motherhood

A New Way Of Thinking

Posted on October 12, 2009 Written by Tonya

Everything changes when you have a baby. Loss of freedom and lack of sleep aside, your whole way of thinking shifts when you have a baby. Your senses are all heightened and it really is the strangest and most wonderful thing.

Aside from the typical new parent worries: are you getting enough to eat, are you warm enough, are you safe and are you breathing; here are just a few of the NUMEROUS mindset changes that have taken place for me.

Since I became a parent I feel like I am now a member of an exclusive club. I have a new sense of camaraderie that I never felt before with my fellow man, and in particular with my fellow moms. Now, whenever I pass one at the grocery store or mall, we nod and smile at one another as if to say, “I get it” or, “Hang in there”. It’s very comforting.

I find that people in general are kinder and more helpful to me now that I am a mother. They not only hold open doors, but actually strike up conversations AKA compliment you like crazy. I suppose everyone likes cute adorable quiet smiling babies. I can’t go anywhere without complete strangers asking me how old you are or commenting on your blue blue eyes.

I am way more cautious about everything that I do now; from driving to eating. Your father and I both owe it to you to stay safe and healthy and to do so by setting good examples for you. I find myself thinking twice about what I put into my body and about the products we purchase for our home. I am reading labels more and making a more concerted effort to be eco-friendly. You will inherit this earth and it is all of our responsibilities to take the very best care of it that we can.

There’s also more trivial changes like, the “How do I get to the top floor with a stroller?” strategies that takes place that I never gave a second thought to before our stroller became an everyday accessory. Come to find out, not every store, restaurant or neighborhood with sidewalks is stroller-friendly and in many places, if it weren’t for federal handicap access laws, we’d be screwed! Can you imagine? I never used to take elevators, ever and now I find myself constantly seeking them out.

I shop totally differently now too. Instead of heading straight to the handbags or shoes, I go to the baby department in search of the next size of clothing for you. It isn’t about me or my wants anymore.

I know over time I will be able to add to this list, but for now I look forward to the further shift in my thoughts and priorities.

The best is yet to be.

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In Need Of A Fresh Start

Posted on October 11, 2009 Written by Tonya

Over the past few days you and I seem to be completely out of synch…we are both cranky and irritable, which doesn’t make for a good combination. You are teething and got four immunizations at your four month well-baby appointment last week, we have been on-the-go non-stop and entertaining house guests all week. You love the stimulation and all the attention, of course, but I think I have been expecting too much from you and that’s just not fair. I’m sorry.

I haven’t been able to comfort you or read you very well. I can tell you want to be happy and are trying to stay in a good mood by smiling and giggling at everyone, but when you’re not feeling well or too much is going on around you, how can you? It can all get to be too much for a baby and it’s so crucial that I remember that.

Thank goodness your dad has such a calming effect over you. He has definitely come to our rescue more than once in the last several days as the only one that can soothe you. I will try not to take it personally, but it can be upsetting when your baby rejects you in favor of your partner.

I promise to slow down our schedule and create more quiet time for you in order to get back into your good graces.

The best is yet to be and tomorrow is a brand new day!

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Learning To Go With The Flow

Posted on October 1, 2009 Written by Tonya

Confession time! I have always been an anxious person who has difficulty relaxing. I like to be on time and have a need for things to be “just so”. I like to see towels hanging evenly and enjoy a very organized refrigerator and having the pantry stocked with labels facing outward and neatly lined up. I believe that everything has a place and that a well made bed is the perfect foundation to start a good day. I like to have a plan and love to make lists. I thrive on order and okay, I’ll admit it, control. I have never been diagnosed with OCD, but clearly I have a touch.

Over the years, I have tried many different things to relax, let my hair down and free myself of my overactive brain. Yoga has been extremely successful for me, as it makes me witness to my own breath, helps release tension and allows me to reconnect with my spiritual self. Yoga and mass quantities of wine. 🙂

Life with a baby means that schedules, control and order go right out the window. I’ve had no choice but to learn to let go…a little, roll with the punches and breathe A LOT deeper than I ever have in a yoga class. I knew that having a child would do this to me and in a selfish way it’s one of the reasons why I wanted a one. I knew I needed something bigger (or in your case smaller) than myself or a nice Cabernet to s l o w down.

Everything you are experiencing, you are experiencing for the first time and I don’t want miss a moment of it by rushing on to the next thing. The world is full of really cool stuff and taking the time to appreciate it all through your eyes is precious.

I don’t have all the answers and I’m FAR from perfect and the sooner you learn this about me, the better. I’m sure I have already made a lot of mistakes with you in your three and a half short months on this planet, but I’m only human. I know that learning to go with the flow is the best thing I can do for us both. Your dad tells me every day how happy you are and I’m starting to think so too. I know I am.

Namaste, baby.

The best is yet to be.

