Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

  • Home
    • My Guest Posts
  • Letters For You

What Do You Believe?

Posted on December 1, 2009 Written by Tonya

Controversial Topic Alert!


“We are all inventors, each sailing out on a voyage of discovery, guided each by a private chart, of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I always think about religion a little more around the holiday season than any other time of the year because I want to believe in God and we celebrate Christmas because we are celebrating the birth of Jesus…disguised with tree trimming, photos on Santa’s lap, gift giving and overall over indulgence. I have to admit I sort of subscribe to the latter. Once again, I am probably going to be biting off a lot more than I can chew with this post, but here I go!

When I say I want to believe in God, I really do. It’s a lovely concept but I can’t wrap my head around the thought of some holy and just God existing when there is so much scientific evidence to prove that he doesn’t. Aside from that, if he did exist, why would he allow such heartache, cruelty and devastation to this world and to good and kind people?

It seems to me that most people turn to religion when they need something; guidance or help through tough times, grief, loss, or illness. I think I have been through enough grief and loss for one lifetime and I didn’t find any comfort in God when I lost my parents or was going through a divorce and I honesty don’t think he has anything to do with my current journey to find peace or spirituality. On the other hand, I’m not angry at him or anyone else for that matter over any of it either. I didn’t once believe and then turn away, I guess is what I’m trying to say. I believe one can be spiritual without being religious.

I did not grow up with religion in my home. I was baptized and find a little comfort in knowing that, but remember as a family we stopped going to church on Sundays when I was three or four years old. I have attended services of many faiths and celebrated Muslim, Hindu and Jewish holidays with friends and Christian holidays in my own home.

I know my father was an atheist and we stopped going to church because he thought the people attending the services were hypocrites; they would curse, drink, lie and cheat and then “go get right with God” on Sundays so that they could sleep a little better at night. I think my mother wanted to believe but was probably agnostic. What I am and have been most of my life is agnostic as well, but it wasn’t until I started thinking about this post that I actually looked up the definition. According to Wikipedia:

Agnosticism is the philosophical view that the truth value of certain claims—particularly metaphysical claims regarding theology, afterlife, or the existence of deities, spiritual beings, or even ultimate reality—are unknown, or, in some forms of agnosticism, unknowable. It is not a religious declaration in itself, and an agnostic may also be a theist or an atheist.

The concept of religion is prevalent when it comes to raising a child and both parents need to be on the same page. In our home, I hope that we will try to talk about as many different religions and religious holidays as possible to give some perspective different traditions, helping put the Easters and Christmases in context by discussing them in the same breath as Ramadan or Yom Kippur or Vesak. That’s means a lot of work; comparative religion has never been an area of expertise for me, but I’m open and willing to learn. Perhaps we can invite priests and rabbis into our home to help educate you so that you can make your own decision on which path to follow.

It’s December 1 and Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa will be here before we know it so I encourage everyone to think about what the holiday means to them.

To me, the holidays are about being spending time with those you love, bringing out your inner child, singing carols, sipping hot cocoa, stuffing stockings, delighting in the pure and innocent joy on the faces of children on Christmas morning and the magic of Santa Claus. I also think it’s a perfect time to reflect on the blessings of the past year and the hopefulness of the new year approaching.

The best is yet to be, no matter what your beliefs.

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

Filed Under: controversial topics, holidays, parenting

The Perfect Travel Companion

Posted on November 30, 2009 Written by Tonya

Make no bones about it, traveling with a tot is hard work and while you were an absolute trouper on our trip, I was a mess!

I had a melt down at LAX before even boarding the plane. I discovered that I only had five, count ’em, FIVE diapers for the entire trip to Italy. I hadn’t taken into account our two hour lay over in Paris followed by our 90 minute flight to Florence. I had planned to take an additional five out of the suitcase before checking it and then promptly completely forgot. After checking one sundries store with no luck, I began to cry. Of course, why on earth would diapers be available for sale at the airport? There are too many sizes and not enough shelf space to hold them all and what kind of mother wouldn’t pack enough for an international flight? It’s not like forgetting your toothbrush. This ding bat, that’s who! Mercifully, we found a package of 10 at a cart vendor, of all places by our gate. Whew! That was a close one. What’s so funny now, is that you didn’t need more than the original five I had. Oh well, better safe than sorry.

