Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Our Holiday

Posted on December 28, 2010 Written by Tonya

Christmas jammies #1

We spent the week of Christmas in the Bay Area at my in-laws house. My sister drove up from LA to be with us too. My sister-in-law and her husband and two daughters live nearby, so they were a big part of our holiday. Our visit was full of food, family and fun.

Here are some photos that tell our Christmas story…

Watching the nightly news with Grandpa. One of my favorite photos ever.


Christmas jammies #2

Spending Christmas Eve with my two favorite aunts.

The tree.

The loot.

Christmas morning.

The wrapping paper is the best part!


Christmas jammies #3

The Day After – Tilden Park choo choo ride.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, family, gifts, grandparents, holidays, photos

Planes, Trains & Automobiles

Posted on November 10, 2010 Written by Tonya

I took Lucas to the Bay Area last week to visit his grandparents and as a boy through and through, he is completely obsessed with planes, trains and automobiles.
This post is for Wordless Wednesdays and if you want to link up or see some really beautiful photographs, visit Alicia at A Beautiful Mess.

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Filed Under: grandparents, photos, raising boys, travel, wordless wednesdays

Fortune Teller

Posted on October 29, 2010 Written by Tonya

Halloween is an excuse for women to show off a lot of skin, men to act creepier than usual hidden behind masks and everyone to eat too many sweets. It’s not even the 31st and I have already had my fill of candy corn. The last time I “dressed up” was six years ago for a co-workers Halloween party and I was a very demure 50’s girl complete with poodle skirt, cardigan sweater, pigtails and Keds. Clearly, I have never been a big fan of this holiday. I am, however, looking forward to creating new traditions for and with Lucas and this year will be his first time trick-or-treating. Pictures on Monday!

One thing about Halloween that is very intriguing to me are haunted houses, ghost stories, witches and fortune tellers. Like most, I’m not overly comfortable with the macabre, but there is a large part of me that believes strongly in the afterlife, mediums and those who can communicate with the dead and not a Halloween goes by that I don’t think about a story my grandmother and then mother used to tell me.

I didn’t know my grandmother (my mom’s mother) very well. We always lived very far away from my grandparents and we only saw them once a year. What I do recall is that she was a heavy smoker, very loud, collected owl figurines and loved to sew. The story she told made chills run up and down my spine.

My grandmother was 15 and out shopping with a girlfriend and stumbled upon a fortune teller. For kicks, they decided to go in. My grandmother went first and the psychic told her the “standard”, you’ll marry someone tall, dark and handsome, to which my grandmother giggled and then promptly forgot.

When it was her friend’s turn, the fortune teller clammed up and became very jittery. She claimed that she couldn’t tell the girl’s fortune because nothing was coming to her and instead wrote something on a piece of paper and asked her to put the note in her shoe and read once she got home.

The two girls carried on with their day, had lunch, did more shopping and as they were heading home crossed a busy intersection. My grandmother’s friend was hit a car. She was instantly killed.

According to my grandmother, the note tucked in her shoe read, “you’ll never live to read this”.

I have never heard this story from anyone else so as far as I know, it is true.

Wishing everyone a very happy and safe Halloween!

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Filed Under: grandparents, holidays, KRA, milestones Tagged With: grandparents, holidays, KRA, milestones

A Whirlwind Weekend

Posted on August 19, 2010 Written by Tonya

Ah, it’s finally Friday!

I am so excited about my weekend that I could pee in my pants. We have not one but TWO Dave Matthews Band shows with my husband’s 20 year *gulp* high school reunion in between.

The first concert is tonight in San Diego and these tickets:

have been on the refrigerator staring at me for months!! I love Dave and the boys and look forward to seeing them every summer. This will be my 18th and 19th show, much to my husband’s chagrin. He has fun, but he’d never admit it.

I can’t really explain why I love the Dave Matthews Band so much. Their music livens my soul, lifts my spirits and makes me believe in hope, peace and harmony for all mankind. Oh, and I think the lead singer is an amazing talent and in the words of my new favorite blogger, Roxanne at Days, “I’d lick his teeth”.

Tomorrow morning, we leave bright and early for the Bay Area for the reunion. Lucas grandparents will watch him while we mix and mingle and then we head home for show #2 in LA.

