Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Help, I’m Shedding!

Posted on October 5, 2009 Written by Tonya

I have always had a love/hate relationship with my hair. In it’s natural state, it is Shirley Temple curly and has a mind of it’s own. This is when I hate it. I blow dry and flat iron the crap out of it to make it straight. I hate this process because it takes FOREVER, but once completed, this is when I love my hair…most of the time.

I have very thick, just below the shoulder length hair and I have worn it in the same style for over 13 years; only the length has changed. Oh, and there were those two bangs gone wild experiences. I will never. do. that. again. and I really mean it this time! 90% of the time I wear my hair up in a pony tail or hair clip and no, sadly that’s not just since I had a baby and needed to simplify my life, I’ve always worn it that way. I love having the length, just not weighting down my head or flying in my face. I love the color of my hair, minus the grays that I swear appeared out of nowhere almost four years ago causing me to spend almost $200 every six to eight weeks dyeing it. I have never had highlights or lowlights or attempted any other lights; I get my hair dyed it’s natural color – dark chestnut or something like it.

I’m the first to admit that I have always lost a lot of hair. It drove my parents crazy, of course they also had off white tile throughout their house. I’ve always lost a lot of hair, but not in handfuls! Apparently it’s normal to lose a lot more hair than usual in the first few months after giving birth, but this is ridiculous! I know I don’t need to panic, it’s not like I’m going bald…I hope! But, wow, it sure feels like I could! What is going on?!

According to the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board:

Normally, about 85 to 95 percent of the hair on your head is growing and the other 5 to 15 percent is in a resting stage. After the resting period, this hair falls out — often while you’re brushing or shampooing it — and is replaced by new growth. An average woman sheds about 100 hairs a day.

During pregnancy, increased levels of estrogen prolong the growing stage. There are fewer hairs in the resting stage and fewer falling out each day, so you have thicker, more luxuriant tresses.

After you give birth, your estrogen levels take a tumble and a lot more hair follicles enter the resting stage. Soon you’ll have more hair coming out in the shower or on the brush. This unusual shedding will taper off and your hair will be back to its pre-pregnancy thickness about six to 12 months after you give birth.

Not all women notice dramatic changes in their hair during pregnancy or the postpartum period. Among those who do, it tends to be more obvious among women with longer hair.

Great, lucky me! I have to put up with this for six to 12 months? Yikes! I better stock up on Drano and buy a wig.

The best is yet to be and I don’t believe blondes don’t have more fun.

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Filed Under: annoyances, hair, pregnancy

I Miss My Old Body

Posted on September 8, 2009 Written by Tonya

I heard Jenny McCarthy (former Playboy Playmate and MTV game show host turned activist) on The Today Show last week say that it took her a full year to get back into her pre-pregnancy jeans. Of course, she claims to have gained 60 pounds while pregnant to my 34, but I was so discouraged I wanted to cry!

After having given birth, I have a new found respect for my body and all of it’s capabilities. After all, it made a human! While pregnant, I felt physically stronger than ever and more beautiful the bigger I got. I knew my body was performing a miracle–it created, carried, protected and delivered a healthy baby into this world. Fast forward three months later and I am left missing my old body! I miss the size 6 pants and 29 low rise jeans that I use to wear before I was creating a new life. My parts and pieces feel and in some cases, look completely out of place and my post baby belly is so unflattering that I doubt I’ll ever be in a bikini again. How long does it take the linea nigra to fade anyway?

I believe that our society puts a lot of pressure on women to “bounce back” to their pre-pregnancy state, especially when we see celebrities like Jessica Alba and Heidi Klum rocking the red carpet so quickly after giving birth and looking slimmer and more glamorous than before they were pregnant. It’s not fair! No, I’m not delusional, I get it, I realize that looking fantastic is a part of their job and that they have personal chefs and trainers and nannies! The pressure I feel about my body is all my own and I know it’s unhealthy and more than a little ridiculous, considering it was just 13 weeks ago that I gave birth. Nevertheless, it’s there and it’s very real to me.

Nine pounds left to lose before I’m at my pre-pregnancy weight and with a little determination, a lot of diligence and saying no to dessert and beer, I know I’ll get there. I just hate being in this in between state where nothing fits! I’m proud of the fact that I’m back in my old bras (a small victory), even if I’m still wearing my maternity pants.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: change, exercise, pregnancy, weight

Secrets About Parenting

Posted on August 27, 2009 Written by Tonya

I always knew that I wanted to be a mother, but I never stopped to think about what that meant exactly, or just how much work it would entail. I now know being the mother to a newborn is a full time job!

