Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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For The Love Of Children – Part 1

Posted on January 29, 2011 Written by Tonya

Today, I want to share some of my favorite quotes about children:

“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it. ” – Jerry Seinfeld

“Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get.” – H. Jackson Brown

“If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do well matters very much.”- Jackie Onassis Kennedy

“Having a baby is like getting a tattoo on your face. You really need to be certain it’s what you want before you commit.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

“The rules for parents are but three… Love, Limit, and Let them be.” – Elaine M. Ward

“There is no friendship, no love, like that of the parent for the child.” – Henry Ward Beecher

“It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn’t.” – Barbara Kingsolver

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” – Elizabeth Stone

“Children make you want to start life over.” – Muhammad Ali

“The soul is healed by being with children.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky

“It is an amazing opportunity to be able to ruin someone from scratch.” – Jon Stewart

“A child is not a vase to be filled, but a fire to be lit.” – François Rabelais

“Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes, they forgive them.” – Oscar Wilde

“While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.” – Angela Schwindt

I saved my personal favorite for last:

“Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being.” – Kittie Franz

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Rabbit Hole

Posted on January 24, 2011 Written by Tonya

Todd and I saw Rabbit Hole a couple of weeks ago staring Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart and I’m still thinking about it. To me, that’s what good movies do; make you think and stay you for days to follow.

I thought the performances were very good, but I disagree with all the buzz Kidman is getting for her role as a grieving mother. Of course, I didn’t think Annette Bening deserved the Golden Globe for Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy for The Kids Are All Right either, so what do I know?

At any rate, Rabbit Hole allows us a glimpse into one couples lives as they deal with the loss of their four year old son, who runs into the street after the family dog and is hit by a car.

The couple is grieving in their own way and at their own pace and it almost destroys their marriage.

Horrific to think about, but always up for a good mental exercise, Rabbit Hole prompted some interesting and insightful discussion for our car ride home, another sign of a good movie.

Could our marriage survive the loss of a child? Hard to say. We agreed that it would require the utmost patience and understanding that either of us could muster and that it would most definitely be the hardest thing that we would ever have to go through. A parent should never have to bury a child. Every time you looked at one another you would have a living reminder. It’s a difficult scenario to imagine.

But that’s not the part that has stuck with me.

There is moment when Becca (Kidman) finally lets go of some of her pent up emotional control, breaks down and asks her mother, Nat (played brilliantly by Dianne Weist), who has also suffered the loss of a child, about her pain and the weight of it. The dialogue is breathtaking and the message is haunting:

Becca: Does it ever go away?

Nat: No, I don’t think it does. Not for me, it hasn’t – has gone on for eleven years. But it changes though.

Becca: How?

Nat: I don’t know… the weight of it, I guess. At some point, it becomes bearable. It turns into something that you can crawl out from under and… carry around like a brick in your pocket. And you… you even forget it, for a while. But then you reach in for whatever reason and – there it is. Oh right, that. Which could be aweful – not all the time. It’s kinda…

[deep breath]

Nat: not that you’d like it exactly, but it’s what you’ve got instead of your son. So, you carry it around. And uh… it doesn’t go away. Which is…

Becca: Which is what?

Nat: Fine, actually.

I thought that this was such a beautiful way to describe grief and loss and where it goes after time. I am still learning to live with the passing of my parents. It’s been almost three and a half years. I know I will remember these words from Rabbit Hole and I look forward to finding my “fine”, my peace some day.

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They Promised It Would Be Worth It

Posted on January 22, 2011 Written by Tonya

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!
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Project Smile – December

Posted on December 31, 2010 Written by Tonya

It’s the most wonderful time of the year
It’s the hap-happiest season of all
.
– Andy Williams

1st – A photo shoot that I won’t soon forget. Thank goodness I can smile about it now.
2nd – Finally ordered holiday cards after much fretting.
3rd – Spent the night in our new home just for the fun of it.
4th – A long overdue visit with a friend and the discovery that we now only live 8 miles apart!
5th – A much needed trip to the nail salon.
6th – Lucas turned 18 months!
7th – An overnight visit from Grandpa.
8th – A farewell dinner with my Mommy & Me friends.
9th – Looking around at all the boxes laughing and wondering how we will ever get it all done.
10th – Pizza. Enough said.
11th – Date night with neighbors.
12th – Our bittersweet last night in our home.
13th – Moving Day!!
14th – Falling into bed after a very long, very stressful day. Oh, and my sister organizing my closet.
15th – Christmastime at the Happiest Place on Earth! Lucas’ first time at Disneyland.
16th – Front row seats to the annual Newport Beach Boat Parade.
17th – A new library. A new library card.
18th – Unpacking. Organizing. Settling in.
19th –
Chickmas, an annual tradition my girlfriends and I have to celebrate the holidays.
20th – Finished Christmas shopping and wrapping presents just in the nick of time…
21st – Bags packed and made it to our flight on time. Whew!
22nd – Seeing Lucas follow his cousins around in complete and utter awe.
23rd – Husband and sister arrive at in-laws for the holiday.
24th – Spending the holiday with family.
25th – Lucas’ face when he discovered what Santa left him under the tree.
26th – A long car ride home with a very happy toddler makes all the difference in the world. That and zero going home holiday traffic.
27th – Getting back to reality.
28th – New nanny’s first day!!
29th – Celebrating Todd’s birthday with cupcakes, bowling and beer.
30th – Sick in bed. All. day. long. Not much smiling going on here until I see Lucas’ face.
31st –
An old year to learn from and remember and a new year to ring in and embrace.

