Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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My First Time Around

Posted on October 16, 2013 Written by Tonya

Wednesday, October 8, 2008 was a life changing day for me.

It was the day I found out I was pregnant with my son. It was also the day I believe I became a mother.

What an amazing moment/time in my life.

Amazing and completely terrifying!

It wasn’t as though we hadn’t been trying to conceive, we just weren’t trying very hard, in other words, we weren’t taking my temperature, pumping my body full of injections, marking days off on a calendar or any seeking assistance from a reproductive specialist. That would come with baby #2!

My period was seven days late so having just come from working out followed by lunch with a friend, at her urging I took the test.

I stood naked in my bathroom crying. I was elated when I saw the digital word “PREGNANT” pop up on the EPT stick… twice! I kept checking and double checking it over and over.

I was happy, in quite a bit of shock and then I quickly became very worried. I had just returned from a wine tasting (read: binge drinking) weekend with my girlfriends and the week before that my husband and I were on vacation, which involved many, many pool side beers. Needless to say, everything was fine. 

It was overwhelming but also very exciting and I couldn’t wait to share the good news with the daddy-to-be. I will never forget pulling the EPT out of my purse, sliding it across the table at dinner that night and him asking me if it was still wet!

I had no idea what I was in store for, but luckily I had the BEST pregnancy with none of the typical symptoms. No morning sickness, off the wall food cravings or aversions, no heartburn, constipation, bloating or swollen feet. I maintained a high energy level throughout the entire nine months and walked a total of 479.09 miles (yes, I kept track!). Only towards the very end (week 37) did I start to grow increasingly uncomfortable… like I had run out of room. I was having a hard time sleeping and being on my feet for long periods of time and my back hurt all the time, but other than the end, the rest was great. I know, I know, I’m one of those people.

Todd and I enjoyed every minute of reading What To Expect When You’re Expecting out loud to each other in bed late at night, giggling over the fruit and vegetable size references and daydreamed about our different our lives were about to become. 

As we waited, we also did all the usual new expectant parent stuff… Snapped monthly bump photos, shared our good news with family and friends, watched my body change and grow and grow and grow, felt baby kicks, picked out a nursery motif, put together a crib, washed all the tiny articles of clothing and wondered how anyone could really be that small, registered for shower gifts, tested strollers, made lists of names we liked and could agree on, took far too many parenting classes and generally walked around with brighter smiles and springs in our steps than we had ever had before as we happily anticipated our firstborn’s arrival.

It was a magical time.

sunflowers2 14-06-46 3

I was 29 weeks pregnant when this photo was taken by my friend Stephanie of Stephanie Ann Photography


This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 4. Describe your first pregnancy… piece of cake or terrible experience?

A version of this post entitled Happy Anticipation originally appeared on Letters For Lucas on October 8, 2009.

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Advice To New Mothers

Posted on September 14, 2011 Written by Tonya

I certainly do not claim to be an expert, in fact very far from it, but here are a few things I know for sure about motherhood:

1. No matter how many anti-bacterial products you use or times you wash your hands or your child’s hands throughout the day, children are a cesspool of germs and it won’t just feel like your family is sick all the time, you will be.

2. You will go DAYS, especially in the beginning without sleep, a shower, a hot meal and/or make-up. There may even be days when you barely have a free moment to brush your teeth. This is just a phase and does pass.

3. It’s okay to mourn your old life and the days when it was just you and your husband; the days before diapers, Goodnight Moon, the Elmo theme song running through your head 24/7 and apple sauce stains on your shirt. It wasn’t that long ago and anyone that tells you that they can’t remember their life before their baby, is LYING!

4. I am convinced that no matter how sweet and innocent children seem on the outside, they are deviant and cunning on the inside. They may be new here, but they’ve got your number and know all the right buttons to push. Beware!!

5. Babysitters are worth every single penny because date nights and “me time” are absolutely essential to surviving motherhood. Having large quantities of wine on hand is good also.

6. Children are a lot more expensive than you budgeted for. A lot! They grow like weeds and get bored quickly, so the more comfortable you get with hand-me-down clothes and toys, the better.

