegade Mothering) tongue in cheek post, Don’t be a Dick in Restaurants, it is a must read. The comments are kind of the best part.

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Filed Under: annoyances, motherhood, question Tagged With: annoyances, dining out with children, motherhood, question, Renegade Mothering

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