parenting

Character Driven

Posted on October 17, 2013 Written by Tonya

From the toys Lucas lusts after, the food he’ll tolerate, the books he begs to be read over and over and even his toothpaste, it’s all character driven…

Just to name a few in our house:

Sponge Bob Squarepants yogurt sticks
Clifford the Big Red Dog juice boxes
Monsters University Cheez-Its
Star Wars Angry Birds water bottle, board game
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle clothing, dishes, Band-Aids
Cars bedding, clothing, macaroni & cheese, soup, fruit chews, cutlery, dishes, napkins, tissues, Band-Aids, (clearly his favorite, but Ill take Lightening over Elmo any day!)
Thomas the Train toothpaste
Dora the Explorer hand soap

And I know I’m missing at least a dozen other items.

Every show Lucas enjoys watching, there’s a toy or other product available. I get it, it’s marketing, brand recognition, merchandising, cross promotion, product tie-ins, etc. but it’s too much.

I know I’m partly to blame because I buy the crap for him, but whenever possible, I do try to steer him towards the classics or something unknown, when it comes to books and everyday products and screen time (TV watching, iPhone or iPad play) is very limited in our house. 1-2 hours per day and sometimes none at all.

My own weakness aside, I blame television commercials. I read recently that advertisers spend more than $12 billion annually to gear commercials to children. The average American child watches more than 40,000 television commercials per year, and their ability to recall commercials is extremely strong. Studies show that children only need to see a commercial one time to develop a preference for the particular product, and that preference is strengthened with repeated exposure.

TV commercials also create something called the “nag factor,” when a child will cry, complain and nag his or her parent to buy a particular product seen on TV. The nagging continues until the ~~sucker~~ parent purchases the product. According to research, 2- to 12-year-olds indirectly impacted another $320 billion in household purchases. Over the past five years, children have had a bigger influence on the purchase of durable goods due to the nag factor.

When I four, I knew about Holly Hobbie, Mickey Mouse, the Sesame Street crew and Raggedy Ann and Andy. There were only four channels on TV, my parents couldn’t afford to take me to the latest kid movie the minute it came out, I wore mostly hand-me-downs and there was zero screen time except for a few precious hours on Saturday mornings. There was too much fun to be had outside! It was a simpler time. How do we get back there?

Is your house full of TV driven products? How do you limit your kids screen time?

I Don’t Know How To Play

Posted on September 17, 2013 Written by Tonya

I’m a terrible mother because the three words I loathe the most are: play with me, especially when strung together repeated and delivered in a whinny four year old voice.

I will go round after round and even let him win sometimes at Junior Scrabble, UNO and Connect Four, in fact I love games!

I will ask 20 questions, trying to figure out what he spies with his little blue eyes.

I will search high and low for gel food dye to add to shaving cream to smear all over the shower stall, bend and twist pipe cleaners, clean up glitter and tiny pieces of construction paper and attempt to draw anything he asks me to.

I will create a playlist of his favorite Top 40 hits and have a dance party in our living room.

I will spend hours at Disneyland, California Adventure, Knott’s Berry Farm, Sea World and Legoland with him by my side waiting patiently to go on each and every ride he desires.

I will push him on swings, play hide-and-seek and time him on his scooter as he makes loop after loop around the park.

I will load the car with sand toys, sunscreen and towels in order to to spend the afternoon at the beach building castles, hunting for shells and chasing seagulls.

I will take him to Target knowing full well I’ll be spending most of our trip in the toy aisle agonizing over Cars, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and other items he has, wants or needs.

I will learn all his favorite characters names and let him quiz me on them.

I will carefully pre-measure ingredients for him to add to bowls and let him try using the mixer on low so he can “help” me bake a cake.

I will pack his backpack with his beloved snacks and activities and take him on many trips to visit family in the Bay Area.

I will read him any of the dozens of books we own over and over all day long.

I will take him to the latest kids movie where we share the biggest bag of popcorn they sell.

I will send mothers I don’t know notes asking if their sons would enjoy coming to our home to spend time with my son.

I will make up silly songs, perform puppet shows with no real story lines and do just about anything to make Lucas smile or laugh.

There are tons of things I will do with my son and thoroughly enjoy, but playing with him is not one of them.

Pushing cars around the floor and having “races” is not fun for me.

I don’t know how to be a ninja and I hate holding toys or stuffed animals in my hand making them have conversations with one another.

It’s not that I feel silly or stupid, I’m just not good at pretending. I think maybe I was once… I loved playing with Barbies but not anymore and I feel guilty because I hear “play with me” A LOT!! And too many times my response is, “let’s go to the park!”.

Do you know how to play with your children? Please tell me I’m not alone in my guilt.

