Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Here Is Your Best Shot

Posted on December 2, 2010 Written by Tonya

With holiday greeting cards starting to arrive in our mailbox, a ‘To Do’ list a mile long, an impending move and having already previously canceled twice, I had to keep my appointment yesterday at Sears to have Lucas’ 18 month/holiday photos taken.

I purposely picked a time mid-morning when he is usually happy and playful, full from breakfast and hours from lunch or his afternoon nap.

Lucas is really into bargaining right now, or rather being bargained with; eat three more bites and you can have a cracker, help Mommy clean up your toys and then you can watch Elmo, first we need to go to the super market and then we will go to the park, etc. I’m building trust so I never let him down. He seems to “get it”, but he is only 18 months old, so I wonder.

After I told him how long it would take and what to expect, I told him we would go for a ride on the choo choo (his current major obsession) after we got his photos taken.

Big mistake!!

It was all he could focus on.

“Choo choo.”

“Choo choo.”

“Choo choo.”

900 times.

It was insane.

I can laugh about it now, but I wanted to ring his neck during the 45 minutes we wasted in the studio.

He wanted nothing to do with the photographer or her fun antics to get him to smile, show some teeth or demonstrate his sparkling personality. Between the two of us, we must have looked like complete fools as we jumped, danced, sang, fake sneezed and peek-a-booed. Lucas was not amused and not cooperating.

Lucas only wanted “choo choo”.

Of the 45 shots the poor woman (a consummate professional with way more patience than me) took, exactly ONE picture came out. And that’s even debatable.The rest looked like mug shots. And I am not kidding.

This will definitely be a photo shoot to remember.

Needless to say, I followed through with my promise and took my son on that god damned train and I’m going to have to go with Plan B for the family holiday card.

Sadly, I don’t have a Plan B.
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Filed Under: annoyances, holidays, milestones, outing, photos

Loss

Posted on November 24, 2010 Written by Tonya

We lose hair, weight, sleep, contact, keys, sunglasses, luggage, races, games, arguments, jobs, money, homes, our place in line, our way, our will power, our balance, our sanity, our minds, our cool, our nerve, our courage, our voice, our faith, ourselves, people we love and people that never will be.

Sometimes our losses are little and will soon be discovered exactly where we left them or they become life lessons to learn and grow from. They become a part of who we are.

Other times they are almost too great to bear and leave us asking why and endless other questions.

I would like to think that a really big devastating loss means that a really big wonderful win is just around the corner.

This Thanksgiving eve, with hope in my heart, I pray our wins always outweigh our losses.

We give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way. ~ Author Unknown

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Filed Under: annoyances, death, loss

I’ve Arrived!

Posted on November 23, 2010 Written by Tonya

I received my first THREE negative comments over the weekend and feel compelled to share a note with someone who likes to call themselves “Anonymous”:

Dear Anonymous,

I may not know you’re name, but I do know where you live and that you spent over 10 hours on my blog on Saturday. Thank you so much for visiting, but 10 hours? I didn’t think what I had to say was all that interesting and I can’t help but wonder what responsibilities you neglected while you were leaving nasty comments on my blog.You are a repeat visitor too.

I really appreciate your insight and well thought out responses [insert eye roll here] to my posts, Green With Envy regarding my jealousy towards my sister for going to a taping of the Oprah Winfrey Show and Ebony & Ivory, also about my sister, our relationship and 11 year age gap.

I have never moderated my comments before they are posted and have never deleted one that I didn’t agree with. Oh, I take that back, I did delete Leah’s on Ebony & Ivory, but featured it yesterday in it’s entirety.

I always try to answer specific questions or provide further clarification when asked, either in the form of a personal e-mail to the commenter, an update post on the topic or in my own comment for all to read. Hard to do that when I don’t who you are, so I’m doing it this way…. your very own post! 🙂

Anonymous, please don’t judge me or insult me on my own blog, but if you must don’t cowardly stand behind “Anonymous”. It’s really unbecoming. If you’re going to be negative, you should have the balls to use your name.

