Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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‘Twas The Night Before Christmas

Posted on December 25, 2009 Written by Tonya

You were overwhelmed last night for sure, falling asleep before all the guests for your daddy’s birthday party arrived and then waking up to an explosion of almost 20 people in your grandparent’s living room. The children outnumbered the adults, so you were in heaven. You love watching people your size!

You spent another mellow day indoors today with your dad and grandma while your aunt and I spent the afternoon going to lunch and discussing her upcoming move to LA(!), did some last minute Christmas shopping and bought the ingredients for tomorrow’s appetizers.

I know you are still not feeling well with your runny nose and hoarse voice. Poor baby! Could there anything worse that a sick infant?

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas
or A Visit From St. Nicholas, as it was originally called is based on the poem written in 1822 by Clement Clarke Moore for his six children and it is one of my favorite Christmas books and for those of you who haven’t read it yet this holiday season, here you go:

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes — how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.”

The best is yet to be and a Happy Christmas to all, indeed.

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Filed Under: holidays

A Not So Perfect Christmas

Posted on December 23, 2009 Written by Tonya

We have been in the Bay Area since Sunday and the weather outside is definitely frightful. You are battling your very first cold, which has presented some new challenges and frustrations but, nevertheless, it’s nice to be with family for the holiday. Your Aunt Leah arrived yesterday and your daddy this morning. Despite feeling crummy, your face lit up like a Christmas tree (pun intended) when you saw both of them.

Tonight we will celebrate your daddy’s 38th birthday a few days early by feasting on a spread from his favorite Mexican restaurant, Mecca with close friends that live in the area. I expect you to be overwhelmed and irritable all the while trying to also be your little charming self.

I haven’t heard too many Christmas carols this holiday season, but I love them and they make me think about what the perfect Christmas would be, if there was such a thing.

I love Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime”, the traditional “A Christmas Song”, “Sleigh Ride” and “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”, but my favorite one’s is “My Grown Up Christmas List”. I love the Natalie Cole version, but many others have recorded it.

I know there’s no such thing as a perfect Christmas, but if there were, this list sums up my grown up wish list and my idea of a perfect Christmas.

My Grown Up Christmas List

Do you remember me
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies

Well, I’m all grown up now
And still need help somehow
I’m not a child
But my heart still can dream

So here’s my lifelong wish
My grown up Christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal the heart
And everyone would have a friend

And right would always win
And love would never end
oh,
This is my grown up Christmas list

As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something shiny
Wrapped beneath the tree

But heaven only knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend

And right would always win
And love would never end
Oh, This is my grown up Christmas list

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end, oh

This is my grown up Christmas list
This is my only life long wish
This is my grown up Christmas list

The best is yet to be and I hope you feel better by Christmas morning.

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Filed Under: holidays, lyrics, weather

So Much To Say

Posted on December 21, 2009 Written by Tonya

“I find sometimes it’s easy to be myself sometimes I find it’s better to be somebody else.” – So Much To Say, Dave Matthews

This is my 100th post! I never thought I’d get here…100 posts!? Wow! I guess I had more to say than I thought.

I love blogging and I am so thankful for the outlet and I appreciate whoever is reading this, especially my sister! I love that she has commented on just about every single post I have made. Thanks, Leah!

If you do read this and haven’t become a “follower” yet, please do and as always, I love feedback, so comment and comment often on anything that strikes a cord with you, makes you laugh, or rubs you the wrong way. I’m also open to advice. I know that there are a lot of first time and seasoned mommies out that I could learn from.

My husband likes to point out that my blog has/is undergoing an evolution and that not all of my posts are “Letters For Lucas” and some are just rants or fun stuff (ie. quotes, book, movie, product reviews, etc.). I acknowledge the shift and he acknowledges that this is my space. 🙂

The best is yet to be and I still have so much to say.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, blog, lyrics, milestones, TBW

2009: A Year To Remember

Posted on December 20, 2009 Written by Tonya

With less than two weeks in 2009, I am reflecting on the past 12 months and I know without a doubt that this year will always be a very special year for me because it was the year you were born, but there were other personal highlights for me too:

January – I got an SUV, my first step on the road to mommyville.
February – A glorious and life changing week at Canyon Ranch.
March – A dreaded, but necessary trip to my father’s hometown of Shamrock, TX, which reconnected me to family.
March – The difficult and heartbreaking task of emptying my parents house and having an estate sale.
April – A very fun long Easter weekend spent dog sitting Winston, who I completely fell in love with and still miss.
March – May – A slew of first time parenting classes, seminars and lectures that in no way prepared me for the “real” thing.
April – Two lovingly hosted baby showers.
June – Your birth.
June – December – Getting to know my mother-in-law better.
July – Seeing Coldplay in concert (this was also the night of your first babysitter).
July – Trapeze school for my friend, Wendi’s 40th birthday.
September – Seeing Dave Matthews Band in concert (no yearly list of highlights would be complete without this). 🙂
February and September – Having two good friends give birth to their own little bundles of joy.
October – A short but very sweet visit from my aunt and uncle.
October – Seeing “The Lion King” on stage.
November – Our first family trip to Florence, Italy.
December – A 24 hour overnight date at the Hard Rock Hotel with your dad.