You were great on the flight after you finally settled down. You recently discovered that you can scream, so you did that for about an hour making your dad and I both want to pull our hair out and then crashed and slept the rest of the way, waking up once to eat and then playing for the last 45 minutes or so.

It took you two nightmarish nights to get on the right time zone, but that was to be expected. You were resilient each day, as we bundled you up in your stroller and walked the bumpy cobble-stoned streets of Florence. You’d sleep a little, take in the sights, pose and smile sweetly for photos and flirt shamelessly with anyone that paid any sort of attention to you.

Half way though our trip, the cold that I had been trying to fight off for a week prior to our trip finally got the best of me and landed me in bed for a day and a half. This provided some great bonding time for you and your dad, but nothing but pure misery for me. One does not go to Europe to be sick in a hotel room should be one of the Ten Commandments.

I powered through on our last day and we had a great time taking the train to visit Pisa and the leaning tower and to Lucca, famous for its intact Renaissance-era city walls and home of your great, great grandparents.

The flight home was especially hard on me. Nasal congestion, sinus pressure and body aches don’t mix well with altitude and cramped seating. I was in tears as we landed in Paris and then again in LA. My ears still haven’t popped. You, on the other hand, aside from the brief screaming outbursts, were once again awesome!

You really were the perfect traveling companion and your dad and I are so grateful. We loved having you in Italy with us. I am also so thankful for your dad’s help because without it, I don’t know how I would have been able to care for you on my own feeling as crummy as I do. You will be accompanying me to the doctor’s office today because my over-the-counter remedies just aren’t cutting it.

The best is yet to be and I’m looking forward to feeling better soon.

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

Filed Under: health, travel

Giving Thanks

Posted on November 26, 2009 Written by Tonya

I love being in Italy, but I must admit that there is a little part of me that is missing the traditional Thanksgiving feast. I love me some turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing and chocolate pie (I have never been a fan of pumpkin pie).

I am also missing the tradition of going around the table and sharing things that I am thankful for this year. I am finding myself a little more thankful this year and here are a few items on my list:

  • The 35 years I had with my parents.
  • A supportive, loving and all around kick ass husband, who also happens to be an amazing father.
  • A happy, healthy and flourishing baby boy.
  • Being able to stay at home and raise my son.
  • Friends and family near and far, old and new, especially my fellow new mommies. I don’t know where I’d be without them!
  • Living in Southern California where there is sunshine 360 days a year.
  • This blog, which has proven to be one of the very best things I have ever done for myself.
  • My new iPhone. I love being able to check my e-mail and play Scrabble from anywhere.
  • Extra long foot massages, pajamas, champagne, TiVo and sleep!
  • The ability to travel to far away places, have exciting adventures, meet new people and then return safely home.

I encourage everyone to give thanks and count your blessings every day.

post signature

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

Filed Under: holidays, list, TBW, travel

La Dolce Vita

Posted on November 25, 2009 Written by Tonya

I love Europe. The thing I enjoy most about being in Europe, aside from the fact that almost everyone you encounter is stunning (especially in Italy…more on that in a moment), the history is rich and the wine is delicious, is the slower pace of life. You can park yourself at a sidewalk cafe and literally watch the world go by for hours on end and be in the company of locals doing the exact same thing. Without a doubt, Europeans place a lot more value on their leisure time than Americans and I have got to tell you, it is so refreshing and more importantly, relaxing to be a part of this lifestyle for a few days.

Appearances matter in Italy. The Italians live by the code bella figura and it is more than just dressing well. It extends to the aura a person projects too. La bella figura represents the Italian concept that you must always look and act your best in every situation. It translates roughly to “beautiful image” and is a central part of Italian culture.

