Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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In An Instant

Posted on December 7, 2011 Written by Tonya

This post was written for Write on Edge’s writing meme, RemembeRED. This week’s prompt: Take the next ten minutes to write about the first single memory that the word CRASH calls up.

Before you read it you should know that I misread the instructions. I thought it was an exercise in flash fiction, not flash memoir. This is FICTION! 

Metal on metal. Loud and angry, it sounds like a lion roaring.

She reached for her head. Her eyeglasses were gone and as she looked down at her hand and it was wet. She ran her fingers over her palm and wondered if it was blood.

Blinding lights filled the car and a siren wailed in the distance.

She could figure out what her son was doing in the front seat when his car seat was positioned directly behind her. His gaze was empty and his body  contorted.

The road was slick and visibility was difficult. She knew better. She should have never gone out in this weather. She should have left her two-year-old safe and warm at home with his grandmother.

Through her haze and swelling head she suddenly remembered, she missed the corner.

The windshield wipers moved back and forth deliberately pushing water away.

She had made the biggest mistake of her life that night; in her haste to grab an umbrella, she forgot to buckle in her sweet baby boy.

Everything she knew changed in a single instant, but the memory of it will last forever.

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Filed Under: car seat, cars, death, fiction, remembeRED Tagged With: car seat, cars, fiction, remembeRED

Riding In Cars With Boys

Posted on September 26, 2011 Written by Tonya

My sister, Lucas and I just returned from Dallas, where we had a wonderful visit with our aunt and uncle. Traveling with a tot is always an adventure and I have written about it before here and here. As usual, Lucas was great on the plane and owned his “star of the weekend” status like a trouper.

More on our trip in a later post…

For me, our long weekend adventure began in the car on the way to the airport. There was a time when Lucas hated being in the car because he hated being in his car seat, but nowadays, he is talkative and observant and the longer we have to drive, the more chatty he gets. His vocabulary and recall continue to amazes me.

In the hour it took us to get to LAX, when he wasn’t joyfully singing or chattering to himself, he:

  • Pointed out the picture of the globe on the side of a U-Haul truck and colorful balloons at car dealerships. Every. single. one.
  • At each traffic light, Lucas explained how red means stop, green means go and yellow says “slow down, everyone”.
  • Notified me when he had dropped his sippy cup and then would periodically ask me for it.
  • Shouted out purple, turquoise (yes, turquoise), orange, pink and taxi cars.
  • Counted the number of birds flying by and every airplane we saw as we got closer to the airport, reminding him of our destination and fun weekend plans, which we would we would then review over and over again.
  • Recognized not one, but two Ikeas and emphatically announced that we should go back there someday. He’s right, it has been a while. He also mistook a Best Buy for an Ikea, which I may have done before too.
  • Wanted to call Daddy, only to clam up and become silent once we reached him. 

Our trip hadn’t even begun and I was already exhausted. Why is just listening to a child so tiring?

Apparently I wasn’t the only one…


Once we arrived in Texas, it was all about water tower and train spotting.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, car seat, cars, family, happy thoughts, photos, praise, travel Tagged With: aunt leah, car seat, family, photo, praise, travel

Over 400 Miles To Go

Posted on December 27, 2010 Written by Tonya

Another lovely holiday with lots of goodies in tow,
We had over 400 miles to go.

You slept the first two hours full of bliss,
And then suddenly awakened, you were completely pissed.

We stopped for a break, new diaper and food,
Jammies, we thought surely would help achieve an improved attitude?

Then back in the car,
Mommy and Daddy became the ultimate rock stars!

Your expression was priceless and your face all aglow,
As a tiny TV came out of the roof and there appeared your favorite show!

Was it Thomas the Train that saved the day,
Or that nice Toyota dealer who said we couldn’t buy it any other way?

We made it home safe and sound, but the secret is out,
And I think it’s safe to say, car rides will never be the same for our little sprout.

post signature

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Filed Under: car seat, cars, holidays, milestones, poem, travel, TV

Five Months Old

Posted on November 6, 2009 Written by Tonya

Today you are five months old, which also translates to 152 days or roughly 3680 hours. We have been keeping track. Since just seconds after you were born, your dad started the stop watch feature on his iPhone and it has been counting the minutes of your life ever since.

You are growing and changing every day and starting to become your own person. Here are some of this month’s highlights:

  • You can almost roll over and sit up on your own.
  • Your first two teeth are visible…pizza, here we come!
  • You definitely recognize your bottle, can hold it by yourself and it won’t be long before you are strong enough to feed yourself with it.
  • You still hate the car seat, or anything that restrains you.
  • You “talk” and “sing” to us all the time and one could swear you are trying to hold a conversation with us.
  • You are able to play on your own for several minutes at a time.
  • You have slept through the entire night just one time, but waking up just once…or twice.
  • You visited your first state (Arizona) by going on your first round trip road trip to get there and you were a trouper, but I felt very guilty for putting you through that.
  • You are a great yoga partner at our weekly Mommy & Me yoga class.
  • You are still super in loud restaurants and with new people, in fact you seem to love chaos and noise, but also really appreciate our one-on-one quiet time together.
  • You had your first sleep over at your friend Jackson’s house (whose mommy is a good friend of mine, so I was there too).
  • Your hair has started to grow back and it’s either brown or blond depending on how the sun hits it.
  • You love to play with your feet, although I think you are only aware of your right one so far. 🙂
  • You are finally enjoying playing in your exersaucer (in small doses).
  • At least once a week, you accompany your dad to Pannikin Coffee & Tea so I can sleep in. It is your special time together.
  • You have met three of your great aunts and one great uncle.
  • Since you born, I have pushed you almost 240 miles in your BOB stroller on our daily walks.
  • You celebrated your first Halloween as an adorable little monkey.
  • Your eyes are still blue. 🙂

You have changed my entire world and I fall more in love with you every day. I can’t wait to see what the next month has in store for us.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: BOB, car seat, change, list, milestones

Nine Months And Seven Pounds To Go

Posted on September 2, 2009 Written by Tonya

I wish I knew why you hated being in your car seat so much. You are fine sitting in it for a moment or two, but once you (quickly) realize what comes next, you start getting very agitated and that leads to a full blown melt down.

I can successfully get the straps around your arms, across your chest and up through your legs (could it be possibly be the confinement that you detest so much?) and can even move you into the car, but shortly there after you scream bloody murder for 10-15 minutes and one time 24 minutes! When you finally do surrender and gaze out at the world (freeway) going by, or into the mirror at your handsome self and go with it, you are so worn out that you often fall asleep. Up until this moment of sweet resignation, it is the most excruciating 10-15 minutes of our day.

Did you know that some babies sleep in their cribs in their car seats they love the restriction and safekeeping so much?

I have been trying to make the transition from the coziness of my arms to the sheer terror of the torture chamber to the vehicle a smooth one for us both, but apparently you’ve got my number and it’s never pretty.

Everyone assures me that as soon as you can face forward, you will love riding in the car. Unfortunately, we have nine months and seven pounds to go before we find out if they are right. In the meantime, I am going to keep trying to get you more comfortable with the device and if you haven’t already, get used to me telling you that “we need the car seat, you have to be belted in, we would be beside ourselves if anything ever happened to you and it’s how we get to go places!” because baby, we have lots of places to go!

By the way, the above photo was not taken while in the car, but the look of “oh no, don’t you dare move me” can still be detected.

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Filed Under: car seat, milestones, weight Tagged With: car seat, milestones, weight

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