Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Lost In Translation

Posted on August 26, 2010 Written by Tonya

Lucas, you know so many words, but trying to communicate with one another is still very difficult and frustrating for both of us. You and I had our first of what is sure to be MANY major communication breakdowns this morning.

You woke up in a delightful mood; happy and all smiles, but once we got downstairs and I started trying to make your breakfast, that all went to hell.

You spotted something on the cluttered kitchen counter top that you wanted and wanted BAD. You whined and and cried for it and kept saying “mama mama”, which I took as “help me”, but help from me was the LAST thing you wanted.

When I picked you up, you arched your back and pushed me away, so I put you back down on the ground, which only escalated your anger.

There was a pile of mail, a pair of your shoes, all the breakfast ingredients; a banana, milk carton, box of cereal, container of apple sauce, a cutting board, knife, bowl, spoon, and my wallet spilling out of my purse. As I meticulously picked up each and every item, showed you and asked, “is this it?”, your frustration grew and grew.

You were so mad and started the ugly cry, complete with big crocodile tears, a huge pouty lip and a look in your eyes that pleaded, “why don’t you understand me?!”.

I was just about at my wits end with your repetitive “no’s” and sad face that I almost broke down myself. Why was I having such a hard time figuring out what you wanted and why was this all happening before 8 o’clock in the morning?

All of a sudden, it hit me.

You call Daddy’s phone “mama” because his wallpaper is a picture of you and me. You also call my wallet “mama” because of the picture on my driver’s license that you see as soon as you open it. The minute I handed my wallet to you, all was right in the world again. Thank God.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: a mother's guilt, annoyances, photos

Whenever You Call You Friend

Posted on August 25, 2010 Written by Tonya

I never miss Natalie’s blog, Mommy of a Monster and I am so proud of her presence in the mommy blogging community. If you aren’t reading her blog, you are truly missing out.

Natalie is the mother of three; a three-year-old son and one year-old twin daughters. Her writing is witty and heartfelt. She has over 400 followers and claims that I helped her get started, but at this point, we are inspiring each other. After all that’s what friends are for….

Thank you, Natalie for guest posting here today and I wish you continued success and hope that I get to see your beautiful face soon, my friend.

The best is yet to be.

************************************************

Having a “friend” can mean so many different things. Sometimes it is someone you have lunch with everyday at work. Sometimes it is someone you talk to each day either on the phone or by e-mail. Sometimes it is a person whom you’ve known forever, but don’t talk to except a few times a year.

Some friends start out as enemies, or end up as enemies. Friends make us laugh, cry, mad, and happy. They support us, encourage us, and hold us when we cry. Some friends are our “fun” friends, some our counselors and some are like family.

We have different friends for different seasons of our lives. Friends can change when jobs do, or when life does. For instance, when you have a serious boyfriend or get married, you might not hang out with your single friends as much. Or when you are going through a difficult time in your life, you might lean on your friends that have also been through similar situations.

I have known Tonya for about 8 years. I consider her a very good friend of mine. I know what’s going on in her life everyday through reading her blog and tweeting with her on Twitter. I know she loves reading, wine, and Dave Matthews Band…music in general for that matter. I know she doesn’t cook very often. I know that she’s lived and traveled all over the world. I know she lost her parents in a tragic accident. I feel like I know her sister, even though I’ve never met her. I know Tonya has an amazing group of friends that she’s been friends with for years, and they regularly all get together. I know she married an amazing man, had the cutest son you’ve ever seen and is happy.

But I don’t know her favorite color. Or favorite food. Or who gave her her first kiss. I’ve never met her husband or Lucas. We didn’t attend each other’s weddings, don’t know each other’s birthdays, and haven’t physically seen each other in years, even though we live less than two hours away from each other. And yet, I still consider her a good friend!

During the years I’ve known her, there were probably four years that we fell out of touch with each other. We first met while working together at a marketing agency. We worked in different departments and rarely talked shop – when we talked it was always on a more personal level. Oddly enough, we never went to lunch together or saw each other outside of work, and yet we still developed a friendship.

We got back in touch (thank you, Facebook!) shortly before I found out she was pregnant with Lucas. We started chatting about pregnancy and all things mom. I found out a few months later I was pregnant with the twins and so we got to experience our pregnancies together.

And when Lucas was born, she joined the new and exciting world of motherhood. The joy, excitement, fear, frustration, worrying, and all other emotions that go with it. Like the rest of us, she realized quickly she didn’t know what she was doing, but kept doing it anyways. And she’s doing it well!

