Letters For Lucas

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For My Broken Heart

Posted on August 31, 2009 Written by Tonya

The last time I saw my parents alive was the day after my wedding, Sunday, August 5, 2007.

My sister and I choose to remember them most on October 15, the day we were notified of their passing.

Sometime between Friday, October 12, 2007 at 8:00 PM and Saturday, October 13, 2007 at 8:00 AM they died of carbon monoxide poisoning.

They were 61 and 58 respectively…too young to die.

My parents lived overseas and dedicated their lives to working at American international schools around the globe for 28 years. My father was the principal of a kindergarten through 12th grade school in Tunis, Tunisia and my mother was a third grade teacher. They died in Tunisia.

For those of you who don’t know, carbon monoxide is odorless, colorless and is the second-leading cause of poisoning deaths in the U.S. Carbon monoxide poisoning claims nearly 500 lives and another 15,000 require emergency room treatment. It can kill you before you know it because you can’t see it, smell it, or taste it. A water heater vent was damaged in my parent’s kitchen and it emitted carbon monoxide into their home killing them.

It’s hard to be the one left behind to pick up the pieces, ask the unanswerable questions and it’s ridiculous to walk around angry at an inanimate object.

Most of the time I just feel robbed.

My parents were anything but done with this life.One week to the day before their bodies were found, they had decided to retire and return to their stateside home in Arizona. They were anxious to see my sister, Leah who had recently graduated from college, start her life and begin building a career, they looked forward to us both having grandchildren (they would have been amazing grandparents and would have completely adored and doted on Lucas and had a long list of things they wanted to do to their home and trips they were excited to take. It’s unfair that they were taken from us too soon. I miss them every single day and ache to hear their voices again.

I’m mostly sorry that my son will never get to meet them in the physical sense.

I hope between me, my sister, my husband and others that knew them well, Lucas will know them in a different way.

Sometimes bad things happen to good people, but I will forever believe that the best is yet to be.

Related Posts:

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Filed Under: carbon monoxide poisoning, difficult subjects, family, grief, KRA, loss, MSA, TDA bio Tagged With: carbon monoxide poisoning, difficult subjects, family, grief, KRA, loss, MSA, TDA bio

Comments

  1. blondiensc says

    September 17, 2009 at 8:22 pm

    oh Tonya, i am so sorry to read this…they were too young and sound like amazing people…keep them alive so your son knows them to the fullest~

  2. Leah says

    February 12, 2010 at 8:22 am

    it still hurts reading this…

  3. Nichole says

    October 16, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    My heart just breaks for you Tonya.

    I cannot imagine the strength it took for you to even get out of bed in the days following their deaths.

    My prayers are with you and your sister.

  4. Shell says

    February 11, 2011 at 11:18 pm

    How hard that must have been…how hard it must still be. *hugs*

  5. lisa adams says

    February 12, 2011 at 2:24 am

    Over Christmas a family of 14 (extended family with relatives visiting) down the street from us almost died from CO poisoning. It was terrifying to witness as they were brought to our house to recover and receive medical attention. There is so much to learn about it… and it's so tragic because it's preventable. I am so sorry for the loss of your parents not only for you, but for your son. I hope everyone who reads this will get a CO detector… it can save lives.

  6. Ellen says

    February 12, 2011 at 3:30 am

    Oh this hits close to home. My dad died three weeks after my wedding and never got to meet my daughter. His was cancer, but it was really fast and he was gone almost at the same time we knew what was happening. He was too sick to make it to the wedding so he participated via cell phone. A really poor substitute. Luckily my sister and I and our foster sister were all able to tend to him during that last week while he slipped away at home. I've thought about him every day for the past three years. I keenly feel his absence for my daughter and for myself.

  7. Miel Abeille says

    February 12, 2011 at 8:06 am

    I'm stunned. It just doesn't seem fair at all — they weren't done with life! Maybe Lucas won't meet them here on Earth, but I always felt that there was a special nursery in Heaven, so the family members (grandparents, etc) who were already in Heaven could have some time “babysitting.”

  8. Elena says

    April 11, 2011 at 3:24 am

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Your parents sound like they were amazing people. I'm sure that you do a fantastic job of showing Lucas just how great they were.

  9. Carri says

    September 15, 2011 at 8:09 pm

    I’m so sorry. I hope you know that Lucas has two angels watching over him always.

    • Tonya says

      September 16, 2011 at 3:50 pm

      Thank you, I appreciate that very much and I hope you’re right.

  10. Hillary says

    October 18, 2011 at 8:45 am

    Sounds like they were amazing people and made their lives truly happy by being lost in ensuring others were happy. I bet they would have loved to see Lucas.
    Let this be a strengthening experience and wakeup call to us all to get CO detectors in our homes!

  11. Jen says

    October 30, 2011 at 6:40 am

    I am so sorry. It seems that you and I have a lot in common – infertility and loss. I will say this – both have given me an appreciation for my son, and the others in my life I love, that a lot of people don’t have. When you experience loss, you are blessed with a strong appreciation and reverence for time and the fragility of it.

    • Tonya says

      October 30, 2011 at 2:57 pm

      Here’s hoping we have a lot of positive things in common too!

      Yes, I have definitely learned to appreciate what I have more since I have experienced so much pain and suffering. Some days that is easier said than done.

  12. Alexandra says

    January 14, 2012 at 11:30 am

    I never knew this.

    This is an overwhelming loss.

    For so many reasons:

    they were young, there were two deaths at a time, you were still so young.

    I am so very sorry.

    • Tonya says

      January 14, 2012 at 11:39 am

      Thank you.

      I was 35 and it was shocking. To say the least.

      I suppose it still is.

      I’ll be 40 in June.

  13. Lady Jennie says

    January 26, 2012 at 10:48 am

    So that is what happened. My Algerian friend just told me of how he almost died from carbon monoxide when he was 18 – same thing – lack of ventilation in the water heater in their shower (heated showers were new in the country).

    I know what it’s like to lose someone very close. I wish your heart to be filled with love and peace from your “new” family.

    • Tonya says

      January 26, 2012 at 1:59 pm

      Thank you.

      200 people die from carbon monoxide poisoning each year in the US. It’s so senseless. Please tell me you have a CO detector in your home!

  14. Kristin Shaw (Two Cannoli) says

    May 23, 2013 at 9:50 pm

    Tonya, I had no idea until I saw your post from yesterday. I’m sure this has been incredibly difficult for you and your sister, and my heart hurts for you too. xo

Trackbacks

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