On a global scale, from a boy not in a balloon, to the inauguration of the nation’s 44th president, 2009 saw big and not so big stories dominate airwaves and front pages.

Here are just a few that I will remember (with help from The Huffington Post):

Miracle on the Hudson – January 15
Pilot makes emergency “splashdown” landing in Hudson River after aircraft suffers a “double bird strike.” All passengers and crew members survive. Pilot C.B. “Sully” Sullenberger becomes a hero.

Obama Sworn In – January 20
Barack Obama becomes the nation’s 44th president.

Madoff’s Multi-Billion Dollar Ponzi Scheme – March
Disgraced financier Bernard Madoff is sentenced to 150 years in prison for defrauding private investors and charities of billions over the course of his career. Many lose their life savings.

Michael Jackson’s Death – June 25
The death of the self-proclaimed King of Pop stands out in a summer of notable deaths. Jackson’s passing at age 50 was is as dramatic and theatrical as the performer’s life and includes accusations of murder at the hands of a private physician. Los Angeles prosecutors say any charges relating to Jackson’s death will come in 2010.

Sotomayor Becomes Supreme Court Justice – August 6
Justice Sonia Sotomayor becomes the nation’s first Hispanic person to serve on the U.S. Supreme Court. The former appeals court judge is Obama’s first nomination to the court and is confirmed despite efforts to block her nomination over comments she made about race in the courtroom. Sotomayor is the third woman to serve on the bench of the country’s highest court.

Sen. Ted Kennedy Dies – August 25
Longtime Senator from Massachusetts dies after battling brain cancer.

Jaycee Dugard Kidnapping – August 26
Jaycee Dugard is discovered alive after being kidnapped 18 years ago.

Balloon Boy – October 15
Falcon Heene makes headlines when his parents report that a helium-filled balloon floated away with the boy inside. The boy is later found safe in his family’s attic, but the ensuing media frenzy exposes cracks in the family’s story and Heene’s parents, reality TV wannabes, are charged with making false statements.

Fort Hood Shooting – November 5
13 die in an attack at Fort Hood in Texas, when Army psychiatrist Maj. Nidal Hasan allegedly opens fire.

Health Care Reform
– November 7
A plan to reform America’s health care system moves forward in congress.

Gay Marriage Gains And Losses
Same-sex marriage gains approval in Iowa, Vermont, New Hampshire, and Washington D.C. It is rejected by voters in Maine and by the New York legislature.

U.S. Economy
High unemployment, slow economic growth, and high foreclosure rates persist despite stimulus package and bank bailouts.

Detroit Bailout
US automakers GM and Chrysler are bailed out by federal government.

Swine Flu, Vaccination Shortages
Swine Flu outbreak in Mexico becomes global pandemic. H1N1 vaccination production, delivery in US falls short of expectations.

Afghan War & Afghan Elections
Hamid Karzai is sworn in for second term as president after election opponent withdraws from runoff. President Obama deliberates over troop levels in Afghanistan and decides to escalate war with surge of 30,000 more American troops.

Iraq Draw-Down
Conditions improve but bombings persist as US forces prepare to end combat operations by August of 2010 and withdraw completely by 2012.

The best is yet to be and here’s looking forward to all that lies ahead in 2010.

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Filed Under: current events, list, Winston

Brothers

Posted on December 19, 2009 Written by Tonya

Today’s post has nothing to do with raising Lucas, but it has everything to do with family. My sister and I saw the movie Brothers the other night and it was amazing.

A remake of the 2004 Swedish film, Bröder, the trio of Jake Gyllenhaal, Tobey Maguire and Natalie Portman was a draw for me and from an acting standpoint, they did not disappoint. The script gives Macguire the most to work with as the family man/Marine, Capt. Sam Cahill, whose latest trip to Afghanistan sees him imprisoned by the Taliban and ultimately returned to America with some serious psychological issues. While he is MIA, his wife, Grace, (Portman) and ex-con brother, Tommy, (Gyllenhaal) are told he is dead, and the two grow closer, eventually verging on emotional and physical attachment.

