I usually leave the letter writing to you around here, but from time to time, I just have to address someone. This is one of those times.
Dear Mom at the park,
We’ve never met.
I don’t know you.
I don’t pretend to have any idea what kind of life or even day you have had or what may be running through your head at this very moment, but I know that we all have stuff, heavy stuff and life is full of distractions.
I’ll be the first to admit that being a mom is really tough sometimes.
I know I’m out of place and you can tell me to go straight to hell, but I couldn’t help noticing your complete disinterest in your child as he desperately tried to get your attention today at the park.
Do you hear him?
Mom, watch this.
Mom, push me.
Mom, let’s build something.
Mom, help me.
Mom, will you chase me?
Mom?
Mom?!
MOM!
Everyone else at the park does.
Please get off your phone and pay attention to your boy.
Incidentally, that scream came from your son who just face planted into the hot rough sand. He needs you.
That incessant plea to be pushed on the swing is coming from your son.
Put your coffee aside and help your little boy get down from the monkey bars. He wants you.
He wants to spend time with you!
It’s not my job to tell your kid that throwing sand is not okay, not to mention barging in front of children half his age. Coming to the park is suppose to be fun for all of us. Sure it’s a drag when there are dozens of places we would rather be, but we are here so let’s make the best of it.
Be here.
Besides, would it kill you to engage with your child? Couldn’t you block the world out and chase him around in the grass for a few minutes? Why not take a load off and lay on your backs and count the clouds in sky? Build a magnificent sand castle? Slide down the slide together?
Do something.
Anything.
Laugh. Smile. Love.
It’s one afternoon, one hour, if that and I’m sure there will be no lasting effects, but childhood goes by way too fast and before you know it, an afternoon turns into a week and weeks become months and so on. I don’t want you to miss it.
Sincerely,
Someone who has been there.
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I’ve seen this often and oh, I know, it is tiring and hard to be on all the time. The amount of attention they require is so very draining some days. But paying attention to them will teach them so many things. Including that they are worth paying attention to.
So draining, but worth every second!
There are times whenn I feel guilty that I’m taking pictures of them with my phone, or am too exhausted to push the swing for an hour. But geez. It’s not THAT difficult to show your kids that you want to be there with them!
It really isn’t that difficult and in the end, I’m always glad I did. On the other hand, I have captured some of the best photos of Lucas with my phone at the park.
I worry that this is me sometimes. 🙁
As I signed the letter, I have been that mom too. Sigh.
I see this too, in different scenarios.
When the baby was a week old, we took him to the pediatrician for a jaundice level checkup and in walked a lady with her twins and her husband. And 2 domestic helpers who were holding her babies. Not once in the half hour I was in that waiting room with them, did she engage with her babies once. She chatted with her husband and that was it. I am not one to judge, ever, but in that moment, I thought to myself, why did you have babies just to hand them off to someone else? It hurt my heart to think about it. Sigh.
I am not one to judge either, because as I said in my letter, you NEVER know what is going on in someone’s life, but this mom was just so out of it and her son needed her so desperately, I just had to address it. If only here. Children are only children for so long and then they leave us. It makes me sad when mothers don’t engage.
I’ve seen this so many times and it breaks my heart. At the same time I’ve felt like I was that lady, pushing my kids off to finish just one more thing or check one more message. I don’t want to be her, missing my kids childhood, then looking back on our days with regret. Thank you for the reminder to be present.
I needed the reminder too. As I said, I’m guilty of getting caught up in distractions and not being present. Some days are harder than others. WAY harder.
Sometimes I want nothing more than to zone out when I take L to the park but the reality is she has no one else there to play with if the park is empty so I get out there and play with her.
I know it, a park without other kids for yours to play with is TORTURE!!
I have been this mom, but I try so hard not to be. I am all too aware that my time with my boys is short. I mean, I was carrying Eddie today (because he asked me to) and he wrapped his legs around my waist. WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN? When did he get to be a KID? Sigh. Watching him, listening to him, engaging with him…it’s all so important to me…and to him! I want him to remember his childhood fondly…with a mom (and dad) who put him FIRST.