Meal Patrol

Posted on September 4, 2013 Written by Tonya

Family meal time has always been one of my favorite parts of the day. Gathering together to unplug, catch up, inquire about each others days, laugh, share and nourish our bodies in the process, however, I’ve come to dread breakfast, lunch and especially dinner.

I loathe having to beg my son to eat.

I have grown tired of the negotiations that take place at our dining room table.

I hate being on meal patrol!

I know this is a common problem, but OMG, if Lucas would just eat, I would be happy. Honestly, I can handle the potty talk, drawl out bedtimes, and boundary testing if he would just EAT!!

All the sit up straight, face the table, stop touching your feet, watch your elbows, just two more bites, and try it, pleaaaaase aside, my husband and I struggle daily and nightly to get Lucas to eat anything. I understand his young palette is still developing, but he doesn’t even enjoy “regular” kid food. He won’t touch a French fry, chicken nugget, hot dog or dream of dousing anything in ketchup. What does he eat you ask? The list is very short.

Pasta.

Lots of pasta.

Tons of pasta!

But, it must be prepared a certain way; not too much olive oil, no fancy breadcrumbs on top or other garnish and he would prefer a cheese shaker on the side. Oh, and he likes to eat it with a spoon. So, in addition to being picky, he’s particular about his food too.

Carbs are his favorite food group.

Just recently he started asking for plain cheeseburgers from Old MacDonald’s (as he calls it) and as much as I hate fast food with a passion, I consider this a HUGE victory. It’s protein, right?

In talking to Lucas’ pediatrician, at the end of the day as long as his meals have been colorful (yeah, right!), she tells me not to worry, but I’m a mom and I will worry and I know that yogurt, a cheese stick and a half a banana can’t be all that nutritious for anyone.

I’ve tried a handful of recipes from Jessica Seinfeld’s cookbook, Deceptively Delicious: Simple Secrets to Get Your Kids Eating Good Food and let’s just say, they didn’t go over very well. My sleuth son was on to my attempt at getting him to eat better.

I consider myself a picky eater and now I fear I’m raising one too. Any advice for me or better yet, make me feel better, what parenting challenges are you facing?

A Proud Mommy Moment

Posted on July 15, 2013 Written by Tonya

First of all, allow me to clear away the cobwebs and spray a little Endust. It has been nearly three weeks since I last blogged, the longest unintentional break I’ve ever taken. I have to say I liked it.

A lot!

What have I been up to?

I turned 41, I’ve been spending a lot of time in the sun, at the beach and pool with my family and friends, riding my beach cruiser while wrangling my dog and trying to keep up with Lucas on his scooter and reading! I am completely devouring the Veronica Roth Divergent series and counting down the days until the third installment comes out. Anyone else hooked? Speaking of being hooked, I have also discovered Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Don’t ask!

Plus, I honestly haven’t felt like writing or sharing even though there is never a loss for subject matter and my head is buzzing with post ideas. I suppose I’ve been a bit lazy too. Blogging is hard work and those of you that pump out material on a daily basis, my hat is off to you now and forever. I truly don’t know how you do it.

At any rate, while my blog posts may be sporadic, I am not quitting, just enjoying life.

I recently had one of those “I’m so proud to be this boy’s mother moments” and wanted to document it.

I took Lucas to the park after school one day last week and I neglected to grab his scooter or helmet. I knew that there may be hell to pay. While he enjoys being pushed on the swings, playing in the sand, climbing on the monkey bars and sliding down poles, he really loves riding his scooter most of all and no park outing is complete with it.

As suspected, he complained at first but was overall okay with Mommy’s mistake.

Leave it to Lucas to notice a lone PlasmaCar. He inched his way towards it and promptly got on and zoomed away. I chased after him and told him that it probably belonged to another child at the park and he’d have to return it when asked. It took exactly three minutes before a little boy about his Lucas’ age came over and exclaimed, “Hey, that’s mine!”. Lucas gave it up without a fight and then proceeded to sulk around the park.

Next thing you know the PlasmaCar is available again and Lucas gives me that look and I give him one in return and tell him that he better ask the boy if he can ride it. “No, you, Mommy!!” he whined.

I give him a three sentence script, a kiss for luck, hang back a little and watch and wait. He runs back to me twice without having said anything to the little boy but getting closer to him each time.

I know this is a huge undertaking for a four-year-old and I know he’s nervous. But I also know he wants to rides that PlasmaCar and I am confident that he can do this. I keep encouraging him and ask him what’s the worst that can happen? The boy says no and that’s it. You’ll say, “Thank you, anyway.” and move on. I’m trying to teach him self confidence and social skills and it worked.

On his third or fifth attempt, he is talking to the boy and seconds later, he rushes over to me with the biggest smile on his face.

“He said yes!!”

Because their conversation was very short, I did double check with the boy and indeed, he had said yes!

Proud son, proud Mommy!

Sometimes all you have to do is ask.

