Tonya

Newborn

Posted on November 8, 2010 Written by Tonya

I held my girlfriend’s three day old baby boy today and it reminded me of when we first had Lucas. Way back before he could walk or talk or even smile. Way back when we were still in the hospital. Those were scary and exciting days.

I remember his teeny tiny fingers and toes and glazed over eyes not yet able to see in full focus.

I remember how he would contort his chicken-like body and feeling the soft downy hair that covered it.

I remember being terrified of the delicate soft spot on his head.

I remember him suckling and having a face full of expressions he didn’t yet understand.

I remember his little bird squeaks and shutters as he tried to get comfortable in his strange new environment.

I remember trying to master the swaddle as well as breast feeding and taking turns walking and rocking and swaying and singing to him.

I remember just staring at him and thinking how amazing.

I have never loved anything more.

Congratulations, Colleen! RMG is beautiful.

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No Words

Posted on November 8, 2010 Written by Tonya

Listening to all of the eloquent speeches on TV at the memorial service honoring San Diego police officer Chistopher Wilson last week, I realized nobody spoke at my parents memorial service.

We should have asked someone to say something.

Their deaths were so untimely and tragic that I’d like to believe that everyone in attendance was in just as much shock as we were.

After all, there were no words.

I should have said something though.

I really wanted to, but I just couldn’t make my legs stand up to walk to the front of the room.

Where were my words?

Talk about shocking, we only expected 10 people to show up and instead there were maybe 60. A pretty good turn out considering my parents died overseas and didn’t know that many people in Tucson.

We were pleased that my dad’s brothers and their wives and some of their children made the trip from Texas and I was comforted that my in-laws were there and felt nothing but loved when I saw my closet girlfriends. To this day, having them there with me on the darkest day of my life, is one of the kindest gestures I have known.

The obituary ran the same day, October 21, 2007 and my phone rang all morning. The service was held at 2:00 and people all over were finding out for the first time, yet I had known for seven days by then.

In those seven days, along with my sister and husband, we selected urns, chose photos for a montage, put together a CD of my parents favorite music, created the text for the program, edited the obituary and bought something to wear to the dreadful event.

I will never forget the shopping trip that Leah and I made to buy those dresses. We were numb and we didn’t care, so we chose the ugliest black dresses we could find knowing that while we may never get rid of them, we would never ever wear them again.

As soon as my husband saw them, he marched us right back to the mall to return them for more flattering ones. I am really glad he did that.

What would we have done without our voice of reason? There are no words to express my gratitude and love for Todd, who was an absolute rock throughout the entire process, not just that week, but for weeks and months to follow.

I wish I said something at the service.

There were no words, but still I should have gotten up and had the courage to, at the very least, thank everyone for coming.

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Happy Thoughts

Posted on November 6, 2010 Written by Tonya

Introducing Happy Thoughts!

All my life I have collected quotes and sayings that I strongly identified with in some way. If they moved me enough, I’d copy them down, share them with friends, post them on my bulletin board, refrigerator or mirror. I carry them around with me in my wallet and revisit them as needed.

From time to time, I’ll post the inspirational words I find, here.

I hope they speak to you too.

Enjoy!
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Boy Crazy

Posted on November 4, 2010 Written by Tonya

I can’t remember when it happened to me exactly… the moment I realized I was boy crazy. It must have been sometime between fifth and sixth grade, but by junior high, I know I was a complete goner.

It happens to the best of us. We hit a phase in our lives where we just lose all control and find ourselves mad about the opposite sex (or same sex). Blame it on hormones, pressure to fit in, new found freedoms or boy bands, whatever the cause thank goodness it doesn’t last very long.

Between the ages of 11 and 17, it seemed I had a different crush every month. Whether it be a classmate, an upper classmate, my best friend’s boyfriend, my boyfriend’s best friend or the entire cast of The Outsiders. The more boyish charm, ultra cool swagger or bad behavior, the better. I also liked dark hair and dark eyes and The Outsiders had all of that and then some.

