Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Labor Day Weekend

Posted on September 7, 2010 Written by Tonya

It was another busy weekend for us and I can’t believe it’s been four days since my last post. My head is now sufficiently bursting with blog ideas!

After training for four months with the Los Angeles AIDS Marathon Training Program and raising almost $1500 for AIDS research, your aunt Leah participated in the Disneyland Half Marathon on Sunday.

I am so very proud of her and thrilled to report that she completed the 13.1 miles in just over 3 hours. When I saw her shortly after she finished running, she not only looked fantastic, but was already talking about running in the LA (full) Marathon in March. I think she can do it!

Other weekend highlights include; you turning 15 months old yesterday (more on that in my next post) and attending your eighth birthday party!

You had a blast playing with all the other children and especially enjoyed the water table, which I have already ordered you one of your own. I didn’t capture any photos of the water fun, but I love this one of you and Ciarra, my friend Lisa’s daughter.

It is so cool to see my friends as mothers. Our children have definitely added a whole new wonderful dimension to our friendships. These are amazing women and mothers.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, birthdays, friends, milestones

BBQ With Dave Matthews – Update

Posted on September 2, 2010 Written by Tonya

Two weeks ago, Todd and I had the pleasure of attending a backyard BBQ at the home of Kim and Rob Cavallo, producer of the Dave Matthews Band album Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King, among others.

The evening’s entertainment was my beloved Dave Matthews.

No photos were allowed at the event, but the following shots were taken by professionals.

We were two of roughly 300 people, so needless to say, it was a magical evening.

Obviously no photos of Dave’s face were allowed either, but I happen to think this one is outstanding!

For any of you who may be wondering what he played, here is the set list:

Bartender
Stay or Leave
Crush
Baby Blue
Lying in the Hands of God
You and Me
Little Red Bird
Don’t Drink the Water
Rye Whiskey
Gravedigger
Eh-hee
The Needle and the Damage Done (
Neil Young)

Sadly, there was no encore, but I was floating on air anyway.

All ticket proceeds went to support the Tuition Assistance Fund at Heschel West Day School in Agoura, CA.

All photos courtesy of GoldWong Photography, Jonathan Lipking Photography and Stephanie Jacobs Photography who donated their time to capture this once in a lifetime concert.

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Filed Under: DMB, photos, update

That’s Not Going To Pay For College

Posted on September 2, 2010 Written by Tonya

There is a bottle in our bedroom that we keep loose change in and have affectionately labeled “Lucas’ college fund”. We have cashed in the coins we have saved twice to the tune of almost $450 each time!

The bottle stands 24 inches tall and used to have a cork topper that went missing months ago. I wonder who hid it?

Lucas has grown fond of throwing things in the change bottle such as; a nail polish bottle, a tube of Neosporin, puffs, a bottle on conditioner and most recently my favorite chap stick.

It’s as though he is on a mission to find things to stash in the bottle and we catch him trying various shapes and sizes all the time.

I wish he knew how college tuition works.

I suppose it could be worse, he could be throwing things into the toilet!

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Filed Under: funny, money, photos, school

When You Mess With My Kid, You Mess With Me

Posted on September 1, 2010 Written by Tonya

Today Lucas and I spent another fun afternoon at Kidsville, also known as, my new favorite place for kids on the planet and I encountered something that I wasn’t expecting and still not sure how to handle in the future: rude children and parents that do nothing about it.

Kidsville is somewhat of a free for all in that children of all ages, I would say up to 6 can run around and play with all of the toys available. The older the child, the less supervision needed, so you’ll find moms and dads parked on sofas that border the facility tapping away on their smart phones. Or, you’ll find moms like me chasing after their tots ‘just in case’, but in all honesty there isn’t much Lucas could hurt himself with or on.

Or, so I thought, until today…

This one particular little girl, maybe a year older than Lucas followed us around for a while and whatever he had, she wanted and made it perfectly known by snatching it from him and knocking him down almost every time. I was right there, so luckily no one got hurt, but it definitely confused Lucas.

I was careful not to lose my cool and said things like: “that’s not very nice”, “okay, if she wants to play with it, let’s move on to something else” and “we need to share, Lucas, let’s give her a turn” all the while nonchalantly looking around for this child’s parents who never made themselves known.

