motherhood

Time Is Of The Essence

Posted on May 14, 2010 Written by Tonya

Time and I don’t get along much anymore.

There are just not enough hours in the day and I feel as though I am always trying to beat the clock.

My piles and “To Do” list seem to grow instead of diminish.

I have always prided myself at being good at time management and I have always been acutely aware of how much time it takes to do things. Even more so, now that I am a mom.

During any given day, I feel like I have such few short precious windows of opportunity to get anything accomplished in the way of household tasks or personal things. Simple tasks like: brushing my teeth, scarfing down a sandwich, folding laundry, returning a phone call, paying a bill, catching up on bad TiVo, or my favorite, while you nap activity: BLOGGING. Now you know why I’m posting this at almost 1:30 in the morning!

Most of the household chores can obviously wait, but some of the personal items are downright vital to my well being and sanity and I’ll be damned if it’s nearly impossible some days to squeeze it all in when you DON’T nap. All I can say is Holy Frustration… for both of us!

Sure, I can do some things while you are awake, but you are usually right underfoot wanting (and deserving) my undivided attention and if I’m not giving it to you, I feel extremely guilty. It’s a never-ending struggle because once you go down for the night, I’m running around like a chicken with their head cut off doing things, when I really want to be spending time with your dad or relaxing before it all starts up again tomorrow.

I know I’m not the only mom that feels this way, so I’m curious, how do you balance it all? The meals, laundry, phone calls, grocery shopping, planning, organizing, personal time, heck, even relationships? Especially you moms with more than one child? I’m anxious to hear how you keep on good terms with time.

The best is yet to be.

Day 80/100

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My First Mother’s Day

Posted on May 9, 2010 Written by Tonya

Today was my first Mother’s Day.

That still sounds weird.

I bought a card for my Mommy & Me friend, Jenn and it sums up this crazy ride very well:

The pay is short. The hours are long. It’s a 24/7 kind of job. Training is learn-as-you-go. Patience and wisdom required from day one. Retirement isn’t an option. Being a mom is a lifetime job and nobody does it better than you!

I love to bitch about my job, but I really do love it and today was especially perfect.

It started off with a nice long hot shower followed by scrambled eggs, waffles, crispy bacon and orange juice, and then a couple of much needed hours at the nail salon getting the full treatment while I read blissfully.

I haven’t even gotten to the perfect part yet…

Spending the afternoon with my two favorite men.

An early dinner at one of my favorite local bistros.

Not even 7:00 and we are all jammied up… my favorite time of the day!

Cocktail napkins from your dad… talk about perfect and he obviously reads the blog!!

I hope every Mother’s Day is just like today.

The best is yet to be.

Day 75/100

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Aches & Pains

Posted on May 7, 2010 Written by Tonya

Aside from the sheer exhaustion, I never knew that motherhood was so physically demanding or dangerous. Most nights, I feel like I’m getting enough rest, but I am still sore ALL. THE. TIME.

You weigh almost 25 pounds and I swear your diaper bag does too!

My back hurts, my feet hurt, my shoulders are tight, I have a constant crick in my neck and in the last 11 months, I have stubbed my toes and have more tension headaches and broken nails and than ever before.

I can visibly tell that the muscles in my left arm are more defined than the ones in my right arm because I favor my left when holding you balanced just so on my hip. I must remember to alternate.

I chase you around the house all day long keeping you out of harm’s way and making you laugh.

I crawl around on my hands and knees when we play together.

I bend over so many times a day to wipe up the floor and pick up toys that you’d think I’d have six-pack abs by now. Sadly, this is not the case, and before you chime in, I know, I know, I should be bending at the knees.

I slouch, hunch, lean, contort, reach, twist and turn in the most peculiar ways out of pure necessity.

At the end of the day I often discover mysterious bruises on my body, usually on my butt and probably from either the car door, door leading to the garage or baby gates.

My hands have always been dry but have gotten worse with all the bottle washing and diaper changing. I should own stock in Purell hand sanitizer. I still can’t wear my wedding rings without breaking out in a rash.

I am using muscles and a physical strength I never knew I had in order to multitask and care for you in the best way I know how and while it is all worth it, this mama needs a massage… pronto and at least once a week!! Maybe a good long soak in the tub will do for now.

