Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Growing Up

Posted on October 28, 2010 Written by Tonya

They say youth is wasted on the young.

They are right.

When I was younger I couldn’t wait to grow up.

I was a a fool.

I wanted to live by my own rules and not have anyone breathing down my neck about my homework, bedroom or social life.

It was for my own good.

I wanted to crank up my music as loud as could without anyone asking me to turn it down and dress all in black if the mood struck me without anyone harping on me about it or reading into it.

What the hell did I know?

I wanted my own car so that I could go wherever I wanted whenever I wanted, instead of having to negotiate pick ups, drop offs and chaperones. I hated having a curfew and thought, when I grow up and I’m out on my own, I’ll stay out all night long if I want to.

I was cared for and loved.

I wanted my own money so that I could buy whatever I wanted, shop to my heart’s content, throw elaborate parties for all my friends and look and feel fabulous all the while.

I must have been wearing rose-colored glasses.

When I was younger, I thought being a grown up would be so fun. So glamorous.

Ha!

I never stopped to think about how I was going to pay for my super exciting adult life. I didn’t know the first thing about living on my own or working a 40+ hour week, car insurance, medical bills, parenthood or responsibility.

Being an adult is tough and full of stresses and heartaches. I didn’t know how easy and carefree being a kid was and I wish I had appreciated it more.

Growing up doesn’t happen overnight, and in a lot of ways, even though my 38 years says I’m an adult now, I feel like I am still a work in progress. I am STILL growing up, coming into my own and becoming comfortable in my skin.

Much of my growing up has happened since I became a mother. In the last 16 months, I have realized how quickly time passes and how my priorities (whether I like it or not) have shifted. I have also come to realize that growing up is about courage. And discovery. And change.

I can’t wait to see what kind of man Lucas will be someday, but I hope it doesn’t happen too fast.

I like my life and there are very few things that I would change about it and I would never go back to being a kid again, but I do wish I could have waited to get older.

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Filed Under: change

You Know You’re A Mom When-sDaze

Posted on October 27, 2010 Written by Tonya

You know you’re a mom when…

  • You walk around with raccoon eyes and people often tell you you look tired or my new favorite, ‘fatigued’ and you feel like screaming, “uh, no s*it, I have a toddler!”.
  • You hire a babysitter for the evening so that you can go out with your friends, but all you really want to do is to curl up in front of the TV in your pjs.
  • You carry your SPF face cream with you in your purse because 90% of the time you walk out of the house without putting it on because you are too busy getting your child ready.
  • You can’t wait until your tot can tell you exactly what they’re thinking because you just want to know what’s going on inside their head.
  • Even though you know it’s bad to linger, the sad face and cries for “mama” break your heart when you are trying to get out the door without him.
  • It’s a productive day when you get a three hour long nap from your little one. Bless you child!

Be sure to link up with your own You Know You’re a Mom When-sDaze list at Mommy of a Monster.

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Love Bites

Posted on October 27, 2010 Written by Tonya

It has only happened a couple of times, but when toddler kisses turn into bites, they hurt and leave a mark.
If this turns into a Twilight discussion, for the record I’m on Team Edward.

This post is for Wordless Wednesdays and if you want to link up or see some really beautiful photographs, visit Alicia at A Beautiful Mess.

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Filed Under: movies, photos, wordless wednesdays

16 Months

Posted on October 26, 2010 Written by Tonya

Lucas will be 17 months old next week and I just realized I completely missed recording his 16 month milestones. Oops!

Lucas is becoming very VERY communicative and demonstrative and the boy has no fear.

He motors up and down the stairs on his feet, with the help of the handrail, scribbles with a crayon with abandon, has roughly 40 words in his vocabulary, of which “no”, “yes-y”, “choo choo” and “let’s go” are his favorites, he loves taking baths, climbing on furniture, reading books, hanging out at the park, eating apple sauce and is head over heels for this guy:this guy:and this guy, who overnight went from “Da Da” to “Daddy”.I love watching Lucas with his Daddy. Theirs is a very special relationship. My feelings on the other two guys, I’ll save for a later post.