This second show is not on DMB’s tour schedule because it’s being hosted in someone’s – wait for it – BACKYARD!! Talk about peeing in my pants!! Can you say: once in a lifetime opportunity?! The event benefits the Tuition Assistance Fund at Heschel West Day School in Agoura, California by providing need-based scholarship to students. Heschel West teaches children in preschool through 5th grade “how to do things right and to do the right thing”. I cannot wait to report back on this. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ Unfortunately no cameras or videos are allowed. πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™

If you’re still with me, I bet you’re wondering what on earth I have to Flip Off today. Well, true, my life is pretty damn good right now, but I can ALWAYS find something irritating. This was a great week so I only have one teensy tiny flip and that honor is bestowed upon:

PACKING!

I hate packing.

I hate packing for a weekend, a long weekend, a week, even an overnight. It was bad enough when it was just me, but now that I have to pack for a 14 month old as well, I want to pull my hair out.

I pride myself on my ‘To Do’ lists and being uber organized, but when it comes to packing… ugh! Forget it! FLIP OFF!! The difficulty for me lies within the question: How am I suppose to know what I’m going to want to wear there based on what I feel like wearing today? And don’t even get me started on shoes! For Lucas, it’s: What if he has a blow out or gets sick, are two outfits a day going to be enough? Will it be chilly, will the hotel have sheets and blankets for the crib, etc. etc. etc.

If there was a company that would pack for me, I would seriously hire them, without even blinking an eye!

Thank you to Gigi at Kludgy Momfor this fun and very necessary (some weeks more than others) meme. This week she is taking her flips across the Atlantic to Pumpkin and Piglet in the U.K.

I hope everyone has a happy and safe weekend and please be sure to come back next week as I celebrate my one year blogoversary!

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: DMB, friday flip offs, grandparents, list, music Tagged With: DMB, friday flip offs, grandparents, list, music

A Labor Of Love – Tasty Tuesdays 1

Posted on August 10, 2010 Written by Tonya

I have said it before, if it weren’t for my husband, I’d starve.

I collect recipes, but I don’t cook. I don’t even know how to properly cut an onion. I have NEVER been comfortable in the kitchen and truly admire anyone who is. Anyone that can whip up something amazing from odds and ends on hand is my hero.

Half a dozen times a year, I make dinner and last night was one of those rare occasions. If you told me on Sunday that I would be participating in Alicia’s (A Beautiful Mess) Tasty Tuesdays, I would have told you you were nuts, but never say never, right? Sometimes we even surprise ourselves.
Why I choose yesterday to tackle lasagna, one of the hottest days of summer we have had so far and a day in which I woke up feeling really crappy, is beyond me, but Lucas cooperated at the grocery store and graciously took a two hours nap so that I could busy myself in the kitchen.
My mother made a terrific lasagna that I could never replicate, even with the recipe staring me in the face, so I’ve been on the hunt for one equally good, but mine… not to mention a little healthier. I have made this dish twice before, but knew I was really on to something when my mother-in-law asked me for the recipe. She is a phenomenal cook so I took that as a huge compliment. I think this was my best effort.

Lucas even enjoyed several bites.
By the way, the leftovers are great, the clean up, not so much.
Turkey Lasagna with Spinach
From MarthaStewart.com

Ingredients
– Serves 6

  • 1 tablespoon olive oil
  • 1 cup chopped yellow onion
  • 4 cloves garlic, minced
  • 1 pound fresh ground turkey
  • 1 (28-ounce) can plum tomatoes, crushed
  • 1 (6-ounce) can tomato paste
  • Coarse salt and freshly ground pepper
  • 1 tablespoon chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
  • 1 tablespoon chopped fresh basil
  • 1 (9-ounce) package no-boil lasagna noodles (ONE OF THE BEST INVENTIONS EVER!!)
  • 15 ounces low-fat ricotta or low-fat cottage cheese
  • 3/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
  • 1 large egg, beaten
  • 2 pounds fresh spinach, washed, but not dried
  • 1 pound low-fat shredded mozzarella cheese

Directions

  1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
  2. Heat olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add onion and cook until translucent. Add garlic and cook for 1 minute more. Add ground turkey and cook for about 10 minutes. Add plum tomatoes, tomato paste, and season with salt and pepper; let simmer until thickened, about 20 minutes. Stir in basil and parsley; set aside.
  3. In a medium bowl, combine ricotta, 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese, and egg; season with salt and pepper and set aside.
  4. Place damp spinach in a large skillet over medium heat; cook until wilted. Remove from heat and set aside.
  5. Ladle 1/4 of the turkey mixture into a 9-by-13-inch baking dish; spread to cover. Add a pasta sheet, 1/3 of the mozzarella, 1/3 of the ricotta mixture, 1/3 of the spinach mixture, and another 1/4 of the turkey mixture. Repeat process two more times; top with remaining sheet of pasta. Sprinkle remaining 1/4 cup Parmesan over top. Line a piece of aluminum foil with parchment paper; spray parchment with nonstick cooking spray. Cover lasagna with prepared aluminum foil, parchment-side down, and transfer to oven. Bake until bubbly, 25 to 30 minutes.
  6. Let stand about 5 minutes before cutting; serve.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: cooking, grandparents, KRA, tasty tuesdays

Parenting Without Parents

Posted on June 19, 2010 Written by Tonya

I am parenting without parents. Are any of you?