Eventually, the little girl moved on to something else, however, I’m still puzzled. We have been working on the sharing concept with Lucas for a while now, which I know is a bound to be difficult to understand for young minds. Where were the girl’s parents and for future reference, what do you do when a parent doesn’t do anything about their child’s rude behavior beyond removing him from the situation? Should I have said something to management or sought the parents out and brought it to their attention?

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Filed Under: advice, character, manners, outing

You Know You’re A Mom When-sDaze

Posted on September 1, 2010 Written by Tonya

I love Arizona Mama’s meme You Know You’re a Mom When-sDaze and I missed participating last week because I was busy celebrating my one year blogoverary and had a guest poster, who turns out is the new owner of this terrific meme, my friend Natalie at Mommy of a Monster. Yay!

You know you’re a mom when…

  • Your house doesn’t have enough wall space for all the photos you take of your child or the artwork they create.
  • You rack your brain each morning coming up with a fun and tiring outing for the day.
  • You consider the person that created spray on sunscreen a genius.
  • You consider the person that created (most) sippy cups a complete idiot.
  • You pity the busboy that has to clean up your table after you leave a restaurant and always over tip out of utter embarrassment.
  • You realize that some meals are all about what your kid will eat not how messy they (or your floor) get in the process.
  • You would do anything in your power to take away your child’s pain or frustration or anger, even and especially if it is directed at you.

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Filed Under: list, whensdaze

The Good The Bad And The Ugly

Posted on August 31, 2010 Written by Tonya

I have been thinking about my earlier post all day and it is now true confession time.

If I’m going to share my life with all of you and eventually Lucas himself, then I have to share the good, the bad and the ugly…

By and large, Sea World is one of those places that is great for busy toddlers; there is tons of open and safe places for them to roam around and explore, provided there aren’t swarms of people and you’re up for some exercise.

So, yes while we had a very fun day yesterday, Lucas has decided that the stroller is a torture chamber.

Full.

On.

Meltdown.

Every time I tried to get him into the stroller so that we could venture on to the next exhibit.

He wanted only to be on the ground and mobile, not strapped in or confined.

There were tears and sweat and head butts and one skinned knee.

It wasn’t pretty.

I have decided that I’m NOT cut out for these tantrums.

They are embarrassing and exhausting and leave me feeling completely helpless and awful. They make me want to package up my child, take him home and never leave the house with him again.

These fits of rage never last very long, but it is as though the devil himself possesses my son for four minutes and for me it is an excruciating 240 seconds. Seriously, it is the worst part of parenting… so far.

I am hoping these outbursts are just a phase. Somebody, please tell me that this is just a phase. Lucas has only been walking for three months, so I know that it is still very new and exciting to him.

So, there you have it. There were oh, four of these episodes yesterday. Luckily they got tamer as the day wore on because his little legs got tired, but nevertheless, they took their toll on both of us.

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Filed Under: a mother's guilt, advice, annoyances, challenges, confession, motherhood, outing

Another Great Day In San Diego

Posted on August 31, 2010 Written by Tonya

We are so lucky to live in San Diego; home of the Padres, bountiful beaches, beautiful weather and plenty of amusement parks.

Yesterday, we tackled Sea World with our friends Jenn and Tristan.

It was a great day.

We saw penguins, sharks, sea lions, walrus, beluga whales, Shamu and met Elmo!

While I was mesmerized by the walrus, you couldn’t get enough of your favorite Sesame Street characters. It was fun to see you get so tickled over meeting Elmo. I was expecting you to be scared, but you hugged all of them and were all smiles. My brave boy.

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Filed Under: elmo, friends, outing, photos, TV

The Best Is Yet To Be

Posted on August 28, 2010 Written by Tonya

Many people have asked me where my sign off line: ‘the best is yet to be’ is from, and I actually had to do a little research.

The first place I came across it, was as a child on an anniversary card my mother gave my father. I loved the phrase so much that it stuck with me.

From time to time I would hear it in songs on the radio and see it mass produced on various merchandise, but I never really knew where it came from until now…

Rabbi ben Ezra is a poem by British poet, Robert Browning about Abraham ibn Ezra (1092-1167), one of the great poets, mathematicians and scholars of the 12th century.

The poem begins:

Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be…

The poem in it’s entirety is below and definitely worth the read, but I warn you it’s very long.

To me, ‘the best is yet to be’ is the perfect sign off because I truly believe it. I am a hopeful person and love looking forward to events and what will be.

