Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Guest Post

Posted on November 2, 2009 Written by Tonya

Your aunt Leah was one of the first people that I told I was blogging and she has become a faithful reader and commenter (!). My posts have spawned several in depth conversations between us and have brought us closer.

I have asked her if she would like to be a guest poster from time to time and here is her first message to you:

November 2, 2009

Dear Lucas,

Lately, I’ve spent a lot of time with you and your mom. I went to visit you guys in San Diego a couple weeks ago and just got home from meeting you two in Tucson. Since you were born, almost five short months ago, I try to come visit at least once a month. These visits usually land on a holiday of some kind or another event. I came to San Diego last week because Thursday, October 15 marked the 2 year anniversary since your mom’s and my parents passed away. We would like to always be together on this day. I am sure by now, you have heard all about your Grandma and Grandpa Adams .

Your Grandma and Grandpa loved children and loved making them laugh. They would have surely enjoyed making you giggle! They were very loving people and whenever I was with them, I felt love. It’s hard to explain but I really did feel that way when I was around them. Your grandparents also loved hugging and kissing. They were incredible parents and would have had a lot of love to give you. I am deeply sorry that you missed out on meeting them but I hope through our stories you will grow to know them and love them just the same. They would have been so proud of your mom. They were very excited to see her as a mother.

Nothing can describe how happy I feel to be able to spend all this time with you two. You make me very happy and have the unique power to instantly cheer me up! I swear its true! I seem to have the fun ability to make you smile with my goofy voices and my facial expressions. I am thankful to you that whenever I am feeling sad I look at a picture of you and I’m reminded of how much love there is now in our family.

Well, until my next blog, Lucas, all my love! I am sure that I’ll be seeing you very soon!

Love,

Your aunt, Leah

Thanks for being my first guest poster, Leah and for your kind words.

Until next time, the best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, family, guest post

Cheeky Monkey

Posted on October 31, 2009 Written by Tonya

Today is your first Halloween and while you won’t be trick-or-treating, we did dress you up as a monkey. You looked so funny to me in your costume, that it made me laugh so hard I cried. You were totally unfazed by it too, which was half the fun! I think you kind of liked being so cozy and covered from head to toe.

Your aunt Leah and I took you out to breakfast yesterday in your costume and your dad and I took you out to dinner in it tonight. Everyone around us commented on the cute little monkey.

Next year we will take you trick-or-treating and here’s hoping you’ll get lot of Snickers bars….those are my favorite. 🙂

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: holidays, milestones

Cut Me Some Slack

Posted on October 30, 2009 Written by Tonya

I don’t get it. As frustrating as babies can be, with their sometimes incessant whining and always needing something (attention) every other minute, it seems as though mothers would get a break when it comes to everything else.

For example, I struggled with the DVD player last night until I wanted to pull my hair out, I drove circles around a parking lot yesterday trying to find a place that wasn’t across the street, the toaster oven decided to, for whatever reason, quick toasting; the power cord for my lap top was just two inches shy of reaching the outlet and being able to sit on my lap while running on the back up battery, I felt like I needed to have a degree in curio shelf removal in order to get the damn thing off the wall and I didn’t know that Tucson was expecting a cold front and was going to be 40 degrees this morning, so on top of everything else, I’m freezing! It has been one thing after another and I have just about had it.

The trips out here are difficult and my nerves are always a bit more frayed than usual, so that may have a lot to do with my disposition. All in all, it was a successful week and I’m glad that we came. It’s time to go home now and resume our normal routine. Oh, and we are both ready to see your dad! 🙂

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized

Desert Beauty

Posted on October 28, 2009 Written by Tonya

My parents’ stateside home was in Tucson, Arizona. Although their house is virtually empty now, there is still much work to be done to it cosmetically before it can be sold. Your dad is in London on another work trip, (thankfully, his last for a while) so we are in Tucson for the week with roofers, painters and carpenters arriving first thing tomorrow morning to begin some of the necessary projects.

