I don’t know when or why I started taking photos of my infertility journey, but I suppose it’s because I take photos of everything and this has been an all consuming process for the last three years.
Also, I want to remember.
As strange as that sounds, I want to remember the hot tears, sharp needles, bruises that turn from black and blue to green and last for weeks upon weeks, waiting rooms filled with birth announcements, handfuls of pills and every single time I have wished on a shooting star, blew out a candle on a birthday cake or looked at the clock at 11:11.
Then again, how could I forget?
The only thing I know for sure, when it comes to my struggle is that it will all be worth it in the end.
If you ever wanted to know what infertility looks like, here you go:
If you’re new to Letters For Lucas and my story, I write an infertility column over at SheKnows and I’d love for you to read it and/or or share it with someone you know battling this disease. I also have a Pinterest board dedicated to Infertility.
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Oh, Tonya.
I love how real you are.
And my heart hurts so much for you.
xoxo
Thank you, Alison. It’s the only way I know how to be.
I wish I could fly over and give you a huge big hug right now… I’m so sad you have to go through all of this, but I’m sure it will be worth it.
I know these photos will help people who are not aware, to better understand what all couples struggling with infertility go through. Tonya, you’re so genuine and I love that about you.
I’m sending you all my best wishes and all my love,
Sophie xoxo
I would love nothing more, my dear sweet friend. I appreciate all your well wishes, encouragement and support, but most of all your friendship.
Much love to you. xoxo
oh my beautiful friend..oh Tonya i know how this feels but it breaks me apart tosee you going through it. Those pictures are heartwrenching.i love u. I’m so sorry. I call the angels.
Xoxoxoxo
Where are they already?! It’s getting harder than ever.
I know you know this pain and longing.
Thank you for your friend, Kir! xoxo
This is so powerful. I am not sure you could have put any more power into your message about infertility than these photos.
you are loved, my friend. And I am praying so hard for you.
Thank you, Katie. Pretty gritty, huh? You know what they say about a picture? It speaks a thousand words. And in this case, then some! xo
This definitely makes it THE most real for me, from any post I’ve ever read or seen.
Tonya, I do not know infertility and of course you must know that I do not say that to boast or brag, but rather because I have no idea how it REALLY feels to want it to happen so badly and it does not.
But this took me there and your crying makes me cry. I’m so sorry. I wish I could hug you right now. But I really wish I could make it happen for you… xoxoxoxo
Photos can be very powerful and I know people that haven’t experienced infertility first hand really don’t know what it’s all about, hopefully this will help.
Thank you for your kind words. xo
Wow. Pictures here say everything. Your journey is one that so many couples experience but never share such raw and real glimpses into. Thank you for sharing your heart. I wish I could make it happen for you too.
Thanks, Brittany. Infertility is serious business and I hope that this post conveyed that.
This is a knife in the heart, but I have to share it because others are experiencing it too.
Too many couples are going through the exact same thing and it breaks my heart too! No one should have to experience this kind of pain.
This makes me want to give you the biggest hug ever. Love you. And proud of you! xx
I feel your love, Robin and for that I am grateful. xoxo
Ow. People really have no idea, do they? I am SO sorry for how much awful you had to go through…but admiring of your strength.
I really on;t think they do, so as much as I want to look back on this time and remember, I also want to educate others about this God-awful disease. Thank you for helping me share this post and for your kind words.
These pictures say a thousand words. ((hugs))
And then some. Thanks, Robbie. xoxo
This made me cry for you. I’m so sorry. Big hugs my friend.
I didn’t mean to make you sad… I appreciate your support.
This is incredibly powerful, Tonya. Women everywhere need to know the realities, both good and bad. Thank you so much for sharing. xo
I’m REALLY looking forward to the good part. 🙂
What a truly incredible post. I had NO idea. I’ve always admired your strength and desire so much, and after reading this I adore you even more if that’s possible! You are so inspiring. xx
Inspiring? Me? Thank you, but I don’t know about that. Infertility is ugly and most definitely the hardest thing I have ever faced. No one should feel alone in this disease and if I can help just one person, then I’m happy. Throw in a baby and I’ll be ecstatic! 🙂
I appreciate your kind words. xoxo
Your strength is very inspiring. To see how you have not given up on something that means so much to you speaks volumes. I think you are truly an amazing woman.
Thank you for saying that, it means a lot. I’m no hero, just a survivor and learning a lot as I go…
We are dealing with secondary infertility and I have to admit over the last few months I have been trying to stay so busy so I won’t think about it as much and have been trying to push away the pain but the hurt never really does go away. As awful as it is to go through it’s so nice knowing I am not alone in this. Hugs.
You are definitely NOT alone!! I wish with all my heart that no one had to go through this. Best of luck to you.
Keeping you in my prayers, it breaks my heart and I could feel your pain through the pictures, through your words. Hugs!
Thank you. It’s no picnic, that’s for sure. Sometimes showing people over telling them can really help them understand the true magnitude.
I’ve read your words time and again about your struggles with infertility and it wasn’t until now that it really struck me hard. It brought tears to my eyes knowing that this is so difficult and painful in so many ways… I wish that there were something we could do to make it easier for you.
For now hugs and know that we’re here for you.
Hugs are good, thank you, Jackie! I appreciate you reading and all your support. xo
Knowing is different from understanding is different from the impact of seeing. The sight of it all makes it more real for me when it’s real for you every day.
A picture says a thousand words… Thanks, Arnebya.
You are so very strong, Tonya. Love to you as you continue on this journey.