Another phrase I considered was: ‘what will be is now becoming‘ because when I started this blog, I was a brand new mother and I knew from Day 1, it was going to be the most difficult adjustment in my life. A process. A transformation of give and take, push and pull and that day after day, I would be bound and determined to get better at.

Each day, I hope to be a better wife, mother, sister and friend tomorrow than I am today and that I learn from each experience and take them with me as I go.

As a mother, some days are a lot more trying than others and that sometimes means taking two steps back just to make one forward, but I do it, day in and day out, always hoping for the best. Some days are stellar and those are the days I live for, ‘the best of’ days.

The days that aren’t so stellar…well, those are the days I am grateful come to an end and I get to go to bed knowing that tomorrow has to be better!

Having a child really forces you to be in the moment, which has always been a very difficult task for me, but I’m getting better at it because I have to. For Lucas’ sake and my own.

Rabbi Ben Ezra
by Robert Browning

Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made:
Our times are in His hand
Who saith, ‘A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be
afraid!’

Not that, amassing flowers,
Youth sighed, ‘Which rose make ours,
Which lily leave and then as best recall?’
Not that, admiring stars,
It yearned, ‘Nor Jove, nor Mars;
Mine be some figured flame which blends, transcends
them all!’

Not for such hopes and fears
Annulling youth’s brief years,
Do I remonstrate: folly wide the mark!
Rather I prize the doubt
Low kinds exist without,
Finished and finite clods, untroubled by a spark.

Poor vaunt of life indeed,
Were man but formed to feed
On joy, to solely seek and find and feast;
Such feasting ended, then
As sure an end to men;
Irks care the crop-full bird? Frets doubt the
maw-crammed beast?

Rejoice we are allied
To That which doth provide
And not partake, effect and not receive!
A spark disturbs our clod;
Nearer we hold of God
Who gives, than of His tribes that take, I must believe.

Then, welcome each rebuff
That turns earth’s smoothness rough,
Each sting that bids nor sit nor stand but go!
Be our joys three-parts pain!
Strive, and hold cheap the strain;
Learn, nor account the pang; dare, never grudge
the throe!

For thence,—a paradox
Which comforts while it mocks,—
Shall life succeed in that it seems to fail:
What I aspired to be,
And was not, comforts me:
A brute I might have been, but would not sink
i’ the scale.

What is he but a brute
Whose flesh has soul to suit,
Whose spirit works lest arms and legs want play?
To man, propose this test—
Thy body at its best,
How far can that project thy soul on its lone way?

Yet gifts should prove their use:
I own the Past profuse
Of power each side, perfection every turn:
Eyes, ears took in their dole,
Brain treasured up the whole;
Should not the heart beat once ‘How good to
live and learn’?

Not once beat ‘Praise be thine!
I see the whole design,
I, who saw power, see now love perfect too:
Perfect I call thy plan:
Thanks that I was a man!
Maker, remake, complete,—I trust what Thou
shalt do!’

For pleasant is this flesh;
Our soul, in its rose-mesh
Pulled ever to the earth, still yearns for rest:
Would we some prize might hold
To match those manifold
Possessions of the brute,—gain most, as we did best!

Let us not always say,
‘Spite of this flesh to-day
I strove, made head, gained ground upon the whole!’
As the bird wings and sings,
Let us cry, ‘All good things
Are ours, nor soul helps flesh more, now, than
flesh helps soul!’

Therefore I summon age
To grant youth’s heritage,
Life’s struggle having so far reached its term:
Thence shall I pass, approved
A man, for aye removed
From the developed brute; a god though in the
germ.

And I shall thereupon
Take rest, ere I be gone
Once more on my adventure brave and new:
Fearless and unperplexed,
When I wage battle next,
What weapons to select, what armour to indue.

Youth ended, I shall try
My gain or loss thereby;
Leave the fire ashes, what survives is gold:
And I shall weigh the same,
Give life its praise or blame:
Young, all lay in dispute; I shall know, being old.

For, note when evening shuts,
A certain moment cuts
The deed off, calls the glory from the grey:
A whisper from the west
Shoots—’Add this to the rest,
Take it and try its worth: here dies another day.’

So, still within this life,
Though lifted o’er its strife,
Let me discern, compare, pronounce at last,
‘This rage was right i’ the main,
That acquiescence vain:
The Future I may face now I have proved the
Past.’