It is hard to be here with you without my parents and especially emotional for me to have you here without them. It just doesn’t seem right. It is a shell of a house now and doesn’t feel like our home anymore. Luckily, your ever faithful and helpful aunt is here with us. She is stronger than I give her credit for and is such a blessing to have by my side through these difficult tasks.

I always loved coming home and will miss it very much when this house finally does sell and we no longer have a reason to come out here. I will also miss the beautiful desert. There is something completely magical about it to me. It’s hard to describe the beauty of the rich earth tones, the surrounding majestic mountains, the tall saguaro cactus, or the thrill of a quick glimpse at quail, cottontails or roadrunners. It’s gorgeous and you are here for the first time. The desert will always make me think of my mom and dad and their love of the weather, the stunning Arizona sunsets, golf and coyotes howling in their backyard.

The best is yet to be and I am so happy that Arizona will always be the first state outside of California that you were in.

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Filed Under: milestones

Babies

Posted on October 26, 2009 Written by Tonya

Sometimes I look at you and can’t even believe how amazing the miracle of like is. Two people met, fell in love, said “I do” and together made a human being. It’s as simple and as complicated as that. It’s mind boggling and wonderful. Babies are only babies for so long, so here are some quotes that celebrate these little creatures:

“That’s the strange thing about being a mother: until you have a baby, you don’t even realize how much you were missing one.” – Jodi Picoult, Vanishing Acts: A Novel

“Having a baby is like getting a tattoo on your face. You really need to be certain it’s what you want before you commit.” – Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia

“The cultural idiom of motherhood, and the only one that people find bearable, is that once a woman has produced a child she bonds with it in utter devotion, forgets her own wishes, and sacrifices herself for her baby. When she does not slip easily into this role, she risks the accusation of being a bad mother.” – Sheila Kitzinger, The Year After Childbirth

“I like beginnings because they’re so full of promise. The first page of a book, the first day of a job, the first time you buy yourself flowers, the first date with a new man, the first touch, the first kiss, the first kick of a good liquor, the first moment you hold your own baby. I like beginnings because I know there’s always more to come.” – Shyma Perera, Bitter Sweet Symphony

“A baby is born with a need to be loved and never outgrows it.” – Frank A. Clark

“Babies are necessary to grown-ups. A new baby is like the beginning of all things –wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities. In a world that is cutting down its trees to build highways, losing its earth to concrete… babies are almost the only remaining link with nature, with the natural world of living things from which we spring.” – Eda J. Le Shan

“A woman has two smiles that an angel might envy – the smile that accepts a lover before words are uttered, and the smile that lights on the first born babe, and assures it of a mother’s love.” – Thomas C. Haliburton

“A baby is God’s opinion that the world should go on.” – Carl Sandburg

My personal favorite:

“Babies are such a nice way to start people.” – Don Herrold

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: motherhood, quotes, warm fuzzy

Date Night

Posted on October 25, 2009 Written by Tonya

For my birthday this year, your dad got me tickets to see theater production of Disney’s The Lion King and back in June, when you were just three weeks old, it seemed forever away. We went to the musical last night while you stayed with a *paid* baby sitter for the fourth time in your life.

The show was amazing, especially the opening scene. It made me cry. The animals come to life through beautiful puppet-like costumes, masks and music. I kept thinking how much you would have enjoyed seeing all the different colors, lights and dancing.

It was really nice to spend some time alone with your dad, too and we tried our hardest not to talk about you, but somehow our conversation always drifted back to our favorite little topic. 🙂

Last night also marked the first time that you slept all night long! The sitter put you down at 7:30 and while you did stir a little at 2:00, you didn’t wake up until almost 6:00. Hooray!! The best part? After a full bottle, you went back to sleep. I am going to have to find out what the baby sitter’s secret is.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: date night, milestones, TBW

More On Stuff

Posted on October 24, 2009 Written by Tonya

I love comedian George Carlin, who we unfortunately lost last year to heart failure. After my post yesterday, I remembered he had a hilarious routine around the concept of “stuff”.

Check it out on You Tube.

