Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

Ready For More!

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Motherhood is no laughing matter. Okay, sometimes an eruption of giggles is what gets me through the day, but it is the hardest job I have ever had.

It’s difficult to communicate with a toddler that thinks climbing on furniture, darting into traffic and throwing his food on the floor is the funniest thing he’s ever done.

There are times when all I can do is count down to the moment Daddy gets home because what I know what Lucas and I both really need is a break from one another.

There are entire days that suck.

There are full weeks that suck.

Last week was one of those weeks for me.

Lucas refused to nap for three days in a row and I was at my wits end. I know our days of naps are numbered, but when you couple no naps with a feisty, overactive child and a mom ready to throw in the towel, bad things can happen.

I was ready to take the first 40+ hour/week job offered to me and never look back. It got that bad.

There is only so much Play-doh, Yo Gabba Gabba, cars, trains and visits to the park one mommy can handle. Not to mention the messes. Or yelling.

There’s only so much this too will pass, it’s just a phase, he’s only two years old, you’re doing a good job pep talks that I can give myself.

There’s only so much.

I even had my sister here for two days to help out, but I think that almost made things worse.

At any rate, it’s a new week, I’m feeling much better (stronger) and I’m back to learning How To Really Love Motherhood.

I found the above on Pinterest last night and it really resonated with me. For as frustrating as motherhood can be, it’s also amazing and wonderful and I do (mostly) love every minute.

In other words, I was able to unwind this weekend and now, I am ready for more!

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Vision Board

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You know from my vlog, My Three Favorite Magazines that I am a magazine junkie.

In the past, I have subscribed to just about everything on the newsstand and nowadays I collect my magazines from a variety of places (I’ll never reveal my sources!). I devour them from cover to cover, save articles that I want to re-read, share with others or might need some day. My might need someday pile is ridiculous!

Ever since I was in high school, I have used magazines to make collages. I would painstakingly remove the ring from my notebooks and cover the covers in photos I liked (think Guess ads and cute and furry puppies) and then used contact paper to protect them and then put the rings back on. It was quite the process, but it was a lot of fun for me. I covered notebooks for all my friends. And, of course, I saved my favorites:As a teenager the walls of my bedroom were always plastered in Tiger Beat pull out posters and advertisements from magazines. This was my room circa 1990:Surprisingly, the one thing I never made was a vision board.

What’s a vision board you ask?

A vision board is typically a poster-size board on which you paste or collage images that you’ve cut out of magazines. Right up my alley…

The idea behind a vision board is that when you surround yourself with images of who you want to become, what you want to have, where you want to live, or where you want to vacation and your life changes to match those images and those desires. Worth a shot, right?

In my women’s group this week, we all sat around a table covered with glue sticks, scissors and heaps of magazines and let our subconscious minds take over.

Here’s what I ended up with:

I still have some blank space but there are lots of inspiring words (calm, breathe, dream), peaceful images (hammock on the beach, cocktails poolside), photos of places I’d like to visit (Greece) or return to someday (Paris and New York) and people I hope to meet (Dave Matthews). What?! It could happen. All of it!

I’ll keep you updated on the progress and hope you’ll consider making one for yourself. Or if you have already created a vision board, maybe it’s time to update it?

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I’m Not Done

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For last week’s Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, I wrote 11 six word memoirs. I couldn’t stop at just one. To read them all, click here.

This week’s writing assignment is to elaborate. Rather than bombard you with 11 explanations, I have selected one:

I’m still a work in progress.

It’s very simple really.

I am not the same person that I was ten years ago, five years ago or even one year ago, in large part thanks to maturity, motherhood, devastating losses and some wonderful people I am thankful to have met along the way.

I am constantly evolving and growing and experiencing new thoughts and ideas (sometimes reluctantly), and getting better. I’m not done.

I meet new people all the time and try to expose myself to equal parts comfort and culture. There is a lot more of the world I look forward to seeing. I’m not done.

I have internal demons and I am my own worst enemy. I’ve learned just about everything the hard way. I’m proud, stubborn, love having the last word and have a difficult time relaxing. I have few regrets, wish I was more patient, struggle daily with trying to live in the moment. I have been known to drink too much, swear too much and be a real bitch when I don’t get my way. I am working on all of the above and I’m not done.

I love my family and friends beyond measure and take pride in my home, my word and compassion for others. I’m not done.

Some of my core morals and values are the same as they ever were, but with age I’m finding that I’m more open and (a bit) more flexible to other view points. I’m thirsty for knowledge and have a immense curiosity for the world around me.

