writing

Done! – NaBloPoMo

Posted on December 10, 2015 Written by Tonya

So much for owing myself six more consecutive NaBloPoMo posts. Agh!! Well, I tried.

This time of the year is so rough with lengthy to do lists, shorten tempers and trying to squeeze it all in. Just this past week was crazy!

We got our tree, the boys went out of town while Lola and I stayed home and nursed colds, did a bunch on online holiday shopping, decorated the house and started our holiday cards, oh and my sister got engaged! More on that later….

At any rate, I consecutively wrote 17 posts in a row and a total of 23 for the month. This will be my last NaBloPoMo post.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Editing photos, even if it’s just adding a watermark or resizing is a huge pain in the ass.

2. Participating in NaBloPoMo felt like homework every.single.day. and I decided I don’t appreciate writing under pressure.

3. I have plenty of content and ideas and don’t need prompts at this point in my life and I was thrilled to have cleared out my drafts folder.

4. NaBloPoMo kept me from watching hours of mindless TV. And reading. And I love reading. And TV.

5. This exercise encouraged me to let go of perfection and just write.

6. I’ve been blogging for over six years, but I’ve never blogged with any kind of regularity. I viewed this as a fun challenge, but decided I don’t want to be a full time blogger, I want to write bigger, more meaningful, meatier pieces and aim higher. I’ve been published a few places and I’m very proud of that and want to do more of that. Having said all that, however, I am motivated to keep adding to my blog when the mood strikes me. I like this space.

7. Writing begets writing. Even if it’s bad, I have to keep writing! I have to get it off my chest, out of my head and out here, there, anywhere for the sake of my own sanity.

Thank you for so much for reading my 7707 words and for the 50 comments.

23 days!! Yay me!!

Did you participate in NaBloPoMo, or NaNoWriMo? Did you finish? What have you learned from the challenge, whether you finished it or not?

Half Way Point – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 15, 2015 Written by Tonya

Two things.

It’s November 15, which means I have reached the half way point of NaBloPoMo!!

15 days in a row of blog posting. 15 days of writing. I haven’t done that in a very long time.

I’m thrilled and don’t want to lose the momentum, but this is when the blog post a day program for me may go a little sideways.

My husband and I are headed out of town tomorrow for four days, just the two of us.

Scandalous, I know.

Where are we going you ask? New York!

And I am not taking my laptop.

I have a couple of posts scheduled but I may miss a day or two.

I’ll make up up for it. I’m completely committed to publishing for 30 days in a row, a couple of those days may fall into December.

Sorry for the non-post post, but I gotta get back to packing and snuggling my children. This will be the longest I’ve ever been away from them. Sigh.

#816 – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 2, 2015 Written by Tonya

Cough-cough.

Let me just clear away the cobwebs.

It’s been a while.

I love writing.

I enjoy sharing my story.

I miss my blog.

So when something like National Blog Post Month comes along, as it does every November, I am always tempted to participate.

One blog post a day for 30 days. This from someone who has only posted 45 times this year? The entire year!

So far, 815 people have signed up for this lunacy. 815. That’s a lot of people dedicated to their blogs, their words, their writing, their readership and their community.

Why not me?

Well, I have all the excuses in the book… I’m too busy, there are not enough hours in the day to do the things I need to do, let alone find a quiet moment in which to put thoughts to paper, I’m easily distracted (Facebook, Twitter and don’t even get me started on the vortex that is Pinterest), my computer is a piece of shit and freezes up on me every several minutes (are you familiar with the wheel of death, because I am?!) and no one really cares what I have to say are just a few.

But you know what, finding time for something I enjoy and is good for my soul I can do and as far as readers, it’s so easy to tell myself I have no audience, but it’s simply not true. I know when I post people read. It may only be a dozen people, but my words are read.

One thing I’ll never complain about is subject matter. I don’t need writing prompts. I have tons of material, hundreds of blog post ideas whirling around my head and dozens of blog post drafts, just waiting to be finessed and published. I have ideas for books. In theory, this should be easy. There was a time when I did post every day.

So, here goes nothing…

I’m up for the challenge.

I think.

815 just became 816.

Wish me luck.

I’m already a day behind!

