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I Smell A Bully

Posted on July 16, 2011 Written by Tonya

Lucas is barely two years old and is still trying to grasp the concept of sharing. He’s got a long way to go, but for his age, he does really well.

Unless, he’s being pushed too far and then, just like you or I, he loses it.

Yesterday, his Mommy lost it.

We were at Barnes & Noble and Lucas was vying for a place at the train table and a train to play with and every time he got his hands on one, another boy, an older boy would snatch it from him.

I bit my tongue the first three times as I nonchalantly looked around for the boy’s mother and helped Lucas find another train and told him he would get a turn with the one he really wanted soon.

The older boy kept Lucas and two other younger children from using an entire side of the table and at one point (and this was utterly shocking to me) pushed my son out of his way.

No “excuse me”, no “I’m sorry”. Just a push.

The look in Lucas’ eyes was one of bewilderment and asked what did I do wrong?.

Grabby? Possessive? Rude? Where was this kid’s manners? Better question, where was this kid’s parents?

I smell a bully.

At one point, little three-year-old, Emma walked around the older boy to get to a section of the train table he wasn’t hogging and he exclaimed that she “hit” him.

She didn’t touch him. Her mom and I were right there the entire time.

Trying to set a good example, Emma’s mom had her apologize to the boy and also explained that her daughter was only three and didn’t mean to touch him. With that she asked how old he was.

Six.

Six? Six years old and acting like this?

Shortly thereafter, the boy went for another train from Lucas and that was it. My poor son had had it and so had I!

I got in the six year old’s face and said, “You are not being nice. That is the fourth time you have taken a train from my son. Where is your mother?”

We didn’t stick around long enough to meet the mother, as Lucas, having been pushed to his limit had a complete melt down. I scooped him up, calmed him down and we went to another section of the store.

I really didn’t want to be that mom, the one that flees, avoids confrontation, but let’s face it sometimes it’s just easier when you know you’re never going to run into that six year old or his mother again.

I know I can’t protect my son from every bully or uncomfortable situation and I’m not proud of the way this scenario played out.

On the other hand, it’s not my job to discipline someone else’s child when their parent is no where to be seen, is it? What did I do wrong? How do you handle situations like this?

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A Strange Encounter

Posted on July 4, 2011 Written by Tonya

Happy Indpendence Day!

A few weeks ago, I bamboozled Lucas into going to the park by way of the bank, thus taking the very l o n g way to the park so that I could get in some exercise.

While we were standing in line at the bank, he started fussing. In other words, he was on to me and wanted nothing more than to get out of the stroller and create some sort of havoc. To calm him down and keep him put, I gave him my iPhone.

This practice is normally a last resort and used mostly at restaurants so that his dad and I can finish our meal in peace and down our adult beverages with a small amount of dignity.

I have several toddler friendly apps on my phone; Voice Cards, Talking Tom, Toddler Puzzle Shapes and ABC Train, just to name a few. I also have “emergency” episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba and Sesame Street and a playlist devoted to Lucas’ favorite tunes.

At any rate, he knows his way around an iPhone, without too much input or instruction from me. I don’t know how he knows, he just does, so I wasn’t too surprised when the middle aged gentleman in front of us asked me how old Lucas was. After I told him, he responded with shock and awe that someone so young could use the device so well. I laughed it off.

Lucas and I carried on a conversation about the shapes in the puzzle he was working on and I reiterated nine more times that we would eventually make it to the park when the man blurted out the most bizarre thing: “Daycare kid?”

I was a bit taken aback and it took me a good 30 seconds to reply, “No, I stay at home with him”, to which the man had nothing to say. No further insight into his strange question at all.

I’m still confused.

Up until now, I’ve been able to avoid any sort of Mommy vs. Mommy or Mommy vs. stranger who may or may not be a Mommy run-in, not that I would call this a run-in per say, but it was certainly one of the first out in public Mommy moments I’ve had that has stayed with me. I haven’t been able to shake this exchange for some reason. Why is that?

What did he mean by “daycare kid”?

What do you think? I would love to get your take.

P.S. If you have a favorite toddler app, please let me know!

There’s More To Me Than My Blog

Posted on July 2, 2011 Written by Tonya

I talked to a friend recently with whom I hadn’t spoken to in a while and mid-conversation, when we had reached the part when I was all up to date on the current events of her life and it was time for her to ask about me, she said, “I already know everything that’s going on with you, I read your blog.”.“Oh.” And with that, the call was pretty much over.

Here’s what I should have said:

“Um, no you don’t and why would you think that anyway?”

This is not the first time I’ve heard this.

And this is not the first time the comment has irked me hurt my feelings.

I’ll be the first to admit that I share a lot here, but I don’t blog about everything!

Some things are meant to be private. And I’ve learned that the hard way a couple of times.

There are lots of topics that I refuse to discuss here. I will never share details of my marriage, my sex life, my struggle to have a second child, my relationship with my sister (again), my ex-husband (again) or basically anything else that could potentially hurt a relationship that is important to me or be used against me in a court of law.