Carlin’s belief was that we all have a large supply of stuff, possibly too much stuff, but we insist on storing it in smaller and smaller containers of stuff. When our closets become full of too much stuff, we move some of it to drawers. If we need stuff for vacation, we put some of our original stuff in suitcases. We even buy smaller versions of stuff just to have on hand when we leave our big stuff behind on a trip and on and on it goes….

The best is yet to be minus some of the stuff.

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Filed Under: mess, stuff, video

My Stuff Has Stuff

Posted on October 23, 2009 Written by Tonya

I wouldn’t call myself a pack rat necessarily, in fact I hate clutter. Our house is always tidy, but I do have a desk I can barely see the surface of because it is covered with piles of paperwork and our garage has way too many plastic storage containers of God knows what. The bottom line is I have too much stuff!

I keep movie, concert and sporting event ticket stubs, thank you cards, wedding invitations, restaurant business cards and other little mementos. I used to put these things lovingly into scrap books, but then I had big bulky scrap books and no where to store them. Plus, they were a pain-in-the-neck to move. Now, these are keepsakes are stuffed in a drawer. I started collecting Christmas decorations back in high school and I haven’t even put up a tree in over five years. That will change, now that I have a child, but you and I both know I don’t need that much holiday cheer. I have more tank tops, pajamas and pairs of jeans than I will ever wear and more books than I will ever read, but I just keep buying more because I love them.

Now that I have a baby, I have baby stuff and lots of it. My latest stuff dilemma is whether I should get rid of the clothes you have outgrown already or keep them in a – you guessed it, plastic storage bin for our next child? And what if I keep them all and we have a girl? Will be be so lucky to have a third and there’s a 50% chance that she’ll be a girl too.

I have so much stuff that my stuff has stuff! I have always known this, but it became a lot more clear when my parents died and my sister and I had to go through not one, but two of their homes full of their stuff. Initially, it was difficult to decide what to do with all of their belongings. We wanted to make sure that everything was carefully sorted through and that the items neither of us wanted were donated to the appropriate places. During this process, which we are still in the middle of, I realized that their stuff…books, photos, dishes, clothes, wall hangings, school supplies, nick knacks, etc. was just that…stuff and it didn’t define them. It wasn’t who they were, it wasn’t what I would remember or carry in my hearts now that they were gone. After having this epiphany, it made it easier to let go of the inanimate objects and in most cases downright junk! After all, how many water bottles, beach towels, or hammers does one household need anyway?

I know I’m not alone, I think most people in America have too much stuff. We are painfully addicted to buying new stuff and with each new purchase we consume more non-renewable resources, pollute the planet, and create lots of garbage. Why?

Over the years, stuff has gotten a lot cheaper, but our attitudes toward it haven’t changed correspondingly. We overvalue stuff.

The worst kind of stuff is the stuff we own that we consider “too good” to use…our fine china, overpriced perfume, expensive pearls, good linens, Tiffany wine glasses, all the stuff we save for when family comes to visit or special occasions. What are we saving it for? It’s just sitting there collecting dust and it’s all replaceable if broken.

The better question is, how did this affair we all have with stuff get started?

Orion magazine’s excellent article by Jeffrey Kaplan, titled, The Gospel of Consumption, sheds some light on the problem’s history. In the late 1920s, after the war, America had excess manufacturing capacity. We began to invent needs rather than fulfill them. Kaplan writes:

“In a 1927 interview with the magazine Nation’s Business, Secretary of Labor James J. Davis provided some numbers to illustrate a problem that the New York Times called “need saturation.” Davis noted that ‘the textile mills of this country can produce all the cloth needed in six months’ operation each year’ and that 14 percent of the American shoe factories could produce a year’s supply of footwear. The magazine went on to suggest, ‘It may be that the world’s needs ultimately will be produced by three days’ work a week.’

“President Herbert Hoover’s 1929 Committee on Recent Economic Changes observed in glowing terms the results: “By advertising and other promotional devices…a measurable pull on production has been created which releases capital otherwise tied up.” They celebrated the conceptual breakthrough: “Economically we have a boundless field before us; that there are new wants which will make way endlessly for newer wants, as fast as they are satisfied.”

