Today is an anniversary but there is no cause for celebration.
Today marks five chances to ring in a New Year,
five missed Mother’s Day brunches,
five Father’s Day barbeques,
five World Series games,
five Christmas mornings,
Birthdays, holidays and other milestone days are painful reminders of who is missing from my life and there is no distraction grand enough to avert my attention.
In the days and weeks following a loved one’s death, people tend to say things like, “give it time, it will get easier.” Five years later and I don’t think people will ever know exactly what to say to me when it comes to losing my parents. There truly are no magic words that I know of, except perhaps “you can wake up now, it was all a bad dream”.
The ironic thing is that it actually does get easier with time. Time is a gift for those left behind. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but it helps.
Five years later, it’s not a constant, overwhelming, all consuming grief, but within the little things, where grief hides, that hit me when I least expect it. These are the moments when I realize I am slowly forgetting things I swore I never would and it scares me. I make a conscious attempt to replay poignant moments in my mind in an effort to hold on; anything to hold the memories close.
My mom and dad live on in me, my sister and Lucas but the hole in my heart will forever be present. Forever gaping and raw.
After five years I am still grieving.
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*hugs* my friend. I know today will be hard. Know that I’m thinking of you. xo
Thank you, Alison! Truly. xo
Thinking of you today. xo
Thank you, Robin. xo
I will never forget this sad anniversary. I will never forget the day your heart was shattered to pieces and your life changed forever. I don’t think that a single day goes by without me thinking of you. I wish I could do more. I love you, friend. Sending big hugs your way. XOXO
Your friendship is enough, Sophie. Truly. Thank you for being you and being such an important part of my life for so many years, standing by me, loving me and being there for me. xoxo
I’m not sure that it gets easier, just different. I search my brain to hear my father’s voice. Time makes it bearable, not easier. Thinking of you. xoxo
Yes, bearable, but only slightly. I’m sorry we share this loss.
Thinking of you today and sending hugs and the stickiest memory glue to keep your memories with you always.
Thank you, Angela. I appreciate your words and support. xo
the “anniversaries” that aren’t happy ones, ones that mark such a dark dark day – well – i’ve got a few of those and i know the pain they can bring. just thinking of you.
Thank you for understanding. Not many do.
Big hugs to you. Thinking of you today
Thank you. So very much.
Thinking of you today, Tonya. Sending big hugs to you out in California. 🙂
Thanks, Elena. xo
Thinking of you and sending you love. xo
Thank you, Kimberly. xo
Did you think of that quote? It’s perfect. I’m glad that I got to spend some time with you over the weekend. Mom and Dad have missed out on a lot of things and sadly, there will only be more little and big moments that they will miss in the future. I hope that in the only way they can now, they are here with us through it all though. Love you T. XOXO
No, I didn’t. I don’t know who said it. I’m glad we got to spend some time together that weekend too and I LOVE the lantern. Great idea. We should light one every year.
That is a perfect quote for this post. Hugs to you each and every day as you struggle with the loss of your parents.
Thank you, Jessica. Strangely, each year gets a bit easier. Just a bit.
I don’t know if it is time that heals or faith … faith that you will be with them again.
In the meantime, I do believe they are there, sharing your joys and watching over you.
I love this quote, it makes me happy to look at the night sky when I think of it too …
I hope you’re right. I love the idea of my parents looking over me and sending me strength when I need it most.
I have been thinking of you often…I felt like I needed to come and read your words. Even though I never get a change to read anyone’s words lately.
I’m glad I came over…even briefly…before heading to bed.
I hold you in my heart, friend.
I’m always happy to receive your comments in particular, Katie. Thank you for making the time. xoxo
Often I don’t bother responding to a blog article or making any comments, but in this case I felt the need to say ‘great post’!