I’m a social networking butterfly and communicate regularly with a lot of people via Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Instagram, Skype, instant messages through Scrabble and Words With Friends, texts, the rare phone call and if I’m really lucky, in person. Every once in a while it would be nice if the people I knew in real life would ask me about me instead of assuming they’ve read it all on my blog.

Just saying.

If you’re a blogger, does this ever happen to you?

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Jet Setter

Posted on June 22, 2011 Written by Tonya

Voluptuous and simple – the world is larger than one had thought. – Denise Levertov

I grew up overseas so I have been fortunate to see a lot of the world, but there are still places I want to visit.

Topping my list right now, in the order of which they may be visited, are:

Palm Springs – I know, I know, I was just there (read all about my recent trip here) and it’s only 90 minutes from my front door, but I am craving some consistent sunlight, lounging by the pool with the latest celebrity gossip magazines, a good book and yummy cocktails with cool names like “The Julie”; and some alone time with my husband. For the record, all the other destinations on my list will include Lucas.

Vancouver, Canada – My husband spent nine months in Vancouver several years ago and has always spoken so highly of his experience, the scenery, the accessibility to nature and outdoor activities and the people. The way he talks about it makes me want to go!

Greece – Ever since I saw Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and Mama Mia, I have wanted to go to Greece. All terrible movies, but the stark contrast between the gorgeous blue Mediterranean sea and white buildings, the rich history and authentic sadziki are all very alluring.

My list of “must see” destinations is never ending… Croatia, the Galapagos, Ireland and Tokyo are high on the list too.

I would also love to take Lucas on an African safari one day. There’s nothing else on earth like being within 30 feet of an elephant, lion, zebra or giraffe. To date, that has been my favorite trip.

Where do you want to go?

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 4.) A country you would like to visit.

SAHM

Posted on May 31, 2011 Written by Tonya

The other day, I read (and re-tweeted) two lists: 10 Things Never to Say to a Stay-at-Home Mom and 10 Things Never to Say to a Working Mom and both lists got me thinking about my SAHM role.

It’s been almost two years since I became a stay-at-home mom and honestly, I’m still getting used to it.

Sure, I have somewhat of a schedule: music class on Mondays, tumble class on Wednesdays, nanny help for a few hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays and a free-for-all Friday. No matter what, we get out of the house. For my sanity, just as much as Lucas’.

I like to say I’m a stay-at-home mom, that does anything but stay at home.

Apart from the classes, we have passes to Legoland, Disneyland and the zoo. There are also weekly visits to parks, libraries, toy stores, pet stores, book stores and Daddy’s office. When we’re not out and about, we’ve got a host of in-door activities, but if given the option, I’d rather be out! At home, there’s the Internet, TV, laundry and other chores. Plus, some days it feels like the walls are coming in on us.

If I was stuck inside all day every day, I would certainly lose my mind. So while I don’t have meetings to attend or a closet full of suits to wear anymore, I plan, I schedule, I organize, I manage, I orchestrate, I clean, I cook (sort of), I live for nap time, me time and date nights all while staying at home. Whatever that means…

Slowly but surely, I’m learning to embrace being a SAHM, but I’d be lying if I said that didn’t spend a lot of time day dreaming about returning to work full time.

On one hand, I can’t imagine having anyone else spend as much time with Lucas as I get to or allowing them to be such an active participate in his growth and development. I do realize how lucky I am that I am his primary care giver, but on the other hand, there are days that I would give my right arm to have a 7:30 meeting and drop him off somewhere along the way.

It’s an age-old argument, but as I see it, being a mom, stay at home or not, is hard work. No matter where you do it from.

For some, returning to work is a financial necessity and not a choice. I get that. And when I think about being a SAHM in those terms, I know I’m one of the fortunate ones.

Are you at stay-at-home mom? If so, is it by choice? Do you miss working?

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An Adorable Dinner

Posted on May 13, 2011 Written by Tonya

I don’t cook.

Not even a little bit.

I burned rice the other night.

Who does that?!

Me apparently.

I make the same New Year’s resolution every year to make at least one dinner a month. So far so good….

Although, I think I owe my family four dinners.

I’ve said it before (here and here), if it weren’t for my husband I’d be living on cereal, turkey sandwiches, PB&Js, pasta, bag salad and cottage cheese. In other words, I can do kid food.

Sort of.

Lucas has been on a bit of a hunger strike lately and wanting only macaroni and cheese and cookies. Which honestly doesn’t sound too bad too me, however, in an effort to expand his (and my) horizons (and because my husband was out for dinner with a friend), I made him a turkey and cheese quesadilla last night, rolled it and cut it so that it resembled a pin wheel. The bite sized pieces were so adorable I should have taken a photo. I thought for sure I had a hit on my hands.

He took one bite, promptly spit it out and asked for cookies. When I said no and tried again and again and again, he ran down the hall to his bedroom slammed the door and had a fit.

And here I thought that was 15 year old girl behavior?

