I thought of you today as I cut up sheets of Lucas’ school photos and made piles for family members. There should be a pile for you.
I thought of you today when the construction and remodeling company called me this afternoon to give me an update on the work being done to your house, the house Leah and I now own.
I thought of you today when an old colleague of yours commented on something I uploaded on Facebook.
I thought of you today while I drove to the grocery store because the song, What a Fool Believes came on the radio. I could almost hear Daddy singing along completely off key.
I thought of you today as I sat back and quietly watched Lucas playing, busy moving his trains up and down the tracks on his train table and wished more than ever that you could be there with me watching quietly too.
I thought of you today when I caught the scent of a woman in line in front of me at Starbucks because she smelled just like you. I didn’t even have to ask her what perfume she was wearing.
I thought of you today as I carefully packed away Christmas decorations, proud of myself for making it through another holiday without you.
I thought of you today after I received a text message from Leah about an epiphany she had and I wondered if you were here, would she had shared it with me at all.
I thought of you today when I lifted Lucas up to see a wedding photo on the wall and he pointed out, without hesitation, his Grandpa Adams.
I thought of you today, but that was nothing new.
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*sniff* Thinking of YOU, Tonya.
Thanks, Alison.
Today would have been my father’s 72nd birthday, and I think of him everyday. I feel your pain, and I think the same thoughts! hugs to you!
Thanks, Erin and happy 72nd. xo
Hugs!! Thinking of you. I know how you feel and can identify with that void Praying for you!
It’s a pain that never goes away.
Oh my, Tonya. (Truly) one of your most heartfelt, touching posts.
Beautifully written, dear friend.
Much love to you.
Thank you, Galit. I blame the holidays for all my sappy stuff lately. I appreciate your comments.
Tears… I’m in constant awe of your strength. Constant. Awe. Thanks for sharing Tonya.
Thank you, Renee. I can’t imagine the alternative, so I keep on keeping on.
Hugs. So many. Xoxo
Hugs are always accepted here!
I know this. This thinking. Remembering.
Sending (HUGS)!
I wish it would get a little easier to burden, but even the most mundane things take me right back there. It just hurt as much as it used to, the loss. But I feel it. Every day.
*hugs*
Always welcome, thank you!
So many memories…and so many ways they’re with you (and your son) still.
Yes. I just wish I could find a way to fill the void in my heart. My son’s smiles are a good start.
Sending you lots of love. xo
Thank you, Shell. xo
Such sadness …
Thinking of you xxx
Thank you. I think the holidays have brought out a lot of emotions for me…. But, I can’t help what I feel. Even the most mundane things make me think of my parents.
Sigh.
My heart and my eyes were welling up with this. I can’t imagine the pain of your loss. I am extremely close with both of my parents and even the thought of it brings me to tears. I love that you still think of them now with every action just as you did when they were alive. That is what keeps the love alive even when they have left us on our own.
Oh yes, in my mind, my parents are very much alive. Hard to believe it’s been almost 4 1/2 years since their deaths.
That’s just beautiful, Tonya. Just beautiful.
Hugs..
xo
Thanks, Cheryl.
Beautiful,Tonya.
We just made it through our first Christmas without Zach. It came with the realization that it will never be the same. Nothing will. Accepting this fact is very difficult for me. I haven’t fully accepted the loss of your parents, my parents, my sister (1963), a nephew (2002) and another nephew a week before Thanksgiving. I’m just trying to focus on joyful memories and gratitude for the time I had with them. My cardiologist gave me this advice: “You owe it to those who love you now to be the person you would have been had you not suffered these losses”. I love you.
Acceptance. Such a loaded word, isn’t it. If we could just accept, then we’d be okay. Wouldn’t we?
I miss them everyday and nothing will ever be the same. I guess in many ways, I’m still trying to find a new “normal”.
I thought about you and Uncle David a lot over the holiday and Janie, of course too.
Sending love.
xoxo
I am constantly thinking of them. I am constantly wanting to pick up the phone and tell them things, little and big. And yes, I would have most definitely called to talk to you about the revelation I had yesterday. I actually don’t know if I would have told mom and dad…
Crazy that it has been almost 4 1/2 years, isn’t it and yet, not any easier. Not one bit.
they are there in the little things.
this was beautiful.
you are always in my heart, friend.