That is all. Thanks, again for visiting! I really do feel like I’ve arrived now.

xoxo

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Filed Under: annoyances, aunt leah, bitch, blog

The Good The Bad And The Ugly

Posted on August 31, 2010 Written by Tonya

I have been thinking about my earlier post all day and it is now true confession time.

If I’m going to share my life with all of you and eventually Lucas himself, then I have to share the good, the bad and the ugly…

By and large, Sea World is one of those places that is great for busy toddlers; there is tons of open and safe places for them to roam around and explore, provided there aren’t swarms of people and you’re up for some exercise.

So, yes while we had a very fun day yesterday, Lucas has decided that the stroller is a torture chamber.

Full.

On.

Meltdown.

Every time I tried to get him into the stroller so that we could venture on to the next exhibit.

He wanted only to be on the ground and mobile, not strapped in or confined.

There were tears and sweat and head butts and one skinned knee.

It wasn’t pretty.

I have decided that I’m NOT cut out for these tantrums.

They are embarrassing and exhausting and leave me feeling completely helpless and awful. They make me want to package up my child, take him home and never leave the house with him again.

These fits of rage never last very long, but it is as though the devil himself possesses my son for four minutes and for me it is an excruciating 240 seconds. Seriously, it is the worst part of parenting… so far.

I am hoping these outbursts are just a phase. Somebody, please tell me that this is just a phase. Lucas has only been walking for three months, so I know that it is still very new and exciting to him.

So, there you have it. There were oh, four of these episodes yesterday. Luckily they got tamer as the day wore on because his little legs got tired, but nevertheless, they took their toll on both of us.

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Filed Under: a mother's guilt, advice, annoyances, challenges, confession, motherhood, outing

Lost In Translation

Posted on August 26, 2010 Written by Tonya

Lucas, you know so many words, but trying to communicate with one another is still very difficult and frustrating for both of us. You and I had our first of what is sure to be MANY major communication breakdowns this morning.

You woke up in a delightful mood; happy and all smiles, but once we got downstairs and I started trying to make your breakfast, that all went to hell.

You spotted something on the cluttered kitchen counter top that you wanted and wanted BAD. You whined and and cried for it and kept saying “mama mama”, which I took as “help me”, but help from me was the LAST thing you wanted.

When I picked you up, you arched your back and pushed me away, so I put you back down on the ground, which only escalated your anger.

There was a pile of mail, a pair of your shoes, all the breakfast ingredients; a banana, milk carton, box of cereal, container of apple sauce, a cutting board, knife, bowl, spoon, and my wallet spilling out of my purse. As I meticulously picked up each and every item, showed you and asked, “is this it?”, your frustration grew and grew.

You were so mad and started the ugly cry, complete with big crocodile tears, a huge pouty lip and a look in your eyes that pleaded, “why don’t you understand me?!”.

I was just about at my wits end with your repetitive “no’s” and sad face that I almost broke down myself. Why was I having such a hard time figuring out what you wanted and why was this all happening before 8 o’clock in the morning?

All of a sudden, it hit me.

You call Daddy’s phone “mama” because his wallpaper is a picture of you and me. You also call my wallet “mama” because of the picture on my driver’s license that you see as soon as you open it. The minute I handed my wallet to you, all was right in the world again. Thank God.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: a mother's guilt, annoyances, photos

FRIDAY FLIP OFFS #7

Posted on August 6, 2010 Written by Tonya

Ah, Friday… my favorite day of the week! Time to rid myself of all of the little annoyances I have been experiencing since last Friday. In no particular order, they are:

#1 Hangovers can FLIP the hell right OFF! Oh my goodness I must be getting old, but yesterday’s hangover was a doozy! My head hurt, my body ached and I couldn’t quench my thirst to save my life. My husband and I had a little too much fun celebrating our three year anniversary on Wednesday night. NOTE TO SELF: Bars on bikes will get you every time.

#2 Okay, all you pet owners… PICK UP AFTER YOUR DOGS, please!!! I walk through my neighborhood almost every day of the week and it’s like avoiding landmines out there. Maneuvering around poop is hard enough but 90% of the time I also have a stroller with me. FLIP OFF!!

