Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Someday You’re Going To Have A Wallet

Posted on March 17, 2010 Written by Tonya

Your dad and I get a kick out of talking about all the things you are going to do, be and have like; a wallet, a suit, car keys, a cell phone, a cup of coffee, your own apartment, a date, an interview, etc. and it makes us giggle. We only know you at nine months, so to think of our little nine month old Lucas having and doing all these things is silly and sweet.

You have so many firsts to look forward to!

We’re trying to remember and document all of your first everythings, but there will come a day when you experience firsts that we won’t be a part of. Really big, super exciting, weird and wonderful firsts like; your first day of school, the first time you tie your shoes, your first kiss, your first broken heart, the day you get your driver’s license and your first car (not necessarily the same day, mind you!), your first pay check, and many years down the road, the first time you truly realize your life is your own.

You will make decisions that will affect your entire life. We hope they will be good ones. You will make mistakes too, but if we’ve done our job, hopefully you will learn from them.

We want you to have every single opportunity that we had growing up…education, travel and exposure to different cultures, as many pairs of sneakers you can wear out and books you can read, family game nights, vacations and open, honest conversations around the dinner table, a lifetime of warmth, security, support and the best of memories. In short, we want for you what any parent wants for their child: EVERYTHING! 🙂

That’s not too much to ask, is it?

The best is yet to be.

Day 22/100

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Happy St. Patrick’s Day

Posted on March 17, 2010 Written by Tonya

The best is yet to be.

Day 22/100

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Filed Under: holidays, milestones, quotes

Keeping Our Children Safe

Posted on March 15, 2010 Written by Tonya

People in San Diego are understandably enraged and confused: a convicted sex offender (who, in the past, had beaten and raped young girls and got only five years in prison) was let out on parole…to rape and kill a young woman again.

This is a heartbreaking story and I, too am outraged and very scared for my child’s safety.

Thousands Gather to Mourn Chelsea King
Outpouring of Grief Revitalizes Shaken Community at Teen’s Memorial Service

By Lisa Fletcher
POWAY, Calif., March 13, 2010

More than 6,000 mourners held sunflowers tied with blue ribbons as they said goodbye to Chelsea King, the straight-A student and cross-country runner who was known for her kindness and compassion.

“She was a person who brought sunshine and light to school every day,” said Dakota Douglas, Chelsea’s friend and cross-country teammate. “She was an incredible person, was nice to everyone. I just can’t believe that she’s gone. School’s not the same without her.”

King, known for her gentle spirit, helped plan a prom for developmentally disabled kids, packed relief boxes for those in need in Africa and served as a peer counselor at her school.

During the memorial, a giant monitor over the high school football field reminisced of happier days — Chelsea laughing with her friends, loving life. The school band filled the air with music; Chelsea had played the French horn in the band.

As everyone grieved, there was a message of hope. This strongly Christian community praying together that something good would ultimately come from something tragic, that laws would change, eyes would be opened and accountability would be had.

Chelsea went missing while running in a Rancho Bernardo park last month, just outside of San Diego. Thousands in this close-knit community turned out to search for her. Volunteers passed out flyers by the thousands and tied blue ribbons on trees across the city to remind people she was missing.

This community is now turning that same energy into demands for change — outraged that a paroled sex offender may have slipped through bureaucratic cracks.

“This is just an assault to everybody’s child,” said Christy Georgedes, as she choked back tears. “I’ve got three daughters and she’s my fourth daughter, and this is going to stop! So we’re going to show our love today but after that, beware. You just watch how powerful things are going to get.”

Parents we spoke with say they will do anything within their power to change the laws if necessary, but most of all they will demand accountability from those whose job it is to track the whereabouts of convicted predators.

Police arrested convicted sex offender John Gardner three days after Chelsea’s disappearance. Two days later, her body was discovered in a shallow grave.

Terri Francy, who has kids at Poway High School, told us this community won’t stop until families have the protection they deserve.