Anyone who knows me, knows I’m a Type A personality; I keep lists, I’m always on time, I’m detail oriented, I can multi-task like nobody’s business and I seldom don’t do what I say I’m going to. So when I was pregnant, I went into overdrive! I read all the books, signed my husband and I up for almost 24 hours (!) of parenting classes, researched the latest and greatest in baby products (I had four mothers review our baby registry before making it public) and started spending a lot more time with my mommy friends, in the hopes that not only would some of their parenting wisdom rub off on me, but that I would gain greater insight into the parenting “secret”; the stuff no one wants to reveal for fear that the human race may end because of it. And wouldn’t you know it, they all held out on me! None, I repeat none of my prep work primed me for what was in store.

Aside from the obvious tidbits we all know about becoming parents…sleepless nights, incessant screaming, dirty diapers and the astronomical expense, there is so much more to it than that! There are secrets about parenting…the complete and utter loss of freedom, the trials and errors of swaddling, the “this hurts more than labor and delivery” breast feeding, the gentle negotiation with your partner regarding nighttime feedings, the crazy lint that gets stuck in between your baby’s fingers and toes, the milk ring around his neck that smells worse than anything you have ever smelled before, and the fact that no one has ever looked at you with so much love in their eyes until this baby existed.

The first two weeks we had Lucas, I cried every single day and I know now that it was a combination of longing for and missing my parents who passed away tragically and unexpectantly almost two years ago, a lack of sleep, out of whack hormones, the realization that this little helpless baby boy is here and is a product of his father and I and that it is our jobs to meet his every need for the next 18 years….this was daunting considering we were only on day 14.

There was one night, shortly after we brought Lucas home from the hospital that we brought him into our walk in closet because my husband was afraid his crying would wake up the neighbors. We stood there hugging him between us and both had tears streaming down our faces. Come to think of it, all three of us had tears streaming down our faces. It was a trying and beautiful moment for all of us and the memory of it will last forever. Little Lucas was brand new to the world, our home and our arms and we were absolutely clueless!

Needless to say, things have gotten A LOT easier since that night in the closet and even though I can still (vaguely) recall my life before him, I wouldn’t want it any other way. Our son has been in our lives for almost 13 weeks and I learn more about him every day and I can only hope his trust in me grows , but it doesn’t change the fact that NOTHING prepared me for any of this….the good, the bad, the ugly and the amazing. There is no turning back now; this little person, this force of nature, this new love of my life is here for good and my heart couldn’t be fuller.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: change, pregnancy, TBW Tagged With: change, pregnancy, TBW

Dear Baby Boy

Posted on August 27, 2009 Written by Tonya

I can’t believe I’m actually going to attempt to keep a blog! I know several mothers that do and I enjoy reading theirs, so I guess I was feeling some self inflicted pressure to have my own.

I don’t even think I’ll let anyone know about it for a while, or at least not until I have a few entries. Whoever ends up reading this, please know that I don’t claim to be a very good writer – I get long winded and tend to use the wrong punctuation. What can I say, I like commas.

I want this to be a documentation of Lucas’ life, a way to capture all of his milestones and record my feelings on motherhood. My plan is to treat it as an online journal and I will keep it as if I’m writing letters to my son.

I promise to give it my best effort for I know what smiles it will bring (both of us) later when I reread it, plus it’s way better than talking to myself, especially since I’m certain my son already thinks I’m crazy.

What better way to start Letters to Lucas than sharing a letter I wrote him before he was even born?

Dear Baby Boy,

With all the words I know; all the quotes I’ve collected over the years, the song lyrics that have moved me and made me feel alive, the dialogues from movies and television shows that have brought me to tears, and passages in books that I have underlined because it felt like they reached out and spoke directly to me, I am at a complete loss for the perfect words to share with you that will convey how much you are wanted and loved and how glorious and kind I hope the world is to you as you make your journey through it. In return, I hope you are kind and glorious right back!

I will try my very best to be the parent you need, when you need it, I only ask a few things of you: dream big, read as much as you can, travel as far as you can, never stop asking questions, and always be good to your father. He is an amazing husband, will be an amazing father and deserves all of your love and respect.

You were created with love, carried with hope and welcomed with joy.

Love,
Mommy

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: love, milestones, MY FIRST POST, my letters, pregnancy Tagged With: love, milestones, my first post, my letters, pregnancy

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