My Blank Pages

Posted on January 10, 2015 Written by Tonya

Happy New Year! I hope your 2015 is off to a stupendous start.

Although I’m not quite sure why, I just renewed my domain name.

I only blogged 83 times last year.

83.

Pathetic, right?

Especially for someone who has so much to say.

Blogging has changed a lot in the last six years but my reasons for doing it have not. It’s primarily for myself, to keep family and friends updated and for my children to read someday.

I had planned to share photos of our Christmas (Lola’s first!), a 2014 recap and my New Year resolutions (read and write MORE!!), but I doubt that’s going to happen.

I’m sitting here staring at a blinking cursor and thinking about all the blank pages ahead of me, all the words I will use to fill 2015. I have high hopes of being more disciplined and consistent with my writing and actually making some of the blog post ideas I have a reality. I look forward to confidently submitting my writing and on the days I’m not writing or fretting over writing, I hope I’m living in the moment.

I have a full and very rich life and my blank pages will fill themselves.

Eventually.

I hope you will stick around for the ride, no matter how infrequent.

The Great Debate [In My Head]

Posted on September 16, 2014 Written by Tonya

I hear Lola stir in her crib upstairs just as I’m half way through an article on the Today Parents Website. She’s cooing and talking joyfully at first and then her pleads became more urgent.

I know as I climb the stairs to her room I’ll never finish the article. I’ll never get back to any of the tabs open on my laptop. At least not today. I’m excited to see my baby as she has been napping for over an hour and we can now take our daily walk and play and look at books together but I’m also dismayed that the quiet me time I had been enjoying for the last 90 minutes is now over. I didn’t accomplish nearly as much as I had hoped. Damn it! Why didn’t I spend more time writing?!

One of the things I have tried to instill in Lucas is this mantra:

Chores before play, put away one game before setting up another, errands before park, etc.

I first heard it two years before I became a mother in the 2007 movie, The Great Debaters with Denzel Washington. I liked it then and love it now that I have children. I’ve also tried to follow it myself and it seems to work (most of the time) with my son.

My days are long and start the second my feet hit the floor. Full of tasks I have to do…

Make beds.

Make breakfasts, lunch, snacks, bottles.

Care for the dog.

Lay out clothes.

Change the baby.

Pick up stray socks, dirty bibs, Lego.

Assist Lucas as he packs his backpack.

Load the car.

It’s no different in your house.

Mornings are particularly and notoriously busy for households with children, trying to get everyone what they need to start the day.

A mom’s “have to do’s” last All. Day. Long. As soon as one need is met, it is followed up with another and another and another. And even our free time is not our own because when the kids are in school or napping is when the real work happens. I mean, who can sweep the floor with an adorable seven-month-old scooting around or an anxious Kindergartener ready to play another round of UNO? I certainly can’t.

So, alas… the things I want to do fall by the wayside. I make sure to exercise five days a week because if I don’t, I start to get twitchy. But apart from that, all I want to do lately is write. Writing is tricky, I can’t just sit down at my desk and write, I have to first peruse the Internet, respond to an e-mail, pay a bill, place a Diapers.com order, take a Buzz Feed quiz, get lost in the vortex that is Facebook.

I must tell myself every morning: After the kids are in bed and dinner is cleaned up and put away, I’ll stay up late and write.

And every night I crash within minutes of my children or I fall into bed too exhausted to do anything but exchange a few words with my husband and watch another episode of Chopped while I play Words With Friends.

Sigh! It’s the great debate in my head these days… when to write. Not what to write, just when?!?!

I was on a roll the other day and considered giving Lola a piece of paper to keep her occupied for a few minutes. And then I thought better and got down on the floor with her and worked on spit bubbles and mouth noises. It was time better spent, but my head is on overdrive and I must find some hours in the day to devote to writing.

Do you struggle with this too? When do you find the time to do the things you’re passionate about?

