Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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21 Months… For Now

Posted on March 15, 2011 Written by Tonya

Last week Lucas turned 21 months old, which means in just three short months he’ll be two years old. Crazy!!

The “Terrible Twos” for us began at around 18 months but they are getting progressively worse, if that is even possible.
Not unlike most toddlers, I’m sure, Lucas is a strong willed little boy and wants what he wants when he wants it. He is in constant motion as we shuffle from one activity to the next all. day. long. We color and paint and play with Play-Doh, line up toy cars, sing, dance, work on puzzles, visit parks, visit Daddy at work, match up stuffed animals, practice our letters, numbers, colors, etc., etc., etc. and then do it all over again.
It’s exhausting.
He’s exhausting.
I’m exhausted!
I knew this age wasn’t easy, but no one said it was going to be this hard.
Lucas still refuses to drink milk from a sippy cup so my plan of ditching the bottles went out the window (for now).
He’s making a mockery of potty training, so that too has been halted (for now).
Having been sick for the past month (a treat in and of itself) has kept him crib bound, so my desire to move him into a toddler or twin bed has also been delayed (for now).
With all the progression that has been put on hold lately, it is clear who has the upper hand in our house. We will try again soon…
On the other hand, Lucas is a sponge and repeats and remembers everything he hears. Someone is going to have to clean up her potty mouth ASAP!!
His vocabulary is flourishing, which I am so blessed for. I have spent a lot of time around other almost two year olds and they don’t have near the amount of words that Lucas does and I see the look on their mother’s faces when they hear he is often times younger than their children. I can’t even imagine not being able to communicate with my son and my heart goes out to those parents whose children have speech delay.

Lucas is also able to play quietly with his trains or cars, “read” books or run around the backyard without much interference and for this I am also grateful.

He’s 21 months old for now and as challenging and infuriating as he can be sometimes, I’m wishing there was a pause button.

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Filed Under: character, milestones, raising boys

What Are Little Boys Made Of?

Posted on March 8, 2011 Written by Tonya

What are little boys made of?
Frogs and snails
And puppy-dogs’ tails,
That’s what little boys are made of.



This post is for Wordless Wednesdays and if you want to link up, or see some really beautiful photographs, please visit Alicia at A Beautiful Mess. This week, her children are having some fun in the mud.

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Filed Under: lyrics, photos, raising boys, wordless wednesdays

The Terrible Twos: A Preview?

Posted on January 8, 2011 Written by Tonya

It seems as though with 18 months came the onset of the “terrible twos”.

And the stink eye…Mean, huh?

I was not prepared for either one.

Lucas has been having melt downs pretty much since the day we brought him home. They were few and far between and we learned very quickly that he can’t be in one place for very long, needing and relishing change to his environment. But now, these melt downs are full blown temper tantrums and they can be wicked.

There are two to three a day and we have learned to minimize our interference and just let him go through it. It’s safer for everyone involved.

We have never hit Lucas. As parents we do not believe in spanking, so we never will (I have been tempted for sure, but have refrained).

But he hits.

When he’s mad or frustrated or bonks himself on the corner of a table, he hits it. He hits us. He hits himself.

It’s scary.

Where do children learn to do this? Is it a natural instinct, a protection mechanism? Is it a boy thing, or do girls do it too? When does it subside? Please tell me it subsides!

More than once recently, Lucas has been put in a Time-Out for hitting and throwing things with very little to zero effectiveness. He thinks it’s a game. We don’t want Time-Out to be a punishment necessarily, but an opportunity for him to reset himself, i.e. modify his crappy behavior.

I have read that 18 months is not too early to start this practice, but we are novices and it doesn’t seem to be going very well so far.

Today, I bought a designated Time-Out chair. Hopefully it will help him understand we mean business. Any Time-Out advice?

When did the terrible twos begin in your house and what else can we expect from them? I miss my sweet boy.

Lucas turned 19 months on Thursday. I can’t wait to see what this month will bring. Wish us luck…

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Filed Under: advice, character, discipline, milestones, parenting, raising boys

Planes, Trains & Automobiles

Posted on November 10, 2010 Written by Tonya

I took Lucas to the Bay Area last week to visit his grandparents and as a boy through and through, he is completely obsessed with planes, trains and automobiles.
This post is for Wordless Wednesdays and if you want to link up or see some really beautiful photographs, visit Alicia at A Beautiful Mess.

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Filed Under: grandparents, photos, raising boys, travel, wordless wednesdays

Take Me Out To The Ball Game

Posted on February 23, 2010 Written by Tonya

“If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.” – Erma Bombeck

This is going to sound very strange, but I miss having sports in my life.

I didn’t realize it until I was at the gym last week and found myself on an treadmill, followed by an elliptical machine and then the StairMaster positioned in front of the TV broadcasting Sports Center on ESPN. It was only then that I thought to myself, “why am I watching this?”. And then it dawned on me that I always choose the exercise equipment in front of the television showing football, basketball, baseball or golf highlights. I’m not even listening because I usually have my iPod on, but I am watching it and enjoying it, too.

You see, your dad isn’t a sports fan. He doesn’t spend hours couching it all weekend because there is game after game after game on T.V. and I’m actually very grateful for this, but even so, it’s strange. After almost eight years together, I am still not used to it.

