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In The In Box

Posted on July 13, 2011 Written by Tonya

I spend a lot of time ~~trying to stay~~ staying up on my e-mail. And by that I mean, what we all do: respond, put off responding, organize into files or finding more satisfaction than is probably allowed by hitting the delete button.

If you’re a mom, a blogger and a Twitter addict, like me, I don’t have to tell you how downright daunting a full In Box can be. What with all the newsletters, blog subscriptions, blog comments and back and forth with family and friends, it’s enough to make your eyes pop right out of your head. And now, Twitter e-mails me responses to my Tweets (anyone know how to cancel that, by the way?) It’s all a bit too much for me some days.

Especially when I’ve neglected it.

I like for there to be less than 18 e-mails in my In Box, that way with the size I have my browser set to I can still see the very last one. It’s the last e-mail my father ever sent me.

Beyond 18 and his gets pushed down too far.

It’s not even a great e-mail.

The subject is sox and addresses but it was sent four days before he and my mother died so I will keep forever.

So strange that I’ll never receive another e-mail from my father, but there he is, in my In Box every day. Right there with Groupon notices, Vlog Talk Weekly Prompts and tips on how to get your toddler to eat more veggies.

Just knowing it’s there comforts me somehow.

Except when I forget about it and then upon discovering it, my brain malfunctions for half a second and leads me to believe it’s a new e-mail from him.

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Sunday Fun Day

Posted on July 11, 2010 Written by Tonya

Every once in a while, I’ll get an e-mail forward that’s worth sharing and here is one:

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

1. Fine – This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes – If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour (at least, maybe longer). Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing – This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with “nothing” usually end in “fine”.

4. Go Ahead – This is a dare, not permission… Don’t Do It!

5. Loud Sigh – This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing (refer back to #3 for the meaning of “nothing”.)

6. That’s Okay – This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. “That’s okay” means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake..

7. Thanks – A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say “you’re welcome”. (I want to add in a clause here – this is true, unless she says “Thanks a lot” – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say “you’re welcome”, that will only bring on a “whatever”).

8. Whatever – Is a woman’s way of saying “F— off”!

9. Don’t worry about it, I’ll do it – Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?” For the woman’s response refer back to #3.

Share this to the men you know to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

Thanks, Charmaine for the giggle. 🙂

The best is yet to be.

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25 Random Things About Being A Parent

Posted on March 14, 2010 Written by Tonya

Another great e-mail forward (that’s two in three weeks) sent to me by a fellow mom of three. Thanks, Natalie!

1. It is very hard to determine if you’re really done having children. You are. And then you aren’t. And then you hold a sweet little baby and fall in love. And then the baby poops all over you. It’s very difficult to decide.

2. A well-balanced meal is anything the kids will eat without complaining.

3. When you say you’re going to “slip into something more comfortable,” you mean your favorite flannel pajama bottoms and your Jayhawks hoodie.

4. Coffee.

5. No matter how many pictures and videos you take, it’s never enough.

6. Sleep is for the weak. And that doesn’t change until the kids are out of the house.

7. Every single emotion you have is heightened with your children. You are happier, angrier, more worried, more defensive, and more devastated when something bad happens to them. All of this is because you love them more than you ever knew was possible.

8. Don’t bother asking a parent about anything interesting, like the latest book read, movie watched, or lecture attended. It all ends with the same word: Nickelodeon.

9. Wine.

10. Dinner will never be quiet again. But then it will be too quiet.

11. There is no greater joy than seeing your child succeed at something. A close second though is seeing them fail and pick themselves back up and try again.

12. Watching a child learn to read is one of the joys no one tells you about. It is magical, and it happens so quickly.

13. You can never receive too many handwritten notes or pictures that say “I Love You”, even when they’re not spelled right.

14. The matching $100 sweaters you bought your kids for the holiday picture were totally worth it — even though you ate ramen noodles for the rest of the month. You’ll have that picture forever.

15. No matter how crazy your kids drive you, and regardless of their age, when you peek at them fast asleep at night you can’t help but wonder how you’ve been so blessed.

16. You will lose all practical knowledge and the ability to win at Trivial Pursuit. But you will be an expert on Lightning McQueen, Fancy Nancy or a host of other commercial characters.

17. You may have been a star athlete, drama queen, or chess club champion in your heyday, but your biggest competitive rush now may come from outbidding someone on eBay to win an auction. Probably buying something for your kids.

18. Those guys that wrote Love and Logic must have had nannies to raise their kids.

19. “Walk of Shame” has a whole new meaning when you’re parent. It becomes the 500 feet between your car and the emergency room, carrying your child, who on your watch….

20. Someone needs to write the Santa Claus/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy manual for parents. It is impossible to be prepared for the depth and breadth of questions posed in your child’s lifetime. (“Why does Santa’s wrapping paper look just like yours?”) Parents need a job aid that can be accessed quickly and on the down low.

21. Whenever you hear the phrase “Uh-oh” followed by a long pause, grab your camera and your stain stick and start looking.”

