Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Back To Life

Posted on June 5, 2011 Written by Tonya

The party was Saturday, but today is the *actual* day and we while we are celebrating at Disneyland, I’ve asked my sister to keep you company!

It’s been a while since aunt Leah made an appearance on Letters For Lucas and it’s nice to have her back with a sweet message of love.

Today is Lucas’ 2nd birthday and I couldn’t be more proud and happy to be his aunt. Never ever would I have thought that it would be possible to love him more now then I did the day he was born, but somehow I truly do. He warms my heart and makes me forget my worries every single time I see him and no one else has ever been able to do that.

On the day he was born, June 6th, just two short years ago, my very sad heart began to heal. Losing my parents literally shattered my world and broke my heart, but that moment that I first laid eyes on Lucas in the hospital, my heart instantly started to repair itself. This is really the best way for me to describe what it’s like having him in my life.

Lucas brought me back to life.

His birth was like a sign thrown at me, making me realize that life goes on and there are new people to love — a new person to love that my parents would have loved this much right along with me. It showed me that I indeed have the capacity to unconditionally love someone again as much as I loved my parents. I often wonder how I’ll possibly love my own children as much as I love Lucas.

Do I have enough love like this for a husband one day? Where does love come from? How can a heart possibly hold it? Does Lucas have any idea how much I love him and that when I’m sad, all I have to do is think of him and I suddenly feel better? Does Lucas understand love enough now to love me back?

I hope so.

Happy Birthday to my one and only Lucas. May this year be full of more adventures and more happiness then your heart can handle. You’ve already given me all that and more these past two years.

Love,
Aunt Leah

XOXOWithout a doubt, Leah. Lucas knows how much you love him and loves you right back. Ten fold.

Leah has her own blog, LA ‘n’ LA and is now on Twitter too!

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Filed Under: aunt leah, birthdays, disneyland, guest post, milestones

Project Smile – May

Posted on May 31, 2011 Written by Tonya

Another month has come and gone and while I found many reasons to grumble, it was also a very smile-worthy month!

This month, instead of listing something for each day, I’m going to share just the highlights and lots of photos.

May 1 – A beautiful day for baseball, Dodger dogs, cold beer and catching up with old friends.May 4 – A delightful afternoon with the Dalai Lama.

May 6 – Beach day!May 8 – Mother’s Day. How did I get so lucky to be this boy’s mommy? May 13 – Spending a perfect day with Lucas.May 14 – Birthday celebrations, margaritas and good friends.May 15 – Lucas meets Mickey Mouse for the first time!May 17 – Date night = a movie in the theater. Thanks, Leah!

May 18 – Pancake day.May 20 – A trip to see grandma and grandpa.May 22 – Cousin love.May 24 – Eight years ago today, Todd and I went on our first date.

May 26 – A mommies only dinner.

May 29 – It’s Memorial Day weekend and we’re happy Daddy’s got the day off.May 30 – I found a bathing suit.

May 31 – Signed Lucas up for more swim lessons, enrolled him in a summer school program, scanned photos, made calls, ran errands, lunched with a friend, sent three overdue e-mails, wrote three blog posts and played a lot of cars and choo choos. It was a very productive day!

What made you happy this month?

To see what had me smiling in April, click here and to link up and share your own month of joy, please visit Kristi of Live and Love out Loud.

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Project Smile – April

Posted on April 30, 2011 Written by Tonya

Don’t count the days, make the days count. ~ Muhammad Ali

It was another month full of many many reasons to smile:

1st – A friend that goes (comes) the distance… literally. Thanks for a lovely play date, Sally.
2nd – Lucas slept in his big boy bed for the first time!
3rd – Family visitors. No, really!
4th – Disneyland fun and a toddler that was on his most excellent behavior.
5th – A relaxing visit to the nail salon with my sister-in-law and nieces.
6th – Lucas turns 22 months… where’s the pause button?
7th – A visit with my dear friend, Suzy who I wish I saw more often.
8th – The sun was out just long enough for some outdoor play.
9th – Pizza. Funny how this favorite ends up on every one of my Project Smile lists!
10th – A nice long walk to clear my head and just breathe.
11th – Legoland – just the two of us.
12th – A couple of hours at the hair salon and a new opportunity!
13th- A sick baby means a day spent in pjs in front of the TV.
14th – Helping out a friend with her children while her husband is away on business.
15th – Mother/son lunch dates, a visit with the Easter Bunny #1 and a slew of new Spring clothes from Gymboree (for once I remembered to use my coupons!!).
16th – A long car ride with a quiet tot. Bliss!
17th – Meeting and riding Thomas the Train followed by an adults only lunch at The Ivy. Thanks, aunt Leah!
18th – Meeting Easter Bunny #2, decorating cookies, an egg hunt and a train ride.
19th – A super productive day that had nothing to do with laundry.
20th – A night out on the town.
21th – I got myself a job (of sorts)! More on this later…
22nd – Bounce house play date in our backyard, 90 minutes on the treadmill, girl’s night out and trying out a new restaurant.
23rd – A toddler-free weekend… lunch with good friends and their babies, a movie in the theater and having the house to myself.
24th – Easter blessings and chocolate yumminess.
25th – Staying in touch with friends from high school and seeing our children play together.
26th – A guest post on Four Plus an Angel that I am very proud of. Thanks, again for having me, Jessica.
27th – Catching up with my husband over margaritas on a date night.
28th – Spending some time alone with my sister.
29th – Housekeepers. Love me the smell of Pine-sol and Windex.
30th – A good old fashioned PB&J with a glass of milk. And no, this wasn’t Lucas’ lunch, it was mine!

What made you happy this month?

To see why I was smiling in March, click here and to link up and share your own month of simple pleasures, please visit Kristi of Live and Love out Loud.

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Project Smile – March

Posted on April 1, 2011 Written by Tonya

Enjoy present pleasures in such a way as to not injure future ones. – Seneca


As usual, March was a topsy turvy month of highs and lows, but I’m grateful for each and every day and love to stop and think about the simple pleasures that bring me joy.

Here’s what had me smiling in March:

1st – I decided that I would like to be paid to write so I submitted a proposal to a couple of online news magazines. After several follow-ups, I have yet to hear anything, but it was a first step and I’m hopeful that something will come my way soon… Stay tuned!
2nd – Lunch with an old friend and an old haunt I used to frequent when I was a working woman.
3rd – Soup Plantation’s grilled cheese bread dippers and creamy tomato soup and sharing them with someone who appreciates them just as much as I do. 🙂
4th – A girl’s night out and discovering jalapeno cucumber margaritas. Yummy!!
5th – A baby shower. There’s nothing like welcoming a new life with pretty little things.
6th – Crayons, Play-Doh, paint, trains, books, bubbles ANYTHING to keep the little guy busy and entertained.
7th – My sister turned 27!
8th – Sitter days…. ah.
9th – Getting in the car and turning on the radio to Dave Matthews. Twice!!
10th – Good news, bad news and more confusion… sometimes it’s what makes the world go round.
11th – Discovering a new kid friendly pizza place.
12th – Five loads of laundry DONE… until the next time.
13th – A visit to LA to celebrate aunt Leah’s birthday.
14th – A very productive day of phone calls, appointment setting and follow ups.
15th – Making it through a lunch without divulging a surprise.
16th – Lucas pushed the kid-sized shopping cart at the super market today and although he nearly plowed over three people and almost knocked over an entire display of potatoes, he loved every minute.
17th – March Madness + friends + cocktails + Blackjack = Winning and 24 hours in Vegas!
18th – 10:00 AM massage appointment.
19th – I attended my first blogging conference, Bloggy Boot Camp. To read all about it, click here.
20th – Being at the finish line waiting for my sister after she ran the LA Marathon.
21st – Exhaustion. Glad that the weekend is OVER and ready to resume the regularly scheduled program.
22nd – Closet cleaning, a nice long walk and sushi.
23rd – A fun day at the petting zoo.
24th – UofA vs. Duke and low and behold, UofA won!!
25th – Housekeeper day. I love me the smell of Pine-sol and Windex.
26th – Date night.
27th – A couple of toddler free hours at the nail salon.
28th – An abrupt ending to music class, which left no one smiling followed by a three hour nap, which was MUCH appreciated.
29th – An overnight visit from Grandpa.
30th – First day of Tootsie Roll class and a visit with friends in town from Idaho.
31st – A shopping trip for me and beautiful 80 degree weather. I believe Spring is in the air!