The best is yet to be.

Day 73/100

The Most Important Meal Of The Day

Posted on April 20, 2010 Written by Tonya

After my post, Worst Mother Of The Year, I realize now that I should be keeping an on going list of things that I swore I wouldn’t as a new mom. Something tells me it is going to get worse before it gets better…

Today’s act actually shocked me.

Okay, “shocked” is a bit of an exaggeration.

You wanted nothing to do with your high chair or bananas and cereal so, I followed you around the living room with your breakfast in order to get you to eat it. It worked… for you and made me mad at myself. While I do believe that breakfast is the most important meal of the day and I’m happy that I found a way to get you to eat it, I don’t want to start a bad habit.

This got me thinking about some of the other things I have done as a mother (so far) that I’m not proud of:

Letting you play with my iPhone.
Talking entirely too much about poop… color, texture, size. Blech!
Leaving you sleeping in the car (gulp!) while I ran into pick up my dry cleaning, a sandwich and pay for gas. Not all at the same time.
Putting you in a shopping cart without a seat protector.
Wiping your nose and then wiping my hand clean on the jeans that I’ve been wearing for three days in a row.
See above about the jeans. I have worked my butt off to get back into my pre-pregnancy jeans and am proud to say that I now weigh what I did at my first OB appointment, but I live in yoga pants, tank tops and hoodies. I hardly ever wear make up and most of the time, I smell like you. I never thought I’d let myself go.

Before becoming a mother, I had many ideas and ideals about motherhood being the perfect mother. I thought that some moms were just lazy, ill-informed or both and that I was clever enough to break the cycle. I was going to break new ground. It didn’t take long to learn that all those impressions I had were going to go right out the window.

I know that once I let go of these ideals and stop trying to be perfect, I will relax enough to enjoy my son and be the mother I was meant to be.

For all you moms out there, what did you always vow that you’d never do as a parent, but find yourself doing today?

By the way, stay tuned, the list above is sure to grow. 🙂

The best is yet to be.

Day 56/100

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It’s Not All About Me

Posted on April 17, 2010 Written by Tonya

Motherhood is based on many challenges and I know that my journey has only just begun, but having said that, I am enjoying the ride too. I do, however, have a few complaints:

I didn’t have a child to have finger prints all over my glass doors, windows and walls.
I don’t appreciate changing countless diapers, especially the stinking, smelly ones!
We don’t have a dog, so the Cheerios, puffs, tiny pieces of cheese, chicken, carrots and whatever else you decide to throw on the floor are not fun to pick up.
It never used to take me twice as long to get out of the house, but with as much gear as you require, even the simplest outings can be painstakingly difficult.
I never really minded doing laundry once a week, but now it’s never-ending! There are so many piles that I’m starting to feel sorry for the washer and dryer.
Before I had a child, I used to think I was busy. What a laugh!
Call it my post-pregnancy brain or just the fact that you go through A LOT of stuff, but seriously, how many times can one person visit the grocery store in a week? I think my record is five!
Can someone please explain to me how a 10 month old’s nails grow so fast? And I will not take “calcium” as an answer!
Scheduled date nights? Really?
I didn’t ask for any of the guilt, lack of energy, worry or anxiety.
I used to love our home, but now that you have taken up every. single. room., coupled with the fact that we spend entirely too much time here, I want to redo it from top to bottom or move.
No matter how hard this job gets, I can’t quit.
It’s not all about me.

ON THE OTHER HAND, motherhood is full of wonderful blessings and benefits too:

I never knew my heart could hold so much love.
No one has ever looked at me/right through me like you have.
I have discovered that I am a lot stronger than I thought… physically and emotionally. Any mom that can hold a child in one arm, while feeding them a bottle, collapse a stroller with the other, have an over sized diaper bag around their neck stepping on to an airplane without assistance has to have super powers, right?!
I didn’t think I could life in the moment or roll with the punches as well as I do. You can cry one minute and laugh the next. You love the feeling of the wind, touching plants and trees and playing peek-a-boo. Your natural appreciation and wonder at the world is good for my soul too.
I never thought I’d hear myself sing so many silly songs so off key. I appreciate tapping into my creative side.
The moms I have met since becoming one myself are some of the kindest, most generous and understanding woman I have ever met. I am proud to be a member of this elite club.
I love it whenever you see me, you smile bigger than anyone ever has before.
I love your dad more than ever and can’t believe that together we created a whole life…from scratch.
It’s not all about me.

