advice

With This Ring…

Posted on January 4, 2011 Written by Tonya

I’m a compulsive hand washer, so I’ve always had very dry hands.

My husband calls them ‘catcher’s mitts’.

When I was in junior high and bit my nails to the quick, I proclaimed to my mother that I would never hold a boy’s hand because mine were so ugly and gross. She made me write that down on a piece of paper and give it to her. As far as I know, she carried that note in her wallet for years until her purse was stolen. 🙁

After I had Lucas, my hands became drier. If that is even possible. But, let’s face it, your body is NEVER the same after giving birth. It takes forever to fit back into your pre-pregnancy clothes and the hair loss and gain in the six months following delivery is, in a word: frightening.

In my case it seems pregnancy wreaked havoc on my skin too.

I had the worst adult acne for months and I still can’t wear my wedding rings with any regularity without this happening: My ring finger becomes a red, swollen, dry, cracked, itchy mess!

I then have to stop wearing my rings for a few days, let it heal and start all over again.

I have tried 1900 different types of lotions and NOTHING seems to help. Here are eight products currently in the rotation:Any suggestions?

Maybe a little sympathy?

My husband is getting a perturbed. Not because he wants to hold my hand, but because he’d like me to wear my wedding rings.

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Finding The Time

Posted on December 28, 2010 Written by Tonya

I honestly don’t know how some mothers do it, especially those with more than one child and no help, or those that work full time. And those that have more than one child and work full time are my absolute heroes!

I really have no business complaining. I have a husband, who is a very hands-on father, a sister who babysits from time to time AND a nanny two days a week for 10 hours and I still feel like I’m drowning.

I’m drowning in obligations or things I feel like I should be doing and never seem to find the time to get to. Am I alone?

Sure, we are just coming out of a holiday season, which is busy and overwhelming for everyone. And yes, we did just moved and it will be a while before the dust has settled, the boxes are all empty and the piles have disappeared, but nevertheless, my ‘To Do’ is long and grows daily. Here are some of the items currently at the top:

Find new pediatrician.
Find new general practitioner and dentist.
Write and send holiday thank you cards.
Call umpteen companies and change our address.
Figure out a plan on how and when to start potty training Lucas.
Hire a picture hanger (don’t ask, just trust me when I say that it will save my marriage by doing this).
Go through closet, bathroom products, books and photos. Organize!!
Get my ass back into the gym.
Start researching nursery schools.

It goes on and on and on from there…

I realize none of these things are dire, but they weigh heavily on my mind.

How do you find the time to stay fit, connect with your spouse, spend quality time with family and friends, have a coherent conversation on the phone, keep a daily blog, read blogs daily, read anything, watch your favorite shows, shop for a wedding gift, make dinner, stay on top of the laundry, etc., etc., etc.?! How do you do it all? And better yet, how do you do it all WITHOUT the guilt? How do you do it and still be present for your child?

Please don’t say “better time management” or “by prioritizing”, because I think I’m pretty good at both of those. My problem is that once Lucas goes down for a nap or it’s bedtime, or I happen to have some “me time”, I honestly need the time to decompress, gather myself and my thoughts and have absolutely zero desire to jump into a task. I need the quiet.

Since becoming a mother, I have found that boredom is SO underrated.

So, again, how do you do it?

Stay up all night?

Medication?

I really want to know. What are your best tips and tricks?

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24/7 Help Line

Posted on September 20, 2010 Written by Tonya

When it comes to raising a child and life decisions in general, I don’t know about you, but I’m growing tired of trusting my instincts, going with my gut, trial and error, lists of pros and cons and not knowing.

Wouldn’t it be nice if there were a service that would provide all the answers we seek?

Should we move?
Should we stay?
How can I help my friend/sister/nephew/cousin?
Will this venture be a success?
Is he/she The One?
Can this marriage be saved?
When is the right time to have a baby?
When is the right time to have another baby?
Will this be a successful pregnancy?
Will it be a boy or a girl?
When will I stop feeling so sad/tired/burned out?
Should I go back to work?
Should I stay at home?
Will I ever see Paris?
Shall I go left or right?
What awaits me on the other side?
Why?