Watching these three individuals go through their personal journeys is heartbreaking and beautiful, especially that of Cahill. I wasn’t expecting to be so emotionally attached or moved by this film. It was very thought provoking for me and made me realize that war affects more than just the solider, it takes its toll on the entire family and all of those left behind. In many ways, I think it’s harder for those left waiting at home for the safe return of their loved one.

I highly recommend this movie hope Tobey Maguire wins the Golden Globe for Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture (Drama) for his stunning performance.

I am thankful that I don’t know anyone involved in the war in any way, but I know that I am in the minority. I am ashamed to admit that I’m not even sure why we are fighting. I know that it is mainly in response to the September 11, 2001 attacks on the US, but I believe that the conflict is much deeper and older than that.

It blows my mind that we are in year nine of the war in Afghanistan and currently have 70,000 U.S. military personnel stationed there. Now, that’s something to think about! Or what about the sobering fact that as of today, December 19, 2009 we have lost 5,288 soldiers. 4,356 in Operation Iraqi Freedom and 932 in Operation Enduring Freedom. That’s 5,288 souls too many.

The best is yet to be. May peace on earth be near.

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Filed Under: current events, movie review, war Tagged With: current events, movie review, war

Bittersweet

Posted on December 17, 2009 Written by Tonya

Clearly my parents have been on my mind a lot lately; probably because it’s the holiday season, or maybe my sister’s recent visit. It has been way too long since I have seen their faces or heard their voices and when I read this story today, it warmed my heart in a bittersweet sort of way and naturally made me think about them.

I find a lot of comfort in the fact that my parents died together. They were wonderful people as individuals, but together they were amazing and a true team. They balanced each other out so nicely. Where he was weak, she was strong and vice versa. I can’t even fathom having one here without the other, as strange as that may sound. Of course, I didn’t have a choice in the matter.

Unfortunately, they didn’t live as long as James and Lolie, but they did have a very full life and had been married for 38 years at the time of their deaths. That’s a lifetime to me! My parents most likely didn’t know what was happening to them when they died and I find solace in that too.

Wherever they are, I am glad that they found each other and left this world together.

The best is yet to be.

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The Spirit Of Christmas

Posted on December 16, 2009 Written by Tonya

My mother loved Christmastime and our house was always decked out for the holidays. She is the reason Hallmark exists! We always had a beautiful tree covered with colorful international treasures from our life overseas and all the traveling we had done together. She loved snow globes and nativity scenes and every year one whole couch would be completely covered with her motley crew of Christmas guys (stuffed animals dressed in red and green). She had Christmas dishes strewn about the house filled with holiday candy and would have enough baked goods on hand to guarantee at least a three to five pound weight gain after each visit. She was a big fan of the Christmas letter (writing and receiving them) and she loved shopping for our holiday cards and stationary the day after Christmas for the following year. I remember many 5:00 AMs on December 26 rifling through bins of picked over greeting cards to find enough boxes for everyone on her and my father’s Christmas list. I swear they sent 300 cards!

I miss my mother every day but especially during the holiday season. She made Christmas special with her childlike enthusiasm and overall joy.

My dad, on the other hand was the exact opposite. Sure, he loved the Christmas cookies, but growing up, his family would put up their Christmas tree the day before Christmas and take it down the day after, or so he said. He would often tell my mom to buy what she wanted and he would wrap it and put it under the tree. Over the years, he started to get into it more and I think even began to enjoy picking out gifts for all of us and eventually came to understand the element of surprise, however, his wrapping always left a lot to be desired! See picture above; that is VHS tape wrapped around a present. My dad also had a vast collection of holiday music and liked to play it constantly the week of Christmas.

One of my favorite family holiday traditions on Christmas day was after all the presents were opened and prominently displayed in front of the tree (another tradition), we would go to a movie. Many big blockbusters open on Christmas day and we had fun trying to agree on which one to see. After the movie we would come home and make leftover turkey sandwiches and each have a slice of pie. Chocolate pudding for me, pumpkin for my dad, and pecan for my mom and sister.

This will be my third Christmas without my parents and it is very different now; and for me it has lost some of the magic. My in-laws have done their best to include me and my sister in their holiday, but I am looking forward to creating new traditions with Lucas and hopefully seeing some of that lost Christmas spirit shine through him.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: holidays, KRA, TDA bio

Speechless

Posted on December 15, 2009 Written by Tonya

I knew it would happen at some point, but I wish I had been more ready for it, more prepared. Someone told me off while leaving a restaurant today because Lucas’ fussing apparently “ruined her lunch”.