People ask me about Lucas’ grandparents all the time. They know my husband’s parents live a two hour plane ride away and that we see them every month, but they don’t always know where my parents are. When I tell them, it always brings the conversation to a screeching halt. I hate it when that happens.

It’s always on my mind… my parents aren’t here.

My parents will never meet my son.

For those of you that don’t know, they both died almost three years ago of carbon monoxide poisoning. You can read details here.

A lot can happen in 32 months and every now and then, a little more than usual, (cue Lucas’ recent birthday, Father’s Day tomorrow and my birthday next week) I can’t stop thinking about, not only what they are missing, but what I am missing too. Can there be a statue of limitations on needing a mother even if you are a mother? I don’t think so.

It’s stupid really, I’m almost 38 and I have no one to call with my silly parenting questions. There’s no one to ask. Sure, I have a wonderful (much younger) sister, a loving aunt and uncle, a very smart mother-in-law, a supportive sister-in-law, who is also a mother of two and tons of amazing friends in the blog world and real life, but sometimes it feels like I’m flying solo on something I shouldn’t be.

To me, having a baby brings you closer to your own parents. You finally realize all the pain, suffering and worry they went through with you. Once you have a child of your own, you know just how much your mom and dad love you.

They should be here.

I should be having conversations about Lucas’ milestones, poop, food, toys and TV watching habits with my mom. I should be getting choked up over seeing my dad play with his grandson and rolling my eyes at them both when they try to put, yet another visit on the calendar. I should be asking them, “when did I do this, that or the other when I was his age?”.

It has only been one year!! How am I going to do this for the rest of my life? The rest of his life?

They would have been terrific grandparents.

Aside from two incredible people who built their lives around educating children, so much else was lost when my parents died; family traditions, history and a whole set of memories that I don’t share with anyone else but them. Whenever something crosses my mind that I think Lucas might be interested in or should know, I jot it down and more than once, I have poured my heart here. It helps, but I still miss them every day.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: carbon monoxide poisoning, grandparents, KRA, loss, MSA, parenting Tagged With: carbon monoxide poisoning, grandparents, KRA, loss, MSA, parenting

A Onederful First Year!

Posted on June 6, 2010 Written by Tonya

Today you are one year old! While some days certainly seemed a lot longer than others, one year never went by faster!

One year old. Wow!!

Looking back on all of your monthly milestones, I am in awe. You have grown so much, learned more than I ever thought you would and are becoming your very own little wonderful person full of character and charm.

Like every other month, this was a big one full of lots of firsts; like:

  • Visiting Legoland
  • Graduating from your second Kindermusik class
  • Graduating from wearing the Doc Band (read all about our experience here)
  • Sitting forward in the car!!
  • Knowing where your belly, head and toes are
  • Picking your lovey and a favorite little stuffed monkey out from a pile of several other things
  • Can follow simple commands like, ‘go get it’ and ‘put this in there’… we are still working on ‘no’ and ‘don’t touch that’
  • When asked a ‘who’, ‘what’, ‘where’, ‘when’, or ‘why’ question, shrug your shoulders and turn your hands up. This is the most adorable thing I have ever seen a toddler do!
  • Developed a love affair with every household appliance we own… hence the reason to learn the word ‘no’!
  • Attended two more birthday parties (for a grand total of six in just your first year of life!)
  • Your eyes are still blue and I think it’s safe to say that they are going to stay that way. πŸ™‚

We celebrated your special day yesterday at home with a BBQ, balloons, cupcakes and plenty of gifts. Your two aunts and grandparents came to visit and it was a lot of fun.

I will never forget the day you were born and how I held you in my arms until the sun came up, just staring at you in complete adoration. What a great day. Happy Birthday, son. I love you.

Your destiny is waiting and the best is always yet to be.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, grandparents, milestones, photos

No Escape

Posted on April 15, 2010 Written by Tonya

Loss is a part of my life and I can’t deny or ignore it, but I don’t want to own it and I certainly don’t know how to embrace it… yet.

My parents have been gone for two and a half years today.