A magic crystal ball for life is what I’m talking about.

I’d even pay for it.

I’d pay a lot!

And I know I’m not the only one.

I’d also travel a far distance for the answers.

It would be like visiting the Wizard of Oz, only he wouldn’t be a phony, or having a special 800 # to a technical service life help line. Can you just imagine the wait time?

He or she would tell you the absolute truth – good or bad and in your lifetime only a certain number of questions could be asked. Always one at a time and maybe, one a year or one each decade, or five in a lifetime. Of course, if you are willing to pay for the answers and wait on hold for hours on end, maybe you should be able to ask anything at anytime. That could get expensive quick.

Life. Why does it have to be so complicated sometimes? It’s full of so many decisions and unknowns, so many highs and lows and oh, so many mistakes. I guess that’s the beauty of it, isn’t it?

I’d much rather have a crystal ball.

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The Happiest Toddler On The Block

Posted on September 19, 2010 Written by Tonya

Anyone who knows me, knows I am a huge reader. I love mysteries and suspense novels, modern day fiction, historical fiction, the classics, biographies and that wildly popular vampire series. I have also been know to read a self help book or two.

Almost the minute I found out I was pregnant, I bought what I assume every mother to be buys: What to Expect When You’re Expecting. I read it religiously throughout my pregnancy and many sections out loud to my husband. I loved the question/answer format.

I was either given a lot of other books or bombarded with recommendations on which ones I just had to read, but I stuck with What to Expect… and then signed us up for a dozen parenting classes.

Come to find out, nothing really prepares you for a newborn like having a newborn. We learned by doing and still are, but in those early days, we kept hearing about the five S’s… swaddling, holding in side position, shushing, swinging and sucking

When Lucas was born, our neighbors had a one year old and a newborn two weeks older than ours and were singing the praises of the book, The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer by Harvey Karp, M.D.. It also has a companion DVD. We watched it, read it, tried it and it worked. Those five S’s literally changed our life!!

Recently, my go-to parenting book has been What to Expect the Toddler Years, but it was starting to let me down in the – dealing with tantrums – department, so I was thrilled when one of my Twitter friends (I’m sorry, but I cannot for the life of me figure out who now) said that she had experienced a breakthrough with her tot and tantrums by reading The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful, and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old.

The good doctor wrote a follow up. God bless him!

I am only 35 pages into the book and I’m already enlightened. Dr. Karp’s techniques are very respectful to your child and allows for them to feel like they are being heard.

Karp’s basic premise is that toddlers are little cave people: the right side of their brain, which deals with language and logic, is not very developed, while the left side, which is very emotional, calls most of the shots. He talks a lot about how parents have to be an ambassador: keep relations happy, while putting their foot down when it really matters.

He divides toddler behavior into three categories: “green light” behaviors, which are positive and should be encouraged; “yellow light” behaviors, which are frustrating and annoying but not completely unacceptable things toddlers do (whining, for example); and “red light” behaviors which are unacceptable because they are either dangerous or they disobey a key family rule. I don’t know about your house, but we have a lot of “red light” behavior in ours. Karp gives a great deal of advice on how to deal with each of these three types.

I’ll be reporting back to let you know how this advice works for us. Fingers crossed and a BIG thank you to my Twitter friend. I really want to figure out who it was and send her flowers.

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When You Mess With My Kid, You Mess With Me

Posted on September 1, 2010 Written by Tonya

Today Lucas and I spent another fun afternoon at Kidsville, also known as, my new favorite place for kids on the planet and I encountered something that I wasn’t expecting and still not sure how to handle in the future: rude children and parents that do nothing about it.

Kidsville is somewhat of a free for all in that children of all ages, I would say up to 6 can run around and play with all of the toys available. The older the child, the less supervision needed, so you’ll find moms and dads parked on sofas that border the facility tapping away on their smart phones. Or, you’ll find moms like me chasing after their tots ‘just in case’, but in all honesty there isn’t much Lucas could hurt himself with or on.

Or, so I thought, until today…

This one particular little girl, maybe a year older than Lucas followed us around for a while and whatever he had, she wanted and made it perfectly known by snatching it from him and knocking him down almost every time. I was right there, so luckily no one got hurt, but it definitely confused Lucas.