For me and I’m sure many others, when you become a mom for the first time your friendships change. Before I had my son, who is three now, I remember listening to moms praise or complain about their kids and remember thinking “Don’t you have anything else to talk about?!”. I remember moms saying how hard it was to deal with their toddlers and I would think “How hard could it be? He’s a lot littler than you and you’re in charge!” Ha! Little did I know that being a mom does not necessarily mean you’re in charge!

After having my son, I realized that I was stepping into a new chapter of my life, and everything was changing. My friends that had children already suddenly became people that I needed; I had so many questions, needed so many tips, wanted recommendations on everything. I suddenly understood that I knew nothing about being a mom, and each of my friends stepped up to help me.

And those things that I was afraid to admit to myself and certainly terrified to say out loud? Things like “I don’t like my kid today” and “This is not what I had in mind when I wanted to become a mom” or “I’m not sure I can do this”, I finally told a close friend, who was an experienced mom, how I was feeling. And she told me it was completely normal! I’m not a bad mom…I’m just a mom!

I think after having children, our friendships become more open; more honest. We aren’t afraid to say the wrong thing because we (finally) realize there are no wrong feelings when you are learning something new. And let’s face it, motherhood is a constant, ever changing, never ending adventure.

Tonya, I’m glad to be going down the winding, bumpy road with you. We’re in for a fun ride!

Happy one year blogoversary, my friend. I look forward to reading Letters for Lucas everyday. It has and will always be one of my favorite blogs. Keep on writing your beautiful words and sharing your experiences, thoughts, and feelings with all of us. And without your encouragement and support I would have never started my blog. So more than mere words can ever say, thank you for the inspiration!

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Filed Under: friends, guest post Tagged With: friends, guest post

Kidsville

Posted on August 24, 2010 Written by Tonya

Today, Lucas and I spent the afternoon at Kidsville, a wonderful little city made just for children.
My Mommy & Me friend, Jenn told me about Kidsville and I was really excited to check it out, but I had no idea how much fun we were in for.
The place is huge and it is a child’s heaven. There’s a play kitchen, grocery store, school house, fire station, pet shop, castle, hospital, tons of toys, slides and tyke-size vehicles.
What a great way to keep cool, tire out the my little monkey and keep him safe while he explores, plays and makes new friends.
There is a $10 fee for a one day admission or $65 for a three month pass. Talk about a great deal!

File this under ‘I wish I had thought of that’.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: outing, playgroup, toys

Guest Post

Posted on August 24, 2010 Written by Tonya

This Friday marks my one year blogoversary and to celebrate, I have asked my three favorite readers to guest post this week.

The first is your aunt Leah, who shows up here once a month or so and shares her wit and wisdom.

Leah has her own blog, LA ‘n’ LA.

Dear Lucas,

I believe there is one thing that your mom may love more than your daddy, me and even you and that is her beloved blog, Letters for Lucas.

Yes, she sure does love her blog and has surprisingly found the time to post just about every single day. Not to mention, she now has over 100 followers! That’s a lot of people checking up on her (and you) daily. So, where does she find the time to blog? Well, fortunately you occasionally will take a mid-morning nap and of course go to bed delightfully early – around 7:30. This leaves her just enough time to clean up after YOU, catch up on some TV or watch a movie with your dad and then sit down with a glass of wine and blog.

She always has things to say. Sure, it’s not always all about you and what new and fun things you are doing, sometimes, it’s just about her and what she is currently interested in. I really think/hope you are going to absolutely adore reading her blog when you are older. I hope you know how lucky you are to have a mom who is keeping track of your life this way. I wish that your Grandma Adams had done something like this for us when we were growing up but then again, we didn’t have blogs or even the Internet back then. I know, it was a crazy and different world! Ha ha! : )

Your mom has certainly inspired me and my blog. I definitely would not have even started my own if it hadn’t been for her. She is always encouraging me to write. When our parents died, one of the first things we did was go to a bookstore and buy journals. At the time I wasn’t sure how writing would help me deal with my grief, but I took that purple journal and began writing that night. Immediately, it felt so good to put on paper how sad and alone I felt. Then, a couple nights before their memorial service, I read out loud to her what I wrote and that felt even better. I think this is why we both enjoy blogging so much. We get to explain how we feel and share our worlds with strangers, who are now friends, read it. Often times, we learn that we are not alone. I suppose it’s human nature to want to be understood by others.