Regardless of their socioeconomic status, Italians are well-dressed and artfully groomed people, and they also seem to naturally move, stand, and sit in a manner that makes them look their best. A task not easily accomplished by this clumsy, you (us) with compliments and even holding you. In fact, our waiter last night showed you off to other diners. It would seem that you have already tapped into your bella figura and are making new friends left and right.

For all of the wonderful things that Italy is, I am so surprised at how touristy and comercialized it has become. I vaguely remember being here with my parents back in 1983, when my father had to see everything Michelangelo; his birth place, homes, schools, tomb and the famous statues he created alike and with that trip, Florence became one of my dad’s favorite cities in the world. I think he’d be quite disappointed in today’s Florence. The simple charm that once made this city unique has been replaced by graffiti and high-end retail stores. I am hoping during our last days we can find some of that charm by taking a day trip out of the city to visit Pisa and Lucca.

The best is yet to be.

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

Filed Under: travel

Arrivederci

Posted on November 20, 2009 Written by Tonya

We may be glutton for punishment, but we are taking you to Europe for Thanksgiving. This time tomorrow we will be in Florence, Italy, where we will be spending the week and I am so excited for your first trip across the Atlantic.

You have already been on five airplanes visiting your grandparents in the Bay Area and while we are talking about a flight 12 times the length and inevitable jet lag, you have been an excellent traveler so far. For this trip, we have reserved the bulk head seats giving us a little extra room and a hanging bassinet, so my fingers and toes are crossed that you will sleep most of the way.

Although you will never remember this trip, we will take lots of photos and tell you all about it as soon as you are old enough and maybe even bring you back someday!

While we are away, I am going to try to blog as often as I can, but this week is about being on vacation with my family. I wish all of my blog readers a very happy, safe Thanksgiving and a fun and family-filled long weekend. Ciao!

The best is yet to be.

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

Filed Under: milestones, travel

So Damn Lucky

Posted on November 19, 2009 Written by Tonya

When I was pregnant, ultrasounds showed that one of your kidneys was bigger than normal and I was told that it wasn’t a big deal and in fact, “very common in boys”. After you were born, our pediatrician, whom I love, wanted you to have an ultrasound for good measure.

The results were inconclusive and so more tests were ordered and a visit with a urologist was scheduled.

The urologist ordered a voiding cystourethrogram (VCUG), a technique for watching a person’s urethra and urinary bladder while the person urinates (voids). The technique consists of catheterizing the person, in this case little you, in order to fill the bladder with a contrast liquid. Under fluoroscopy (real time x-rays) the radiologist watches the contrast enter the bladder and looks at the anatomy of the patient. If the contrast moves into the ureters and back into the kidneys, the radiologist makes the diagnosis of vesicoureteral reflux, and gives the degree of severity a score. The exam ends when the person pees (voids) on the table while the radiologist is watching under fluoroscopy. Long story short, you did exactly what you were suppose to and your kidneys appear to be completely fine. We will have a follow-up visit with the urologist in six months.

Now on to the point of my post…

We had to go to Rady Children’s Hospital for each of these different appointments, one of the top pediatric hospitals in the country according to Parents magazine and it occurred to me while we were there how lucky your dad and I are to have such a healthy baby.

While in the radiology waiting room, I saw young cancer patients and children walking around in the hallways with what appeared to be oxygen tanks, IVs and other tubes sticking out of their arms and it broke my heart.

I had been bitching about having to take you to these appointments because I felt like they were completely unnecessary. You have none of the signs of kidney failure, but at the end of the day, it is my job as your parent to protect you and make you safe, no matter what, as long as it is within my power to do so and if that means having a few simple tests run, then so be. In other words, it’s always better to be safe than sorry and I had absolutely no reason to complain. These were minor tests in the grand scheme of things and although I think I cried more than you did when they inserted the catheter, I realized how blessed we are with good health.

I don’t know what the prognosis is for those children I saw at the hospital, but I wish them a speedy recovery and their parents all the strength in the world.