22. In your younger days you would have thought it was too “Big Brother” to microchip your kid. Now, it’s tempting…very tempting.

23. While you used to compulsively check Web sites for great shopping deals, now you compulsively check the sex offender registry to make sure no predators are living nearby.

24. On the rare occasion you get a “date” with your spouse, the conversation revolves around poop, Gymboree and whether or not it’s cool to drive a minivan.

25. When it’s all said and done, no one could have ever explained how you could love so deeply, hurt so badly, tire so quickly, and still experience more joy than you’ve ever known…all for a child.

The best is yet to be.

Day 19/100

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Mommy To Mom To Mother

Posted on February 28, 2010 Written by Tonya

I am not a big fan of e-mail forwards. Don’t get me wrong, I have certainly sent my share, but over the years I have gotten WAY more selective. 97.5% of the ones I receive are anything but forward-able and are just downright annoying.

It seems as though there are millions of people with nothing better to do than abuse bandwidth by sending out chain letters, useless advice, bizarre warnings, jokes, cartoons, poems, photos, quotes, political statements and other junk. Thousands more are filling our unsuspecting e-mail boxes with unwanted advertisements as we speak. And those few forwards that are actually amusing or interesting continue to circulate like some incurable plague, finding their way to the same mailboxes over and over and over and over and over and over and over…

Today, I received a forward from my mommy friend, Kendra and it is worth sharing:

Real Mothers don’t eat quiche; they don’t have time to make it.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.
Real Mothers know that dried play dough doesn’t come out of carpets.
Real Mothers don’t want to know what the vacuum just sucked up…
Real Mothers sometimes ask ‘Why me?’ and get their answer when a little voice says, ‘Because I love you best.’
Real Mothers know that a child’s growth is not measured by height or years or grade…it is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mom to Mother.

The Images of Mother. . . .
4 YEARS OF AGE – My Mommy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE – My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE – My Mother doesn’t know everything!
14 YEARS OF AGE – My Mother? She wouldn’t have a clue.
16 YEARS OF AGE – Mother? She’s so five minutes ago.
18 YEARS OF AGE – That old woman? She’s way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE – Well, she might know a little bit about it!
35 YEARS OF AGE – Before we decide, let’s get Mom’s opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE – Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE – Wish I could talk it over with Mom.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

I, of course ignored the instructions at the bottom of the e-mail that said I should forward it to seven incredible mothers I know and instead choose to share it here.

The best is yet to be.

Day 5/100

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The Gift Of An Ordinary Day

Posted on January 22, 2010 Written by Tonya

My mother-in-law sent me this beautiful video today of best-selling author Katrina Kenison reading to a group from her latest book, The Gift Of An Ordinary Day: A Mother’s Memoir.

Please don’t be discouraged by the length; it’s a little over seven minutes long, but worth every single one.

May we all embrace the gift of an ordinary day.

The best is yet to be.

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Lost And Found

Posted on September 13, 2009 Written by Tonya

I haven’t written in a few days because I took you to visit your grandparents in the Bay Area. They are completely, head over heels in love with you and we had a good trip. You were relatively well-behaved, considering you were taken out of your everyday routine and environment and are already turning out to be an awesome traveler with three flights under you belt! Our trip is not what I wanted to write about today.

Today marks the one year anniversary since I worked. I can’t believe it! Time truly does fly and I wanted to take pause and try to express some of the mixed feelings I have about reaching this milestone and about the year behind me.

When I gave my four weeks notice, I did so for very specific reasons and then two months later I learned I was five weeks pregnant with you. The reasons I originally had for quitting my marketing manager position at a trade magazine company changed completely and for the better.

What follows is an excerpt from an e-mail I sent to a friend dated Saturday, July 26, 2008. Obviously, this e-mail was sent before I became pregnant with you. I include it here because I feels it outlines my original reasons for deciding to take some time off.

My last day at work will be Friday, September 12. As you can imagine, this was an extremely difficult decision to reach, but the very best one for me right now. It is time for me to be home, spend time with my sister, organize the mounds of paperwork that have consumed my life for the past nine months, get my lawyer to do her bleeping job by helping to close my parents’ estate, tackle numerous projects that I have been avoiding (finally read the sympathy cards and e-mails, books and articles that caring friends have sent, sort through the photographs, preserve, store, or sell my father’s carpet collection, have repair work done on the Arizona house and put it on the market, etc., etc., etc.) and most importantly, face my grief head on, or as one good friend put it, finally “lose my shit!”.

I was lead to this decision because of an epiphany I had earlier in the year, which offered some clarity. I realized that since my parents have been gone, I have been sleep walking through my life. I have been numb, quite possibly still in shock. I haven’t dealt with any of my feelings; I just keep bottling them up and pushing them aside. I am sad, but not mourning. I feel like I’m just going through the motions of my day-to-day life and hiding within the safety of my routine. I fear that the longer that I put off “losing my shit”, the harder it will be to find peace. I know that there is no escaping, no “getting over it”, I live with it day and night, with every breath I take and I am as heartbroken today as I was the day I got the call. I need this time to just BE.

