Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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My Candidate

Posted on November 9, 2016 Written by Tonya

It is the day after the 2016 Presidential election and I am sad, shocked, confused, and very worried for our country.

I know I’m not alone.

The candidate I voted for, researched, supported, donated money to, believed in and admired did not win.

My candidate is tough as nails.

My candidate has withstood a constant barrage of hatred, vilification, smears, and mudslinging for 25 years. Republicans blame her for everything!

I was able to look past my candidate’s flaws and scandals. I saw a person who has spent much of her life fighting for causes that are important to me; family values, children, education and equality for ALL, especially women and minorities. She has been a champion for advancing equal opportunities for women and girls in America and around the globe, calling women’s empowerment “one of the great causes of my life.”.

This is who I want in the White House. Electing our first woman president would be an important step to ending gender inequality. And now that I am the mother of a daughter, this is imperative.

More than ever.

This country is so full of hate.

lolaforpresident

I still believe.

My candidate impressed me with her intellect, judgment, and compassion. We all know the mess she endured because of her husband’s infidelities. That was not her doing. She tried to protect her family as best she could and in the end, perhaps having her own political agenda and dreams of leading our nation from the Oval Office, stood by her man.

I took Lola with me yesterday when I went to vote bright and early and snapped a photo outside my polling location, an elementary school within walking distance of our home. Elated to finally see a woman’s name on the ballot, I proudly voted for my candidate with my daughter at my side.

I was not expecting to be emotional but I cried anyway.

I cried tears of joy because I thought we had come so far and not since Barack Obama have I cared this much about politics.

I voted for Obama in 2008 while pregnant with Lucas and rejoiced at his win while at a Madonna concert at Petco Park. That was a magical night.

Watching Decision 2016 unfold on NBC as polls closed across the country  I was thrilled to see the many blue states light up. I thought my candidate had it in the bag.

I was wrong.

So many of us were wrong.

Today I believe more than half of our country is made up of ignorant ass hats.

But I digress.

As I try to honor the outcome of the election and make sense of this America we live in, I will continue to teach my children, my sweet innocent children love, kindness and tolerance. I will teach them that ALL lives matter and to use their voice. Loud and often!

Donald Trump is going to be our president.

And as Secretary Hillary Clinton said this morning in her concession speech, “we owe him an open mind and the chance to lead”.

This is really happening.

And it will be interesting to say the very least.

——————————————————

The following is from The Huffington Post article, America Elected A Man Who Said ‘Grab Them By The P***y’ Over The First Female President:

Donald Trump openly bragged about using his celebrity status to sexually assault women. And multiple women accused him of actually doing so.

He said he was in favor of banning people from entering the United States based on their religion.

He believes that women he finds physically unattractive or overweight are lesser people.

He thinks that many Mexican immigrants are rapists.

He mocked people with disabilities.

He encouraged violence against protesters at his political rallies.

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Filed Under: a mother's guilt, annoyances, controversial topics, current events, family, inspiration, loss, milestones, motherhood, parenting, potty training, pregnancy2, question, raising girls, twitter, update, video, vote, wordless wednesdays, work, working mom, worry Tagged With: a mother's guilt, annoyances, controversial topics, current events, election, family, Hillary Clinton, inspiration, loss, milestones, parenting, politics, raising girls, vote, women, worry

The Birth Plan

Posted on January 3, 2014 Written by Tonya

While I know can’t control anything about my baby’s arrival, I can create a birth plan, the in a perfect world, if the stars are aligned, ideal scenario of how I’d like my baby’s birth to be handled.

Long before I was pregnant with Lucas, I had always wanted a natural un-medicated birth without unnecessary medical or chemical intervention whatsoever and whenever I would express this to family and friends, I would get an eye roll or pat on the shoulder with a condescending, “oh, okay”. I didn’t know anyone who had done this before, although much of my mother’s delivery of my sister had been un-medicated and I figured if she could do it, I could too. Plus, I have a high tolerance for pain and I felt it was what our bodies are designed to do, so why not let them do it?

