Just days after my parents died, I made a list of all the people I knew that had also lost a parent too soon.
It seems like such a strange thing to do, right?
I suppose it made me feel a little better and not so alone.
These were friends that will understand what I’m going through, I thought. They will be able to offer me some magical healing words of comfort for surely they know something I don’t.
My grief was fresh and I was searching for answers to questions I had not quite been able to articulate yet.
There were 12 names on my list.
12.
12 friends that share this unending sadness.
13 souls gone.
Some of friendships became stronger because of this new awful thing we had in common, or at least I felt closer to these people and even got a few of them to talk with me about their grief.
For some, I believe the pain was (and is) buried so deep and is too raw that there is no conversation about their loss, let alone mine. I respect and love them regardless.
There was one name included on the list, a friend of Todd’s that I had never even met. Karen. She was the only other person I knew of that has lost both of her parents tragically and at the same time.
Karen became my hero that first year I learned to live in a world without my mother and father, spending hours on the phone with me talking me through the unbearable pain and trials and tribulations of being an executor of an estate. She was a year ahead of me in the process and eons wiser in my mind. I will forever be grateful to her.
As odd as it may be, I continue to add names to my list and recently there was one more.
We are all related in sorrow.
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It’s heartbreaking that so many people in your life have also suffered a sudden death of a parent but good to know you had people to turn to.
Death is so stupid.
Such a list…nobody wants to be on it, but the people on it are somehow comforts by it.
You have been on my mind, my friend…will call you soon.
xoxo
Thanks, Sherri. I appreciate your friendship and look forward to hearing your voice soon. xoxo
I’m sorry you have such a list. But I’m glad that because you made that list, you made a connection with Karen, who clearly helped you through so much. And by talking to you, I’m pretty sure you helped her along too.
Writing this post made me miss Karen. I must reach out to her.
It pains me that you have to make such a list, but am glad you made such an amazing connection because of it. Sending you hugs, my friend.
It’s a terrible list to make and continue to keep, but I believe their is strength in numbers.
Having you on my list has brought me immeasurable comfort.
It’s a terrible list to be on, but I’m so grateful to hold your hand in mine. xoxo
The feeling is mutual, friend. xo
I do that sometimes, too…make lists of people who know what I’m dealing with. I think it’s a great idea to know who you can turn to to discuss heartache that others may never experience. My heart breaks for those on that list, and for you.
Thank you, Courtney. I’m relieved to know I’m not the only list maker. 🙂 In goodness and not, it helps to know others have experienced the same things.
Sigh.
Praying for those on your list…even though I don’t know their names. And for this new addition. I can’t imagine (I can, but I can’t…you know).
Death is a real asshole.
You said it, girl!
I’m sorry that there was a new person added to your list. But I’m glad you are able to find comfort in friends.
Me too, Jessica. Me too.