There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good,
She was very good indeed,
But when she was bad she was horrid.
– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Three is tough.
Three is really tough.
I had been told that the terrible twos had nothing on the horrible threes, but I had no idea how rough it was going to be.
A perfect family outing can turn sour in the blink of an eye.
A pleasant dinner can end in tears and refusal to eat before you have a chance to say, “please pass the pepper”.
Quiet snuggle time and stories at bedtime can lead to World War III.
Three year old’s can be unruly, unpredictable and unwavering.
They are loud and throw animalistic temper tantrums over minutia.
They are cheeky and disrespectful, cunning and quick.
One minute cute and adorable, engaging and fun and the next he’s the Terminator and out for blood.
From the day he turned three, Lucas, an already very willful child, became a professional terror, especially when temperatures are on the rise, a nap hasn’t been had, he has an empty tummy or has heard the word “no” one too many times.
His father and I became professional negotiators, peace keepers, patience seekers and silent 1 to 10 counters. We are a good team and can tell when the other needs a break.
Time outs, taking toys and other privileges away don’t always work. Neither does yelling. Yelling always makes it worse.
Sometimes we give in.
Sometimes we become short order cooks or we gather our belongings and get up and leave with a kicking and screaming child batting us in the head, we have long discussions about behavior and patience with both one another and our son. We try to teach Lucas what is acceptable and what is not, right from wrong and are learning to say “no” with finesse.
We fall into bed each night exhausted, pray that we made the right choices and are parenting as best as we can and have high hopes that tomorrow is a better day.
Every now and then, but more often than not, we receive heartfelt apologies from our sweet boy, tender “I love you’s” full of remorse and it makes all the horrid worthwhile.
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Oh, Tonya…I feel this in my bones. I could never understand why people thought the twos were so “terrible” because (like Lucas) Michael was SO incredible verbal and fun.
But by three? He had not only acquired the ability to speak in complex sentences, but had WILL. To do what HE wanted.
Ugh.
It will pass, trust me. Stick to your guns and let him FEEL the boundaries you set. He needs that,..but this is a hard phase. xoxo
I know it will pass eventually, but when you’re right in the thick of it, it is so frustrating and hard to deal with. I know my sweet boy is in there somewhere.
We’re in the throes of two almost three, and it’s so hard. So I get it. Hang on in there, you’re doing a remarkable job there!
Thank you for saying so, Alison. I think sometimes that’s all I need to hear. xo
That poem… oh that poem. when my sister was a little girl, about three or four, she learned that poem in bible study. She proudly came out to recite it to the adults. and the last couplet came out:
when she was good she was very very good
and when she was bad, she was whore-headed.
no lie.
That made me giggle.
Oh my dear friend. YES TO ALL OF THIS. Eddie and I just STARE at each other willing the other to try and cross his/my path. you can FEEL the tension and that something is going to explode. Probably a tantrum out of him and my brain out of my head.
On really bad days there is yelling and crying (from both of us).
We are teaching him (so slowly…PAINFULLY slowly) to use his words (I am SO UPSET WITH YOU, mom) and to take a time out on his own, in his bed or downstairs.
Rarely do I have to send him to the timeout spot and set the clock (only when he is being dangerous like throwing or hitting or kicking).
In public? We leave. A lot. I am sick of it. A lot.
Three? sucks.
And yet? When he says “I love my mom and dad and charlie,” he MEANS it. He knows what it means now.
When he runs in for a hug? He MEANS it.
Three. Sigh.
Sigh indeed. Ugh. It is so hard.
Thank you for insight and advice and most of all understanding. It helps to know I am not alone. xoxo
I’m in the midst of threes also with my little one so I know how it is for you. I’ll send you virtual cocktails.
And I’ll take ’em! Cheers.