Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

Is This Heaven?

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If I were so lucky to be placed in time out, and trust me, I deserve one more than anyone I know, it would be at a book store.

Any one will do, but I’d prefer a delicious independent book store, like Warwick’s in La Jolla or Book Soup in Los Angeles. Barnes & Noble or Borders will certainly suffice.

Any amount of time spent in a book store is sure to set me straight, calm me down and breathe new life into my misbehaving cranky self, and if I could spend a few dollars, I’d be an absolute angel upon my return to reality.

Book stores are my heaven on earth.

My head becomes a little lighter and I instantly breathe a lot deeper upon stepping into a book store. It is quiet, safe, peaceful, smells wonderful and it full of one of my favorite things: books.

I love to be surrounded by books.

Books are my friends.

Books are my escape.

Books remind me of my mom and dad and their love of reading and how grateful I am to have it too.

Books make me think, use my imagination and take me to far away places full of interesting characters and complex plots.

Some day I will have a library of my own, but for now I have shelves and shelves and boxes and boxes of books. Some I’ve read and can’t bring myself to part with, some belonged to my father, but most are on my ‘to read’ list. I’m always reading something. Currently it’s Love is a Mix Tape: Love and Loss, One Song at a Time by Rob Sheffield.

Book stores are the perfect place to get lost in. I love wandering from section to section or finding a cozy corner to sit back, relax, soak it all in and read.

I have been a naughty girl, won’t someone PLEASE put me in a time out?!

The best is yet to be.

I wrote this post for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop – Prompt #2: If you were put in “time out”, where would you want to be placed and why?

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You Know You’re A Mom When-sDaze

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You Know You’re a Mom when…

  • You still have to psych yourself up to change a really super nasty stinky dirty diaper.
  • Like it or not, multitasking is now second nature and an art form that is sometimes beautiful to watch.
  • You would rather just leave (a restaurant, store, friend’s house) than deal with a cranky kid…at least there is a possibility that he’ll fall asleep on the car ride home.
  • You don’t think being a stay at home mom would be that bad, if you had a personal assistant, live-in maid, trainer, driver and cook.
  • You count down the hours until your next date night or girl’s night out, just so you can burn off some steam, dress like a lady and enjoy some time off.
  • You believe that putting on a child’s shoes has got to require a college degree of some sort. Why is it so difficult?!
  • You are beyond grateful for your fellow mom friends. They are with you in the trenches every day supporting and encouraging you every step of the way and often teaching you a useful tip or trick.

Thank you, Arizona Mama at Our Daze in the Desert for this creating this terrific meme. If you feel like nodding along to lists by other moms just like you, check it out and join along in the fun.

The best is yet to be.

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A Love Letter

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Three years ago, I married my partner, lover and friend.

In just three short years, we have experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.

A month and a half after we got married, my father-in-law underwent heart surgery for a congenital heart defect. He made it through with flying colors and today is better than ever, but this was a very emotional time for us as newlyweds.

A month later, both of my parents died of carbon monoxide poisoning while living and working as educators in Tunis, Tunisia. My husband was amazing during this, the saddest and most confusing time in my life. He took my younger sister and I under his wing and helped us plan a double funeral, a trip to Tunisia and navigated us through countless decisions regarding their estate.

During this time I could not give him what he gave me and I will forever be grateful. He listened and held me and encouraged me to do whatever I needed in order to adjust to my new “normal”.

While I walked into walls for nine months trying to keep my wits about me and a career I loved, we decided that the best thing for me to do would be to leave my job as a marketing manager to focus on my grief, settle my parents estate, spend time with family and start planning a family of our own.

With hope in our hearts, just 10 months later, we welcomed to the world our son Lucas. Our pride and joy and new reason for living.

In three years, we have made our house a home, taken wonderful trips together, cried together, laughed together, fought like cats and dogs, grown stronger as a couple and as individuals and made two three. We recently suffered a miscarriage but are slowly, but surely bouncing back stronger than ever. I can’t wait to see what our future holds.

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. – Paul Sweeney

I am so lucky to have found this incredible man to go through life with. A man that makes my toes curl and my blood boil; makes me laugh, makes me think and forces me *kicking and screaming* to be the best version of myself. He is a wonderful father and a good person.

I don’t say it enough, but I appreciate everything you do for me and us and I love you. Happy Anniversary, Todd. xoxo

The best is yet to be.