About 17 minutes later, in other words, the length of time it takes to make a box of Annie’s Homegrown mac & cheese, he returned to the kitchen, sat down and had three bowls!

Geez, so much for an adorable dinner, huh?

I did throw in peas.

What did I have for dinner you wonder? And a Coors Light.

What do you feed your picky eater?

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Self Help You’ll Never Find In A Book

Posted on May 9, 2011 Written by Tonya

Two heads are better than one. – John Heywood

Every two weeks for several months now, I have been meeting with a small group of women that I have grown to respect, admire, come to rely on and find incredibly helpful in achieving my personal goals.

Ironically, we all have marketing backgrounds, but not one of us work a 40+ hour week desk job anymore. We are in various stages of career transition, trying to get our own businesses off the ground or are stay-at-home-moms (yours truly) with a hobby that has become a passion.

Our group is small and we may not have a catchy name, mascot or matching T-shirts…yet, but what we do have is invaluable.

We all possess obtainable entrepreneurial goals for ourselves and support one another by holding each other accountable for various action items that will help us reach these goals.

We encourage one another to keep our vision(s) in mind as we brainstorm, collaborate, share past experiences and current contacts.

It was through this group that I finally accepted that I am a writer and not just a “mommy blogger” and that I would like to find a freelance writing position.

Just three weeks ago, I started working with the owners of a local hair salon to help build their brand, Website and blog. This is the first of many clients, I hope!

Women rule and I am very thankful to be a part of this group.

Do you belong to a similar group or organization? If so, how has it helped you?

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Ten Years Later

Posted on May 2, 2011 Written by Tonya

I had a different post prepared for today, but in light of recent activity, I’m posting this instead….

On September 11, 2001, I was driving to work listening to the Mark & Brian show on the radio when I first heard about the planes hitting the Twin Towers.

I was riveted.

I was scared.

My first thought was that this had to be a cruel joke. Next, I thought of my parents and sister, who were living in Yangon, Myanmar at the time. Did they know? Were they safe? Would they be evacuated?

I didn’t know if I should turn around and go home or continue on my way to work.

I went into work because surely this was a mistake. A terrible mistake. A hoax.

It wasn’t.

No one got any work done that day. We were all huddled together and glued to computer screens and the televisions set up in the break rooms.

The footage that kept playing over and over was like something out of a movie. People plummeting to their deaths and smoke and ash and debris.

Nearly 3000 innocent lives were taken that day.

It was a very somber time in our nation’s history.

That was nearly ten years ago.

Yesterday, Osama bin Laden, the founder of al-Qaeda and the man responsible for the September 11 attacks was killed by United States Navy SEALs.

Normally, I avoid political talk like the plague.

I’m not a big fan of heated discussions, but I do have strong opinions about a women’s right to choice, teaching religion in our public schools, the right to bare arms, heath care reform and taxes.

I am proud to be an American and I am proud of our armed forces. I appreciate every freedom I have as an American citizen and I vote.

The killing of bin Laden has been weighting heavily on my mind today.

On one hand, I truly hope that anyone that suffered a loss ten years ago due to the September 11 attacks feels a bit more peace today, but on the other hand, I can’t help but pose the question: now what?

Has justice really been served?

I don’t believe the “eye for an eye” principle works.

Our nation has been at war for 10 years! Does finding and slaying bin Laden mean our troops get to come home?

Is it morally wrong to celebrate the assassination of bin Laden in such a festive and patriotic way? Should we celebrate the death of anyone?

I don’t know the answers to these questions, but they are worth asking and they are on my mind today.

The Vatican released this statement this morning and while I also like to avoid discussions about religion, it really helped me realize the confliction I am feeling about the death of bin Laden.

“Osama Bin Laden – as everyone knows – has had the gravest responsibility for spreading hatred and division among people, causing the deaths of countless people, and exploiting religion for this purpose.

Faced with the death of a man, a Christian never rejoices, but reflects on the serious responsibility of everyone before God and man, and hopes and pledges that every event is not an opportunity for a further growth of hatred, but of peace.”

I wish our nation and our world peace.

What do you think of Osama bin Laden’s death?

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The Sweet Smell Of Spring

Posted on April 27, 2011 Written by Tonya

I wish I could grow flowers, tomatoes, basil, weeds, cactus… anything! I have the brownest thumb on the planet (I’m assuming that’s the opposite of having a green thumb).

As long as my husband and I have lived together he has always said that he’d like plants in our home. I discourage this every chance I get because I would either water them too much, too little or forget all together.

The only plants in our house are the flowers I purchase every two weeks: Pretty enough, but not the same, right?

I love walking around my neighborhood. I love to feel the cool breeze coming off the ocean not far away, the warm exchange of greetings with the people I pass and the sweet smell of spring, especially all the gorgeous roses in bloom!

I wish I could grow flowers like these:

There must be such satisfaction in having a beautiful vibrant rose garden.

Heck, any garden!

I need to send my husband out for a walk.

What can you grow?

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 4.) Photo Story: Take a walk through your neighborhood this week and share some pictures of what Spring looks like where you live.

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