I have indirectly followed the whole cast’s careers over the years.

I respect Emilio Estavez for keeping his father’s surname, enjoy seeing Matt Dillon break away from the “troubled youth” roles, shed a tear when Patrick Swayze died last fall, would rather see a Tom Cruise action movie than a frou frou period piece and still swoon over Rob Lowe on Brothers & Sisters. I think my favorite of the bunch is Rob Lowe. That guy is still beautiful. Have you seen him lately? He does not age.

These days, I only have the time and wherewithal to be boy crazy for my husband and my son, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a couple celebrity crushes.

Let’s see: Matthew McConaughey – with his southern drawl, I could listen to him read the phone book, Clive Owen – a leading man I’d like gladly co-star with, Leonardo DiCaprio – a brilliant actor that is simply fascinating to watch, Bradley Cooper, (except for the fact that he’s linked to Renee Zellweger, whom I can’t stand!) Jake Gyllenhall, Josh Duhamel, and what list would be complete without Hollywood’s ultimate bachelor, George Clooney? I may have just cast a remake of The Outsiders with this list. Wouldn’t that be something? Although, I don’t know if I could handle it. Hmmm, and I thought my boy crazy phase ended at 17.

Who’s on your list?

This post is for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop – Prompt #1: What actors from childhood do you think about? Have you looked up anyone lately? (inspired by Missy from The Marketing Mama)

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Globe Trotting

Posted on November 3, 2010 Written by Tonya

While at the library recently (a favorite place to visit in our neighborhood), I asked Lucas if he could go anywhere in the world, where would he like to go. He promptly spun the globe and then stopped it and pointed to Australia.

Wouldn’t you know it; that’s a place he’s actually already been? You can read about our trip here. We had a magnificent trip and I, too would return in an heartbeat.

This post is for Wordless Wednesdays and if you want to link up or see some really beautiful photographs, visit Alicia at A Beautiful Mess.

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VOTE!

Posted on November 2, 2010 Written by Tonya

I had a post all ready for tomorrow about how my son should be completely embarrassed by me because I didn’t vote today, because I couldn’t be bothered, didn’t really care, it was inconvenient, I don’t know enough about the candidates or Propositions, or even politics for that matter. My list of excuses went on and on…

But then I realized I wouldn’t be setting a very good example for him if I didn’t exercise my national privilege and personal freedom. So, shortly after our nanny arrived, I sat in front of my computer and educated myself. I looked up all the candidates and Propositions, found my local polling place and then made my way there.

I left feeling a sense of nation pride, personal satisfaction and a smile on my face.

If you haven’t made it to your polling site yet, there’s still time!

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It’s A Bird, It’s A Plane….

Posted on November 1, 2010 Written by Tonya

Last night we took Lucas trick or treating for the first time in downtown Encinitas, where many of the merchants handed out candy to goblins, ghouls, fairy princesses and super heroes alike.

Needless to say, Lucas was a little overwhelmed. Before we left the house he could say something that sounded like “Halloween” but once we got in public, he clammed up. He did say a lot of “thank yous” though and really enjoyed filling up his bucket, even if he wouldn’t try any of the candy. I suppose that’s a good thing, right? For him, not for me or his dad.

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Project Smile – October

Posted on October 31, 2010 Written by Tonya

October has become a notoriously bad month for me because it is the month my parents died three years ago and my plate right now is very full with lots of other stresses, but thanks to Alicia’s (A Beautiful Mess) Project Smile, here are 31 reasons I found to be happy this month:

1st – The kindness of strangers along the Susan G. Komen for the Cure route.
2nd – Walking across the Golden Gate Bridge. I got to cross #23 off my Buried List!
3rd – A celebratory dinner with Leah. We just walked 60 miles!!
4th – Home sweet home, coming home to Lucas. This was the longest I have ever been away from him.
5th – Pink toe nails.
6th – I made dinner!
7th – Blind (lunch) date with @surferwife.
8th – An impromptu overnight trip to Palm Springs.
9th – Coming home. Lucas didn’t fair very well in the hotel room, so none of us got any sleep.
10th – Watching Lucas’ face light up at all the trains at Travel Town in Griffith Park.
11th – Just a regular ole day where everything goes exactly according to plan.
12th – A great two-hour long workout! I love to sweat.
13th – After being in 102 degree heat at the pumpkin patch… air conditioner!
14th – A much overdue date night at one of my favorite restaurants.
15th – Five grown women making silly faces, funny noises and dancing around trying to get two toddlers to smile for pictures at the pumpkin patch and a champagne toast to two very special people.
16th – Finding a darling house with a nice big backyard and plenty of room to grow. Unfortunately, we had to let it go because we want our current house to sell first. But I know another one just like it or better is out there!
17th – Manicure, pedicure, lunch and shopping with a BFF.
18th – A jammy day! We played hookie from music class and spent the day in front of the TV.
19th – Leaving my therapist’s office after an eight month long hiatus and knowing that I’m going to be okay…eventually.
20th – Mommy & Me group mommies only get together. Where would I be without these women?
21st – I FINALLY got the oil changed in my car.
22nd – Finished one book and started and finished another!
23rd – A family bike ride. Lucas loves his helmet.
24th – We spent all day shopping for Lucas! He got new pants, shirts, shoes, bibs and a Thomas the Train set.
25th – A gift from a far away friend. Thank you, Sophie for the soap, it smells too pretty to use. xoxo
26th – A three hour long nap! Mommy was very productive today.
27th – Wine, wine and more wine with friends.
28th – Playing cars with Lucas. An entire hour flew by and I didn’t even realize it.
29th – Seeing Steeping Feet, a Dave Matthews Band tribute band.
30th – A husband who lets the mother of his child sleep in.
31st – My little Superman. And candy corn.

Be sure to link up at Alicia’s (A Beautiful Mess) Project Smile, or check out her reasons to smile this month. Her photographs are some of the most boo-tiful you will ever see.
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Fortune Teller

Posted on October 29, 2010 Written by Tonya

Halloween is an excuse for women to show off a lot of skin, men to act creepier than usual hidden behind masks and everyone to eat too many sweets. It’s not even the 31st and I have already had my fill of candy corn. The last time I “dressed up” was six years ago for a co-workers Halloween party and I was a very demure 50’s girl complete with poodle skirt, cardigan sweater, pigtails and Keds. Clearly, I have never been a big fan of this holiday. I am, however, looking forward to creating new traditions for and with Lucas and this year will be his first time trick-or-treating. Pictures on Monday!

One thing about Halloween that is very intriguing to me are haunted houses, ghost stories, witches and fortune tellers. Like most, I’m not overly comfortable with the macabre, but there is a large part of me that believes strongly in the afterlife, mediums and those who can communicate with the dead and not a Halloween goes by that I don’t think about a story my grandmother and then mother used to tell me.

I didn’t know my grandmother (my mom’s mother) very well. We always lived very far away from my grandparents and we only saw them once a year. What I do recall is that she was a heavy smoker, very loud, collected owl figurines and loved to sew. The story she told made chills run up and down my spine.

My grandmother was 15 and out shopping with a girlfriend and stumbled upon a fortune teller. For kicks, they decided to go in. My grandmother went first and the psychic told her the “standard”, you’ll marry someone tall, dark and handsome, to which my grandmother giggled and then promptly forgot.

When it was her friend’s turn, the fortune teller clammed up and became very jittery. She claimed that she couldn’t tell the girl’s fortune because nothing was coming to her and instead wrote something on a piece of paper and asked her to put the note in her shoe and read once she got home.

The two girls carried on with their day, had lunch, did more shopping and as they were heading home crossed a busy intersection. My grandmother’s friend was hit a car. She was instantly killed.

According to my grandmother, the note tucked in her shoe read, “you’ll never live to read this”.

I have never heard this story from anyone else so as far as I know, it is true.

Wishing everyone a very happy and safe Halloween!

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Newborn

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