This is my 300th post!! How fitting that is a love letter to my husband because without this blog, I’d quite possibly be a bigger pain-in-the-ass than I already am!

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Sad Reminders

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I suppose I’m just torturing myself, but the – I’m not pregnant anymore – reminders are all around me:

  • My desk calender tells me that I should be 14 weeks pregnant today. Yep, I counted off the number of weeks pregnant I should be in PEN all the way up to what would be my due date! What was I thinking?
  • The What to Expect When You’re Expecting book is sitting on my nightstand. I see it every day but have yet to remove it.

  • My sister and I sat at the mall having lunch the other day and counted 12 unmistakeably pregnant women walk by us in less than an hour. I wish I was kidding! I couldn’t help but wonder: is everyone pregnant?

  • My three best friends are expecting their seconds and while I’m truly overjoyed for them, I’m also human and it hurts knowing that I’m not going through this with them.

  • The pregnancy test with the + sign is still in my bathroom drawer taunting me.

I think it’s time to do little housecleaning and a lot more son hugging. And by housecleaning, I’m don’t mean get rid of my friends. 🙂

The best is yet to be.

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Queen Of Pop

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I’m tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay. – Madonna

I have posted about my fascination with Lady Gaga, so it only seems fitting that I give credit where credit is due and where powerful, iconic women of music began… all hail the Queen of Pop: MADONNA!

I recently watched the Glee (my new favorite show) episode, The Power of Madonna and then proceeded to listen to 90 minutes of her music while I worked out and remembered why she is so good.

I fell in love with Madonna in 1983 upon hearing the first 48 seconds of Borderline and haven’t stopped yet.

I have been lucky enough to see her in concert… twice. The last time was the night President Elect Obama was voted into office. It was a memorable night!

Say what you will about Madonna’s fashion sense and in your face, like it or not, sexual overtones, she sings about equality regardless of race, color, creed, sexual orientation or political affiliation and demands respect for the constant reinvention of herself and her music.

She encourages everyone to “express themselves” and in the process sells millions of albums shocking and awing us along the way.

If you haven’t listened to her in a while, I encourage you to dust off your Immaculate Collection CD and give it a whirl. I guarantee you’ll want to get up and dance, or at the very least smile.

Madonna’s latest project is a clothing line called “Material Girl” launching this month at Macy’s department stores. Let’s hope cone bras aren’t included!

The best is yet to be.

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Baby’s First Haircut

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Someone got his first haircut today and someone else took 37 pictures of it.

Although he wouldn’t wear the cape and wasn’t crazy about his head being squirt with water, Lucas did great with mom and dad looking on and a cool VW convertible Bug to sit in.
I thought I’d be a lot more emotional about yet another first milestone that proves babies do grow up and he definitely does look different – older somehow, but overall I did just as well as he did.

The best is yet to be.

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I’m A Hot Mess

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I wouldn’t say that I have let myself go, but I wore make-up for the first time in a month this week and it got me thinking about my appearance and the fact that I’ve become a hot mess!

I spend 90% of my time dressed in the stereotypical stay at home mom attire, which consists of yoga pants, sports bras, tank tops, hoodies and sneakers.

I have a terrible farmer’s tan and the humidity that we have had this summer makes my hair look like a frizzy mop. I have even contemplated **gulp** getting five inches hacked off and working the “mom do”, something I said I’d NEVER do!!

I also have several extra pounds from what would have been baby #2 to lose and that never helps. Before I got pregnant, I had lost all of my pregnancy #1 weight and then some and was feeling terrific and working out a lot. The daily walks continued, but there’s nothing like an emotional set back to keep you from going to the gym and burning some real calories.

My lack of interest in looking my best has a lot to do with feeling down and therefore only being able to muster the bare minimum when it comes to getting dressed in the morning.

I’m not a slob. I do shower everyday (it may be 8:00 at night before it happens, but it does happen), but I feel unattractive and unmotivated.

I have a closet full of beautiful, functional clothes and love to dress up, but ease and comfort is where it’s at these days.

The make-up made me feel better and made me realize that I need to make more of an effort not look like such a train wreck, if for no one else but myself.

The best is yet to be.

This post was written for the word game, Word Up, Yo! hosted by Natalie (Mommy of a Monster), Kristin (Taming Insanity) and Liz (a belle, a bean and a chicago dog).

If you like words too, play along!
This week’s word is hot mess.