Back To Basics

Posted on March 28, 2013 Written by Tonya

From the time I was 17 on, I only saw my parents 3-4 times a year. They worked and lived overseas while I was in boarding school and then college in Arizona. Our time together was precious and never long enough. I believe they made up for the distance, the absence and maybe a sense of abandonment they felt by showering me with material things and checks.

For a while, I liked it.

A lot.

What greedy teenager wouldn’t?

I would pine for something and get it. I will be the first to admit I was spoiled and still have selfish tendencies because of it.

But there came a moment, sometime around my Sophomore year of college that I didn’t like the “gifts” and even began refusing the checks my father would try to hand me with tears in his eyes at the airport upon saying goodbye.

It started to feel like guilt money. I tried to explain my feelings, but they said I was being crazy.

I swore I wouldn’t do this to my children.

Funny how as parents we do that a lot, huh?

In the weeks leading up to our recent move and as we have been settling in, I have overindulged Lucas with more treats and cars and other toys than I care to fess up to. I wanted the transition to be a smooth one for him and I thought the gifts would help. He’s done fantastic. Of course. All he really cares about is that his family; mommy, daddy, puppy and fishy are all together under the same roof.

I have had to bring Lucas along with me to dozens of doctor’s appointments in the last few months and when he waits patiently (WAY more patient than I ever am) by my side, I feel the need to reward him with the toys he asks for. All he really cares about is spending time with mommy.

I learned a long time ago that I cannot take Lucas with me to the supermarket, Target or any other establishment that sells toys because he gets a terrible case of the gimmes and I fall prey each and every time, buying him more crap he doesn’t really need.

The stuff is not only a waste of money, it’s a poor excuse for my love and praise and he doesn’t need a million toys. I know there’s a I want him to have a better childhood than I did thing going on, but the truth is I had a full and rich childhood and I wanted for nothing. I was blessed.

I need to break this cycle now and get more creative with my affections. I need to learn to say no and not be so weak and cave when he says please, Mommy in that sweet little boy voice I know will soon change.

His dad and I do our best to teach our son about gratitude and being thankful for the things he has but my continuous buying doesn’t help.

It’s hard when everything is a negotiation with a three year old and you want to give him the world and that’s why I have decided starting Monday, April 1, because Sunday is Easter and I have already made up an Easter basket for Lucas, I am going to go on a one month, no buying strike. No toys, no games, no Matchbox cars, no packages of Micro Drifters, no sweets, no books, no plastic junk. I will post updates here on my progress.

We are going to rediscover toys Lucas already has and spend quality time together playing games and visiting the library and parks and having good old fashioned play dates. We are going to get back to basics and I will be weak no more. Wish me luck!

Model Student

Posted on February 26, 2013 Written by Tonya

Instead of catching up on e-mail, playing Words with Friends or chatting with the other mothers while Lucas was in his recent My Gym class, I watched him for the entire hour.

I watched the confident way he carried himself and his friendly interaction with his classmates and teachers and I don’t think I have ever been prouder.

Not only did he tumble, jump, twirl and dance, he waited patiently for his turn to walk across the balance beam and somersault down the inclined mat.

I watched him cheer his classmates on with encouraging, “you can do it!” and “that was awesome!”.

I watched him look to his instructors for approval and smile brightly at me from across the room.

I watched him make space on the mat for others and beamed at his enthusiastic, “ta-da”, the gym’s mantra. Talk about heart melting! He was so proud of himself.

I watched him hold on with all his might on the high bar barely completing three chin lifts, but he did it!

I watched him stifle his laughter while climbing across a rope ladder and heard him squeal with pure delight on the mini zip line. The thumb’s up her gave me upon reaching the opposite wall was priceless.

There are moments in motherhood, rare and magical that make all the frustration, worry and hard work worthwhile, moments when you just know in your gut you’ve got a great kid and you’re doing okay as a parent and this was definitely one of them for me.

Lucas had fun, was polite and courteous and tried his very best. What more could a mother ask for?

What A Difference A Day Makes

Posted on February 6, 2013 Written by Tonya

Yesterday there were two time-outs before 8 AM.
Today there were cuddles, giggles and good morning kisses.

Yesterday we had cereal and back talk for breakfast
Today we shared pancakes, strawberries and laughter.

Yesterday we argued over the TV, my phone and the iPad.
Today there was no mention of electronics whatsoever (SHOCKING!).

Yesterday we negotiated ad nauseam over the red vs. the blue shirt, teeth brushing, nose wiping, jacket wearing and picking up toys.
Today what was laid out was worn and you asked to brush your teeth and have your nose wiped. The toys are still all over the floor in the playroom.

Yesterday we were rushed and late for everything.
Today we had time to spare.

Yesterday there was no nap and therefore more time outs.
Today we read books and rested comfortably together.

Yesterday there were no unsolicited hugs.
Today was filled with “I love yous” and smiles.