“Seven times that he [Gardner] violated parole and had they got him, had they put him behind bars where he should have been, then he wouldn’t have been out there to commit this crime,” Francy said. “I hate to live in the ‘what ifs’ and ‘it shouldn’t have happened,’ but it’s true. It shouldn’t have happened. We want to stop it now.”

It is unclear whether Gardner violated his parole or whether the state didn’t properly track him. But enough questions have been raised that on Friday, Gov. Schwarzenegger ordered a probe into the way the state handled Gardner’s case.

Officials say that Gardner, who’s now charged in Chelsea’s death, is also the focus in the murder investigation of 14-year-old Amber DuBois, whose body was found in a neighboring community last Saturday.

Gardner was released early from prison in 2005, after molesting a 13-year-old girl.
_______________________________________________

My friend Wendi sent me a link to the Web site Family Watchdog and I was shocked to find that there are 15 (!!) registered sex offenders within a five mile radius of my house!

As a parent, it is our job to keep our children safe. We have to do our best to prepare them in case they are ever in danger or threatened in any way. I have a nine month old and I’m already thinking about this stuff!

I’m afraid these days, it goes a lot further than “Don’t talk to strangers” and “Look both ways before crossing the street”. There’s Internet stalking, identity theft, bullying, child predators in our parks and playgrounds, child abductors, substance abuse, etc., etc., etc. How do I teach my son to be safe without frightening him? It’s enough to make you want to put a GPS tracking device in your child!

A parent should never ever ever have to bury a child. My heart goes out to the parents of Chelsea King. May they find peace.

The best is yet to be.

Day 20/100

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Filed Under: current events, parenting, safety

Home Sweet Home

Posted on March 14, 2010 Written by Tonya

I was either a saint in a former life or the universe felt like it owed me one because you were just awesome on our trip to visit your grandparents in the Bay Area. You are a super traveler and I couldn’t be happier.

I was so nervous because we haven’t made that trip since before Christmas; my stomach was literally in knots before each flight. I know it’s only an hour and a half gate to gate, but that can seem like an eternity to a new mom. Plus, you are a very different baby now than you were three months ago. Thankfully my worry was for not and you were a champ. Well, until halfway through our flight home when you reached out for the cup on the tray table of the poor girl sitting next to us and dumped her entire drink in her lap. Luckily, she was a great sport about it and forgave you almost instantly. Those baby blues come in very handy!

Our visit was nice, but a little stressful. You barely ate a thing while we were away. It seems as though all that delicious homemade baby food (Bon Appetit) has turned you into a foodie and you wouldn’t touch the Earth’s Best, even though it was the same stuff you devour at home (peas, sweet potatoes, rice and squash). Apparently it tastes a lot different.

The other stressful thing about our trip was the fact that my in-laws have recently put their home on the market and with viewings happening at any given moment (with notice fortunately), the house has to be kept pretty much immaculate. A lot easier said than done, especially with a nine month old… you come with a ton of gear! We made it work, but it wasn’t fun.

I just realized that I didn’t take any photos (other than a couple not-so-great iPhone photos) on this trip of you at the park, or with your great aunt Judi or cousins, or in the loving arms of your grandma. Next time.

I love traveling almost as much as I love coming home!

Here’s to a great week…

The best is yet to be.

Day 19/100

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Filed Under: grandparents, kid food, travel

25 Random Things About Being A Parent

Posted on March 14, 2010 Written by Tonya

Another great e-mail forward (that’s two in three weeks) sent to me by a fellow mom of three. Thanks, Natalie!

1. It is very hard to determine if you’re really done having children. You are. And then you aren’t. And then you hold a sweet little baby and fall in love. And then the baby poops all over you. It’s very difficult to decide.

2. A well-balanced meal is anything the kids will eat without complaining.

3. When you say you’re going to “slip into something more comfortable,” you mean your favorite flannel pajama bottoms and your Jayhawks hoodie.

4. Coffee.

5. No matter how many pictures and videos you take, it’s never enough.

6. Sleep is for the weak. And that doesn’t change until the kids are out of the house.

7. Every single emotion you have is heightened with your children. You are happier, angrier, more worried, more defensive, and more devastated when something bad happens to them. All of this is because you love them more than you ever knew was possible.