I grew up with a major sports fan for a father and depending on the season, learned to root for the Boston Celtics, Boston Red Sox and Washington Redskins. I followed Gary Player, Arnold Palmer and Fuzzy Zoeller on the PGA. Every guy I ever dated watched sports. All my male friends watch sports. Yet, I met, fell in love and married a non-sports watcher. Sure, he knows the basic rules (although he gets a kick out of saying “basketball contest”), played organized sports growing up and loves to run and cycle nowadays.

We tune into the World Series, Super Bowl, an occasional play off game and some University of Arizona (my alma matar) or Cal (your dad’s) games, but other than that, sports are seldom on in our house. What does he/we watch instead, you ask? A LOT of car auctions and car-related shows like Top Gear and Chasing Classic Cars and anything that Alain de Cadenet is hosting. Nice, quiet, civilized shows with no one to root for or against. In other words, no need to scream, yell or throw things at the television set (the part of sports fanhood that I don’t miss).

I wonder what sports you will be into watching and playing when you grow up. I hope at the very least, you enjoy watching them. It would be comforting to be around that noise again.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: MSA, quotes, raising boys, sports, TBW

Dressed For Success

Posted on February 8, 2010 Written by Tonya

I have been told that I dress you in too much blue and too many stripes. I may be guilty of that, but I also love to put you in orange, green, red, jungle animals (especially monkeys!), spaceships, robots, cars, planes, trains, dinosaurs and monsters too.

As I’ve perused the baby departments at numerous stores, I have come to the conclusion that I like clothes made for boys better than I like clothes made for girls. It’s not that I don’t like frilly dresses and ruffles, it’s just that I prefer the bright primary colors that are more common in clothes marketed for infant and toddler boys and the themes used in both boy’s and gender neutral clothing.

The themes in baby boys clothing celebrate predominantly male (and mostly working class) occupations such as firemen, construction workers, mechanics, pilots, and soldiers. Activity themes seem to be popular as well; involving clothes the promote going on safari, hunting, fishing, eating and playing sports.

Even as infants, we start to socialize baby boys into occupations. You rarely find occupation themed clothes for girls. Little girls clothes have flowers, frills, and occasionally animals (i.e. butterflies, dragonflies and lady bugs), but they don’t have occupational themes. They also rarely have activity themes outside of shopping or cheer leading. In fact, to me the worst subset of little girls clothes are those that say “princess” or “diva”. Diva is often used in a derisive way to indicate that the girl is overly demanding, and unlike the fireman or construction worker a princess doesn’t earn her title – she’s born with it or marries into it. Princess themed clothes also seem to play up baby girls looks – looking like a princess means looking pretty. I’ve seen a few shirts that have messages about boys being handsome or cute, and then there’s the ever witty (dreadful) sayings: “Chick Magnet”, “I drink until I pass out” or “That’s how I roll”, but those are much less common in the boys department.

I believe that one of the reasons that baby clothes are so strongly gendered is that babies themselves are often androgynous. If you put them only in a diaper, it’s often hard to tell what sex the baby is, but that androgyny doesn’t fit well into our gender polarized society, so this is where the clothes come in. Those clothes have underlying and blatant messages. Baby boy clothes say: be active, be bold, enjoy the outdoors, and get a respectable paying job. It doesn’t seem that baby girls clothing have the same messages.

Today’s parents have a seemingly infinite choice of where to buy baby clothes and also the particular style they want, as long as you can find something that fits….the sizing of children’s clothes is still a mystery to me, but that’s the topic for an other post.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: clothes, gender differences, raising boys, sports Tagged With: clothes, gender differences, raising boys, sports

“Girl” Has Never Been My Strong Suit

Posted on December 9, 2009 Written by Tonya

I have never been a girly girl. Sure, I wear (minimal) make-up and perfume (when I remember), like flowers and get my nails done every two weeks, but pink is not my favorite color, I don’t enjoy shopping all that much, my husband has way more shoes than I do and even though I own a couple pairs of stilettos, I can’t walk in them to save my life. I am most comfortable in jeans and sneakers and sometimes enjoy a cold beer over wine. To be honest, most of the time I still feel like I am struggling with my femininity like an awkward prepubescent teen, but I try.

Because I don’t think I do “girl” very well, when I found out that I was pregnant with a boy, I was overjoyed! I think men are very cool. I love how no nonsense they are about life. Girls are way too complicated, to put it mildly.

Friends and total strangers alike are always telling me how great raising boys is; “Boys are wonderful,” “Boys are so much better/easier/funner than girls,” “Boys love their mothers differently than girls.” A lot of this remains to be seen since you are only six months old, but I am very excited to be the mom of a boy and raising a little gentleman.

I’m looking forward to rough and tumble play, pockets full of marbles, bugs, rocks and dirt, cheering you on from the stands at baseball/football/soccer/basketball games, teaching you how to slow dance (I’ve been told I like to lead, so I should be pretty good at that), tie a tie and pull out a chair. I also can’t wait to have a beer with you, of course, I’ll probably have to share that outing with your dad.

For now, I am enjoying right where we are. Although, I must admit, now that my life is full of everything blue, brown or striped, has wheels and makes a lot of noise, a little pink might be nice.

The best is yet to be…bring on the farting, belching, boogers, and scratching.

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Filed Under: parenting, raising boys, TDA bio

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