Cool Facebook Feature: Saving Items To Read Later

Posted on September 10, 2014 Written by Tonya

I have so much I want to share… my mother/son trip to Chicago, Lucas’s first day of Kindergarten and his “goals” for the school year, my feelings about Lola growing up too fast, trying to savor the small moments of her babyhood and coming to grips with the fact that she will most likely be my last baby, my favorite Dave Matthews Band lyrics (a project I have been working on in PicMonkey for weeks!), gun play, transgender issues that have me in tears, and an incredible book that I read in two days and touched me in more ways than I never expected, Rare Bird by my friend Anna Whiston Donaldson but, while my head is full and drafts are started but sit unfinished and I grow increasingly depressed by how I can’t seem to find the time to write, I recently discovered something that has literally changed my [social media] life.

I used to take screen shots of Facebook posts that I wanted to come back to later and read and/or share but many times never did which resulted in hundreds of photos on my phone with unworkable links. I’m stubborn about deleting them and delusional that I’ll ever find the time to read them.

I don’t know how I discovered it, but I’m thrilled that I did… Did you know that you can save things you find on Facebook to read later with a nifty Save feature? It’s super easy and for all the bitching everyone does about Facebook, they have created a pretty cool site.

On every Facebook post that contains a link, there is a a small gray carat which leads to a drop down menu, click it and scroll down to Save “TITLE OF POST”. Easy right?

But where do they go?

Check out one of the menu options on your Feed Page/Favorites:

Happy saving and you’re welcome!

BlogHer 2014 Recap

Posted on August 6, 2014 Written by Tonya

It’s hard to put into words a lot of things but I’m finding it especially difficult to describe my feelings post BlogHer 2014.

It’s been over a week since I returned from San Jose and my second BlogHer conference and I’ve gone through a roller coaster of emotions.

I was on a high as soon as I got home, buzzing with ideas and inspiration and then re-entry was rough and I jumped in head first, back to my normal routine. I posted a couple of things just because but felt my writing fell flat and not up to par and I certainly didn’t use any of the tips I had just learned in either of the two Writing Labs I attended. Then I felt depressed because I missed my blogging buddies and now I know if I don’t gather my thoughts, I never will or I’ll forget.

This year’s event felt a lot smaller, which was a very good thing and I didn’t put any pressure on myself to rush from event to event. I also wore flats which was a huge relief to my feet.

This time around I felt like I belonged and not like such a fish out of water. I didn’t spend much time on the exhibit floor and didn’t bring home a lot of ~~junk~~ swag.

The best part for me was seeing old friends and meeting women I had already come to know and love and I did learn a few things about writing and editing and the future of personal blogging, which I hope to implement.

I sat in awe as I listened to blogging royalty, Jenny Lawson and Alexandra Rosas and real celebrities, Kerry Washington, Tig Notaro and Arianna Huffington. And talk about a roller coaster ride of emotions, this year’s Voices and Photos of the Year had me giggling, laughing out loud and dabbing tears from my eyes.

I didn’t want to write just another highlight post or flower it with photos (because I didn’t take that many) and share soundbites from what was an incredible weekend.

I’d rather convey to you the importance of support and friends and laughter. I laughed a lot! I had fun and was once again reminded that we each have a story to tell, an inspiring, magical, perhaps heartbreaking story within us.

I will share one photo… my favorite from the weekend. I love these women so!

BlogHer 2014

Posted on July 23, 2014 Written by Tonya

Three years ago when I attended my first BlogHer conference in San Diego, I was so nervous but looking forward to learning all that I could about blogging and how to be a better blogger. Back then I considered myself just another mommy blogger.

I carefully planned the sessions I wanted to attend and my daily and evening outfits, complete with accessories and shoes, made sure I was a “plus one” or personally invited to all the “right” parties and walked the exhibit floor handing out my blog cards to everyone I met. I had high expectations and was out to impress. Don’t get me wrong, I was still me, but I felt as though I had to prove that I belonged.

It was fun and I did learn a little but I mostly enjoyed meeting other bloggers, women who I had come to know so well through the generous words they shared on their own blogs and through other social media outlets.

Tomorrow morning bright and early, I will be traveling to San Jose, where I will attend this year’s BlogHer 10th anniversary conference.This time around I consider myself more than just another blogger, I am a writer. I have a voice and a story and believe I have made a (albeit miniscule) difference by sharing my grief and infertility struggles, my words and myself.

My expectations for this year’s conference are much lower than they were in 2011 and I have very few plans. I hope to learn more about this community I belong to and love so much and will attend a couple of sessions on writing and the future of blogging, but what I am most excited about is seeing old friends, making new ones and gaining a renewed dedication to my space.

