Getting in and out of the car is an ordeal for me. I always have so much to carry; shoes and socks, sweatshirts, a lone water bottle, a snack wrapper, library books, school papers, my over-sized, over-stuffed way too heavy purse, my keys dangle from one finger, a bag of groceries is cutting off circulation at my elbow, a lunch box, dry cleaning, etc., etc.
Living on the third floor of an apartment building without an elevator and being almost 27 weeks pregnant, I tend to load up in order to eliminate the number of trips I make up and down. Once I’m home, all I want to do is relax.
This afternoon was no different, my arms, shoulders and hands were full, but Lucas insisted on my carrying his Cars case as well. It’s far too heavy for him and I prefer he is hands free climbing the steps. But, what’s one more thing for me to lug I thought. Only as I went to grab for it, the handle popped off and I banged my shin into the car.
I tried to hold back my tears, but they came anyway. Seconds after it happened, my leg was already throbbing and turning black-and-blue.
Through tears of anger and pain I said that Daddy would get the case when he got home and shuffled Lucas and my loaded up self towards the stairs. I was wearing sunglasses so I didn’t think Lucas could see my crying eyes but after he asked quietly if I was alright, he said, “Mommy, I’ve only ever seen you cry one other time”.
I remembered the first time clearly. We were laying in bed together and he had asked if he could watch one of his shows and when I said no, he told me he hated me. It stung as if he had slapped me across the face. The tears were heartfelt and I asked him never to say that to me again and explained that he could be mad at me all he wanted, but I didn’t want to hear that again.
That episode clearly made a huge impact on him and scared him.
Crying is part of being human and having emotions that evoke reactions such as crying is completely normal. I believe children should never be afraid to express their emotions, whatever they may be.
I can recall witnessing my mother cry many times, typically when saying goodbye to me for a long stint or over a grossly overacted scene in a sappy movie. I’m the same way so I was surprised when Lucas claimed to have only seen me do it one other time. When going through fertility treatments, I cried often, but most definitely hid those tears from him because I didn’t have the words to explain why I was I was so sad. Thinking back, I should have said just that, “I’m sad”.
Never once did I see my father tear up. I suppose because men are suppose to be tough and brave and manly men. The truth is, it doesn’t make a person less of a man (or women) to cry.
What do you think, should parents let their children see them cry? Has your child ever seen you or your partner cry? Have you ever seen one of your parents cry?
By the way, my shin is fine.