I hope every day of December found all of you smiling as well!

Alicia is the beautiful brain child behind this wonderful monthly meme. Be sure to link up at her blog, A Beautiful Mess or check out other people’s reasons to smile.

You can see my November reasons to smile here.

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Ghandi Was A Smart Man

Posted on December 25, 2010 Written by Tonya

Lovely thoughts for a happy holiday.

Let’s all try to remember and practice these throughout the New Year.Merry Christmas, everyone!
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Go With It

Posted on December 4, 2010 Written by Tonya

From tangled Christmas lights, trees that shed, wrapping paper cuts, long lines and no parking spots, ’tis the season to be out of control.

I say, go with it!
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Giving Thanks

Posted on November 25, 2010 Written by Tonya

Wise men count their blessings; fools their problems. – Author Unknown

Last year, my husband and I took 5 1/2 month old Lucas to Italy (you can read about our trip here) and had a fantastic time, but this year I’m happy to be home spending the holiday with family.

Today, we started our day with a local 5 mile Turkey Trot, which I highly recommend to anyone is planning to eat and drink all day, like we did. It was only Leah and I that crossed the finished line, because poor Lucas woke up with a cold and since it was 50 degrees out at 7 AM, after mile 1, he and Daddy waited for us in a cozy and warm coffee shop. The rest of the day, Leah and I played Scrabble, cared for Lucas, wiped his runny nose, watched his favorite programs on TV, tried to get a good holiday card photo of him and stayed out of Todd’s way as he cooked the turkey, made twice-baked potatoes and green beans.

Our feast was served at 4 PM and it was button on your pants popping delicious!

This year, like most, I was in charge of the pies and there were three, as usual: pecan (Leah’s favorite), pumpkin (Todd’s favorite) and chocolate (mine!). And yes, there is a piece missing from one of the pies… someone just couldn’t wait until tonight.

Looking back at my Thanksgiving post last year (you can read it here), there isn’t much that I’d change or add to my list of things I’m thankful for this Thanksgiving. I have been blessed beyond belief! With only a few minor edits:

  • The 35 years I had with my parents.
  • A supportive, loving, patient and understanding husband, who also happens to be an incredible father and amazing cook. He’s also very generous; I found him preparing a full plate of food for a homeless man hanging out in our alleyway tonight.
  • A happy, healthy, smart, adorable, fun toddler who teaches me something new everyday and fills my life with joy.
  • A sister who has the capacity to listen, forgive and love unconditionally.
  • Being able to stay at home and raise my son.
  • Friends and family near and far, old and new, especially my mommy friends; I don’t know where I’d be without any them.
  • Living in Southern California where there is sunshine 360 days a year.
  • This blog, which has proven to be one of the very best things I have ever done for myself.
  • Extra long foot massages, pajamas, Cabernet Sauvignon, babysitters that are available at the last minute, TiVo and sleep!
  • The ability to travel to far away places, have exciting adventures, meet new people and then return safely home.

I hope however you are spending the holiday, you find as many things to be grateful for. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

This post is for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop – Prompt #2: Share a photo of what Thanksgiving looks like in your neck of the woods.
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Filed Under: aunt leah, exercise, holidays, list, mama kat's writer's workshop, photos, quotes, TBW, weight

Spreading Good Cheer

Posted on November 20, 2010 Written by Tonya

I recently discovered boxed signs made by Primitives by Kathy* and I’m loving them!

They range from $4.00 – $56.00 and come in a variety of sizes.

The sayings are short, sweet, to the point and would adorn any wall in your home or office perfectly with words of inspiration, good cheer and Happy Thoughts.

These are definitely on my Christmas give list this year, but really would make great gifts all year long.

Here are some of my favorites:

Be sure to peruse the Web site, as there are lots of other gift ideas.

*This post was no way endorsed by Primitives by Kathy, I just like their products and wanted to share!

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Enjoy Your Now

Posted on November 13, 2010 Written by Tonya

Happy Thoughts for a happy weekend.

I hope you are enjoying every single moment of your now.

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Happy Thoughts

Posted on November 6, 2010 Written by Tonya

Introducing Happy Thoughts!

All my life I have collected quotes and sayings that I strongly identified with in some way. If they moved me enough, I’d copy them down, share them with friends, post them on my bulletin board, refrigerator or mirror. I carry them around with me in my wallet and revisit them as needed.

From time to time, I’ll post the inspirational words I find, here.

I hope they speak to you too.

Enjoy!
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