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You Gotta Have Friends

Posted on September 26, 2009 Written by Tonya

I have to admit, I was reluctant to join a Mommy & Me group. I just didn’t want to “deal” with it, for lack of a better reason. We had a good thing going you and I; with our daily walks, bi- and tri-weekly outings to Target and counting down the hours until Daddy got home, why on earth would we need a playgroup? You aren’t even playing yet. Boy, was I wrong! Our life really is fuller now for having joined the New Moms of 2009 group. So far, we have attended several events and they are, in a word…fun.

Everyone in the group has a baby under the age of seven months old and the conversations are exactly the type I had dreaded, but very much needed to be a part of: at what age did your baby sit up/roll over/find his feet/sleep through the night, where did you get that toy/onesie/hat/play gym, what do you think about that stroller, those diapers/burp cloths/diaper bag, how often and how much are you feeding him, etc., etc. Sort of mind numbing stuff to anyone but a new mom, but topical and very important. It’s great to share with and learn from other new moms and so comforting to know there they are going through the same frustrations and concerns that I am. There are a couple of moms in our group that I could see being very good friends with and I am definitely enjoying the social interaction and adult conversation!

The babies are so young yet that all they do is lay there side-by-side and play with colorful hanging toys above their heads, but you do seem entertained by the other tots and the idea is that the group stays together long enough that our babies grow up together and be friends, which would be very cool indeed.

The best is yet to be.

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Text Messages I Never Thought I’d Send (Or Receive)

Posted on September 21, 2009 Written by Tonya

When Lucas was born, one of my friends had a three month old and another was still pregnant with her first. Over the course of those first four months of our being new mommies, the text messages between us were indicative of what we were going through, the highs and lows of being new parents and the wonder and mystery of very uncharted territory. Thank goodness for our friends!

Some of these are to and from Todd as well.

These are definitely texts I never thought I’d send or receive:

Already had a poop blow out and got spit up on…it’s going to be a great day! Grr! Sent September 21

My kid is gassing up a storm right now while I feed him. Stinky boy. Received September 18

Seriously, how do you get rid of the stinky milk ring around the neck smell?! Sent September 17

My size 10 jeans are too big…finally! I miss my old body! Sent September 12

I am cracking myself up, I just fed LMW in Bjorn with one hand while I ate a Subway sandwich with the other. I should have had someone take a picture. Sent September 11

I believe my 13 week old just gave me the cold shoulder. Sent September 5

My son has already had three outfits on today and I’m still in my jammies! Sent August 27

LMW was a super star on the plane!! I am so relieved. Sent August 14

Back in my old bra size today! Yay!! Sent August 13

I wish my hair would just stop coming out. This is nuts. 6 months of it! Received August 11

I almost just donated your son to Goodwill!! He has been screaming for 15 minutes and counting! Sent August 6

It’s amazing how with LMW a trip to Chipotle can turn into a drive through Del Taco. Received August 1

I just got my first “real” smile. My heart is melting. Sent July 22

Just got spit up between my toes! Sent July 20

LMW just had the biggest poop blow out that I cut his onesie off and threw it away! Ah, the joys of mommyhood. Sent July 16

LMW has officially outgrown his newborn diapers! Sent July 8

It’s almost 4:30 and I just got around to brushing my teeth! This new parent thing is tough. Sent June 22

Alone with Lucas for the first time today. So far so good… Sent June 16

Our living room looks like a Babies R Us! Sent June 13

Happy circumcision day! Received June 11

I feel like I have been let in on one of the world’s greatest kept secrets: parenthood! Sent June 11

I Used To Carry A Designer Purse

Posted on September 20, 2009 Written by Tonya

Before becoming a mom, I used to carry a designer purse. My favorite designer purses are Coach purses and I have at least ten of them. I also have two beautiful Frederic T handbags from Paris, a gorgeous Kate Spade and Louis Vuitton that I paid way too much for, a knock off Chanel all the way from the streets of Bangkok and several trendy bags from Target, Old Navy and Nine West.

I love purses and back when I used to use one, I would switch them out depending on what I was wearing, the season, my mood, or what I needed to carry. I miss my purses. I miss the versatility and completion my purses add to my wardrobe and the ample amount of space they provide, allowing me to carry whatever I need.

Now, I carry a diaper bag….the very hip Skip Hop Dash Deluxe messenger-style diaper bag, as seen above, but I miss my purses.

There is a lot of room in our diaper bag for your essentials, but not a lot of room for mine. In other words, I had to (gulp) downsize. I used to be able to carry everything from band aids, safety pins and the current book I was reading to a note pad, Tide Stick and mirror. Sadly, those six items (along with all of my frequent shopper cards) were the first to go.

Now, I have a small corner in your bag for a clutch wallet that is busting at the seams with all the items I can’t leave home without…my bare necessities: money and credit cards, chap stick, hair tie, gum and phone. My, how times have changed.