The best is yet to be and let’s hope we all stay well.

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

Filed Under: health

In Denial

Posted on November 18, 2009 Written by Tonya

I’m in denial. Although our pediatrician told me not to start feeding you solid food until you were six months old, I think you might be ready now. I read in my baby development books over the weekend that babies can start solids between four and six months, which is exactly where we’re at. There are other signs too, such as: the fact that you can hold up your head, you have outgrown the tongue-thrust reflex and you show great interest in what’s on my plate.

I also read that a five month old should be introduced to the sippy cup! I’m freaking out. I am not ready for you to be drinking out of a cup, let alone eat real food. We don’t even have a high chair yet!

Choosing the perfect high chair aside, there are other decisions to make and things to consider when starting solids, like; should I be making my own baby food and how exactly does one do that or if I don’t, which store brand is best? How do I know when it is safe to move on to a new menu item? What if you are allergic to something? Does solid food mean solid poops, and don’t get me started on the messes and dishes that come with it all or the logistics of traveling with baby food. Ugh!

I am excited for you to eat, I really am, but honestly a part of me wishes that you could just stay five months old and that I could feed you from a bottle forever. I know that is more than slightly unrealistic and as your dad said, we need to relish these changes and your growth. He’s right and I suppose I could try, but I’m going to need to take baby steps. Two days ago, I bought a box of organic baby cereal and it is still sitting unopened on our kitchen counter…stay tuned.

The best is yet to be.

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

Filed Under: a mother's guilt, change, kid food, milestones

Babyrazzi

Posted on November 17, 2009 Written by Tonya

I am a such a sucker for celebrity news and gossip, People and Us Weekly magazines and if your dad isn’t around, I watch Access Hollywood and Entertainment Tonight. I especially love seeing the offspring of my favorite stars and watching as celebrity moms get back into pre-baby shape in what seems like the blink of the eye. I like to see how they are dressing their tots and what stroller they are pushing them around in (not that I could ever afford baby couture!) and most of all, what they will name their little bundles of joy.

My favorite celebrity moms are Jennifer Garner (Violet and Seraphnia), Jennie Garth (Luca, Lola, and Fiona), Gwen Stefani (Kingston and Zuma), Sarah Jessica Parker (James Wilkie, twins Loretta and Tabitha), Julia Roberts (twins Hazel, Phinnaeus and Henry), Victoria Beckham (Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz) and of course, Bradgelina (Maddox, Zahara, Pax, Shiloh, twins Knox and Vivienne).

I do feel bad for the celeb who is trying to enjoy an afternoon in the park with their toddler as the paparazzi swarms around them determined to capture a tabloid-worthy photo. They are just people and just because we know their names doesn’t mean we know them.

I think it’s really wonderful, on the other hand, when celebrities use their notoriety to bring more awareness to certain topics, particularly when the topic is children.

For example, I have an immense amount of respect for Ricki Lake and was heavily influenced by the documentary she and her friend Abby Epstein produced called The Business of Being Born and I read their book, Your Best Birth when I was pregnant. Both were extremely informative, empowering and I believe should be viewed and read by every expecting mother as she chooses what kind of birth she wants.

I love that former Playboy playmate Jenny McCarthy is an activist promoting scientifically unsupported claims that vaccines cause autism and that chelation therapy is effective against autism. As spokesperson for Talk About Curing Autism (TACA), she participates in fundraisers, online chats, and other activities for the non-profit organization to help families affected by autism disorders. Her Belly Laughs and Baby Laughs are also the closet books that I’ve read that tell it like it really is to be pregnant and a new mom.

Another celebrity mom I admire is Brooke Shields, not only because I think she is beautiful and talented, but I respect her for sharing her own personal experience with postpartum depression in her book, Down Came the Rain. Postpartum depression is a very serious condition and I applaud her for putting a very real face (and name) to it.

Love ’em or hate ’em, celebrities and the tabloids they appear in seem to be here to stay and they will continue to have babies so I’ll continue to be entertained and sometimes informed.