I was careful not to lose my cool and said things like: “that’s not very nice”, “okay, if she wants to play with it, let’s move on to something else” and “we need to share, Lucas, let’s give her a turn” all the while nonchalantly looking around for this child’s parents who never made themselves known.

Eventually, the little girl moved on to something else, however, I’m still puzzled. We have been working on the sharing concept with Lucas for a while now, which I know is a bound to be difficult to understand for young minds. Where were the girl’s parents and for future reference, what do you do when a parent doesn’t do anything about their child’s rude behavior beyond removing him from the situation? Should I have said something to management or sought the parents out and brought it to their attention?

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The Good The Bad And The Ugly

Posted on August 31, 2010 Written by Tonya

I have been thinking about my earlier post all day and it is now true confession time.

If I’m going to share my life with all of you and eventually Lucas himself, then I have to share the good, the bad and the ugly…

By and large, Sea World is one of those places that is great for busy toddlers; there is tons of open and safe places for them to roam around and explore, provided there aren’t swarms of people and you’re up for some exercise.

So, yes while we had a very fun day yesterday, Lucas has decided that the stroller is a torture chamber.

Full.

On.

Meltdown.

Every time I tried to get him into the stroller so that we could venture on to the next exhibit.

He wanted only to be on the ground and mobile, not strapped in or confined.

There were tears and sweat and head butts and one skinned knee.

It wasn’t pretty.

I have decided that I’m NOT cut out for these tantrums.

They are embarrassing and exhausting and leave me feeling completely helpless and awful. They make me want to package up my child, take him home and never leave the house with him again.

These fits of rage never last very long, but it is as though the devil himself possesses my son for four minutes and for me it is an excruciating 240 seconds. Seriously, it is the worst part of parenting… so far.

I am hoping these outbursts are just a phase. Somebody, please tell me that this is just a phase. Lucas has only been walking for three months, so I know that it is still very new and exciting to him.

So, there you have it. There were oh, four of these episodes yesterday. Luckily they got tamer as the day wore on because his little legs got tired, but nevertheless, they took their toll on both of us.

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On My Own

Posted on August 9, 2010 Written by Tonya

My husband travels for work a lot. He takes at least 14 business trips per year, most of them only lasting two to three days. Tomorrow is leaving for a whole week.

Usually I have my sister or mother-in-law come visit so that they can help me out, but this time, I’m going to do it all alone. I know what you’re thinking… I’m crazy, right? You’re probably right.

I do have 10 hours of nanny help each week as it is, but beyond that I have some fun things planned for Lucas and me to do, so we (I) should be okay. Of course, I did wake up this morning with a sore throat and now my head feels like it’s going to explode, I’m so stuffed up, but I’ll be okay. I’ll let you know how I’m holding up in a couple of days.

Back to my husband traveling… every time he goes away, he mails Lucas a postcard from wherever in the world he may be. It’s better than having him buy some awful overpriced trinket at the airport and so much more thoughtful. When the postcards arrive (usually after Todd has returned home), I read them to Lucas and them promptly display them on the memo board in Lucas’ bedroom. The notes are sweet, mean a lot to me and I know someday will mean a lot to Lucas too, or will he just be bitter that his dad traveled so much when he was an infant?

At 14 months, Lucas doesn’t seem to really notice when daddy is away for an extended period of time, but he does look around for him and starts asking for him around 5:30 each evening and gets very excited whenever he sees his picture pop up on my phone, when Todd calls me.

For those of you with small children and spouses that travel, how are you teaching your child(ren) to stay connected to the parent that is away? Phone calls? Skype? iChat? I feel like it’s only a matter of time before this becomes a potential problem. I appreciate your insight and any advice you can offer.

I’m off to find some NyQuil.

The best is yet to be.

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Guilty As Charged

Posted on July 6, 2010 Written by Tonya

Where does a mother’s guilt come from?

Guilt implies that you have done something wrong.

What’s a better word for “guilt”?

Worry?

Regret?

What is it about being a mother that means you end up carrying so much of it (whatever you call it) around?