Your mom is a great writer and really makes you feel connected and interested in her subject matter. She may think that this is a crazy idea but she should really consider being a professional writer. I love how her writing style is just like the way she talks. Seriously, it’s like she is sitting right there next to you having a conversation with you. How many people can really do that?

Congratulations to your mom on her 1 year blogoversary! May she continue her blog with the same excitement and enjoyment that she does today. And in her now famous last words, “the best is yet to be”.

I love you, LMW.

Your Aunt Leah

Thanks, Leah. I do love my blog and I’m glad you are enjoying having one too. Writing is like therapy.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, blog, guest post, milestones

Celebrating 41 Years

Posted on August 23, 2010 Written by Tonya

My parents have been on my mind all day.

It’s always the milestone days that get me.

Today would have been their 41st wedding anniversary.

Theirs was a perfect match. Where he was weak, she was strong and vice versa. I don’t remember them ever fighting about anything.

Ever.

Honestly.

There were never any slamming doors or my waking up to loud yelling in the middle of the night. They were both very level headed and freakishly calm. They were educators. They knew how to talk and they knew how to listen.

Sure, there were disagreements, but they never lasted very long and I couldn’t tell you what they were about. Perhaps they sheltered me from their arguments, but it seemed as though they knew the fine art of compromise and what ever came their way, they worked together…beautifully.

They were a couple to emulate and I wish that they were still here to celebrate today.
Here’s to you, Mom and Dad.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: KRA, loss, marriage, milestones, MSA

A Whirlwind Weekend

Posted on August 19, 2010 Written by Tonya

Ah, it’s finally Friday!

I am so excited about my weekend that I could pee in my pants. We have not one but TWO Dave Matthews Band shows with my husband’s 20 year *gulp* high school reunion in between.

The first concert is tonight in San Diego and these tickets:

have been on the refrigerator staring at me for months!! I love Dave and the boys and look forward to seeing them every summer. This will be my 18th and 19th show, much to my husband’s chagrin. He has fun, but he’d never admit it.

I can’t really explain why I love the Dave Matthews Band so much. Their music livens my soul, lifts my spirits and makes me believe in hope, peace and harmony for all mankind. Oh, and I think the lead singer is an amazing talent and in the words of my new favorite blogger, Roxanne at Days, “I’d lick his teeth”.

Tomorrow morning, we leave bright and early for the Bay Area for the reunion. Lucas grandparents will watch him while we mix and mingle and then we head home for show #2 in LA.

This second show is not on DMB’s tour schedule because it’s being hosted in someone’s – wait for it – BACKYARD!! Talk about peeing in my pants!! Can you say: once in a lifetime opportunity?! The event benefits the Tuition Assistance Fund at Heschel West Day School in Agoura, California by providing need-based scholarship to students. Heschel West teaches children in preschool through 5th grade “how to do things right and to do the right thing”. I cannot wait to report back on this. 🙂 🙂 🙂 Unfortunately no cameras or videos are allowed. 🙁 🙁 🙁

If you’re still with me, I bet you’re wondering what on earth I have to Flip Off today. Well, true, my life is pretty damn good right now, but I can ALWAYS find something irritating. This was a great week so I only have one teensy tiny flip and that honor is bestowed upon:

PACKING!

I hate packing.

I hate packing for a weekend, a long weekend, a week, even an overnight. It was bad enough when it was just me, but now that I have to pack for a 14 month old as well, I want to pull my hair out.

I pride myself on my ‘To Do’ lists and being uber organized, but when it comes to packing… ugh! Forget it! FLIP OFF!! The difficulty for me lies within the question: How am I suppose to know what I’m going to want to wear there based on what I feel like wearing today? And don’t even get me started on shoes! For Lucas, it’s: What if he has a blow out or gets sick, are two outfits a day going to be enough? Will it be chilly, will the hotel have sheets and blankets for the crib, etc. etc. etc.

If there was a company that would pack for me, I would seriously hire them, without even blinking an eye!

Thank you to Gigi at Kludgy Momfor this fun and very necessary (some weeks more than others) meme. This week she is taking her flips across the Atlantic to Pumpkin and Piglet in the U.K.

I hope everyone has a happy and safe weekend and please be sure to come back next week as I celebrate my one year blogoversary!

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: DMB, friday flip offs, grandparents, list, music Tagged With: DMB, friday flip offs, grandparents, list, music

A Letter From Lucas

Posted on August 19, 2010 Written by Tonya

Dear Mommy,

I know we are still getting to know each other, but here’s what I can tell about you so far:

You must adore reading because I have a million books and you read to me all. the. time.

