Elena is one busy mama, she tells the story of making every moment matter by living, doing and growing as a freelance writer, social good advocate, runner, cancer survivor, and dream chaser. Elena believes in empowering others as founder of Just.Be.Enough. and shares her passion for travel and the dolce vita as Internal Community Relations Director and contributor to Traveling Mom.
I am thrilled to have her here today with a lovely letter to her daughter about taking the training wheels off and flying.
Dear Principessa,
It was the Spring of 2009, armed with training wheels and your Dora the Explorer map, our neighborhood was your wonderland. You peddled around innocently on four wheels, for two years, until every pedal stroke was accentuated with your knees cresting over the handlebars.
It was time for a big girl bike… A bike with TASSELS and a horn on the handlebars that would convince you to leave the ditch the training wheels. You were six years old, and it seemed like a no brainer.
Except that you would not try. You outright refused, because of course, you are my daughter and your stubborn personality is unwavering. We consulted “experts” and tried teaching you to glide, still on your smaller bike, thinking that you would learn balance and gain confidence. It had to work.
Again…not so much. Gliding was fine and good, but there was no convincing you to try without the training wheels on your bigger bike. Not even the power of those light blue tassels that you loved so much, could sway your unbending determination.
2011 became 2012 and still, your will was steady. We raised the training wheels on your big girl bike so that they were almost off the ground, which you detected immediately, causing you to never want to ride, even with the training wheels. Facing a war of strong wills, we made the small bike AND the training wheels “disappear” leaving you no choice but to learn to ride the big girl bike, sans training wheels.
Which of course, did not help. Nothing helped…not even bribery. You did not care that you were an eight year old that did not know how to ride a bike. While the lure of riding our bikes together to get frozen yogurt was appealing, it was not enough to push you to action.
And then… my dear sweet daughter, 2013 transformed you. I knew there was shift in the bike riding atmosphere when an innocent comment on my part that maybe this was the time to try again, was not immediately shot down. Thinking that I should take advantage of this atmospheric abnormality, I suggested a time based incentive. If you could learn to ride your bike in two weeks, the American Girl Doll accessory that you had been eying would be yours.
At first you tried the “when I am older” act of pushing the challenge into the future… but oh my sweet daughter, my stubborn personality still has a few tricks up my sleeve. The offer was for these two weeks…after that, all deals were off the table. I was not sure that my clever plan would work, until all of a sudden, you marched out of the house, making a bee line for your bike.
I might have squealed out loud in excitement.
Over the course of three determined days, you learned all on your own. The smile and pride that emanated from your little face was telling…. an inner confidence had taken hold, and there was no stopping you. Realizing that all of a sudden you could glide down the driveway and stay in control, gave way to putting your feet on the pedals. I attempted to give a few pointers here and there, but really, I was just in the way. You had this. This was YOUR moment.
I suddenly understood something about you that even in my “infinite” wisdom, I had not grasped.
Learning to ride a bike with no training wheels had nothing to do with incentives or bribery or my parenting. You learned when you were good and ready. You learned when it mattered to you. The pride you felt after that first set of pedal strokes was magical because you had been the master of your own bike riding destiny.
I have news for you, my dear two wheel bike riding daughter.. .you are just getting started in this thing called life. Teaching yourself to ride this bike taught you to trust yourself, to be resilient, and that over time you can achieve ANYTHING. There will be falls in your future. From your bike, and in life. But by teaching yourself to overcome this challenge, you did more for yourself than I ever could as your mom.
The only thing left to do…is to keep pedaling. On and on. Oh, and get a new even bigger girl bike, because over the course of three non biking riding years, you grew… so very very much.
Love,
Your Mamma
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Oh, I love this. How old is your daughter, Elena? My son is a 8 ( a late bike bloomer). I’m trying to give him time, but it’s hard to wait. This was just what I needed!
Adrienne, she is 8. We have been trying to teach her for three years…it was definitely hard to wait. But is so worth it in the end.
Giving her the opportunity to decide when she’s ready – such a wise mothering move, Elena.
Thanks Alison, although honestly all the credit goes to her.
Love that she did this! Sometimes they just need to do it on their own time, eh? Connor is still wary of his bike (with training wheels) but I think we’re going to give it another go this summer.
What a sweet story! It’s hard, I think, to sit back sometimes, and let them do what they need to do to get to that point.
I cried myself through this, mostly because I have learned over 5 years that everything will happen when it’s time.. Just because we as parents want it to doesn’t mean our children are ready… But when they are.. They got it. Masters of their own destiny.
This was incredibly beautiful Elena. Xoxo
Fly little girl… FLY!
This is beautiful. It is so hard not to push our kids to do things in our time – but it is amazing when we allow them to make their own way.
My nine-year-old still refuses to ride without training wheels. I told her this year is it. Ten is it. They come off (and she gets a bigger bike because MY GOODNESS, THE LEG GROWTH!). I don’t want her to feel forced, but…ugh.
I love how you describe your daughter’s newfound confidence, how even though it was inspired by what she could get, she still kinda did it on her own terms (and you, seeing the temperament similarity between you two, acknowledged that.)
What a lovely and touching post. I am actually just now learning how to ride a bike all over again at 29 years old and it’s been kinda challenging. I just never rode bikes growing up and never learned how to probably ride. I am learning that the point is to get back on it every time, after every fall, after every failed stop attempt, after every near hit, after everything, you just have to keep on moving. I think it’s an awesome comparison to make about life in general too. I am learning to love bike riding all over again and it’s pretty awesome. I hope that your daughter will continue to ride and enjoy.
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