For more is not reserved
To man, with soul just nerved
To act to-morrow what he learns to-day:
Here, work enough to watch
The Master work, and catch
Hints of the proper craft, tricks of the tool’s true play.

As it was better, youth
Should strive, through acts uncouth,
Toward making, than repose on aught found made:
So, better, age, exempt
From strife, should know, than tempt
Further. Thou waitedst age: wait death nor be afraid!

Enough now, if the Right
And Good and Infinite
Be named here, as thou callest thy hand thine own,
With knowledge absolute,
Subject to no dispute
From fools that crowded youth, nor let thee feel
alone.

Be there, for once and all,
Severed great minds from small,
Announced to each his station in the Past!
Was I, the world arraigned,
Were they, my soul disdained,
Right? Let age speak the truth and give us peace
at last!

Now, who shall arbitrate?
Ten men love what I hate,
Shun what I follow, slight what I receive;
Ten, who in ears and eyes
Match me: we all surmise,
They, this thing, and I, that: whom shall my
soul believe?

Not on the vulgar mass
Called ‘work’, must sentence pass,
Things done, that took the eye and had the price;
O’er which, from level stand,
The low world laid its hand,
Found straightway to its mind, could value in a trice:

But all, the world’s coarse thumb
And finger failed to plumb,
So passed in making up the main account;
All instinct immature,
All purposes unsure,
That weighed not as his work, yet swelled
the man’s amount:

Thoughts hardly to be packed
Into a narrow act,
Fancies that broke through language and escaped;
All I could never be,
All, men ignored in me,
This, I was worth to God, whose wheel the pitcher
shaped.

Ay, note that Potter’s wheel,
That metaphor! and feel
Why time spins fast, why passive lies our clay,—
Thou, to whom fools propound,
When the wine makes its round,
‘Since life fleets, all is change; the Past gone, seize
to-day!’

Fool! All that is, at all,
Lasts ever, past recall;
Earth changes, but thy soul and God stand sure:
What entered into thee,
That was, is, and shall be:
Time’s wheel runs back or stops: Potter and clay
endure.

He fixed thee mid this dance
Of plastic circumstance,
This Present, thou, forsooth, wouldst fain arrest:
Machinery just meant
To give thy souls its bent,
Try thee and turn thee forth, sufficiently impressed.

What though the earlier grooves
Which ran the laughing loves
Around thy base, no longer pause and press?
What though about thy rim,
Skull-things in order grim
Grow out, in graver mood, obey the sterner stress?

Look not thou down but up!
To uses of a cup,
The festal board, lamp’s flash, and trumpet’s peal,
The new wine’s foaming flow,
The Master’s lips a-glow!
Thou, heaven’s consummate cup, what need’st
thou with earth’s wheel?

But I need, now as then,
Thee, God, who mouldest men;
And since, not even while the whirl was worst,
Did I—to the wheel of life
With shapes and colours rife,
Bound dizzily,—mistake my end, to slake Thy thirst:

So, take and use Thy work,
Amend what flaws may lurk,
What strain o’ the stuff, what warpings past the
aim!
My times be in Thy hand!
Perfect the cup as planned!
Let age approve of youth, and death complete
the same!

I told you it was long!!

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: blog, change, motherhood, poem

Letters For Lucas

Posted on August 27, 2010 Written by Tonya

I can’t believe I have been at this for one year today! Over 300 posts.

Letters For Lucas has gone from what I thought would be a passing phase to an absolute necessity and something that I think about all.the.time. I enjoy writing more than ever and I am grateful for all of my readers and especially the comments that they leave.

This is my outlet and documentation of my son’s childhood and my life as his mother.

I am proud to be apart of the mommy blogging community, look forward to the next year and beyond and I’m thrilled to have Lucas’ dad guest posting here today for the first time.

************************************************
Lucas,

I know that I rarely call you by your name, but since this will be printed and is somewhat permanent, I’ll refrain from calling you Babu, Bubba, Crazy Larry or P. Your mom started this blog as a creative and social outlet in the hopes of helping her understand and enjoy a new role in life, motherhood. In her early posts, she wrote to you. Things progressed to her writing about you. Shortly thereafter, she began to very bravely write about herself. While you will appreciate the first two formats, it’s in the third where you will get to know her best. I, on the other hand, am a private and emotional person who will always share with his thoughts and feelings, but I plan to do it discretely. I’m a reluctant guest here, but I love your mom deeply, so I’ll share with you, 110 confirmed followers and god knows how many unregistered lurkers, some things I know about being your dad.