You must take pride in me looking my best because I’m always dressed in a matching shirt and pants. I’m always very comfy too.

You must yearn for whatever is in that funny red and white can because it’s the first thing you drink every morning. When are you going to let me have a taste?

You must delight in seeing me smile because you sing silly songs, make silly voices, and perform silly dances that make me laugh.

You must care for me a lot because you take me to the doctor when I’m sick, bathe me, brush my teeth (all six of them) every night, clean my ears and nose (which I hate), keep my nails cut back and make all of my food at home from fresh organic produce.

You must think I’m pretty cute because you constantly have a camera in my face. I must admit, I love seeing pictures of myself too.

You must enjoy the outdoors because we go for a walk almost every day, just when I start to get a little fussy. I like it when you point out surfers, trees, plants and dogs.

You must savor turkey sandwiches because we stop to get one several times a week. At least now I’m getting my own!

You must want me to be a well-rounded individual because you take me to music class, swimming lessons, trips to far away places and let me play with finger paints.

You must assume I enjoy going to the place with all the food and bright lights more than I like going to the place with the fish and Legos. You’re wrong.

You must really like that small white rectangular shaped thing you carry around with us everywhere because you talk to people on it (like Daddy!), take photos with it and do a lot of typing on it all day long. Sometimes I get to see Elmo on it, which is very fun for me.

You must need alone time every now and then because you leave me at home with different women and disappear for a few hours each week. I miss you while you are gone but, truth be told, I enjoy this time apart too.

You must cherish your friends because we spend a lot of time visiting with them. Lucky for me they all seem to have babies too!

You must appreciate it when I lay in my crib and fall asleep because when I wake up, you are always very happy to see me.

You must love me a lot because you give me lots of hugs and kisses.

You must believe that I am special because you tell me every day.

I love you a lot too and I am very glad you’re my mommy.

Love,
Lucas

The best is yet to be.

This post is forMama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop – Prompt #1Dear Mommy and/or Daddy…(write a letter to yourself from one of your children)

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Filed Under: diet coke, iphone, love, mama kat's writer's workshop, my letters, praise Tagged With: diet coke, iphone, love, mama kat's writer's workshop, my letters

You Know You’re A Mom When-sDaze

Posted on August 18, 2010 Written by Tonya

You know you’re a mom when…

  • You spend at least 30 minutes each night after your child goes to sleep reassembling your house. Sometimes it’s just easier to let them empty the entire contents of your drawers, than pick up after them as they go. I have learned this the hard way!!
  • Your computer screen has little tiny finger prints all over it, your phone has a new crack and your remote control is probably broken.
  • You consider the hand held vacuum cleaner one of the greatest inventions ever and aren’t ashamed to admit you have used it, not only on your floors and counter tops, but on your child as well.
  • You are beyond grateful for the LOCK button on your refrigerator’s ice and water dispenser.
  • You wonder why there aren’t PSAs warning us of the dangers involved with turning around to give your child a toy, book, snack or bottle while driving.
  • You give yourself a mental ‘pat on the back’ for making it through yet another day every night just before your head hits the pillow in pure utter exhaustion and delight.

I look forward to coming up with this list every week, Arizona Mamma, so thank you for developing the meme. Otherwise I fear I’d just have all these ‘you know you’re a mom whens bouncing around my head’. Please visit Our Daze in the Sun for more!

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: list, whensdaze

Eat Pray Love

Posted on August 16, 2010 Written by Tonya

Can true fulfillment come if a woman leaves her husband to hopscotch around the world tromping on pasta, dudes and eastern meditation? In a word: yes!

I read Eat Pray Love as soon as it came out WAY back in 2006 and like most women, I gobbled it up and devoured every page. I identified with Elizabeth Gilbert’s journey and I found her story enlightening, brave and romantic.

I, too was (and still am) a thirty-something year old women, who had been divorced because I felt trapped in a going nowhere marriage and wanted to run off in search of myself and wondered if I could ever forgive and be open to love again someday. Gilbert shares her experiences so vividly and had me nodding along the whole entire way.

Whether her publisher paid her to travel to Italy, India and Indonesia and write about her journey or not, I still loved this book and gave several copies to friends as gifts because I knew they’d love it too.

I haven’t a clue where my own copy of the book disappeared too, but thankfully I did write down some key passages that spoke right to my heart:

My heart skipped a beat and then flat-out tripped over itself and fell on its face. Then my heart stood up, brushed itself off, took a deep breath and announced: “l want a spiritual teacher.” I literally mean that it was my heart who said this, speaking through my mouth. I felt this weird division in myself, and my mind stepped out of my body for a moment, spun around to face me heart in astonishment and silently asked, “You DO?”