Yesterday there was a lot of shouting followed by a tension headache and clock watching until bedtime.
Today there was a Chutes & Ladders marathon, Aqua Doodle fun and dancing around the living room.

Yesterday there was a shortage of patience, tolerance, peace and quiet.
Today was completely different.

Thank goodness.

Broken Record

Posted on January 22, 2013 Written by Tonya

‘No’ is a complete sentence. – Anne Lamott

My son will never fully understand the term, “I’m starting to sound like a broken record” because he’ll never own a record, but it really is the best way to describe 90% of what comes out of my mouth and in through one of his ears and out the other on any given day.

Spoken in varying degrees of volume I might add.

If you aren’t going to eat it, why did you ask for it?

Let’s go, we’re going to be late!

Now, Lucas!!

I love you.

Please don’t put that in your mouth.

What do you say?

What did you say?

You’re so sweet, buddy.

No shoes on the couch.

Please don’t talk to me that way.

Will you please pick up these toys?

You did such a great job!

Do you need to potty?

Are you sure?

Do you need some help?

Let me fix your undies.

What do you mean no more kisses?

Are you tired?

No nap?

No potty talk, please.

Be nice to the dog.

How did I get so lucky?

It’s not time for TV.

No means no.

Maybe.

Stop at the corner!

Use the brake, not your shoe.

I’m so proud of you.

No splashing.

Be careful, buddy.

No running.

Thank you for listening.

None of that stuff belongs in here, take it into the play room.

Indoor voice.

Why are you yelling?

Please stop yelling.

Of course, I’ll get you a snack, read to you, play a game, color, put on music, take you to the park, jump on the trampoline, build a tower, let you play with glitter.

Agh!! I’m either cleaning up a mess you’ve made or the dog made.

That’s the 45th time you have asked me to help you look for your Chuggingtons and I said I would when we get home.

Not one more time, do you hear me?

Can you hear me?

Do you know how much I love you?

Potty Mouth

Posted on December 18, 2012 Written by Tonya

If you’ve ever spent any time in real life with me then you know I have a foul mouth. Yesterday (after waiting to see my doctor for over an hour and a half and then finally deciding to get up and leave) was a particularly foul language day.

Cursing. It’s a deplorable trait.

I think I can count on one hand how many times I heard my mother use a curse word, which only makes me feel worse.

For me, cursing has become somewhat of a habit, whether it’s out of anger, frustration or to emphasize a point, sometimes there is just no substitute for “hell”, “shit”, “damn”, or worse. I have several four-letter favorites.

I have been noticing rampant potty talk in public lately too. It seems as though people have no sensor, no decorum.

Has cursing become more acceptable? I think over the years my language has gotten worse. I blame the challenges of parenthood and our six-month old puppy. But really that is no excuse.

I try to temper myself, especially around Lucas because he is a little mimic and I am ashamed to admit has dropped the F bomb more than once.

In an appropriate scenario.

In front of my in-laws.

Not one of my finer moments.

I’ve been trying to say, “what the H?”, “F this” or “F-ing that” and Lucas thinks it’s a letters game and will say, “what the K?”, “what the L?” and “J that”.

The twinkle in his eye tells me he knows better.

How do you mind your Ps and Qs around your tots?

The Power Of A Sock

Posted on September 27, 2012 Written by Tonya

Even before I started looking I knew the evidence was all around our house.

My first clue was the lone baby sock I discovered in the bottom of a suitcase. He hasn’t been able to wear it in three years.

The tiny, white, soft sock, still smelled of Dreft made me nostalgic, yes but also had me searching for more proof…

Upon further investigation, I realized he’s gone from big wooden chunky puzzle pieces with handles to masterfully assembling the 30+ piece sets.

He’s physically heavier, weighting nearly 34 pounds. I never hesitate to carry him when he asks.

No longer in diapers (except at bedtime), he is learning how his body functions and all about feelings.

Instead of moving his cars across the floor, he creates scenarios and they have conversations with one another.

He loves to play Candy Land, Go Fish, Hide & Seek and Red Light, Green Light and I swear uses real strategy to assure a victory.

The pile of 2T and even some 3T clothing builds as we hand down the things he’s outgrown to our friends children.

He has opinions, knows how to make me laugh, recites the Pledge of Allegiance and can sing along to every word of Call Me Maybe.

More often than not, he opts to walk over being pushed in the stroller.

But the real proof that our house no longer has a baby is in his face. It’s more defined instead of soft and round.

He’s gone from a baby to a little boy in the blink of an eye and it is wonderful to witness.

It’s also enough to make me want to sit in a corner with a tub of ice cream and gallon of wine and cry. Maybe I should reach out to my RE and start up on the baby #2 trail again?

Better yet, I’m going enjoy what I have right this very minute.

Funny how much power a lone sock can have.

Character Driven

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