#3 I don’t think I’ve participated in a Friday Flip Offs without bitching around traffic, so in keeping up with that tradition… I spend a lot of time in the car and on the 5 Freeway and I don’t mind driving all that much, but I HATE sitting in traffic, especially unnecessary traffic which 9 times out of 10 involves Looky-Lous. Aggghhh… FLIP OFF! Move along people, there is nothing to see. For the love of God, just drive!

#4 Last but not least, I’m repeating myself by flipping off the ever UNpopular most detested household chore: l a u n d r y. I hate it!! Flip Off! Go Away! Scram.

Whew, I feel better. Do you? Thank you to Kludgy Mom for developing this awesomest meme. Gigi, you rock!!

Happy weekend, everyone!

The best is yet to be.

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  • Friday’s Flippity Flip Offs #6
  • Virtual Flip Offs #5
  • I’m Flipping Off Stuff…AGAIN! #4

Filed Under: annoyances, friday flip offs, list Tagged With: annoyances, friday flip offs, list

Sad Reminders

Posted on August 3, 2010 Written by Tonya

I suppose I’m just torturing myself, but the – I’m not pregnant anymore – reminders are all around me:

  • My desk calender tells me that I should be 14 weeks pregnant today. Yep, I counted off the number of weeks pregnant I should be in PEN all the way up to what would be my due date! What was I thinking?
  • The What to Expect When You’re Expecting book is sitting on my nightstand. I see it every day but have yet to remove it.

  • My sister and I sat at the mall having lunch the other day and counted 12 unmistakeably pregnant women walk by us in less than an hour. I wish I was kidding! I couldn’t help but wonder: is everyone pregnant?

  • My three best friends are expecting their seconds and while I’m truly overjoyed for them, I’m also human and it hurts knowing that I’m not going through this with them.

  • The pregnancy test with the + sign is still in my bathroom drawer taunting me.

I think it’s time to do little housecleaning and a lot more son hugging. And by housecleaning, I’m don’t mean get rid of my friends. 🙂

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: annoyances, friends, list, miscarriage, pregnancy2

Friday’s Flippity Flip Offs #6

Posted on July 30, 2010 Written by Tonya

It’s that time of the week again and as always, I am ready to flip stuff off in a BIG way, starting with…

#1 The fasteners on shopping carts and restaurant high chairs that are suppose to securely keep your tot strapped in, but half the time are broken! FLIP OFF!

#2 Junk mail and spam deserve a big HUGE FLIP OFF! How do “they” get my address anyway?! The paper kind is not only annoying, it destroys trees and clogs our landfills and the electronic kind is just plain annoying.

I once spent over an hour calling every single catalog company that you can think of asking to be removed from their mailing list and do you know that only ONE company asked me why. Pottery Barn. God bless ’em. It took two months, but eventually we stopped getting all catalogs… we still get tons of other junk mail that drives me insane.

As far as the e-mail kind, sure, it’s easy enough to hit the delete button or take the time to “unsubscribe”, but I’d really just rather have an ‘In Box’ full of mail I actually want to read, rather than a bunch of crap I don’t.

#3 People that use ‘honey’, ‘sweetie’, ‘baby’, ‘dear’ (THE WORST OF THE BUNCH!!) and other terms of endearment WHEN THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW ME! Arrrgggg… so annoying! Please FLIP OFF, love.

#4 Predictive text can FLIP OFF! I realize it is a setting that I can control, but it’s so frustrating when your phone turns ‘so’ into ‘do’ and ‘seacliff’ into ‘deadlier and won’t let me use (type) ‘hell’.

Thank you to Gigi of Kludgy Mom for this most refreshing, rejuvenating and really awesome meme.

Happy weekend, everyone!

The best is yet to be.

