Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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A Whirlwind Weekend

Posted on August 19, 2010 Written by Tonya

Ah, it’s finally Friday!

I am so excited about my weekend that I could pee in my pants. We have not one but TWO Dave Matthews Band shows with my husband’s 20 year *gulp* high school reunion in between.

The first concert is tonight in San Diego and these tickets:

have been on the refrigerator staring at me for months!! I love Dave and the boys and look forward to seeing them every summer. This will be my 18th and 19th show, much to my husband’s chagrin. He has fun, but he’d never admit it.

I can’t really explain why I love the Dave Matthews Band so much. Their music livens my soul, lifts my spirits and makes me believe in hope, peace and harmony for all mankind. Oh, and I think the lead singer is an amazing talent and in the words of my new favorite blogger, Roxanne at Days, “I’d lick his teeth”.

Tomorrow morning, we leave bright and early for the Bay Area for the reunion. Lucas grandparents will watch him while we mix and mingle and then we head home for show #2 in LA.

This second show is not on DMB’s tour schedule because it’s being hosted in someone’s – wait for it – BACKYARD!! Talk about peeing in my pants!! Can you say: once in a lifetime opportunity?! The event benefits the Tuition Assistance Fund at Heschel West Day School in Agoura, California by providing need-based scholarship to students. Heschel West teaches children in preschool through 5th grade “how to do things right and to do the right thing”. I cannot wait to report back on this. 🙂 🙂 🙂 Unfortunately no cameras or videos are allowed. 🙁 🙁 🙁

If you’re still with me, I bet you’re wondering what on earth I have to Flip Off today. Well, true, my life is pretty damn good right now, but I can ALWAYS find something irritating. This was a great week so I only have one teensy tiny flip and that honor is bestowed upon:

PACKING!

I hate packing.

I hate packing for a weekend, a long weekend, a week, even an overnight. It was bad enough when it was just me, but now that I have to pack for a 14 month old as well, I want to pull my hair out.

I pride myself on my ‘To Do’ lists and being uber organized, but when it comes to packing… ugh! Forget it! FLIP OFF!! The difficulty for me lies within the question: How am I suppose to know what I’m going to want to wear there based on what I feel like wearing today? And don’t even get me started on shoes! For Lucas, it’s: What if he has a blow out or gets sick, are two outfits a day going to be enough? Will it be chilly, will the hotel have sheets and blankets for the crib, etc. etc. etc.

If there was a company that would pack for me, I would seriously hire them, without even blinking an eye!

Thank you to Gigi at Kludgy Momfor this fun and very necessary (some weeks more than others) meme. This week she is taking her flips across the Atlantic to Pumpkin and Piglet in the U.K.

I hope everyone has a happy and safe weekend and please be sure to come back next week as I celebrate my one year blogoversary!

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: DMB, friday flip offs, grandparents, list, music Tagged With: DMB, friday flip offs, grandparents, list, music

Sunday Fun Day

Posted on August 15, 2010 Written by Tonya

I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack and Sons of the Desert had to be one of the most over played country cross over songs of 2000.

I listened to it again the other day and it struck me differently than it ever had. I don’t think I have heard since becoming a mother and it really is a perfect wish list for a child and the life they have.

I Hope You Dance
Mark D. Sanders and Tia Sillers

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they’re worth taking
Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth making

Don’t let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

Dance
I hope you dance
(Dance)
I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder
(Dance)
Where those years have gone
(Dance)

What more could a mother ask for?

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: lyrics, motherhood, music, sunday fun day

Queen Of Pop

Posted on August 2, 2010 Written by Tonya

I’m tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay. – Madonna

I have posted about my fascination with Lady Gaga, so it only seems fitting that I give credit where credit is due and where powerful, iconic women of music began… all hail the Queen of Pop: MADONNA!

I recently watched the Glee (my new favorite show) episode, The Power of Madonna and then proceeded to listen to 90 minutes of her music while I worked out and remembered why she is so good.

I fell in love with Madonna in 1983 upon hearing the first 48 seconds of Borderline and haven’t stopped yet.

I have been lucky enough to see her in concert… twice. The last time was the night President Elect Obama was voted into office. It was a memorable night!

Say what you will about Madonna’s fashion sense and in your face, like it or not, sexual overtones, she sings about equality regardless of race, color, creed, sexual orientation or political affiliation and demands respect for the constant reinvention of herself and her music.

She encourages everyone to “express themselves” and in the process sells millions of albums shocking and awing us along the way.

If you haven’t listened to her in a while, I encourage you to dust off your Immaculate Collection CD and give it a whirl. I guarantee you’ll want to get up and dance, or at the very least smile.

Madonna’s latest project is a clothing line called “Material Girl” launching this month at Macy’s department stores. Let’s hope cone bras aren’t included!