Upon getting pregnant I did my research, because knowledge is power. I read everything I could get my hands on, watched documentaries, talked to doctors, doulas, midwives and women who had both successful and scary home births and women who had had prolonged hospital labors with and without drugs. I wanted to learn everything I could about positive and negative effects of epidurals, Pitocin, and other drugs and intervention, C-sections and creating the best possible birthing team. 

At the end of all my research, I decided that this was a very personal choice and that only I had the power to plan the kind of birth that was right for me. The birth experience is a very personal thing. It’s not for me to say what you should do, but I can tell you what I chose to do.

I chose to hire a doula to help guide me through labor and delivery, labor at home for as long as I could, but deliver at the hospital and completely without drugs.

Once I made this decision and shared it with anyone who asked, the “oh, okay’s” were back and I could tell that no one really believed I could or would go through with it, including my own OB/Gyn! 

Guess what? I did it! And yes, it was a pain like I had never experienced before or since and it most certainly did not happen how I had planned hoped; my doula never showed up, my soothing birth day playlist was never played, candles weren’t lit and all breathing and visualization techniques were forgotten, but my labor went extremely fast and by the time we arrived at the hospital I was already 8 centimeters dilated and my water broke on the delivery table. The nursing staff was incredibly supportive and empowered me in just the ways I needed.

I was an active participant in my child’s birth and that was all I cared about. Neither of us were doped up afterwards and within a couple of hours, I could get up and walk around.

Lucas Hospital - Version 2

Lucas, just hours old.

I hope to have a similar experience with baby #2, but only time will tell…

What kind of delivery did you plan for and what kind did you end up having?

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Filed Under: controversial topics, doodlebug, motherhood, pregnancy, pregnancy2, question, women Tagged With: controversial topics, doodlebug, motherhood, pregnancy, pregnancy2, question, women

In Awe

Posted on April 9, 2013 Written by Tonya

It was so overwhelming, I haven’t been able to put it into the proper words. Turns out a simple act, an everyday task allowed me to get there.

I was standing at the kitchen sink scrubbing pots and pans with scolding hot water, in between loading the dishwasher, wiping down counter tops, putting leftovers in plastic containers and reorganizing the refrigerator in order for everything to fit.

I was thinking about the day almost behind me and if I had accomplished everything I had hoped to, I thought about new items to add to my ever growing To Do list and how I was one day closer to a looming deadline. I thought about how odd it was to be living in such a small space now and daydreamed about the possibilities that lie ahead for our family. I considered what Lucas had eaten that day and what kind of mother I had been; was I attentive?, had I doled out enough kisses, hugs and words of encouragement?, had we read together that day?, had I taught him anything?, was I present? 

Next, I thought about the millions of women—mothers across the world doing the exact same thing at the exact same moment.

Like me, they were standing at their kitchen sink caring for and thinking about their family and their mind wandered to all that they have done that day and maybe throughout their lives. All those women have stories to tell.

Rich, beautiful, powerful stories.

Stories of courage and heartbreak, bittersweet memories and small moments that made great impacts. Stories about letting go, holding on and unwavering resilience.

As I stood there scrapping off caked on food particles into the disposal, my eyes began to swell and tears streamed down my face. Performing such a mundane task finally allowed me to reflect on the 11 amazing stories I had heard two days earlier at my first Listen To Your Mother rehearsal.

The stories are as diverse as our fingerprints, but the grace and strength in which they were told are the common denominator and the candor and beauty of each woman leaves me in awe. I have only met these women once and I already admire and respect them so very much. Their stories will forever be etched in my mind and on my heart.

I am honored beyond measure to be apart of the 2013 Listen To Your Mother Sacramento cast and to tell my story. It is our time to shine and the dishes in the sink can wait!

If you would like to attend the Sacramento Listen To Your Mother show, please click on photo for more information and for tickets!

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Filed Under: gratitude, Listen To Your Mother, women Tagged With: gratitude, Listen To Your Mother, women

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