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  • FRIDAY FLIP OFFS #7
  • Virtual Flip Offs #5
  • I’m Flipping Off Stuff…AGAIN! #4

Filed Under: annoyances, friday flip offs, list Tagged With: annoyances, friday flip offs, list

Virtual Flip Offs #5

Posted on July 23, 2010 Written by Tonya

I missed last week’s Friday Flip Offs, so bear with me friends, I have a lot of pent up flips to share:

#1 People that have no concept of personal space need to back the hell up and FLIP WAY OFF.

Whether, it’s in line at the grocery store or sitting next to me in a doctor’s office waiting room, my space is mine, not yours and I don’t want to feel you sneeze or smell your breath. I don’t like to be crowded in or touched by anyone that I’m not related to or have known longer than an hour. You give me the heeby-jeebies!

#2 When walking to my car with stroller in tow, I’m going to need several minutes to put my tot in the car, fold and stow the stroller and get myself situated, so for all of you that like to creep behind me in your cars because you think my parking space is 50 feet closer to the entrance, FLIP OFF!!! Park somewhere else and do the extra walking, you probably need it!

#3 My hair deserves a BIG F-you! I am so tired of blowing it straight and flat ironing the hell out of it because it is a wavy mess. We have always had a love/hate relationship and I’m over it! I’m asking for a Brazilian blowout for the next gift giving holiday.

#4 And last, but not least, I have a special FLIP OFF for the navigation system in my car. It usually gets me where I need to go, but I hate the fact that I can’t enter an address or make a change to anything previously entered unless the car is in Park. This is a colossal pain-in-the-ass and extremely annoying. Every other car I have had or been in, lets you be the judge of potentially dangerous button pushing while driving. I really need to look into tripping the system.

A HUGE big thank you to Gigi of Kludgy Mom for developing this much needed weekly virtual detox!

Happy Friday, everyone.

The best is yet to be.

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  • FRIDAY FLIP OFFS #7
  • Friday’s Flippity Flip Offs #6
  • I’m Flipping Off Stuff…AGAIN! #4

Filed Under: annoyances, friday flip offs, hair, list Tagged With: annoyances, friday flip offs, hair, list

Oh, What A Night!

Posted on July 22, 2010 Written by Tonya

Last night I checked on Lucas, as I do every night before turning in myself around 9:30 and as soon as I walked into his bedroom, I smelled something awful. I had forgotten to empty the diaper pail and his laundry basket was overflowing. He was fast asleep (and breathing), so I thought if it wasn’t his behind, I’d just crack open a window and call it a night.

I found his lovey at the far end of the crib and as I grabbed it and was tucking it under his arm, I discovered it was soaking wet. I then turned on the overhead light and found one whole end of the crib was soaking wet as well and there were little white chunks all over him and his bed. Poor baby had thrown up and was now sleeping in it.

Eeewwwww! I’d much rather clean up poop; at least it’s usually confined to one area.

He hadn’t made a peep for 3 1/2 hours. He could have choked! Thank goodness I went in there. But what was I suppose to do now? I couldn’t let him sleep in soiled sheets and jammies. I had to wake him up and change everything out.

Surprisingly, he was in a very good mood considering he was just woken from a sound sleep but quickly became completely confused and very agitated. He started following me all over the house sobbing as I struggled to remove the bumper pad, dust ruffle, mattress pad, sheets and blankets from his bed, find new sheets, start laundry, pull out a fresh pair of pjs, wipe him off, change him, etc.

At one point, he made his way into our room where he quickly found the huge glass of water on my bedside table and proceeded to dump it all over himself. And so ensues another round of clean up and new jammies.

Oh, I haven’t even mention the best part yet…this happens on a night my husband is out to dinner with a colleague.

In LA.

Two hours away.

Lucky me.

He got home just in time to help me try to get Lucas back to sleep, which didn’t happen until after midnight.

Needless to say, I’m more than a little grouchy this morning because even though he was up for 2 1/2 hours in the middle of the night, Lucas still woke up at the butt crack of dawn this morning. What is up with that?!

We both need a break from one another. Thank goodness I have a babysitter coming in T-minus two hours.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: annoyances, challenges, lovey, parenthood, TBW

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