I’m not done.

I’m not done learning, growing, creating, believing, feeling, listening, dancing, dreaming, reading, sitting, swimming, exploring, sweating, smiling, hoping, loving, living, being.

I’m not done.

I’m still a work in progress.

“I am a work in progress, dressed in the fabric of a world unfolding, offering me intricate patterns of questions, rhythms that never come clean, and strengths that you still haven’t seen.” -Ani DiFranco

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 1.) Last week you chose a six word memoir to share…this week elaborate. Tell us the story or thought process behind the sentence you wrote.

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A Birthday Bonanza

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We had a super spectacular weekend celebrating Lucas’ second birthday. From a Newport Beach Harbor Duffy boat ride with his grandparents on Friday night to a fun Thomas the train party on Saturday, and then Disneyland on Monday with Mommy and Daddy, it was a birthday bonanza!

I’ll spare you all the details and instead share some favorite photos:I think a highlight for Lucas, apart from the “yummy yummy cupcakes” was meeting his two idols, Tow Mater and Lightning McQueen at California Adventure! Next to Thomas, they are his favorite characters.There was a moment during Lucas’ birthday party, when he looked around and listed everyone and everything present, including the bounce house and all the Thomas balloons and the chocolate cupcake in his hands and had a happy grin from ear to ear. As our friend, Andrew pointed out, he was clearly having a moment of gratitude.

I agree.

Our special weekend wasn’t lost on any of us.

Happy Birthday, precious boy.

This post is for Wordful Wednesdays and if you want to link up and see some really beautiful photographs, please visit Project Alicia.

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Back To Life

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The party was Saturday, but today is the *actual* day and we while we are celebrating at Disneyland, I’ve asked my sister to keep you company!

It’s been a while since aunt Leah made an appearance on Letters For Lucas and it’s nice to have her back with a sweet message of love.

Today is Lucas’ 2nd birthday and I couldn’t be more proud and happy to be his aunt. Never ever would I have thought that it would be possible to love him more now then I did the day he was born, but somehow I truly do. He warms my heart and makes me forget my worries every single time I see him and no one else has ever been able to do that.

On the day he was born, June 6th, just two short years ago, my very sad heart began to heal. Losing my parents literally shattered my world and broke my heart, but that moment that I first laid eyes on Lucas in the hospital, my heart instantly started to repair itself. This is really the best way for me to describe what it’s like having him in my life.

Lucas brought me back to life.

His birth was like a sign thrown at me, making me realize that life goes on and there are new people to love — a new person to love that my parents would have loved this much right along with me. It showed me that I indeed have the capacity to unconditionally love someone again as much as I loved my parents. I often wonder how I’ll possibly love my own children as much as I love Lucas.

Do I have enough love like this for a husband one day? Where does love come from? How can a heart possibly hold it? Does Lucas have any idea how much I love him and that when I’m sad, all I have to do is think of him and I suddenly feel better? Does Lucas understand love enough now to love me back?

I hope so.

Happy Birthday to my one and only Lucas. May this year be full of more adventures and more happiness then your heart can handle. You’ve already given me all that and more these past two years.

Love,
Aunt Leah
XOXOWithout a doubt, Leah. Lucas knows how much you love him and loves you right back. Ten fold.

Leah has her own blog, LA ‘n’ LA and is now on Twitter too!

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These Are Days

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Tomorrow we are celebrating Lucas’ second birthday with a small party complete with family, friends, Thomas the Train, cupcakes and a bounce house.

It’s hard to believe my baby is already two! Where does the time go? Everyone said, “it goes by fast” and they were so right.

This little boy is the light of my life and I can’t imagine the last 24 months without him.

He is smart and funny and kind and teaches me more than I’ll ever be able to teach him. He is patient with me and enriches my life in ways I never knew possible.

If you have a couple of minutes to spare, here is a slide show of some of my favorite photos of my sweet boy over the last two years.