My sister, my friend, her three month old son, Lucas and I and were at lunch today and although we met on the early side (just before noon) and had a great table towards the front of the restaurant and in a corner with no one siting near us, both of the babies took their turns being loud and a bit out of sorts. As we like to say, if it’s not one of them, it’s the other. Mine, admittedly more so than the three month old, because as I have mentioned, he has discovered he has a voice and that by using it he can get more attention.

My sister and I played “pass the baby” and played, fed, engaged and entertained Lucas as much as we possibly could and for the most part, I didn’t think he was being too terrible or any louder than usual. As a new mommy, I am still VERY sensitive to every noise he makes in public and try to minimize his volume as best I can. I can’t even barely stand it when he screams out or fusses, why would anyone else?

We each had an entree and a cocktail and were in the establishment for maybe an hour and a half. We caught up and exchanged holiday gifts and had a very nice time until we got up to leave when a woman from across the room yelled out; “Thanks ladies, you ruined our lunch”. I can only assume she was referring to our babies and their noises and I was completely shocked and wasn’t sure if I had heard her correctly. My sister said, “Excuse me?” and she repeated the statement, to which I then said very snidely, “It was my pleasure.”, which I now realize was a lame come back, but I was so speechless. Who says something like that?! Oh, I know, someone who is either too selfish to have children of her own or who believes in the philosophy that children are to be seen and not heard, which is completely ridiculous. Whatever the case may be, it was out of line and rude and I am still in shock! I am also angry. Angry that I let it upset me so much, angry that I am going to be even more sensitive the next time I go out to eat and angry that people like that woman exist in this world. Where is her empathy, sympathy and compassion?

The best is yet to be and next time, I’ll have a better reaction and response.

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Filed Under: parenting, shocking

Guest Post

Posted on December 15, 2009 Written by Tonya

We love it when your aunt Leah visits, especially during the holiday. Today, we took you Christmas shopping and to lunch. You were not exactly in the holiday spirit, so we ended up shopping in shifts, but we got a lot done and had fun doing it (thanks to a much needed cocktail break!).

Here is your aunt Leah’s holiday post:

December 14, 2009

Seasons Greetings, Lucas! Welcome to your first holiday season! I know for a fact that Santa will be very good to you this Christmas! As your aunt, I feel like it’s my responsibility to spoil you rotten all the time but now that the holidays are upon us, I feel that way even more. I just love seeing your face light up when you see something new and exciting. But to be honest, the older you get the more joy you’ll get from opening up presents.

You simply cannot enjoy a holiday like Christmas without children around. They go hand-in-hand. The older I get, the sillier buying lots of gifts for everyone in the family seem. What we should be giving to each other is love and more of our time. I promise to always be generous with my love and with my time for you. Don’t get me wrong; I totally understand that it’s hard for children not to be greedy when relatives keep asking them to name all the toys they want. Parents and adults need to teach kids the true Christmas spirit without completely removing the gift-giving factor. It can be done.

I have no doubt that your mom and dad will show you how to appreciate the true meaning of Christmas, as you grow older.

I recently found this quote and I think it sums up my feelings about this holiday:

“The hidden meaning is that Christmas is the festival of the human heart. It is a time of year when all the universe conspires to raise the vibratory level of consciousness on earth to one of peace and love toward ourselves and one another. This season resonates to the sweet, childlike innocence that resides in all of us. A time when the heavenly forces inspire us to shift our focus away from fear and toward one of joy, and healing.” – Sonia Choquette

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Lucas and I promise the best is yet to be in 2010!

Thanks, Leah. We are looking forward to spending the holiday with you too and are so happy that you are going to be such a big part of Lucas’ first Christmas.

The best is yet to be indeed.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, guest post, holidays

Chickmas

Posted on December 13, 2009 Written by Tonya

As I have already shared, (Creature Of Habit) I don’t cook, but occasionally I do enjoy baking. ‘Tis the season and because my PMS is in full swing, last night, after we put you to bed, my sister and I watched It’s a Wonderful Life and made cookies. Peanut Butter Blossoms with Hershey’s Kisses and Oatmeal Chocolate Chip to be exact and they didn’t turn out half bad. In other words, they were perfect and hit the spot! Well, I can’t be trusted with eight dozen cookies in my house, so I’m sharing them.

Tonight is what my girlfriends and I affectionately call Chickmas, where we get together, act silly, enjoy too much wine (or is it enjoy too much wine and then act silly?) and have a sort of white elephant-type gift exchange. Except in this gift exchange, the gifts are pretty nice (or naughty) and so ensues the stealing of the gifts. My dear friend, Nancy hosts this much anticipated soiree and it’s always a very fun night.

Here’s hoping my cookies will be a big hit at the party and that I end up with a great steal-worthy gift. 🙂

The best is yet to be. Happy Chickmas, everyone!

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Filed Under: friends, holidays

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