Does a mother’s guilt ever subside or does it just grow and manifest with each passing year? God, help me if it is the latter!

I find myself feeling guilty almost every single day about something having to do with the way in which I am raising my son. I feel lost some days on this journey called motherhood and a lot of the time like I’m fumbling through it with very little direction.

At this point, I know what I’m doing. I mean, I have the basics down (I think). Lucas is a very happy, healthy 13 month old, who’s well-dressed, well-fed, has a room of his own and a gazillion toys and other apparatuses to keep him safe and entertained, but yet, I still worry.

A lot.

I worry that he is getting everything he needs from me in the form of time and comfort, that he’s being exposed to the right toys, books, foods, activities, amount of sunlight, etc., etc., etc.

We spend A LOT of time together. I worry about that.

I worry that he’ll NEVER learn to drink from a cup. Every few days I try to get him to use a sippy cup and he plays with it like it’s a new toy.

I’ve been known to stick him in front of the television for 30 minutes of peace and quiet and that causes me a lot of guilt.

Oh yeah, another thing to feel guilty about: We may have found a new nanny for my 10 hour a week break… she started today and so far so good, but lots of guilt there!

I feel guilty when I don’t exercise or think I’m not taking the best care of myself because I waited so long to have a child that I feel like I owe him the healthiest fittest version of myself for as long as I can be here. Nothing like putting a little pressure on myself, is there?

The guilt is never ending and can be all consuming if I let it. I know I need to let some of this (most of it) go, but how do you do that? How do you handle the guilt that comes with being a mother?

The best is yet to be.

This post is for the word game, Word Up, Yo!hosted by Natalie (Mommy of a Monster), Kristin (Taming Insanity) and Liz (a belle, a bean and a chicago dog).

If you like words too, you should play along!
This week’s word is fumble.

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Take A Picture, It’ll Last Longer

Posted on May 25, 2010 Written by Tonya

They say parents take more photos of their first children than they do of subsequent children. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I have taken roughly 3000 pictures (yes, I counted) of you since you were born. That’s a boat load of photos!

I text one-a-day to your grandparents, dad and two aunts and in order to get a good one (i.e. you looking at the camera and hopefully smiling while doing something super cute), there are at least five others that no one sees but me. Unless they are really awful (i.e. completely out of focus), I can’t bring myself to delete them. Hence the reason there are so many. I’m sure that it also is because you are my first and I’m so completely in awe of you and trying to capture every single adorable moment.

Occasionally, I will print out my favorites and have already filled two photo albums and countless picture frames. You are plastered all over our refrigerator and sent with greeting cards to loved ones who aren’t tech savvy.

What else do I do with them?

I suppose with everything being digital nowadays, they can all live peacefully on my computer and wherever I want to look at them, I can. ***Note To Self: I must remember to do a back up!!***

Even before my little bundle of joy’s arrival, I was a huge photo taker and always the one at events with a camera. I have thousands of them, mostly in zip lock bags, some in albums and a lot in collage frames. I have visions of beautifully organized and labeled photo boxes (yeah, with all my free time, I’ll get right on that!) and a family photo wall, which may be more realistic.

Photos… How do you store, share, display and enjoy yours? Any fun, creative ideas to share (beyond scrap booking, as I just don’t think I have the patience for that)?

Meanwhile, say “Cheese”!

The best is yet to be.

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High Chair Help!

Posted on May 15, 2010 Written by Tonya

We need a high chair!

Currently, we are using the fabulous Chicco 360 Rotating Hook On Chair and have it attached to our kitchen bar, but with as much as you enjoy dropping food on the floor and with all the yummy summer fruit soon to be available and warmer weather, I’d love to get you outside occasionally for meals. Not to mention my desire/fantasy to have a civilized family dinner around the actual dining table.

I still really like the Boon Flair high chair, but I’m also still not willing to fork over $230 for it.

Like with any of this baby crap, there are TOO MANY CHOICES and I need help!! I visited the Web site Wize, which reports on the best and worst products, but I’m sorry “It matches my kitchen perfectly!” is not a review.

Any suggestions out there?

The best is yet to be.

Day 81/100

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With This Ring…

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