Two and a half years too many.

There is no escape from loss.

Loss follows you wherever you go.

Reminders are everywhere.

Grief and loss are exhausting.

Time is no cure for grief or loss; they are constant.

As much as I don’t want the loss of my parents to define who I am, it is part of me.

I think about them every day and miss them more than words can describe.

I’m angry that they were taken from me too soon and heartbroken that you will never get to meet them.

This photo was taken on my wedding day, August 4, 2007. It was the last weekend I saw my parents alive.

I am grateful for the 35 years I had with my mom and dad, my memories of happier times, the lessons they taught me, photos I have of them, letters they wrote me, books, music and movies that we shared and enjoyed as a family and my sister, who shares my loss. Together, along with your father, we will make sure that you know your grandparents.

“Our loved ones are never truly gone from us. They remain in the landscape of our own life, as we will for those who come after us. So do right by them by celebrating your own greatness as well as remembering theirs.” – Allison DuBois

I press on because I know that my parents would want me to and because I believe that best is yet to be.

Day 51/100

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Filed Under: aunt leah, grandparents, KRA, loss, milestones, MSA

Ten Months

Posted on April 6, 2010 Written by Tonya

Your grandma is coming to visit today and it also marks your tenth month with us; and what a great month it was! The most exciting accomplishment you had this month was that you started crawling and it has been so much fun to watch you explore your world and enjoy your independence. Here are some of your other milestones at ten months. This month you:

  • Learned to pull yourself up to standing and usually only hold on with one hand.
  • Have slammed your pudgy little fingers into drawers and cabinets more than once and gotten yourself stuck under our coffee table and bar stools. I am told that it is all a part of your new found freedom and exploration.
  • Recognize puppies, babies, books, the train and of course, mom, dad, aunt Leah and nanny Angel.
  • Use sign language to indicate when you are “all done”, want “more” and hear the train passing by.
  • Love to people watch as much as your dad and I do, which make places like the park and airport do-able.
  • Your diet has expanded to include chicken, cheese, kidney beans, lentils, spinach and potatoes.
  • Graduated from your first music class and have started a second one.
  • Visited the Wild Animal Park.
  • Celebrated your first Easter and met the Easter Bunny.
  • Have been wearing the Doc Band for 42 days today… we are almost half way there and I am happy to report that it is doing exactly what it’s meant to.
  • Bounce to music.
  • Still have blue eyes.
  • Attended your fourth one year old’s birthday party.
  • Love to knock blocks, or anything will work, together to make noise.
  • Hosted your first Mommy & Me play group.
  • Can roll a ball back and forth to us.

I can’t wait to see what the next month has in store for you!

As a side note, the photo above was taken with my iPhone using a very cool new photography app I downloaded called Hipstamatic. Check it out!

The best is yet to be.

Day 42/100

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Filed Under: grandparents, milestones, nanny

Home Sweet Home

Posted on March 14, 2010 Written by Tonya

I was either a saint in a former life or the universe felt like it owed me one because you were just awesome on our trip to visit your grandparents in the Bay Area. You are a super traveler and I couldn’t be happier.

I was so nervous because we haven’t made that trip since before Christmas; my stomach was literally in knots before each flight. I know it’s only an hour and a half gate to gate, but that can seem like an eternity to a new mom. Plus, you are a very different baby now than you were three months ago. Thankfully my worry was for not and you were a champ. Well, until halfway through our flight home when you reached out for the cup on the tray table of the poor girl sitting next to us and dumped her entire drink in her lap. Luckily, she was a great sport about it and forgave you almost instantly. Those baby blues come in very handy!

Our visit was nice, but a little stressful. You barely ate a thing while we were away. It seems as though all that delicious homemade baby food (Bon Appetit) has turned you into a foodie and you wouldn’t touch the Earth’s Best, even though it was the same stuff you devour at home (peas, sweet potatoes, rice and squash). Apparently it tastes a lot different.

The other stressful thing about our trip was the fact that my in-laws have recently put their home on the market and with viewings happening at any given moment (with notice fortunately), the house has to be kept pretty much immaculate. A lot easier said than done, especially with a nine month old… you come with a ton of gear! We made it work, but it wasn’t fun.

I just realized that I didn’t take any photos (other than a couple not-so-great iPhone photos) on this trip of you at the park, or with your great aunt Judi or cousins, or in the loving arms of your grandma. Next time.

I love traveling almost as much as I love coming home!

Here’s to a great week…

The best is yet to be.

Day 19/100

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Filed Under: grandparents, kid food, travel

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