I wasn’t worried when we brought you home from the hospital. With nearly twenty hours of classroom style preparation, immaculate transportation, fully outfitted nursery and a college fund in place, I thought my next job was to continue looking cool and hand out cigars. Somewhere between five miles from the hospital and five days of being home, I realized that I had studied for the wrong test, you didn’t like riding in the car, you didn’t want to sleep anywhere but in a swing at the foot of our bed, college was a long way away, nobody looks cool without sleep and none of my friends or family smoke.

Watching every single recorded minute of the three-week-long 2009 Tour de France with your newborn son is heaven on earth. From Saturday, July 4 to Sunday, July 26 we watched the top cyclists in the world ride over 3500 kilometers. With a coffee in one hand and my month old son (you) in the other, getting up at 4:30 has never been so great. During the four-hour broadcast I got to watch you wiggle, yawn, sleep and hang out while your mom got a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. In case the 2009 TdF ever comes up in conversation, please remember that we (you and I) decided very early in the race that it was naïve of Johan Bruyneel and Lance Armstrong to expect a talent like Alberto Contador to serve as domestique to the aged seven-time champion. Contador danced on the pedals like a full-figured kid chasing an ice cream truck and earned his rightful spot on the podium.

I will never, ever forget how I felt the first time you were injured and to make matters worse, it was my fault. You were about seven months old and were really starting to enjoy rough play with me. I would roll you around on the bed while you laughed and laughed. I would stand you on my chest and say “Lucas you’re crushing me” while you stared in awe. Then one day you were laying on my chest and I rolled you off onto the couch unexpectedly. You landed on your little hand and I heard a few cracks (worse than cracking knuckles, but not quite bone breaking) and then you screamed. I felt awful. Within an instant I thought of every parent on every talk show explaining that they would rather have 10x the pain than watch their child struggle through what they had been through. Thank you for forgiving me faster than you could catch your breath. You’re a big man little buddy.

I assumed more risk than I should have while participating in the Targa Tasmania and living to tell about it will make me a better father. My friend Nick asked me to be his co-driver in the 2010 Targa Tasmania. This legendary five-day rally in Tasmania consists of thirty-nine individually timed stages on public roads that have been closed temporarily for racing. You were ten months old when your mom and I took you to Syndey where we spent a few days as tourists. From there, you and mom went to New Caledonia to see her friends while I met Nick in Melbourne where we picked up the Porsche 911 that we had entered in the race. Nick and I had discussed ad nauseam how we were there for fun and how our overall time didn’t matter. That’s an easy conversation to have over a Subway sandwich, but when strapped into a racecar and staring at a time clock on the start line, that argument enters your mind about as often as gas mileage. We were fast, consistent and getting better everyday until our enthusiasm exceeded our skill. Late on a wet and rainy day four, we took a corner way too fast, ran out of road and hit at tree, head on. Trees don’t move. They don’t absorb impact like when you hit another car or guardrail. We walked away from that impact with our egos and wallets bruised, but our bodies intact. We were lucky. All I could do from that moment on was think about seeing you and mom again at the Sydney airport. With tears in my eyes, I waited for you to pick me up at the airport. Your mom didn’t quite understand the look on my face, but when I hugged you both the way I did, she realized the incident was worse than I had explained on the phone. I was lucky enough to learn that lesson without being injured. Not everyone gets that chance.

Lucas, I promise not to do really dangerous things anymore. I will eat well, exercise, have moles inspected and go to the doctor at the first sign of a problem. I will do my best to be around for as long as possible. You and your mother mean the world to me and I cherish the responsibility that is on my shoulders.

Related Posts:

  • Two Years Old
  • In A Nutshell
  • This Time It’s Personal

Filed Under: blog, blogoversary, guest post, milestones, photos, TBW Tagged With: blog, blogoversary, guest post, love, milestones, photos, TBW

Under Construction

Posted on August 26, 2010 Written by Tonya

Letters For Lucas is getting a brand new look!!

Please pardon the dust and be sure to let me know if you see anything that you think looks funky, have suggestions for additional changes or ideas for elements I should add.

I’d also love to hear what you think of the new design and if you are a faithful reader and have a blog of your own, I now have my very own badge. 🙂

A special thank you to Alissa at Simple Sweet Design for all of her patience and creativity.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: blog, redesign

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