The best is yet to be.

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Last Will And Testament

Posted on November 16, 2009 Written by Tonya

No one likes to talk about death, but it’s inevitable. It is going to happen, it’s just a matter of when. People aren’t comfortable with the notion of not being here and it’s very strange thinking about and especially talking out loud about your own mortality and what your wishes are after you are gone, but it is completely necessary.

I am so thankful that my parents had the forethought to create a Will and although it was very dated, it served as a helpful road map to my sister and I as we settled their estate.

Your dad and I are in the process of creating a Living Trust should something happen to either or both of us and while you and I were in the Bay Area last week, I met with our attorney. He had me hand write my Last Will and Testament, which immediately protects you and names your guardian. It was a totally surreal exercise, but I know more than most, how life can turn on a dime, so I feel an enormous sense of comfort just knowing that this piece of paper now exists.

I urge my small audience here to encourage their parents, if still living to face the difficult task of developing a their Wills and also to start thinking about their own desires. Better late than never, as they say and I believe that this legal declaration is one of the most important ones we have to make.

The best is yet to be.

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

Filed Under: difficult subjects

Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk

Posted on November 14, 2009 Written by Tonya

A year ago next weekend, your aunt Leah and I participated in the San Diego Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk benefiting Susan G. Komen for the Cure. I was 12 weeks pregnant with you and had to get special permission from my doctor to participate.

The Breast Cancer 3-Day is an amazing 60-mile journey that helps mothers, sisters, spouses and friends get one step closer to a world without breast cancer. It is three very inspirational, very grueling, very powerful days and it was my pleasure to be a part of it.

Together, Leah and I raised over $5000 and were two among almost 4000 walkers (597 were men!). The money we raised helped to save lives.

I had walked in the event previously in 2001, so I had a a pretty good idea of what to expect…muscle aches and pains, blisters between your toes, long lines for the showers that were in trucks?!, cold nights on the hard ground in bright pink tents as far as your eye could see, entire neighborhoods urging you to take one more step by clapping and providing entertainment and snacks as you walked by and lots of heartfelt emotion.

Nothing could compare though to walking with my sister. She had every ailment in the book; from blisters and sore muscles to a strange rash all over her feet and ankles and the wrong size sports bra, but she never let any of it get her down and all the while making me laugh mile after mile after mile. It was one of the best weekends we have spent together.

This weekend, Leah is serving as a volunteer crew member in the Phoenix 3-Day Walk and I am very proud of her. We were both so motivated by the cheering and enthusiastic staff along the route as walkers, that I know having gone through it, she’ll be great being on the other side. I can’t wait to hear about her experience. Way to go, Leah!

The best is yet to be and I’m thankful that I still don’t know anyone that has had breast cancer!

Related Posts:

  • Not Just Another Three Days
  • Save The Ta-Tas
  • Reflections On 39 Years

Filed Under: 3-day, aunt leah, exercise Tagged With: 3-day, aunt leah, exercise

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • …
  • 111
  • 112
  • 113
  • 114
  • 115
  • …
  • 121
  • Next Page »

Subscribe TwitterFacebook Email

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

My Parents

Photobucket

I was a Listen To Your Mother Cast Member! Click on image to view my reading:

I was a Listen To Your Mother Cast Member! Click on image to view my reading:

Proud to have my writing featured here:

Proud to have my writing featured here:
Blog Archive

What I’m Pinning

Letters For Lucas
BlogWithIntegrity.com

What I Write About

a mother's guilt annoyances aunt leah birthdays blog books challenges conversations with Lucas DMB exercise family friends grandparents gratitude grief guest post holidays KRA Letters For You list loss love mama kat's writer's workshop memories me time milestones motherhood MSA NaBloPoMo parenthood parenting photos praise pregnancy2 question quotes SAHM school siblings simple joys TBW TDA bio travel update writing

Creative Kristi Designs

Copyright © 2009- 2025 · Letters For Lucas · Design By Creative Kristi Designs