8. Don’t bother asking a parent about anything interesting, like the latest book read, movie watched, or lecture attended. It all ends with the same word: Nickelodeon.

9. Wine.

10. Dinner will never be quiet again. But then it will be too quiet.

11. There is no greater joy than seeing your child succeed at something. A close second though is seeing them fail and pick themselves back up and try again.

12. Watching a child learn to read is one of the joys no one tells you about. It is magical, and it happens so quickly.

13. You can never receive too many handwritten notes or pictures that say “I Love You”, even when they’re not spelled right.

14. The matching $100 sweaters you bought your kids for the holiday picture were totally worth it — even though you ate ramen noodles for the rest of the month. You’ll have that picture forever.

15. No matter how crazy your kids drive you, and regardless of their age, when you peek at them fast asleep at night you can’t help but wonder how you’ve been so blessed.

16. You will lose all practical knowledge and the ability to win at Trivial Pursuit. But you will be an expert on Lightning McQueen, Fancy Nancy or a host of other commercial characters.

17. You may have been a star athlete, drama queen, or chess club champion in your heyday, but your biggest competitive rush now may come from outbidding someone on eBay to win an auction. Probably buying something for your kids.

18. Those guys that wrote Love and Logic must have had nannies to raise their kids.

19. “Walk of Shame” has a whole new meaning when you’re parent. It becomes the 500 feet between your car and the emergency room, carrying your child, who on your watch….

20. Someone needs to write the Santa Claus/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy manual for parents. It is impossible to be prepared for the depth and breadth of questions posed in your child’s lifetime. (“Why does Santa’s wrapping paper look just like yours?”) Parents need a job aid that can be accessed quickly and on the down low.

21. Whenever you hear the phrase “Uh-oh” followed by a long pause, grab your camera and your stain stick and start looking.”

22. In your younger days you would have thought it was too “Big Brother” to microchip your kid. Now, it’s tempting…very tempting.

23. While you used to compulsively check Web sites for great shopping deals, now you compulsively check the sex offender registry to make sure no predators are living nearby.

24. On the rare occasion you get a “date” with your spouse, the conversation revolves around poop, Gymboree and whether or not it’s cool to drive a minivan.

25. When it’s all said and done, no one could have ever explained how you could love so deeply, hurt so badly, tire so quickly, and still experience more joy than you’ve ever known…all for a child.

The best is yet to be.

Day 19/100

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Filed Under: e-mail, parenting

Party City

Posted on March 11, 2010 Written by Tonya

It has been a magical first year…so far, we still have three months to go and I can’t wait to celebrate! What they say is true about having children, the days are long, but the years are short. You were once, not so long ago, a tiny newborn and now you are a growing, learning, changing, on-the-go, toddler and this has been the best year of my life.

Back to the celebration part…

I was surprised recently to overhear fellow moms already planning their soon-to-be one year old’s birthday parties and down right shocked at how elaborate these plans sounded. What, I don’t understand I thought to myself, what is there to plan? Place your pride and joy in their highchair, let him go crazy with a cupcake, take a dozen cute photos for the baby book and toast your partner to a job well down. Hip hip hooray, you all three survived the first year!

I don’t believe that children’s birthday parties need to be huge, over the top affairs or include entertainment in the form of hiring the Wiggles, a man on tilts or renting a bouncy castle. Why do parents do this to themselves? Who needs that pressure? When did birthday parties get so out of hand?

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE birthdays and I think they should always be celebrated so that birthday boy or girl, no matter what their age, feels extra special on their special day. For a one year old, that can be done simply; at home, surrounded by family members, cake and ice cream and balloons. Even when you are old enough to have real friends to invite to a party, it doesn’t need to be a ton of work or super expensive to be memorable or fun. Otherwise, it’s an event for the adults, especially if alcohol is being served. 😉

When I was growing up I only remember having one some what bigger than usual birthday party and it was for my Sweet Sixteen. It was a blast! My mom had designed a scavenger hunt and got all of her friends in our neighborhood to participate. It was great fun, but it was also held a full month and a half before my actual birthday because I have a birthday that falls right smack dab in the middle of summer, when everyone I knew was on vacation, including me and my family. We might run into that with you too, since you are also a June baby. I’m sorry!