To see why I was smiling in February, click here and to link up with your own month of simple pleasures, visit Kristi of Live and Love out Loud
.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, DMB, friends, grandparents, list, outing, project smile, quotes

School Days

Posted on March 29, 2011 Written by Tonya

From 1976-1979, my parents taught on an Indian reservation in Sells, Arizona. My mother taught kindergarten and my father, high school U.S. history.

For reasons I’m unclear of, I attended a Catholic school in a different district for kindergarten and first grade, almost nine miles away in Topawa. My family isn’t Catholic.

The scent of Play-Doh and Coppertone, riding my Big Wheel up and down the sidewalk in front of our house, skinned knees, playing house, watching the Donnie and Marie Show, too much sugar cereal and wishing I was older all remind me of my childhood, but it’s six very distinctive events that stand out when I think back to being four and five years old and my first school days:

1. I got to ride the school bus all by myself for what I now know was only 20 minutes, but back then felt like 90. How grown up I felt. It was frightening too, especially the time that I missed my stop and a policeman escorted the bus to pull over so that I get off after multiple radio calls were made regarding my whereabouts. I knew full well that the light haired, light eyed little girl they were talking about was me.

2. I stapled my finger to see what it would feel like and I quickly learned that it hurt like hell as I stood there bleeding my ruby red blood all over Miss Mills’ desk with big crocodile tears streaming down my face. I’ve never done that again!

3. Catholic nuns can be both vicious and the most endearing women on the planet.

4. Case and point: Once Sister Trecel made me eat a banana at lunch even though I told her that it would make me sick. When I threw up all over her and her starch black and white habit, she sent me home with a note of apology to my parents pinned to my shirt.

5. Naps… need I say more? Actually, it is not the naps that I recall so much as the uncomfortable green army cots and the giant pools of drool that I remember most of all. Not mine, mind you. I also remember laying there for what seemed like forever listening to my class mates snore. I still can’t nap.

6. When Miss Mills asked us to draw a picture of our family, I drew my mother, father, myself and my baby sister. Miss Mills called my mother that evening to congratulate her on our family’s new addition. My sister, Leah wouldn’t be born for another eight years. Gulp! Thinking back on this family portrait always reminds me how much I longed for a sibling.

Two big years of my young life as defined by six small events that stand out very clearly in my adult head.

This post is for The Red Dress Club’s writing assignment, RemembeRED. This week’s prompt was to remember kindergarten.

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What A Crazy, Fun, Wonderful Weekend!

Posted on March 21, 2011 Written by Tonya

Every six months or so, I have a weekend that I look forward to with so much anticipation and excitement, and is so jam packed that it’s almost a blur come Monday morning.

Last weekend was one of those weekends…

I was in Vegas for an annual girl’s trip on Thursday night for a whirlwind 24 hours, home with just enough time to wash the smoke and ick out of my hair.

At 7:15 on Saturday morning, my friend, Coreen (The Adventures of Captain Fussypants, Little Miss & Caleb the Wonder Dog and pictured with me below) arrived at my house so we could car pool to Bloggy Boot Camp together.

It was an awesome one day conference but my head is still reeling from all the great take-aways. I promise to share highlights in an upcoming post.On Sunday, I spent the rain soaked day in LA waiting for my sister to cross the finish line at the LA Marathon, along with hundreds of other people. I was drenched and freezing fully dressed, so I can only imagine how miserable the runners felt.

Leah was really hurting towards the end of the 26.2 miles, but she finished in just under six hours and I am SO proud of her!

This picture was taken from the lobby bar at the Hotel Shangri-La. Once I learned that Leah had roughly an hour left to run, I wised up and got warm and dry and then ended up taking her there for a meal and beer.

It was in large part thanks to Leah that I was able to enjoy this crazy, fun, wonderful weekend because she spent Thursday afternoon, all day Friday and most of the day on Saturday with Lucas. Thank you, Leah! I sincerely appreciate your help and I know Lucas loved having his aunt visit for a few days. xoxo

Here’s hoping to catch up on my sleep tonight.

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My Week In Numbers

Posted on March 14, 2011 Written by Tonya

Monday, March 7 – Sunday, March 13:

0 Diet Cokes drank — it’s been 34 days since my last one!

0 episodes of Oprah I watched — she was on hiatus this week.