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Friday’s Flippity Flip Offs #6

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It’s that time of the week again and as always, I am ready to flip stuff off in a BIG way, starting with…

#1 The fasteners on shopping carts and restaurant high chairs that are suppose to securely keep your tot strapped in, but half the time are broken! FLIP OFF!

#2 Junk mail and spam deserve a big HUGE FLIP OFF! How do “they” get my address anyway?! The paper kind is not only annoying, it destroys trees and clogs our landfills and the electronic kind is just plain annoying.

I once spent over an hour calling every single catalog company that you can think of asking to be removed from their mailing list and do you know that only ONE company asked me why. Pottery Barn. God bless ’em. It took two months, but eventually we stopped getting all catalogs… we still get tons of other junk mail that drives me insane.

As far as the e-mail kind, sure, it’s easy enough to hit the delete button or take the time to “unsubscribe”, but I’d really just rather have an ‘In Box’ full of mail I actually want to read, rather than a bunch of crap I don’t.

#3 People that use ‘honey’, ‘sweetie’, ‘baby’, ‘dear’ (THE WORST OF THE BUNCH!!) and other terms of endearment WHEN THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW ME! Arrrgggg… so annoying! Please FLIP OFF, love.

#4 Predictive text can FLIP OFF! I realize it is a setting that I can control, but it’s so frustrating when your phone turns ‘so’ into ‘do’ and ‘seacliff’ into ‘deadlier and won’t let me use (type) ‘hell’.

Thank you to Gigi of Kludgy Mom for this most refreshing, rejuvenating and really awesome meme.

Happy weekend, everyone!

The best is yet to be.

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I Don’t Do Math

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I know it embarrasses my husband when I pull out my tip calculator, but I suck at math!

In high school I excelled in English, history, art, music, PE and foreign language classes, but I was terrible at math and science.

In all honesty, if it weren’t for the homework and all the extra credit problems and reports I completed, I don’t think I would have even earned a diploma. I am not proud of this, I am just stating facts. I am proud to be very right brained.

Sitting in my seventh grade Algebra class, I would get dizzy staring at all the numbers on the chalkboard and when it came to formulas and word problems… forget it!

Tutors didn’t help. The summer courses I took didn’t help and neither did the knock down drag out fights I would have with my parents. They couldn’t understand why I was getting A’s and B’s in the courses I actually enjoyed and practically failing the ones I didn’t. It seemed pretty logical to me, but they were educators and thought my grades should be more “consistent”. I consistently argued that I’d never need math in my life.

By the time I got to college, I took the minimum required math courses that I needed in order to graduate and that was that. I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t go for a marketing degree because I couldn’t handle all the math prerequisites and instead opted for a Bachelor of Arts in communications with an emphasis in public relations. I can still put together a marketing budget and successfully stick to it.

I like to think that I have a logical mind that is very black and white because I appreciate that in mathematics, there can only be one solution to a problem. I mean 2 + 2 can’t equal 5, right? But numbers have always boggled my mind. I just don’t have a head for them and I never have. I know just enough to get by and for everything else, there’s a calculator.

I understand the value of math and why it is important to learn basic formulas, fractions and percentages, but I’m already starting to worry about helping Lucas with his math homework. Beyond middle school, we are definitely going to have problems (no pun intended). Thank goodness his dad is a very proud left brainer and will assist in this arena.

Numbers or not, the best is yet to be.

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You Know You’re A Mom When-sDaze

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You Know You’re a Mom When…

  • You have snacks in the form of Puffs, yogurt bites, Cheerios and teething biscuits in your car, purse, diaper bag, strollers and for some strange reason bedside table.
  • There’s no taking time off for sickness or sadness, motherhood is a full time job (but admittedly, the benefits are pretty great too).
  • You swear you are going to gather up and donate every last little toy in your house if you stub your toe on one of them one. more. time.
  • You know you have lost several socks, bottle caps, toys and burp cloths from the stroller without even realizing it.
  • As much as you love reading to your child, you don’t how many more times you can look for Spot, flip through every color of the rainbow or find out how many monkeys end up jumping off the bed.
  • You see parents in a whole new light and have a lot more respect, admiration and love for them…especially your own.

Thank you, Arizona Mama at Our Daze in the Desert for this terrific meme. If you feel like nodding along to lists by other moms just like you, check it out!

The best is yet to be.

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