My birthdays growing up usually consisted of having my favorite meal for lunch (a Kid’s Meal at Burger King…such a treat!) or dinner (my mom’s lasagna, which is always better the next day) and then going to a movie of my choice with my mom. Great days!

At any rate, birthdays are suppose to be fun and not contests to see who can outdo each other. Needless to say, we don’t have any plans yet for your big first birthday, but I know they will include family, lots of photos and a hose. 🙂

The best is yet to be.

Day 16/100

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Filed Under: birthdays, KRA, milestones, TDA bio

Pretty Things

Posted on March 10, 2010 Written by Tonya

Let me preface this by saying that I have spent too much time in the same three rooms of my house the last two days!

With so much blue, boy, cars, trucks, dinosaurs and rough housing in my life these days, a fellow blogger’s recent post, entitled simply Pink inspired the following tribute to girly things, also known as a wonderful daydream:


Crystalline Bubbles Perfume Bottle
Anthropologie

Dawning Lark Bed
Anthropologie

Heart-printed Lounge Pants
The Gap

Floral Note Cards
Papyrus


Madeline Smart Technology™ Make-Up Table
Pottery Barn

Alfresco Bag
Antropologie

Brightly painted toe nails, beautiful bathroom accessories, comfy, yet feminine pyjamas, stationary almost too pretty to write on, delicious bedding, long silky dresses that you make feel gorgeous and just big enough handbags. These are a few of my favorite things.

After “Girl” Has Never Been My Strong Suit, you didn’t think I had it in me, did you? Thank you, Blondie ‘N’ SC for the inspiration.

Time to go shopping!

The best is yet to be.

Day 15/100

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Filed Under: me time

Don’t Forget The Lyrics

Posted on March 8, 2010 Written by Tonya

Every now and then I forget the words to popular nursery rhymes and children’s songs. I make them up as I go and end up sounding completely ridiculous. I hope I’m not the only mom that does this!?! I suppose it shouldn’t matter because I know you just like to hear me sing, at least I think you do. But I can tell you are growing weary of hearing the ABC’s and “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” for the thousandth time. “You Are My Sunshine” is still good for a few rounds, but soon I even start to get sick of it.

In an effort to expand my children’s song book repertoire, I finally downloaded a favorite nursery rhyme CD from iTunes, aptly titled “Favorite Nursery Rhymes”. Go figure! It is chocked full of good stuff, including; “This Old Man”, “The Farmer in the Dell” and “Old King Cole”, along with 15 other old familiar tunes.

In my quest to find new music and lyrics, I found this interesting article about the true meaning behind some of these childhood favorites. Brace yourself!

Songs of Death and Destruction

Nursery rhyme lyrics sound like sugar and spice and everything nice, but many have real meanings that would send children into therapy for the rest of their lives. These seemingly innocent lyrics actually conceal nightmarish stories about beheadings, the black plague, and war. They’ve traditionally been passed down from generation to generation, and, even though it’s good to be honest with children, in the case of these lyrics, the old adage, “What they don’t know can’t hurt them,” holds true. But just for adults, here are the disturbingly real meanings of nursery rhyme lyrics you sang as a kid:

“Ring Around the Rosy”

Remember holding hands with your friends, giggling and happily skipping in a circle while singing these lyrics, “Ring around the rosy/A pocket full of posies/Ashes, ashes/We all fall down?” Well, guess what? You were singing about the bubonic plague that devastated London in the 17th century! The “ring around the rosy” lyrics describe the rosy red, ringlike rash that plague victims developed. Thinking that the plague was carried by bad odors, people kept sweet-scented posies in their pockets. The lyrics “we all fall down” and “ashes, ashes” refer to the countless deaths from the disease, and the burning of victims’ bodies.

“Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary”

The sweet-sounding lyrics, “Mary, Mary, quite contrary/How does your garden grow?/With silver bells and cockle shells/And pretty maids all in a row” actually refer to the gruesome reign of England’s Queen Mary Tudor, known as “Bloody Mary.” A devout Catholic, Mary demanded the torture or execution of countless Protestants. The lyrics’ “silver bells” refer to thumbscrews, the “cockle shells” refer to torture devices fastened to the genitals, and the “maids” refer to a beheading contraption called the “Maiden,” that was used before the invention of the guillotine. You just might think twice next time you feel like ordering a Bloody Mary!

“Rain, Rain, Go Away”

The singsong lyrics, “Rain, rain go away/Come again some other day” are actually about Spain’s attempt to wage war against England by sea in 1588. The mighty Spanish Armada set sail with a fleet of more than 130 ships. But heavy rain, which inspired the lyrics, “Rain, rain go away,” and speedy English vessels defeated the Spanish attackers and crippled their fleet, leaving them with a mere 65 ships.

“London Bridge”

Aside from its well-known lyrics, “London Bridge is falling down/Falling down, falling down/London Bridge is falling down/My fair lady,” are stanzas set to a cheery tune describing disaster after disaster endured by the famous bridge throughout history. The lyrics detail how the bridge was first cobbled together with wood and clay, which “will wash away.” In the 980s, invading Vikings completely demolished the bridge. It was rebuilt, only to be destroyed by a tornado in 1091. The bridge was ravaged by fire numerous times, including 1666’s Great Fire of London, which attacked its arches and foundations.

This ditty, however, has nothing to do with Fergie’s version of “London Bridge,” and its suggestive lyrics, “How come every time you come around/My London, London Bridge wanna go down,” which probably shouldn’t be explained to children, either!

Good to know!

The best is yet to be.

Day 13/100

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Filed Under: lyrics

My Sister, My Friend

Posted on March 7, 2010 Written by Tonya

“Having a sister is like having a best friend you can’t get rid of. You know whatever you do, they’ll still be there.” – Amy Li

We’ve been there through life’s sorrow and pain

But together we have always endured the strain
We’ve argued and bickered and made each other mad
But if you weren’t my sister, my life would be so sad
We’ve cried till we laughed and laughed till we cried
Sometimes for no reason; we didn’t even know why
We’ve whispered our deepest secrets only sisters could share
I love my sister dearly because she really cares
So whether we are together or we are far apart
You’re my sister, my friend and forever in my heart.

I love you, Leah.

Happy 26th!

The best is yet to be.

Day 12/100

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Filed Under: aunt leah, milestones, quotes

Nine Months

Posted on March 6, 2010 Written by Tonya

What a month! You are turning into a toddler right before our very eyes…

This month you:

  • Attended your third birthday party.
  • Went to your first Super Bowl party and watched the New Orleans Saints (31) beat the Indianapolis Colts (17).
  • Met my favorite dog, Winston.
  • Learned how to clap and can do it upon hearing “clap”, “pat”, “good job”, and “yay Lucas” AND seeing it on TV.
  • Went in a swimming pool for the first time.
  • Had professional photos taken at Sears Portrait Studio.
  • Have almost eight teeth! The last three weeks have been torturous waiting for those incisors to break through.
  • Were fitted for and started wearing the Doc Band.
  • Fell in love with the swing and everything else there is to see and do at the park.
  • Love cause and effect toys (Silly Town, blocks) and games (peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek).
  • Are able to roll a ball back to me, hand me objects and feed me snacks from your stash. There are Cheerios and puffs are over this house!
  • Had to have your crib lowered because you are almost at the stage where you are pulling yourself up on things and that’s just dangerous.
  • Rock back and forth on your hands and knees and scoot backwards. Thank goodness we had the house baby proofed in anticipation of you crawling soon…we hope. 🙂
  • Your eyes are still blue.

The best is yet to be.

Day 11/100

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Filed Under: doc band, milestones, Winston

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