Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Love, Amy

Posted on November 13, 2012 Written by Tonya

Amy of A Diary of a Mad Woman is my guest today. Normally super sassy and always brutally honest, the mad woman proves she has a big heart too and it has been missing a very important piece. 

Dear Mom,

You know I love you, right? I want to hammer that home because, well, because I’m a shit and I’ve been a rotten daughter and I want to make sure you know.

Do you remember when you would make Grandma’s hiking cookies. You’d meticulously pull out all of the ingredients and set them on the counter before measuring anything. Do you remember thinking you’d lost your mind when you couldn’t find the nutmeg? That was me. I hid it. EVERY TIME!

I love you.

Do you remember yelling out the window for me to come in when Jeff McDowell dropped me off late that one school night? Thank you for keeping me from kissing him. Really. THANK YOU.

And I love you.

Do you remember asking me why I didn’t tell you about getting pregnant at 17? I didn’t understand that your love for me wasn’t at risk. I didn’t know that the why didn’t matter. I didn’t know you wouldn’t let me go.

I so love you.

You were such an amazing woman to be able to raise a family of 7 on such a small income. My childhood was filled with activities and adventures and cherished memories. You made that possible. You held us all together, kept us clothed and fed and sheltered. It was because of you that we had such amazing and yet simple vacations. You made us appreciate mother nature and all her beauty. You forged our religious foundation, taught us about faith, showed us how to worship and live like good Christians.

I truly love you.

And yet there were the disappointments, deceptions and betrayals. Were any of them necessary? What purpose did they serve? I don’t even want to know the whys.

I don’t care, I love you.

In recent years you’ve retreated. I don’t know how to find you most days. You don’t respond to my calls or engage me in any meaningful communication. I worry for you. I know you are filled with fears and anxieties. I so very much wish I knew how to help.

I miss you so much it hurts. I need you to be my mom. I need your mind to be yours.

Wherever you are, whoever you’ve become, wherever you go, I love you.

Your daughter,
Amy

Follow Amy on Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter.

Related Posts:

  • The One
  • Dear Sarah
  • Dear Stay-At-Home Parents

Filed Under: guest post, Letters For You Tagged With: A Diary of a Mad Woman, guest post, Letters For Lucas

The One

Posted on October 10, 2012 Written by Tonya

It’s a mystery how two souls ever find one another and why we must go through heartbreaks and missteps to find The One meant for especially for us and us alone.

The beautiful and incomparable Yuliya of She Suggests is my guest this week with a letter to her younger self about finding her special mate, pickled herring eater that he is.

Dear Head Over Heels,

Love is confusing and I am here to help you navigate those stormy seas. Let’s look back at your love life through the years to help you find The One.

You’re 16 and you’re in love.

You steal breathless kisses behind the soccer field (because behind the football bleachers is a total cliche) You exchange handwritten novel sized letters of devotion. Saying goodnight on the phone proves impossible and you cradle the receiver all night syncing your breathing to his.

You have so much in common. Like your mutual love of jazz, (even though you sort of don’t get it.) Your mutual obsession with poetry (even though you sort of don’t get it.) And your mutual adoration of his brilliant mind (even though you sort of don’t get it.)

He is obviously The One. Don’t let the pesky lyrics of that Bob Dylan song he keeps playing for you tell you otherwise. “It Ain’t Me Babe” is obviously a euphemism for something. Something you sort of don’t get.

You’re 18 and you’re in love.

You are dizzy with desire. And dizzier still from the contraband Naty Ice he supplies you (he taught you that’s the cool way to say Natural Ice Beer) Together you frolic among drunken co-eds in his (community) hot tub.

You have so much in common. Like the fact that you both consider Tapatio a food group and both love football. You can spend an entire weekend just wasting away the hours rooting for your favorite team, the Packards? the 76ers? the Bald Eagles?

He is obviously The One. Don’t let the fact that he takes other girls out on dates tell you otherwise. He told you something about ‘playing the field’ and that’s obviously a sports analogy that you just don’t get.

You’re 20 and you kinda sorta like this guy. But it’s no biggie. It’s super casual.

You fail to swoon at the sight of his Old Navy t-shirts and awkwardly sway with him to the uneven beat of Ukrainian folk rock.

You have so little in common. He eats pickled herring for breakfast and likes European techno music. It takes him exactly four months to make the first move which you would find romantic if this was 1852.