Yes! That’s it exactly. Big, deep thoughts in the little every day small moments.
xoxo
Sending hugs and letting you know that your beautiful words always touch me and make me want to hug my parents and hug my kids and create the type of relationships you describe with your family.
Thank you, that means the world to me. xoxo
::hugs:: I’m so sorry. I know how it feels… crappy.
All kinds of crappy.
Hugging you right back.
They are there, always, in the little things. Sending you lots of love. xo
I think it’s the little things that hurt the most.
I know how this is. I think of my Aunt all the time and my father in law that passed away long before I met my husband. So many moments in life that pass that are special and we want to share but we can’t. Hugs to you Tonya.
Tonya, you are so amazing and strong and brave. I love reading your words even when they are painful. My heart goes out to you today, and every day, because I cannot imagine how you keep it together.
Thank you, I appreciate your kind words. xo
Very moving Tonya. Brought tears to my eyes and thoughts familiar. Beautifully written.
Thank you Nancy, I know you know this pain. xoxo
Tonya, This is really wonderful. It reminds me of how often during a day things remind me of loved ones I have lost. In so many ways they are still with me.
Thank you, Nellie. Thank goodness for our memories.
Because I do not think I can even imagine what a loss like this feels like all I can say is, (HUGS).
Hugs are ALWAYS accepted. Thank you.
I can’t imagine the loss, but I can imagine the remembering. They’re with you, but it’s not the same, I know.
They are with me and I am thankful for the memories.
So beautiful.. and I now KNOW what it feels like..
thinking of you.. and reading your blogs I know it’s not going to get any easier… It just helps to know other people know what you’re going through..
big kiss XXX
Yes, there is strength in numbers for certain. Did you lose a parent? I’m sorry I did not know. xoxo
yes, our mom died last june… she had problems with her lungs but it al went very fast in the end… matter of 5 weeks… still in shock.
and last November my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer.. he’s on his last radiation tomorrow and had his 5th (and last) chemo last week…
he’s doing fine… strange enough
we are all hoping for the best…..
xoxoxo
-will keep you posted- x
I am so sorry to hear that. Charmaine and I are friends on Facebook, but I haven’t reached out to her in a while. I will now.
PLEASE do keep me posted on your father’s health.
Sending you love and peace.
xoxo
Hugs. You are the strongest woman I know.
I don’t know about that, but thank you.
Tears and goosebumps and a million I’m sorry’s that you have to go through this Tonya. Reading your posts I can tell the days have been difficult for you as they have been for me lately. All I can say is I wish you some comfort in knowing that we are all here for you. Sending hugs.
*HUGS* to you my friend.
I know what this feels like. I think of my grandmothers, my dad, my FIL who never got to hold our sons and it makes me want to curl myself into a ball and cry.
I will hear a song or smell a man’s cologne, see a TV show or see a Broadway muscial and think ‘He would have loved this!”, “oh even only he could see GIO do that!” “Jacob got his rhythm and his ears!” and my knees buckle. How I wish he was here…
but I also get that with the living…I smell a woman’s cologne in line and she smells just like my mom and I hug her extra tight the next time I see her or I text her and say “thinking of you” because I am. I hear a song my sister would love and I send it to her phone…I find Polo on sale and I call my baby brother and ask if he wants a new shirt..LOL…I live differently because I have loss in my life and I know that people can be gone before you are ready for them to be. So I love the people that I have now, even more.
I know you do too…I’m glad that you get glimpses and reminders of your mom and dad..that’s as it should be. They are with you always.
love you Tonya.
xo
[...] Especially if it’s consecutive posts, like last week: Ashes To Ashes / I Thought Of You Today. [...]
[...] a toddler’s tantrums and feeling discouraged. My heart ached for her when she wrote about dealing with the devastating loss of her parents. I laughed when I watched her funny vlog about her favorite [...]
oh the perfume. I once followed a woman around a mall for half an hour because her perfume smelled just like my mothers used to on her… this poor woman probably wondered what the hell was going on OR she had also lost her mother and understood….
I think the latter. I would let someone follow me if I thought it might bring them a bit of peace. Something tells me you would too.
This is so sad – such an ache.
I feel it every day. Some more than others, sadly.