Countless = the number of Thomas & Friends, Yo Gabba Gabba and Caillou episodes I sang and dance through, pretended not to be watching and cursed under my breath.

1 overpriced trip to the gas station.

1 lively music class attended.

1 birthday celebrated — Aunt Leah turned 27 on Monday!

Countless = the number of kisses given.

2 carousels ridden.

2 lunches with friends — one WAY more enjoyable than the other because it was kid free.

2 unloaded dishwashers.

2 legs shaved (!)

Countless = the number of toys I picked up.

2 pieces of cold pizza devoured.

3 trips to the park.

4 turkey sandwiches consumed.

Countless = the number of times the Kindermusik song Bow Wow Wow was requested.

5 loads of laundry completed.

6 naps enjoyed — Lucas’, not mine.

6 items crossed off my list of 19 “To Do’s”.

Countless = the number of diapers I changed.

7 cups of green tea consumed.

7 blog posts written — including this one.

9 thoughts involving potty training, nursery school and toddler beds and what I should be doing about them.

Countless = the number of times I wiped a nose.

21.10 miles walked.

28 minutes spent on hold with Tucson Water Company trying to change billing address.

47+/- temper tantrums survived — barely.

291 tweets tweeted — I have an addiction, okay?

Countless = the number of times I realized how blessed I am.

This post was inspired by K of That’s Why You Love Me’s post, Fitness Friday.

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Project Smile – February

Posted on February 28, 2011 Written by Tonya

It’s hard to believe it’s March 1 already! Where is 2011 going?

Some days are definitely better than others, but I LOVE Alicia (A Beautiful Mess) for putting together this monthly meme so that I challenge myself to smile through my frustration, confusion and whatever other negativity I may be experiencing each and every single day.

Here’s February:

1st – Nail appointment! I live for these…
2nd – Fun with aunt Leah on the Santa Monica Pier.
3rd – A walk with a friend.
4th – Play date at the beach and Lucas meets a new friend with lots of “choo choos”. Learning to share is hard work.
5th – Date night!
6th – Recovery and Super Bowl commercials.
7th – A nice long dinner with my dear friend, Lindsey.
8th – Jerk chicken salad at ZTeja’s.
9th – First day of Ritual Cleanse juice detox! Read all about my experience here.
10th – Made it through Day 1 and discovered my new favorite beverage, green tea.
11th – Bouncy house play date with Jackson and Cody and last day of cleanse!
12th – Nothing but blue skies, sunshine and real food.
13th – Family bike ride followed by massages at Pelican Hill. Read my Thoughts From The Massage Table.
14th – Valentine’s Day and play date with Emma and Annie.
15th – First meeting with my new women’s group… more on this in a later post.
16th – Date night!
17th – A weekend visit from Grandma.
18th – A dinner out that was maybe 35 minutes long. You just have to laugh.
19th – 80’s Prom Birthday Party! See then and now photos here.
20th – Deli sandwiches.
21st – A walk along the beach with friends after music class.
22nd – This was a rough week with the entire household coming down with a nasty cold. Lucas has been hit the worst. 23rd – Jammy day, pediatrician appointment and an unforgettable trip to the drug store.
24th – Babysitters, that are hopefully immune to the flu.
25th – One hour in Babies R Us and three baby gifts purchased. Nice to get out of the house.
26th – A visit to LA to see aunt Leah with no traffic coming or going. Shocking!!
27th – Finally starting to feel better and you know what that means? Back on the treadmill.
28th – Headaches that go away, fevers that break, humidifiers that help babies sleep and taking a chance!

Be sure to share your reasons to smile in February by visiting Alicia at A Beautiful Mess, or just stop by to check out her fancy new blog design and smile with some other lists.

See what had me grinning from ear to ear in January here.

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Thoughts From The Massage Table

Posted on February 21, 2011 Written by Tonya

Anyone that knows me will tell you that I have a really hard time relaxing.

A glass or three of wine usually does the trick, as does a long walk, sitting down for more than five minutes at a time, a long car ride, as long as I’m NOT the one driving and there is ZERO traffic and a massage.

I LOVE getting massages so I was thrilled when my husband told me that he booked us spa appointments for the day before Valentine’s day. It had been over eight months since my last massage and I was really looking forward to it!