I have shared before how I feel I have neglected Letters For Lucas over the last couple of years and I’m in dire need of a resurge. I think this is just the ticket!

That taxi is going to be here in 12 short hours so I suppose I better start packing!

Are you going to BlogHer this year? If so, please look for me!

Slacker

Posted on June 29, 2014 Written by Tonya

I’m such a slacker! I can’t believe I only blogged twice this whole month. And it was a very eventful month; between celebrating my turning 42 this week (I had every intention of sharing my anti-Bucket List), Charlie Pasta turning 2 (I’m still fuming over the fact that he pulled a $35 tri-tip off the counter my husband had just barbequed for a dinner party last week), Lucas turning 5 (!), his graduating from preschool, having several lines in his first school play, enjoying not one but two family staycations, plus a girl’s trip to Las Vegas, Father’s Day, Lola’s first time in a pool, and a host of other milestones, activities, ups and downs. It’s definitely summer and we are definitely busy having fun and living.

I was recently asked what my plans were with my blog and sadly, I didn’t have a response at the time. Letters For Lucas has taken a back seat to all the fun and the sweet long awaited addition of Lola and although I am 100% okay with that, I have vowed to share more, write more and spend more time here because I love my little space on the Internet and writing is good for my soul.

Next up is Fourth of July in Santa Barbara, BlogHer, an exciting mother/son trip and I am determined to finish writing Lola’s birth story, so please stay tuned!

She Writes

Posted on April 29, 2014 Written by Tonya

Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life tagged me in her recent post on writing and the timing couldn’t be better as I am exploring what I want to do with my blog and writing in general.

I used to consider myself just another mommy blogger and then I learned to abhor that title and then I considered myself just a writer because at the time and for several months I was getting paid to write. Now I’m not sure what I am. I write as many blog posts as I can but I’m having difficulty finding the time anymore and when I do write I am super critical of my work.

My goal has always been to write from the heart or not at all. I believe I’m known in the blogosphere as that girl that lost both her parents tragically and/or that girl that battled and then beat(!) her secondary infertility. I was lucky enough to have my own infertility column at SheKnows for close to a year. My articles can still be found here. I am most proud of those posts.

1. What am I working on?
I’m always working on a blog post in my head or sleep or shower and have over 80 drafts… some are just a sentence or two or idea for a topic I want to explore in more depth and others are several paragraphs long but I am still editing and reediting and making myself bonkers over.

2. How does my writing differ from other’s of it’s genre?
Simple, my writing is mine. My words. My story. My life. There are many bloggers/writers that are better at their craft than I am but I believe the more I write, the better I’ll get.

The very best compliment that I have received about my blog and writing is that I write exactly the way I talk. I like that.

3. Why do I write what I do?
In the first year of Letters For Lucas, my posts were literally that, letters to my son, Lucas. I wanted to document his life and how motherhood was shaping me, or should I say, reshaping me. It has since grown and evolved and became a place that I truly treasure. Nowadays I only visit and share sporadically and when it comes to my writing and what I share, sometimes I need to write what I do to get it out of my head, to document it and other times I just want to because it’s fun.

4. How does my writing process work?
I love when the words just flow out of me, when there’s little thought and lots of emotion, when I don’t second guess myself or scrutinize over every word. It doesn’t happen very often but when it does, it’s magic! Usually wine is involved.

For me, if and when I get to the point where I press <publish> then I’ve succeed and beyond that, the feedback and reaction I get to what I’ve shared is what I thrive on.

Thanks, again, Elaine for asking me about my writing process.

Now it’s your turn…. Natalie of Mommy of a Monster and Coreen of The Adventures of Captain Fussypants & Little Miss, tell us about your writing process!

Half Way Point – NaBloPoMo

Related Posts:

#816 – NaBloPoMo

Related Posts:

My Blank Pages

Related Posts:

The Great Debate [In My Head]

Related Posts:

Cool Facebook Feature: Saving Items To Read Later

Related Posts:

BlogHer 2014 Recap

Related Posts:

BlogHer 2014

Related Posts:

Slacker

Related Posts:

She Writes

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

What I Write About