difficult subjects

The Most Important Job In The World

Posted on January 25, 2010 Written by Tonya

I have been reluctant to write about this, but it is time to come clean…

We have hired a nanny.

For the purposes of this blog, I will call her Angel, because in my eyes, that’s what she is to me. Angel helps me care for you for five hours a day, two days a week and she has been working with us for a month.

Whew, that wasn’t so hard.

Before you judge, (that’s my defensive, inner critic/guilty conscience speaking) I feel like a big fat loser/fraud/incompetent mother for having her. After all, I don’t work and since June my sole job has been to stay at home and raise you. I am proud of this role and have never been happier, but it’s the most challenging position I have ever held and I felt as if I was slowly losing myself before I admitted that I needed help. In short, I am a better mother because of Angel.

Ideally, stay at home moms choose to stay home (like I have) and in a perfect world, we’d all have smiles on our faces, never complain and enjoy every moment we are home with our little tike(s), but being a stay at home mom is a full-time, 24-hour a day job, even with a hands on partner, like your dad. I am the mommy and that role is very different; it’s everything. As Mommy, you are always “on”. You don’t get a lunch break, two week vacation, weekends off or sick days. Of course, there are exceptions and there are mom’s hiring nannies to care of their kid(s) because they just don’t want to, and that’s a whole different issue altogether.

Having a nanny for a few hours every week is an absolute luxury and one that I am lucky to be able to afford. I don’t believe I am a bad mother to care for myself or need a break, in fact, having Angel makes me better mentally and physically. I have been able to go to two doctor’s appointments, grocery shop, have a nice long (uninterrupted) lunch with a friend and go to the gym..three times!

I believe that motherhood is the most important job a woman will ever undertake in her lifetime. It is the one job that will give her satisfaction of mind, body, heart and soul. I also believe that no other person can raise my son with as much love as I can, but I am blessed to have these 10 hours a week to recharge.

The best is yet to be.

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Last Will And Testament

Posted on November 16, 2009 Written by Tonya

No one likes to talk about death, but it’s inevitable. It is going to happen, it’s just a matter of when. People aren’t comfortable with the notion of not being here and it’s very strange thinking about and especially talking out loud about your own mortality and what your wishes are after you are gone, but it is completely necessary.

I am so thankful that my parents had the forethought to create a Will and although it was very dated, it served as a helpful road map to my sister and I as we settled their estate.

Your dad and I are in the process of creating a Living Trust should something happen to either or both of us and while you and I were in the Bay Area last week, I met with our attorney. He had me hand write my Last Will and Testament, which immediately protects you and names your guardian. It was a totally surreal exercise, but I know more than most, how life can turn on a dime, so I feel an enormous sense of comfort just knowing that this piece of paper now exists.

I urge my small audience here to encourage their parents, if still living to face the difficult task of developing a their Wills and also to start thinking about their own desires. Better late than never, as they say and I believe that this legal declaration is one of the most important ones we have to make.

The best is yet to be.

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For My Broken Heart

Posted on August 31, 2009 Written by Tonya

The last time I saw my parents alive was the day after my wedding, Sunday, August 5, 2007.

My sister and I choose to remember them most on October 15, the day we were notified of their passing.

Sometime between Friday, October 12, 2007 at 8:00 PM and Saturday, October 13, 2007 at 8:00 AM they died of carbon monoxide poisoning.

They were 61 and 58 respectively…too young to die.

My parents lived overseas and dedicated their lives to working at American international schools around the globe for 28 years. My father was the principal of a kindergarten through 12th grade school in Tunis, Tunisia and my mother was a third grade teacher. They died in Tunisia.

For those of you who don’t know, carbon monoxide is odorless, colorless and is the second-leading cause of poisoning deaths in the U.S. Carbon monoxide poisoning claims nearly 500 lives and another 15,000 require emergency room treatment. It can kill you before you know it because you can’t see it, smell it, or taste it. A water heater vent was damaged in my parent’s kitchen and it emitted carbon monoxide into their home killing them.

It’s hard to be the one left behind to pick up the pieces, ask the unanswerable questions and it’s ridiculous to walk around angry at an inanimate object.

Most of the time I just feel robbed.

My parents were anything but done with this life.One week to the day before their bodies were found, they had decided to retire and return to their stateside home in Arizona. They were anxious to see my sister, Leah who had recently graduated from college, start her life and begin building a career, they looked forward to us both having grandchildren (they would have been amazing grandparents and would have completely adored and doted on Lucas and had a long list of things they wanted to do to their home and trips they were excited to take. It’s unfair that they were taken from us too soon. I miss them every single day and ache to hear their voices again.

I’m mostly sorry that my son will never get to meet them in the physical sense.

I hope between me, my sister, my husband and others that knew them well, Lucas will know them in a different way.

Sometimes bad things happen to good people, but I will forever believe that the best is yet to be.

The Most Important Job In The World

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