…traveling is the great true love of my life. I have always felt, ever since I was sixteen years old and first went to Russia with my saved-up babysitting money, that to travel is worth and cost or sacrifice. I am loyal and constant in my love for travel, as I have not always been loyal and constant in my other loves. I feel about travel the way a happy new mother feels about her impossible colicky, restless newborn baby–I just don’t care what it puts me through. Because I adore it. Because it’s mine. Because it looks exactly like me. It can barf all over me if it wants to – I just don’t care.

Bel far niente – the beauty of doing nothing. The more exquisitely and delightfully you can do nothing, the higher your life’s achievement.

When I get lonely these days, I think: So be lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.

The Bhagavad Gita–the ancient Indian Yogic text–says that it is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else’s life with perfection.

I felt a glimmer of happiness when I started studying Italian, and when you sense a faint potentiality for happiness after such dark times you must grab onto the ankles of that happiness and not let go until it drags you face-first out of the dirt–this is not selfishness, but obligation. You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight.

Yoga is the effort to experience one’s divinity personally and then to hold on to that experience forever. Yoga is about self-mastery and the dedicated effort to haul your attention away from your endless brooding over the past and your nonstop worrying about the future so that you can seek, instead, a place of eternal presence from which you may regard yourself and the true nature of the world (and yourself) to be revealed to you.

A true soul mate is probably the most important you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it….

Letting go, of course, is a scary enterprise for those of us who believe that the world revolves only because it has a handle on the top of it which we personally turn, and that if we were to drop this handle for even a moment, well–that would be the end of the universe.

Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings.

In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it’s wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices.

I was greatly anticipating the screen adaptation of Eat Pray Love and when I found out one of my favorite actresses was going to be the lead, I was even more excited.

I saw the movie over the weekend and it did not disappoint. Love her or hate her, Julia Roberts is larger than life and truly shines in the role of Elizabeth Gilbert, and spending a little time with Javier Bardem is always a nice treat too. The scenery is gorgeous, and if nothing else, maybe you’ll leave the theater with daydreams of taking a fantastic voyage to a distance land.

I enjoy reading about people’s self discoveries because it helps me with my own journey. I don’t believe you have to go to around the world to find yourself, for most of us, it’s not even a possibility. For real inner change to occur, I think you just need to be open to it. You have to learn to be still with yourself and be very patient. Transformation can happen at any time and any where.

You can meditate in the comfort of your own home, take a painting class, or learn a new language. Get lost in a good book, movie or bottle of wine. Talk, listen, write, feel, touch, taste and cry. Surround yourself with people and things that make you feel good about yourself and your place in this world. And never take any of this life for granted or too seriously.

I think we are all always transforming and growing into the person we wish to be.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: book review, me time, movie review, quotes, TDA bio

14 Months

Posted on August 16, 2010 Written by Tonya

Unbelievably another month of milestones is behind us.

At 14 months, you:

  • Can ‘ask’ to go to bed, for food and a bottle.
  • Had your first Subway kids meal! You are no stranger to Subway, but this was very exciting for me, seeing as I eat there 2-3 times a week. No more sharing turkey and cheese.
  • Know what sound kitties, dogs, cows, snakes, monkeys and sheep make and your dad and I ask you all the time because it’s adorable and hilarious.
  • Know where your head, belly, toes, nose, teeth and ears are. We ask you about these a lot too.
  • Recognize pictures of “mama”, “dada” and aunt Leah, whom you call “Eah”
  • Still enjoy Kindermusik class and swimming lessons and we have signed up for another round of each.
  • Got your first haircut and it instantly turned you into *sigh* a little boy.
  • Have molars starting to come in and you are taking it all in stride. Thankfully, teething has never kept you awake at night or been a big issue for you at all.
  • Caught your second cold from me this week. Sorry. We have both been a mess.
  • Can get on and off the couch which scares the bejesus out of me!
  • Can walk up stairs…with reluctant assistance.
  • Took a tumble down 5 stairs this week (of course, the week Daddy is away), which scared a whole lot more than the bejesus out of me.

You are a busy little bee and into absolutely EVERYTHING. I can’t turn my back for a minute without you grabbing for my cup of water, items out of the refrigerator, or heading right towards the toilet. It’s exhausting and wonderful watching you play and discover and become your own person. You are caring and funny and delightful. Keep on keeping on.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, list, milestones, photos, praise

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