Lucas is retaining so much it’s scary! I blogged about our visit to the pumpkin patch last week, where Lucas saw his first scarecrow and five days later, while we were in the supermarket, he started pointing and yelling “crow, crow, crow” and I looked up to see there was a scarecrow decoration on top of one of the aisles. He had only ever heard me use the word once a dozen times, how did he recall that?

Also, recently I was singing the Do-Re-Mi song from The Sound of Music and Lucas emphatically said “stop”, to which I replied, “oh, you don’t like that song?”, and he responded, “no”. I asked him if there was something in particular that he wanted me to sing instead in complete denial that it could possibly just be my voice. He looked at me sort of puzzled and then said “moon”. I started singing the moon song and he lit up like a Christmas tree. Stinker!

We are working on using sippy cups more, eating on our own without throwing our food on the floor or stabbing ourselves with a fork, independent play and having a regulated nap time. So far so good…. Next up will be the introduction of cow’s milk, more crafts and concentration on letters and colors.

Our little guy is growing up right before our eyes and it’s bittersweet to witness.

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Filed Under: change, elmo, milestones, praise, TBW, TV

In Treatment – Update

Posted on October 26, 2010 Written by Tonya

I can’t thank you enough for the support and words of wisdom on my In Treatment (click here to read the original post) post a couple of weeks ago.

I’m pretty much an open book when it comes to this blog, and as I’ve said before I use my writing as a way to get stuff off my chest, clear my head and share myself with my son and readers. I was a bit apprehensive about admitting that I need professional help and that I was going (back) to therapy.

Therapy has such a negative stigma associated with it and I was very nervous about the response I would receive by making such an admission, but I had no reason to be. Once again, the blog world and family and friends alike lifted me up instead of knocking me down and the outreach and positive response was overwhelming. Thank you! Thank you for supporting me and thank you for being so wonderful.

I’ve had my first appointment and it went really well. I’m looking forward to more and while I’m on this journey to happiness, clarity and understanding, here are just a few things that make me smile along the way:

Life is pretty good, after all.

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Filed Under: photos, therapy, update, warm fuzzy

F-A-T – Update

Posted on October 25, 2010 Written by Tonya

This week is going to be Follow-Up Week on Letters For Lucas. I have poured my heart out and shared a lot recently and want to clarify and update you on a few posts.

Last month, I received more comments on my post F-A-T (click here to read the original post) than I have on any other post. To all of you that read, commented and could relate, thank you. I love receiving comments and always appreciate what my readers have to say (on and off line) and particularly enjoy learning something new from your perspective. I wish I had more time to engage in an open dialogue with each and every one of you.

I knew that I would be touching a nerve with many of you in this post because weight is such a difficult, frustrating and lifetime issue for so many of us. It is also a very hard topic to discuss because it is a very personal matter. What works for one person, may not work for another and we all have reasons for why we are over or under weight, obsess about exercising or drown our sorrows in food. Many of these reasons come from our childhood and our role models. In my case, my mother.

I have never talked about my mother’s weight with anyone (a part from my sister, husband and a handful of very close friends) before. I couldn’t even talk to my own mother about it, so I had never really explored my own feelings about my body and weight until I wrote that post.

Before I pressed [publish], I read the post to Todd and he warned me that it might be a little “too brave”. For the record, I rarely run my blog posts by my husband, but for some reason, I did this time. I don’t want to be monitored here and I wasn’t looking for his approval; this is my blog, my space and as I’ve stated before, I write for me and Lucas, however, I do feel a certain amount of responsibility and would rather not offend or piss off any of my readers.

With F-A-T, I sincerely hope that I did not come across insensitive to those of you that have or do struggle with your weight. I know that it is a real problem and that for many of you is a daily source of aggravation.

I also didn’t mean to offend anyone by touting that I have never been on a diet. Trust me when I say that I would be bigger than a house if I didn’t exercise. My conscience choice to exercise (and love of exercise) along with using my mother as an example of what not to do were the two main reasons for my post.

Please keep reading, commenting and letting me know how you feel.
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Filed Under: blog, controversial topics, difficult subjects, exercise, milestones, update, weight

Pumpkin Patch Visits

Posted on October 24, 2010 Written by Tonya

We have been to the pumpkin patch twice this month, once with my Mommy & Me group and two days later with my sister, friend Colleen, her son, sister and niece.