But he actually calls when he says he’ll call. He nurses you back to health from the most wicked and completely unattractive bout of stomach flu. He stands up to your parents when they put you down. You can actually see your unborn children in his eyes (with a little help from Jose, Jose Cuervo).

He is obviously The One. Hang on tight and follow him to the end of the Earth (in your case Reno, NV)!

Regards,
Your older, wiser happily married to a pickled herring eater self

Follow Yuliya on Facebook, Flickr, Twitter, and Pinterest.

Related Posts:

  • Love, Amy
  • Dear John
  • Dear Sarah

Filed Under: guest post, Letters For You, love Tagged With: guest post, Letters For Lucas, love, She Suggests

Dear Sarah

Posted on February 21, 2012 Written by Tonya

Katie is the genius (not to mention Child, Adolescent, and Family Psychotherapist and Parenting Expert) behind Practical Parenting and I have learned so much from her posts about being a better mom.

Her potty training tips are awesome, her post, The Great Mom Debate is one of my favorites and she even inspired the Valentine’s Day love notes I made for Lucas. 

I am happy to have Katie here today with a letter to her friend Sarah. Friendships are so important and the ones that stand the test of time are unbelievably precious. We should all be so lucky to have friendships as strong as the one Katie and Sarah share.

Thank you so much to Tonya for having me here today. I have loved her letters for quite some time, as she often echoes the thoughts that run through my mind.  Her letters are beautiful and always heartfelt, no matter the topic at hand. I often leave here thinking that I should do this too…write down the things I should have said or still have the opportunity to say. When she started Letters for You it was almost as if she heard my silent plea. I’m not sure that that I would find a way to sit down and write the letters that should be written on my own time, but I am honored to have the chance to share one here.

Dear Sarah,

It was over 36 years ago that our mothers first planted the seed of friendship for us. It was over 36 years ago that they both thought, thank god, a playmate for my little girl.    

What started as a blind date in the sand box flourished into a friendship that I’m not sure even they envisioned. What began as digging, board games, and Strawberry Shortcake grew into the best friendship I have ever known.

In you I found another sister. A sister who would balance me out without the added sibling rivalry (we’ve never once felt the urge to compete). A sister who would stand tall by side and never, ever waiver. A sister who would always remind me of home.

Through countless tubs of Rainbow Chip frosting and repeated viewings of Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, we survived those tumultuous years referred to as “puberty”.

Through bowling trips with John and Russ, weekends skiing in Vermont, and long summer nights full of big dreams, we conquered high school. We escaped the mean girls, played sports against each other without hard feelings, and laughed our way through high school dances.

Through beers, stories, dinners, and a few more beers, we enjoyed every moment of our time in Boston. Despite attending different colleges, we always found time to just be us.

But it wasn’t always easy…

At times, we’ve lived continents apart. At times, we’ve lived states apart. Today we live 3,000 miles apart. The distance has never felt larger.

We’ve helped each other through some very difficult life events. Events we never expected to endure.

Together we’ve survived suicide, cancer, infertility, and family strife. Oh, the never-ending family strife.

Together we said goodbye to my father, who always considered himself your father too, and my Nana, who was just as much yours.

Together we remained strong as we waited for the signs of remission when cancer hit a family member. Together we celebrated good health and new beginnings.

Together we fought my long and exhausting battle with infertility. We talked, cried, and laughed our way through the ups and downs until we reached the end.

Together we welcomed four babies into this world, just as we always knew we would.

Together we learned to separate our families of origin from our growing families.

Together we learned to find our voices and speak up for the needs of our own little families. 

Together we learned to walk on.

Friendship is a funny thing. At times, it can come and go. As some friendships fade away, new friendships emerge. Some people say that best friends don’t exist beyond high school, that adult friendships are different.

But I know better. 

I know that some friendships are meant to last a lifetime.

Your friendship has been the one constant all of the years. Your friendship has enabled me soak up every bit of enjoyment from the good times and to just survive the not-so-good times. Your friendship has taught me to be strong, loyal, and loving.

Above all, your friendship has taught me the value of just being me. And for that, I will always love you.

Love,
Katie

Katie & Sarah circa 1978

  

Related Posts:

  • Love, Amy
  • The One
  • Letter To My Blogging Buddies

Filed Under: friends, guest post, Letters For You Tagged With: friends, guest post, Letters For Lucas, Practical Parenting

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