I acclimated to my new life as a retired, pregnant person very well. Some days, I was just as busy as I was when I was working 50+ hours a week. I tried to sleep in, lunched with friends, walked, read a ton, visited family in Texas, made several trips to Arizona, had the carpets cleaned, a new BBQ installed, oversaw garage organizers work their magic, researched and ordered baby items until my head was spinning and as I anticipated your arrival, I attempted to grieve the loss of my parents.

I created a fine balance for myself…one day, I would be on the phone with my attorney, reconciling property and bills and funds and having documents notarized and the next I would be wandering around Babies R Us aimlessly overwhelmed with how many different styles of cribs there are to choose from. One day, I would take myself to lunch followed by a long walk on the beach, write in my journal and not talk to a soul (aside from you and your dad, of course!) and the next would be filled an afternoon of grief counseling and an evening with friends.

Having the freedom of waking up and planing my day around whatever I wanted to do, while also working on the things I needed to do was the best part. The lack of a schedule was wonderful for my psyche and emotional well being and I knew I needed to embrace every minute of it.

People often ask/ed me if I miss working and I do, some days. I mostly miss the people I worked with and using “that side” of my brain. I miss being a part of a management team that made decisions about the magazine’s image, promotion and future. I miss being asked for my opinion and contributing to the organization. I miss wearing work clothes (something I NEVER thought I’d said) and I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, I miss my 120 mile (round trip) commute. I loved listening to “Mark & Brian” on KLOS in the morning and “John & Ken” on KFI in the afternoons. It was my time to decompress.

When we would talk about having a family, we knew that I would quit my job and stay home with you. That was always a part of the plan and now that you’re here and are over three months old, the thought of having to return to work after being on maternity leave is completely mind boggling. I don’t want anyone else raising you but us.

The bottom line is, I believe that my parents, wherever they may be, had something to do with my becoming pregnant with you. I call it divine intervention, as it was way too easy and the timing of it all, too coincidental to be anything else. We had been half heartedly trying to conceive for a few months, but just figured like with most of our friends, it would take a lot longer than it did. I feel as though it was their way of letting me know that it was okay to move on with my life. Learning of your impending arrival made what could have been a very difficult time period in my life bearable. I felt lost and then found, like the dark cloud that was hanging over my head had been lifted.

The best is yet to be.

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Thoughts Shared With A Friend

Posted on August 28, 2009 Written by Tonya

Here is an excerpt from an e-mail I sent to a friend on Thursday, May 14, 2009 (one month before your due date):

I can’t believe that I’ll be a mommy a month from now, if not sooner! At my last OB appointment I was told our little guy could make his appearance up to eleven days early (!) based on his size. I am still planning to deliver vaginally and without drugs, so I hope he doesn’t get much bigger!! I’ll be nine months along on Saturday.

I think I’m ready for this adventure…sort of. His room is finally done and all of his clothes, towels and sheets have been washed, we have taken the classes and have what I am sure is way too much stuff. I mean, for God’s sake, how many onesies do we need? Not to mention spit rags and wash cloths?! It’s crazy. T. will put together his bassinet this weekend, which we plan on having in our room for the first few months, as I will be breast feeding and it will make it easier on me and everything else will hopefully fall into place when and as it should.

Emotionally, I’m not quite there yet. I like him being inside me where I can protect him 100% and I’m starting to worry about being alone with him and knowing how to meet his needs, once T. goes back to work, my sister has left and so has my dear, sweet, generous friend, S. I don’t know if I have mentioned her to you before, but I have known S. for 10 years and worked with her at two different companies. She has two grown children, four grandchildren and is one of my very best friends. S. has offered to come stay with us for a few days once we bring the baby home and I know she will be a Godsend!! It’s what happens after she leaves that I guess I’m trying to get my head and heart wrapped around….the fact that my world as I know it, is about to change FOREVER and that’s a very scary thought.

Being pregnant and being this close to delivery makes me miss my own parents and realize on a much deeper level how much they loved me and cared for me and worried about me. I wish they were here. They would have been wonderful grandparents. I am in the process of making a little book for the baby with 5×7 laminated head shots of our immediate family; Grandma and Grandpa A. included. We want our son to know all about them and how much they would have loved him. It’s turning out really well and hopefully will be a treasured item.

I also have these insane visions of yanking off his arm while trying to dress him or watching him fall on the floor. Ludicrous, I know, but not completely impossible!

My back has started to ache a lot in the last week and there’s not much I can do to alleviate the pain. Walking helps, so I do that a lot!

Well, you can clearly tell where my head is at these days….24/7 baby!

I think it’s interesting (and rather sad) to note that I don’t talk to this “friend” very much anymore. I certainly didn’t get the response from her that I was looking for, not that I thought I would or could, we were and are in totally different places in our lives right now. She is footloose and fancy free, AKA single and looking and I’m a mommy.

The best is yet to be.

In The In Box

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