“Our modern predicament is a case in point. By 2005 per capita household spending (in inflation-adjusted dollars) was twelve times what it had been in 1929, while per capita spending for durable goods — the big stuff such as cars and appliances — was thirty-two times higher. And according to reports by the Federal Reserve Bank in 2004 and 2005, over 40 percent of American families spend more than they earn. The average household carries $18,654 in debt, not including home-mortgage debt, and the ratio of household debt to income is at record levels, having roughly doubled over the last two decades. We are quite literally working ourselves into a frenzy just so we can consume all that our machines can produce.”

We know our unsustainable rate of consumption impoverishes the planet; it also does the same to our souls. All the “stuff” we lust after does not tend to make us happier.

“We have impoverished our human communities with a form of materialism that leaves us in relative isolation from family, friends, and neighbors. We simply don’t have time for them. Unlike our great-grandparents who passed the time, we spend it. An outside observer might conclude that we are in the grip of some strange curse, like a modern-day King Midas whose touch turns everything into a product built around a microchip.”

Kaplan reminds us that time is also a non-renewable resource. Perhaps, by conserving time, we’d have time enough to realize what makes us truly happy.

Read the full story in Orion magazine by clicking here.

Call it keeping up with the Joneses, an insatiable need to have the next big thing, the latest and greatest, or simply trying to fill a void, too much stuff, is too much. I believe that it’s the people we surround ourselves with, the meaningful conversations we have them, the places we travel to, our life accomplishments and the books we read that are the elements that make us happy, not all the stuff. I don’t know about you, but it’s time for me to purge.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: mess, stuff

My, How Times Have Changed

Posted on October 22, 2009 Written by Tonya

When I was pregnant, I knew 18 other expecting mothers. All were long time friends or women I had worked with, 90% were expecting baby boys and there were two sets of twins. It seemed like every time I shared our good news, they were sharing theirs right back. Lucky me, a network of mommies!

The ones who already had a baby were eager to reminisce about what it was like, and the ones who were pregnant loved tossing symptoms, decorating ideas and information on the latest diaper bag, bassinet and everything else there is for baby back and forth. The ones who weren’t pregnant asked a lot of questions because they would be there soon themselves.

Fast forward a few months and I can’t believe that all but one of those babies has been born and that most of my friends and I all have children and in two cases 🙂 are already working on baby number two!

Lucas and I had a mommy and me play date today with three of my closest friends and their children and as I sat on the floor wiping up his spit for the umpteenth time, I couldn’t help but think, my, how times have changed. Everything from our appearances to our conversations. We have been mom-ified! Now, it’s all about our children; their needs, diaper changes, naps and feedings…as well it should be.

I am thankful that my friends and I can still together, even if we have to eat our lunch in shifts, care for each others children while one of us uses the ladies room and have our chit chat broken up by our babies fussing. I know somewhere in there remains some version of our old selves. At least, I hope so.

The best is yet to be and here’s hoping there are many more play dates in our future.

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Filed Under: change

Pure And Simple

Posted on October 21, 2009 Written by Tonya

I have to admit I was a bit apprehensive about my husband becoming a father. To be honest, I really didn’t know what to expect. I knew he had never even held a baby for more than 30 seconds and had never ever changed a diaper before our son’s. He assured me throughout my pregnancy that he would be “different” with his own child. I didn’t know what that meant exactly but I had no choice but to trust him and hope for the best. How pleasantly surprised (and relieved) was I to discover that he took to fatherhood like a fish to water and is more comfortable than I was/am and much calmer too. It was love at first sight for both my son and his father.

There is nothing sweeter on earth than seeing the two of them together. Lucas’ eyes light up as big as saucers whenever he sees his daddy, especially when they have been a part for a few days. Their relationship is pure and simple and their bond already runs deep and wide and is very special. Their connection completely melts my heart and makes me fall a little more in love with them both each and every time I witness it.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: TBW, warm fuzzy

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