I really do like our diaper bag and highly recommend it new moms. The new fall line of Coach bags is worth checking out too! I LOVE LOVE LOVE the leather Brooke bag and someday, I would love to own a legendary Hermès Kelly handbag, named after Grace Kelly, but for now I can live with the contents in my corner.

The best is yet to be.

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Mother Love

Posted on September 18, 2009 Written by Tonya

In my post yesterday, Anyone Can Be A Mother I shared my feelings regarding the physical work involved in being a mother and how I think anyone can do it. I feel compelled today to expand on those thoughts…. Being a good mother means everything to me and I didn’t mean to sound crass or disrespectful.

Motherhood is an incredible gift and one of the most difficult, thankless jobs there is. I have been given an incredible gift, a child. I have this perfect little person in my life now and it is up to me and his father to teach him as much as we can in order for him to make his way in the world being the best human being he can be. I value this role and embrace it with everything I am.

Knowing more than most how quickly life can turn on a dime, I know how precious just being here is and that not even one second should be taken for granted. I never ever EVER want to take any of these moments with you for granted, or make light of the role I have in your life.

I love my son more than I have ever loved anything in my life. He owns my heart and I do know how tremendously lucky I am to have him and have this wonderful new title of MOTHER.

The best is yet to be.

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Anyone Can Be A Mother

Posted on September 17, 2009 Written by Tonya

Maybe I am just having a particularly good week or perhaps I have completely gone off the deep end, but I believe anyone do this mommy thing. I mean, let’s be honest, the work itself is relatively easy…make a bottle, feed, burp, change a diaper (or six), hold, walk around, bounce, swing, sway, dance, or sing (insert your favorite method here) to keep baby from crying, give an occasional bath, be able to do at least one load of laundry every day, be completely willing to make a fool of yourself and do all this on very little sleep with more patience than you ever thought you had and repeat ALL. DAY. LONG. I’m sure most of my mommy friends won’t agree with me, but anyone can do this job. Don’t get me wrong, the work is exhausting, frustrating and monotonous, but if orchestrated and managed correctly, it is not hard.

Every paying job I have ever had required me to have a high level of organizational skills, an extreme attention to detail and the ability to multi-task. I have taken these areas in which I am proficient and applied them to motherhood. I have found that the key is staying ahead of the game ever so slightly by having the next bottle or two ready, the car packed up BEFORE putting the baby in it, the changing station replenished with diapers, burp cloths and onesies ready for the next day, trying to sleep when you sleep and ALWAYS carrying a burp cloth!

I’m not claiming to be a pro and I know I have A LOT to learn about being a Mom. This job calls for skills I realize I don’t have now, nor ever will, and some I hope I actually do posses, but just haven’t tapped into yet. I can assure you that I will continue to do my very best with love and I will also revisit this entry whenever I’m feeling a bit cocky and especially when we are going through potty training and negotiating curfews.

The best is yet to be.

………………………………………………………………………….
Definition of the word mother from Wikipedia:

A mother is a biological and/or social female parent of an offspring.[1] Because of the complexity and differences of a mothers’ social, cultural, and religious definitions and roles, it is challenging to define a mother to suit a universally accepted definition.

Mom, mommy, mama, and ma are some common or familiar words for a mother. Many times these terms denote affection or a maternal role in a child’s life. The mother may only be the biological parent: “Anyone can be a mother, but it takes someone special to be a Mom.” As such, someone can be a mother and not a mom, or a mom and not a mother.

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Trial And Error

Posted on September 14, 2009 Written by Tonya

“Here we have a baby. It is composed of a bald head and a pair of lungs.” – Eugene Field

Supposedly a baby has six distinctive cries, but for the life of me I still don’t know which is which. According to my baby bible, What To Expect When You’re Expecting they are:

1. I’m hungry: Listen and look for a rhythmic, repetitive cry, combined with other signals such as rooting for the bottle or sucking his fingers.
2. I’m tired: You’ll hear a cry that starts slowly and builds in intensity and is accompanied by yawns or eye-rubs.
3. I’m stressed out: Get ready for a fussy, whiny cry; he may try to turn his head or body away from overstimulating sights or sounds.
4. I’ve got colic: You’ll likely know it by the intense screams, accompanied by fidgeting movements; often occurs in the late afternoon or evening.
5. I’m in pain here: Listen for a loud, intense, out-of-the-ordinary cry that comes on suddenly (at a time or in a way that’s unusual for your baby).
6. I’m not feeling so well: You’ll hear soft whimpers; usually very different from his normal cries.

Seriously, if a gun was held to my head, I might be able to identify two….pain (but who doesn’t know that cry? It’s make your ears bleed, high-pitched and piercing) and hunger. Does this make me a terrible mother or just clueless? Maybe I just don’t have an ear for them yet?

I think the important thing for me, is that I know you’re not crying just to be annoying. You are not crying because you are just a fussy baby, you actually do need something and eventually I figure it out.

The best is yet to be.

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