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: music, quotes, TV

Miles Of Smiles

Posted on July 1, 2010 Written by Tonya

Sometimes it’s the simplest (and silliest) things make me the happiest. A pretty color of nail polish on my toes, an extended lunch with a good friend, receiving flowers for no reason at all, or a beautiful blue sky without a cloud in sight.

In no particular order, here’s a list of ten other things that always make me smile:

1. Half a dozen times a year, when I’m having a REALLY bad day, I’ll get a McDonald’s Happy Meal and I don’t know if it actually works or not, but I sure do feel better after having one.

2. I discontinued many of my magazine subscriptions once I became a mother, but I held on to In Style and each and every month it arrives in my mailbox, I can’t wait to find the time to devour it.

3. I love playing Scrabble on my iPhone and at any given time have 6-10 games going with various friends, but I also play against the computer and whenever I win, I get a huge sense of satisfaction!

4. I adore reading and wish I had more time for it. I love getting lost in a good book and hate finishing one, but thoroughly enjoy crossing another title off my list. The bookstore is one of my favorite places to pass the time and my book club is an absolute joy to be a part of. I’d rather read than watch TV any day.

5. I love living so close to the ocean and I try to take advantage of it as much as I can. I love taking long walks along the beach most of all and looking out as far as I can see. Nothing can put life more into perspective than when you think about just how small we really are.

6. Music alone can put me in a completely different state of mind and I love it for that. It can make me want to get up and dance, sing my heart out and twirl like a top or sit quietly, relax and remember.

7. Witnessing random acts of kindness make me elated! I enjoy seeing people looking out for one another; holding doors open, smiling when they pass you, or helping carry heavy loads. It restores my faith that humans are good and kind.

8. My husband. He is good, honest, caring supportive, level headed, a terrific father and puts up with all of my shit.

9. The euphoria you experience when done exercising. Physical activity is something I’ve done my whole life and I can’t imagine feeling healthy or happy without it. Don’t get me wrong, I am not jumping for joy to go to the gym, however, I am smiling REALLY BIG when I leave the gym sweaty, tired, triumphant and planning my next meal.

10. My son… I love watching everything he does, but his smile and laughter make me the happiest. Hearing him jabber away in his crib in the morning is a very close second.

The best is yet to be.

I wrote this post for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop – Prompt #3:
Write a list of 10 things that are sure to put a smile on your face when you are not happy.

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Filed Under: books, exercise, list, mama kat's writer's workshop, music, TBW, TDA bio, warm fuzzy

The Soundtrack Of My Life

Posted on June 10, 2010 Written by Tonya

I love music and it has always been a huge part of my life. I believe everything is better with music. I have over 6000 songs on my iPod and an “Essential” playlist with over 100 of my “favorites”. They are from all different genres, some are fast, some are slow, some have no lyrics at all, they make me want to dance or cry, several remind me of simpler times when I was young and carefree, but all have special meaning to me of a particular time and place in my life and without a doubt every one makes me smile.

When Lucas was almost five months old he accompanied me on a road trip to Arizona and I played the entire playlist for him and shared the significance of each song. He slept though most of it, but I didn’t take it personally. Since then he has heard those songs and many others over and over. I hope he grows up to enjoy music as much as I do.

When I think about The Soundtrack Of My Life, I think about losing my virginity to Prince’s Sign ‘O’ The Times and dancing my first slow dance to Drive by The Cars and the fact that Fade Into You by Mazzy Star was playing when I got into my first car accident, and anytime I hear anything by The Grateful Dead, I will remember my first true love and Morning Dance by Spyro Gyro will always make me miss my dad.

But, there are 10 tunes that I’ll never grow tired of and also represent my life in very big was (in order of their release dates):

1. Different Drum (1970) by Linda Ronstadt And The Stone Poneys

Yes, and I ain’t saying you ain’t pretty
All I’m saying is I’m not ready
For any person place or thing
To try and pull the reins in on me

I have always loved this song and it’s carefree, Miss Independent, you can’t tie me down message. I chose it for three reasons:
1) Ronstadt and I share our beginnings in Tucson, AZ.
2) While attending the University of Arizona I worked at Pier One Imports and actually helped Ms. Ronstadt when she came into the store one day.
3) My mother’s love of folk music – she couldn’t carry a tune to save her life, but I sang along to The Mamas and the Papas, The Carpenters and Carol King growing up.

2. Pictures of You (1989) by The Cure

If only I’d thought of the right words
I could have held on to your heart
If only I’d thought of the right words
I wouldn’t be breaking apart
All my pictures of you


I love 80’s music…Duran Duran, Madonna, Michael Jackson, Culture Club, New Order and of course, The Cure. Gorgeous and haunting lyrics, enough said!