While it was very relaxing, my mind was in a million other places… here are my thoughts from the massage table:

Did I remember to lay out Lucas’ jammies and overnight diaper for the sitter? Oh, why would I need to do that, she has put him to bed before.

I wish I had had more time on the treadmill before coming in here. Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.

No, tomorrow, there will be no time for exercise. Music class followed by play date…

Dang it! Why didn’t I pee first?

At least I brushed my teeth. Whew!

Ouch, ouch, ouch, ahhhhh….

Why don’t I get massages more often?!

I have to remember to drink more water tomorrow.

I should drink more water anyway.

I can’t believe I haven’t had a Diet Coke in six days!

Okay, that really hurts! What is this lady doing to me? I don’t think my leg is meant to bend that way.

Shoot, I forgot to call my mother-in-law back. Again. When was it that she left that message? Oh yes, the day I took Lucas up to LA to visit Leah. Over a week ago. Gulp.

I hope Leah’s interview goes well tomorrow. But, Malibu? That would be a hellish commute. I guess for the right job…

How do massage therapists do this every day? Touching so many people’s feet would gross me out.

I hope the pants I brought to wear to dinner fit. I can’t remember the last time I wore them.

Did I bring the right bra?

What should I order for dinner?

That tickles.

Stop wincing.

Stop wincing.

I really wish I had peed first.

What is that heavenly smell? Is it lavender? Jasmine? Hmm… do I dare ask her? No, I do NOT want to engage!

Besides, I’m suppose to be relaxing.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, diet coke, holidays, me time, nanny, TBW

The Calm Before The Storm

Posted on February 16, 2011 Written by Tonya

Two weeks after my parents died in October 2007, after the dust had settled bit, the shock wore off some and the memorial service had been held, I returned to my job as a marketing manager for a trade publication.

It was what I had to do.

I needed to escape the sadness of my family, my home and the pressure of handling my parents estate. I wanted to use my brain on something I knew I was good at and be somewhere where I didn’t have to think about death or deal with my grief. I thought that getting back to my “regular” routine would help.

I was on auto pilot.

Almost a year later, in August 2008, I decided I needed to step away from my job and decompress from the roller coaster ride of emotions and tasks that I had at hand and just be with myself and my thoughts.

There was still a lot of work to be done; an estate to close and several trips to the house my sister I had inherited in Arizona. I also wanted to reconnect with family and start thinking about starting one of my own.

My husband, Todd was very supportive of my decision but I remember the day I gave my one month notice he said, your last day there, is going to be your last day there and the very next day, we are going to go on a trip. He was planning to take a week off work so we could do this, so we began plotting our adventure.

We could go anywhere!

We have both been all over the world… Europe, Africa, Asia. But this time, we decided to stay closer to home and planned a very different type of trip for us, a vacation that ended up being one of the best ones we have ever had together.

It was a road trip comprised of 1200 miles and three states.

We woke up when we woke up and got on the road that Saturday morning and drove; we had hotel reservations, but no agenda, no time line, just a navigation system.

First, we went to Las Vegas, the perfect place to get away from it all, let our hair down and have fun. We stayed at the beautiful Palazzo hotel, sipped cocktails as we lounged by the magnificent pool, saw LOVE, the Cirque du Soleil show and had a great time gambling, eating and drinking too much.Next, we headed to the Grand Canyon, a place even with all of my ties to Arizona, neither of us had ever seen before. It’s breathtaking and should be on everyone’s “Bucket List”.

We saw the Hoover Dam, ate at fun, eclectic diners along the route, visited the boarding school where I graduated from high school, on a whim, spent a night in beautiful, mystic Sedona and stayed a night with my sister in Phoenix.We ended up seeing more of our own state by ending our trip in Palm Springs, where the only thing we had to do was show up for a massage appointment.We covered a lot of miles, but we broke it up so that it wasn’t boring or monotonous and we talked. A lot. We talked about how different our lives were going to be with me not working anymore and what I hoped to accomplish with my time off.

We relished the sights and sounds of the highway and listened to a couple of books on tape and a ton of Dave Matthews. We played Rumi Cube in dive bars in the middle of the day and simply enjoyed being together.

That trip? It was sort of the calm before the storm and I mean that in the nicest of ways. I loved every minute of it.

A month after we returned home, we found out we were pregnant with Lucas. 🙂

This post is for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop: Prompt 1.) A vacation to remember.

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