The hardest part of motherhood by far is soaking up the good parts without obsessing about the bad and above all being patient with myself. I am a work in progress.

The best is yet to be.

Day 53/100

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You’re Asking Me?

Posted on April 5, 2010 Written by Tonya

I have a couple of friends that are pregnant for the first time and they have been asking me for advice on everything from diapers and strollers to bottles and bibs (can you imagine?!).

I am no expert I tell them, but there are five things I know for sure about having a baby:

1. If you are planning to have more than one child, buy all of your big items (stroller, car seat, swing, high chair, etc.) in a unisex color/print so that both kids can use them.

2. If you are going to use formula, serve your baby bottles right out of the fridge. It seems a little strange to give your baby cold milk but according to our pediatrician, it’s easier for them to digest and a lot simpler than messing with the microwave.

3. Make noise while your baby naps… you’ll be glad you did!

4. Becoming a mother has been the most challenging and life changing thing I have ever done in my life, but also the very best.

5. Trust your gut. Only you know your body, limitations, patience and frustration level, when to call the doctor and your child.

What do you know for sure about being a mom?

The best is yet to be.

Day 41/100

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Adjustment Period

Posted on April 3, 2010 Written by Tonya

As I shared in my post, Happy Anticipation, I had a perfect pregnancy with none of the usual symptoms; no morning sickness, food cravings or aversions, heartburn, constipation, bloating, swollen feet or pregnancy brain… until now!

I think our bodies and minds are still in a state of shock the nine months or so after delivery because my post pregnancy brain is in full swing. I forget EVERYTHING! I have always been a list maker, but since I became a mother, I sometimes make two, having completely forgotten about the first one. I miss friends birthdays, walk into stores and can’t remember why I’m there, misplace things and feel like I’m in either in slow motion or on fast forward most of the time.

According to an article I read in the latest issue of FitPregnancy, many experts attribute the sluggishness to to the hormonal upheaval that inevitably occurs after childbirth. Shannon Seip, co-author of Momnesia thinks sleep deprivation is just as much a factor.

I am completely exhausted at the end of the day and definitely earn the eight plus hours of horizontal time I get, so that can’t be it in my case.

The article goes on to say that the huge learning curve of taking care of a newborn also contributes. “You’re gathering so much new information, so worried about simply keeping your baby alive and well-fed that it consumes your brain,” Seip explains.

Now, this I can identify with, but for me it’s more than just keeping you alive, it’s keeping you entertained and engaged as well. I especially find myself obsessed with your toys and wondering (worrying) if you’ve outgrown some of them.

While research shows the fogginess can last up to a year after having a baby, many woman start to see at least some improvement once they adjust to their new lives. Adjust to their new lives, huh? Hmmm… I wonder what the research says about how long it takes to adjust to motherhood? One year? Six? 18?

The best is yet to be.

Day 39/100

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Two Under Two

Posted on March 31, 2010 Written by Tonya

Our neighbors have two little boys, Pierce, who is almost two and Roman, who is 10 months (exactly two weeks older than you).

Last night we had the pleasure of watching Roman for a little over an hour while his mom took his older brother to the ER. Pierce ran into a bench and thankfully only ended up needing two stitches on the bridge of his nose. Poor little guy. I am so glad that I was at home and could help out.

But, the point of my post today is that I realized that having two children under the age of two is hard work and I only had to do it by myself for roughly 20 minutes before your dad got home. I don’t know how mothers do it!? Valium? You’ve got one going one way and the other going another. One needs to be changed, while the other wants to be picked up. It has to be a master juggling act, is all I can say about it and that I have A LOT more respect for mothers that do it and make it look so effortless today than I did yesterday. Especially working mothers, like my neighbor. Here’s to you, because let’s face it, there is NOTHING effortless about having a child, let alone TWO!

Don’t get me wrong, aside from you getting noticeably irritated/concerned/jealous when your dad or I held Roman, both of you were delightful together and very well behaved.

We want to have another baby (most days) and have them be close in age, but in doing the quick math, if all goes as planned (the stars are aligned and the universe is on our side) we, too will be members of the distinguished group known as parents of Two Under Two. I sort of shutter at the thought….

