Old School Blogging: I Am

I’m linking up with Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life and Angela from Jumping With My Fingers Crossed for a little Old School Blogging and this month is a questionnaire of sorts.

Come play along! Copy and paste the words in bold below, write your post and link up.

I am still in my pajamas and it is (well) after noon.

I wonder if my body will forgive me for working out so hard yesterday.

I hear birds chirping, a leaf blower, cords from the blinds upstairs gently hitting the wall and our water cooler humming.

I see a flashing cursor and it reminds me how much I love writing and don’t do it enough.

I want someone to bring me lunch and help me dress like Olivia Pope.

I am currently obsessed with Scandal. I’m binge watching it for the first time from the beginning and don’t know why I never watched it before. It is a great show and a much needed escape for me at the end of the day.

I pretend everything is okay.

I feel most at ease by the sea.

sea

I touch my daughter’s hair a lot. It’s soft and silky like spun liquid gold.

I worry I’ll never have time to read all the books I’d like to, about dying and running out of gas on the freeway.

I cry every time I hear my son tell his little sister he loves her, for all the losses in my life and at Kleenex commercials.

I am trying my best to be more patient with myself and those around me.

I understand how important it is to be present, enjoy the here and now and let those you love know it!

I say no more than yes.

I dream of taking my children on an African safari, sipping a Kronenbourg with my husband at our favorite cafe in Paris, finding the perfect pair of jeans, clear skin (seriously, what is the deal with acne after 40?!) and being a gladiator.

I try to be a good human, loyal friend, great mom, loving wife and understanding sister.

I hope I am the mother my children need and to always be stronger than I think I am.

I am blessed.

myloves

My Loves – May 9, 2015

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No Longer A Rookie

Having battled unexplained secondary infertility for over three years, I know it is completely irresponsible to say this, but anyone who has one child, really should have two.

Not only is a sibling great for teaching communication skills and learning how to share, but it also creates a built-in lifelong friendship and promotes the value of teamwork. I honestly can’t wait until my youngest, Lola is old enough to work together with her brother, Lucas to go head to head with me and my husband. I want them to plan and scheme and support one another always.

Apart from all the sibling benefits, having a second child has made me a better mother to my first.

With four-and-a-half-years between them, I am such a different, more relaxed mother to Lola than I ever was to Lucas.

With Lucas, I was such a rookie! I was anxious and worried most of the time. I tried to stick to a “schedule” as much as I could, consulted charts, tracked development and marked milestones, called his pediatrician A LOT and made sure he ate an all organic diet until he was two years old and there was never dessert. I hovered far too much. Because that’s what you do with your first. I didn’t know any different. I was going crazy trying to be a “good mom”.

With Lola, I’m WAY more at ease. I didn’t have that sense of calm with my first. I give her a lot more freedom and I know that she’s okay. In large part, my comfort is due to the four-and-a-half-years of experience I gained from Lucas. Where I was unsure the first time around, I am loving this confident mom I am becoming. And that ease has transferred to the way I am with Lucas. I’m not as rigid with him as I used to be.

I still have anxiety and worries but knowing sort of what to expect is so comforting, especially in these early stages. Lola is only 15 months old.

Lucas was my whole world for so long and received a lot of undivided attention before his little sister was born and I was fearful that Lola wouldn’t benefit from that, but because of the age gap, Lucas is in school five days a week for 5+ hours per day and has activities beyond that leaving Lola and I lots of bonding time. Sometimes Lucas is actually the one to get the shaft now that Lola is so young and still depends on me for all of her needs. That makes me sad, but I know it won’t also be this way. She’s growing more independent every day.

Even though my children are different from one another and I try to keep the comparisons at bay, I know that there are many obstacles ahead of us and mothering traits I haven’t even begun to tap into, I’m just happy not to be a rookie mom anymore. I’m happy to have found some self-assurance and I can only hope that both my children are benefiting from it!

Of course, ask me tomorrow and I’ll probably be pulling my hair out feeling anything but confident.

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For photo credit, click on image

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