3. How You’ve Grown (1992) by 10,000 Maniacs

“My, how you’ve grown.”
I remember that phrase from my childhood days too.
“Just wait and see.”
I remember those words and how they chided me,
when patient was the hardest thing to be.
Because we can’t make up for the time that we’ve
lost, I must let these memories provide.
No little girl can stop her world to wait for me.

This song always remind me of the almost 12 years between my younger sister and I. I feel as though my parents and I always tried to make her older than she was and then we’d end up getting frustrated with her for being what she was…younger.

4. Waiting in Vain (1995) by Annie Lennox

It’s been three years since I’m knocking on your door

And I still can knock some more
Ooh, boy, ooh, boy, is it crazy? Look, I wanna know now
For I to knock some more


I love the Bob Marley version of this song too, but this one stands out to me more because it’s sung by the incredible Annie Lennox; it just doesn’t get any better!

5. We Danced Anyway (1996) by Deana Carter

Well they say you can’t go back

But baby I don’t believe that
Come along with me, come on and dance with me


I love how country songs tell a story, but this song is just sweet and fun.

6. The Space Between (2001) by The Dave Matthews Band

These fickle fuddled words confuse me
Like will it rain today
We waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted games we’re playing

We’re strange allies
With warring hearts
What a wild eyed beast you be

The space between
The wicked lies we tell and hope to keep safe from the pain

Anyone who knows me (Natalie!) knows I am CRAZY about Dave Matthews and it is very hard to just pick one song from their discography because I honestly love all of them. This song got a lot of airplay, but for me it’s the unmistakable tongue twisting lyrics and message of hope that keep me coming back for more.

7. Break Me (2001) by Jewel

Feels like being underwater
Now that I’ve let go
And lost control
Water kisses fill my mouth
Water fills my soul

This song stops me in my tracks every time I hear it. I love how vulnerable, fragile and downright raw the lyrics are. It reminds me of me in the beginning of any relationship I have ever had. It takes a lot of guts to put your true self out there, but it has been worth it every time.

8. Someone Like You (2001) Van Morrison

I’ve been all around the world

Marching to the beat of a different
Drum.
But just lately I have
Realized
The best is yet to come

I helped my dad search high and low for this song because he loved it and we finally found it on the soundtrack of the same title. Cheesy movie but a classic song.

9. Starry-Eyed Surprise (2002) by Paul Oakenfold featuring Crazy Town

Once again I found myself with my friends
Dancin’ the night away it’s like the party never ends
Then again we don’t want it to stop cause
Tonight’s the night it goes sweat box, laser beams, flashin’ lights

This is my “power song” for whenever I need that extra boost to go a little bit further on the treadmill. It never fails!

10. The Book of Love (2004) by Peter Gabriel

The book of love is long and boring

And written very long ago
It’s full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we’re all too young to know

Simple melody and witty lyrics; Peter Gabriel sings with a frailty and poignancy no one else could manage. Beautiful song!

And for good measure:

11. Far Away (2005) by Nickelback

‘Cause I needed, I need to hear you say that I love you (That I love you)
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you (And I forgive you) for being away for far too long

This song occupies a very special place in my heart and I can’t get through it without crying, especially when I hear the line below. It makes me think of my parents who have been gone for far too long and are very much missed every single day.

This was an incredible writing experience and I enjoyed walking down memory lane and really thinking about why I chose each and every one of the songs above. Thank you, Mama Kat for the topic. Incidentally, I made a play list of just these songs and listened to it while I wrote this, reaffirming my selections.

The best is yet to be.

I wrote this post for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop – Prompt #1: Soundtrack of your life – Pick 10 songs that you would have on a soundtrack for your life, pick a line from each that you most identify with and write a short statement of why this song made it.

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Filed Under: list, lyrics, mama kat's writer's workshop, music, TDA bio

Graduation Day 2

Posted on May 24, 2010 Written by Tonya

Two graduation days in two weeks!? See We Did It! for last week’s reason to celebration.

Today, Lucas successfully completed his second eight-week Kindermusik class! Another diploma for the refrigerator door. 🙂

This was a great class and we have, once again signed up for another session.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: milestones, music, praise, school

Graduation Day

Posted on March 22, 2010 Written by Tonya

You successfully completed eight weeks of Kindermusik today and you better believe that your diploma went straight on the refrigerator! I am so proud of my little boy.

You enjoyed the class so much that we have signed up for another eight week session.

If you would like to cultivate a love of music in your child, I highly recommend these classes.

The best is yet to be and let’s hope that there are many more diplomas in our future.