Unfortunately YouTube copyright infringement laws prevented me from using the song I wanted: These Are Days by 10,000 Maniacs, so I’ve included the lyrics here:

These are the days
These are days you’ll remember
Never before and never since, I promise
Will the whole world be warm as this
And as you feel it,
You’ll know it’s true
That you are blessed and lucky
It’s true that you
Are touched by something
That will grow and bloom in you

These are days that you’ll remember
When May is rushing over you
With desire to be part of the miracles
You see in every hour
You’ll know it’s true
That you are blessed and lucky
It’s true that you are touched
By something that will grow and bloom in you

These are days
These are the days you might fill
With laughter until you break
These days you might feel
A shaft of light
Make its way across your face
And when you do
Then you’ll know how it was meant to be
See the signs and know their meaning
It’s true
Then you’ll know how it was meant to be
Hear the signs and know they’re speaking
To you, to you

These are definitely the days and I’m grateful for each and every one.

Happy Birthday, Lucas!

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Six Word Memoirs

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Traveled the world. Motherhood best adventure.Me, stress? It’s my middle name.

Increasing patience level is extremely difficult.

Life. One mess after another. Literally.

It doesn’t get better than this.

Anxiously anticipating this time next year.

Constant state of missing someone dear.

Another day, another carton of milk.

Thinking of the end and smiling.

Thank you for loving me, Todd.

I’m still a work in progress.

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 1.) Six Word Memoir: Write about a significant time in your life in just six words. Of course I couldn’t just have one…

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Project Smile – May

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Another month has come and gone and while I found many reasons to grumble, it was also a very smile-worthy month!

This month, instead of listing something for each day, I’m going to share just the highlights and lots of photos.

May 1 – A beautiful day for baseball, Dodger dogs, cold beer and catching up with old friends.May 4 – A delightful afternoon with the Dalai Lama.

May 6 – Beach day!May 8 – Mother’s Day. How did I get so lucky to be this boy’s mommy? May 13 – Spending a perfect day with Lucas.May 14 – Birthday celebrations, margaritas and good friends.May 15 – Lucas meets Mickey Mouse for the first time!May 17 – Date night = a movie in the theater. Thanks, Leah!

May 18 – Pancake day.May 20 – A trip to see grandma and grandpa.May 22 – Cousin love.May 24 – Eight years ago today, Todd and I went on our first date.

May 26 – A mommies only dinner.

May 29 – It’s Memorial Day weekend and we’re happy Daddy’s got the day off.May 30 – I found a bathing suit.

May 31 – Signed Lucas up for more swim lessons, enrolled him in a summer school program, scanned photos, made calls, ran errands, lunched with a friend, sent three overdue e-mails, wrote three blog posts and played a lot of cars and choo choos. It was a very productive day!

What made you happy this month?

To see what had me smiling in April, click here and to link up and share your own month of joy, please visit Kristi of Live and Love out Loud.

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SAHM

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The other day, I read (and re-tweeted) two lists: 10 Things Never to Say to a Stay-at-Home Mom and 10 Things Never to Say to a Working Mom and both lists got me thinking about my SAHM role.

It’s been almost two years since I became a stay-at-home mom and honestly, I’m still getting used to it.

Sure, I have somewhat of a schedule: music class on Mondays, tumble class on Wednesdays, nanny help for a few hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays and a free-for-all Friday. No matter what, we get out of the house. For my sanity, just as much as Lucas’.

I like to say I’m a stay-at-home mom, that does anything but stay at home.

Apart from the classes, we have passes to Legoland, Disneyland and the zoo. There are also weekly visits to parks, libraries, toy stores, pet stores, book stores and Daddy’s office. When we’re not out and about, we’ve got a host of in-door activities, but if given the option, I’d rather be out! At home, there’s the Internet, TV, laundry and other chores. Plus, some days it feels like the walls are coming in on us.

If I was stuck inside all day every day, I would certainly lose my mind. So while I don’t have meetings to attend or a closet full of suits to wear anymore, I plan, I schedule, I organize, I manage, I orchestrate, I clean, I cook (sort of), I live for nap time, me time and date nights all while staying at home. Whatever that means…

Slowly but surely, I’m learning to embrace being a SAHM, but I’d be lying if I said that didn’t spend a lot of time day dreaming about returning to work full time.

On one hand, I can’t imagine having anyone else spend as much time with Lucas as I get to or allowing them to be such an active participate in his growth and development. I do realize how lucky I am that I am his primary care giver, but on the other hand, there are days that I would give my right arm to have a 7:30 meeting and drop him off somewhere along the way.

It’s an age-old argument, but as I see it, being a mom, stay at home or not, is hard work. No matter where you do it from.

For some, returning to work is a financial necessity and not a choice. I get that. And when I think about being a SAHM in those terms, I know I’m one of the fortunate ones.

Are you at stay-at-home mom? If so, is it by choice? Do you miss working?

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