My question to all of you mothers of two out there is: A) how did you plan (timing/age wise) for your second child? and B) did you do so knowing that you would have two under two? And, lastly, is it as challenging as it seems? Don’t lie!! 🙂

The best is yet to be.

Day 36/100

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You Win

Posted on March 26, 2010 Written by Tonya

We’ve had some trying times lately, you and I…in particular Wednesday and today. It seems as though you’re on an every other day schedule; a good day followed by a bad day. A battle of wills, if you will.

Your witching hours are between 4:00 PM – 6:00 PM. These two hours make me literally and figuratively pull my hair out and stuff you down a drain pipe.

Even at nine and a half months old, you have a mind of your own and at almost 38, you better believe that I do too! More often than not, however, you win. Hands down, you win way more than I do.

I try to do what’s best for you when it comes to… EVERYTHING; from naps, feeding, play and bath time, changing, packaging you up in the car for an outing to a host of a zillion other activities, but if you and I aren’t on the same wave length, this mommy better watch out! She is going to lose 9.5 times out of 10.

You win so many rounds that I have stopped keeping score. I think it’s something like 9956 to 21, which doesn’t change the fact that I do know what’s best for you. Whether you think so or not.

Now that you are mobile and a lot more independent and patience can’t be bought, a lot more wine is going to need to be purchased.

Today, we hosted our first Mommy & Me play group and it was a lot of fun. Afterward, you were exhausted and fell asleep for exactly 28 minutes. When you woke up, you were very irritable and nothing would make you happy, so at wits end I put you in the car and drove you around for over an hour in Friday going home traffic while you slept and I got some much needed peace and quiet. I’d say I won that round, would you? Hmmmm…maybe not, I did mention the peace and quiet, didn’t I?

Alas, there are moments that make it all worth while, like this, when we are one. Calm, quiet, connected and in sych. I live for these moments.

The best is yet to be.

Day 31/100

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Wonderful, Exhausting Motherhood

Posted on March 25, 2010 Written by Tonya

“It’d be nice if something made sense every once in a while” – Alice

How long am I considered a “new” mother? Sometimes I don’t feel like I am any more experienced today than I was nine months ago. Sure, I know a few more things, but I am by no means a pro.

My son has been sleeping through the night for months, but how long does my sleep deprivation last? I am tired all the time! Last night I went to bed to sleep at 8:30 and tonight will be similar, I’m sure. I’m “on” all the time, so the minute my head hits the pillow, I’m out!

I love talking candidly with my fellow “new” mom friends about the frustrations that come with our roles and how every day is so utterly mundane, yet also so vastly different from the next. I have found that not all mothers will talk so openly about how hard this is, so it’s refreshing to find someone that will. Thanks, Jenn, if you are reading this. I love our walks and talks. We need to be able to vent and be open and honest about our feelings. I do, anyway. It revives me and lets me know that I’m not alone in this crazy wonderful, exhausting thing called motherhood.

I love how Debra Gilbert Rosenberg describes motherhood in her book The New Mom’s Companion: Care for Yourself While You Care for Your Newborn:

“New mothers enter the world of parenting feeling much like Alice in Wonderland.

Being a mother is one of the most rewarding jobs on earth and also one of the most challenging.
Motherhood is a process. Learn to love the process.
There is a tremendous amount of learning that takes place in the first year of your baby’s life; the baby learns a lot, too.
It is sometimes difficult to reconcile the fantasy of what you thought motherhood would be like, and what you thought you would be like as a mother, with reality.
Take care of yourself. If Mommy isn’t happy, no one else in the family is happy either.
New mother generally need to lower their expectations.
A good mother learns to love her child as he is and adjusts her mothering to suit her child.”

Nothing else in my life has changed me the way motherhood has, not going away to college, not getting married, not losing a loved one. It’s completely shocking and there is a lot that no one tells you about motherhood before you experience it for yourself. It is one of life’s greatest mysteries and yet, if we are lucky, we all do it.

I forge ahead knowing that the best is yet to be.

Day 30/100

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Time Is Of The Essence

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The Most Important Meal Of The Day

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It’s Not All About Me

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Adjustment Period

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Two Under Two

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You Win

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