Day 27/100

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Filed Under: milestones, music, praise, school

GaGa For GaGa

Posted on January 23, 2010 Written by Tonya

Sometimes, I’m the last to jump on the band wagon. For example, people told me for years how much I’d love the TV shows Grey’s Anatomy and Brothers and Sisters, that I would thoroughly enjoy reconnecting and staying connected to friends on Facebook, that if I tried acai berry juice, I might just enjoy it, and that if I got an iPhone, I would get used to it and learn to love it. In each instance, I was stubborn and resisted and held out, until one day…I tried all of those things and now, can’t imagine my life without them. As strange as it may sound, appreciating Lady GaGa is no exception.

I had heard Lady GaGa’s music at the gym and on the radio and knew my sister dressed up as her for her Halloween last year (I’m still not sure what a disco stick is) and I thought she was just another wannabe Madonna, along the lines of Britney and Christina. It was actually your dad, who I feel has the strangest taste in music, that made me really take notice.

I believe Lady GaGa is a genius.

Say what you will about her outlandish make-up, daring fashion sense and shocking and sexually charged performances, Lady GaGa’s music is absolutely infectious. If you can’t get the chorus of Bad Romance out of your head, you are a better person that I am.

She’s talented, too. She writes her own lyrics, plays classic piano and obviously designs her own wardrobe. I believe that she likes to push boundaries but doesn’t just shock for shock’s sake. So, what message does she want to send? In a recent interview she said, “I want them [my fans] to free themselves, and I want them to be proud of who they are. I want them to celebrate all the things they don’t like about themselves the way that I did, and to be truly happy from the inside.”

She’s the most successful 23 year old I know. Lady GaGa’s latest smash hit, Bad Romance, has set the record for the most weekly plays registered in Billboard’s Pop Songs radio airplay tally history. Last week, the song was played 10,859 times across the nation, knocking Leona Lewis out of her titled position (in 2008, Bleeding Love was played 10,665 times in one week).

Lady GaGa’s hit single Just Dance has just gone platinum five times over. It is the first song EVER by a female artist to surpass 5 million downloads!

If you are still reluctant to jump on the wagon yourself, think she’s too “out there”, or aren’t into electronic dance music, listen to her ballad Speechless. I guarantee it will knock your socks off.

The best is yet to be if you just dance!

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Filed Under: current events, music

My ipod Has Schizophrenia

Posted on October 14, 2009 Written by Tonya

I believe that everything is better with music and I love all different types; from bubble gum pop and jazz to Jay-Z and Radiohead (okay, Radiohead is one of your dad’s favorite bands, not mine, but I do have a two of their songs on my iPod).

Music is an incredibly powerful thing; it has the ability to uplift and motivate like nothing else. Just the right tune can put a smile on my face, a spring in my step, a wish in my heart or tear in my eye. It can make a long boring car ride more bearable and household chores dare I say, more fun to power through. It gives me that little extra something to go another few minutes on the treadmill.

I play music for you everyday. I have 15 days or 5316 songs on my iPod, so there is A LOT to choose from. My Essential playlist (otherwise known as the playlist of music I would have to have were I ever to find myself stranded on a deserted island and could only take one playlist), which you have probably listened to the most, includes 100 of my all time favorite songs. It is as eclectic as the rest of my music library. The first 10 songs are:

1. Ghost In You – The Psychedelic Furs
2. Rump Shaker – Wreckx-N-Effect
3. Melissa – The Allman Brothers Band
4. Anna Begins – Counting Crows
5. Love – Matt White
6. Peek-A-Boo – Sioxsie and the Banshees
7. Theme from “A Summer Place” – The Lettermen
8. Hallelujah – k.d. lang
9. Pig – Dave Matthews Band
10. Crazy – Patsy Cline

Each song is gorgeous, haunting and fun in their own special way. I think you can figure out which is which. 🙂

Music to me is like the sense of smell for others. It helps trigger a memory and hearing a certain song can bring me right back to that moment in time. For example, “Drive” by The Cars was my first slow dance, “Fade Into You” by Mazzy Star was the song playing on the radio when I got into my first(!) car accident, “Just Like Heaven” by The Cure will always remind me of dancing the night away in Newport Beach with my college roommate and our boyfriends, “You are the Sunshine of My Life” by Stevie Wonder is the song my sister sang at my wedding and “Addicted to Love” by Robert Palmer will always make me think of my dad. Actually, a lot of songs remind me of my dad, but that one in particular. He couldn’t get enough of the video featuring the scantily clad long legged chicks.

I am not a very good dancer, but I can carry a tune and you sure seem to like it when I start to move and groove and belt out with the chorus. I hope I am instilling in you an appreciation for music, if not a move or two you may bust out later in life.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, college, DMB, family, friends, happy thoughts, list, memories, MSA, music, pastime, TDA bio, wedding Tagged With: aunt leah, college, DMB, family, friends, happy thoughts, list, memoires, MSA, music, pastime, TDA bio, wedding

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