The first visit was to Bates Nut Farm (the same place we went last year) and it was so hot that none of the toddlers were really up for picking or posing with pumpkins. Who could blame them? 102?! In October!

Lucas did get to ride his first pony, although he wasn’t that in to it. I’m blaming the heat.These were the only two decent photos out of 70 (!) that we got:

Two days later, it rained and was even chilly. Mother Nature, I’m not sure what you’re up to, but the cooler weather made for much happier photos, that’s for sure.

This time we went to the petting zoo first….

and then Lucas came face-to-face with his first scarecrow.

It’s hard enough to get one toddler to pose and smile for the camera and downright impossible to capture two. What you don’t see in this photo are four grown women jumping and dancing all around and making funny noises behind the lens.

Nothing worked, but it was a fun Fall outing anyway. Both trips.

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Filed Under: friends, holidays, milestones, outing, photos, weather

What Not To Wear

Posted on October 21, 2010 Written by Tonya

I have an age old problem… a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear.

There are some days that I feel like taking a blow torch to my entire wardrobe and starting over from scratch.

It’s all organized and I can find stuff, that’s not the problem. I just don’t like what’s in there.

Like you, I’m sure, I have several articles of clothing that I just had to have that still have the tags on them, a variety of sizes, too many pairs of jeans, not enough color, pieces that I will never wear again because they are itchy, outdated, I have nothing to pair with them, or basically had no idea what I was thinking when I purchased them in the first place.

I have clothes that don’t fit my lifestyle anymore and some I hope never will again.

I have fallen in love with a pair of shoes that I bought with the intention of building an outfit around and it hasn’t happened yet and I have shoes that are a half size too small because they complete an assemble I already have perfectly, but never wear because the shoes hurt my feet!

I have a few favorites that are in desperate need of retiring, pants in need of hemming, stains that won’t come out, ripped jackets, suits in need of a second hand store and sports bras that are ready for the trash.

I don’t own enough sweaters and the ones I do have, pill. I hate sweaters that pill!

I have a whole drawer full of panty hose and I can’t even remember the last time I wore panty hose. Who wears panty hose anymore? Speaking of panties, don’t even get me started on my underwear drawer.

My friend, Nancy has been toying with the idea of starting a business to become a personal stylist, especially for those in transitional states of their lives and I hope she will consider taking me on as one of her first projects. I need help mixing and matching and advice on collecting timeless essentials.

The post baby/temporarily retired/active mom is one to be reckoned with and something tells me shouldn’t be in yoga pants or jeans all the time, nor should she feel like crying every time she goes to her closet and finds nothing to wear.

What you won’t find is any acid wash, shoulder pads, Hawaiian shirts, animal prints, or cowboy boots, BUT my closet is full of impulse buys, god-awful fabrics, styles and trends and nothing of which reflects me anymore.

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Filed Under: change, clothes

Cooperation

Posted on October 20, 2010 Written by Tonya

This is super fun, if only my feet could reach the pedals.

You know who’d be really good at this…

“How can I help, little buddy?”

Daddy & Lucas win the race!

This post is for Wordless Wednesdays and if you want to link up or see some really beautiful photographs, visit Alicia at A Beautiful Mess.

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Filed Under: cars, photos, TBW, wordless wednesdays

You Know You’re A Mom When-sDaze

Posted on October 20, 2010 Written by Tonya

You know you’re a mom when…

  • Inevitably, immediately after finishing your chores, just when you are about to sit down and relax, your child will throw up all over himself and the freshly cleaned floors for no apparent reason.
  • You keep thinking: maybe this time he won’t eat the crayons.
  • You are shocked, amazed and more than slightly annoyed that when your son doesn’t go to sleep until after 9 PM, he still wakes up at 5 AM!
  • You are shocked, amazed and more than slightly annoyed that with all the toys your kid has, he wants to play with a stapler, sunglasses, clock, wallet and trash can.
  • There will come a day when your tot will ask to have Cheez-Its for breakfast and you will give them to him.
  • You’re a little sad each time you have to retire a favorite article of your child’s clothing.

Be sure to link up with your own You Know You’re a Mom When-sDaze list at Mommy of a Monster.

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Filed Under: list, whensdaze

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