7. You will lose the baby weight. It may take six months or three years, but you will and you can IF you put your mind to it.

8. You’ll hear it a million times and eventually repeat it, too: it goes by fast, so let the dishes sit and the laundry wait and enjoy the baby days, the milestones, sweet, tender moments and the magic.

9. Trust your instincts and listen to your gut, you know a lot more than you give yourself credit for.

10. As soon as your newborn enters the world and your eyes meet theirs, you will know true love and joy as you have never known it before. Here’s hoping you can recall that gaze at 3 o’clock in the morning when your tot throws up all over his bed and then yours and then his again. Yep, that was a very long night.


Linking up this week with Stasha’s Monday Listicles, a linky right up my alley! This week’s topic: 10 Tips For New Moms was chosen by Cookies Mom.

This post was originally written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, 5.) Advice to new mothers (September 14, 2011).

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Hopes, Dreams & Wishes – Redux

Posted on February 17, 2011 Written by Tonya

I wrote this piece last year when I had all of three followers and I immediately thought of it when I read this week’s Red Writing Hood’s writing prompt: Write a piece about finding a forgotten item of clothing in the back of a drawer or closet. Let us know how the item was found, what it is, and why it’s so meaningful to you or your character.

With some editing, here is Hope, Dreams & Wishes:

Long before I ever thought I’d have children and certainly long before I had Lucas, I bought this little sweater. I found it at Old Navy, of all places. It was originally $16.50 and had been marked down to $3.99. The tag is still on it.

From the moment I saw it, I thought it was precious.

Navy blue is my favorite color and I loved the adorable red heart with the arrow going through it and something came over me and I just had to have it. I remember thinking at the time while standing in the check out line, I’m nowhere near ready to have children, why on earth am I buying this?!? I don’t even have a boyfriend.

It took me a while to realize that this tiny little sweater represented something stupendous and wonderful. Something bigger than myself. Something that was yet to be. It represented where my life was going to be someday. Where my life, if I was lucky enough, was heading…

True love, romance, marriage, children, cuddles, giggles, and a lifetime of memorable firsts and happy moments.

A childhood, not unlike my own.

The sweater stayed safely wrapped in tissue paper in the bottom of my pajama drawer for years, but each February when Valentine’s Day rolls around, I remember the sweater.

Just last week, ironically the week before Valentine’s Day, I was organizing Lucas’ closet and I came across this tiny sweater. I was about to add it to the donation pile until I realized what it was.

Maybe someday we’ll have a little sister for Lucas, as the sweater is far too feminine for him to wear and at size 3-6 months, far too small for him anyway.

I gingerly put the sweater back on the hanger, returned it to the closet and there it will stay as a peaceful reminder that so many of my hopes, dreams and wishes have already come true.

Click here to read the original piece posted February 12, 2010: Hopes, Dreams & Wishes.

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The Spirit Of Christmas – Redux

Posted on December 24, 2010 Written by Tonya

I originally posted this last year (December 16, 2009 / The Spirit of Christmas) back when I only had 16 followers.

The memories and sentiments remain true today, so with very few edits, I’d like to share it with you again and from my house to yours, Merry Christmas!

*****************************************************

My mother loved Christmastime and our house was always decked out for the holidays. She was the reason Hallmark Cards exists!

We always had a beautiful tree covered with colorful international treasures from our life overseas and all the traveling we had done together.

She loved snow globes and nativity scenes and every year one whole couch would be completely covered with her motley crew of Christmas guys (stuffed animals dressed in red and green).

She had Christmas dishes strewn about the house filled with holiday candy and would have enough baked goods on hand to guarantee at least a three to five pound weight gain after each visit.

She was a big fan of the Christmas letter (writing and receiving them) and she loved shopping for our holiday cards and stationary the day after Christmas for the following year. I remember many 5:00 AM alarms going off on December 26 and the two of us rifling through bins of picked over greeting cards to find enough boxes for everyone on her and my father’s Christmas list. I swear they must have sent 300 cards!

I miss my mother every day but especially during the holiday season. She made Christmas special and a lot more fun with her childlike enthusiasm and overall joy. My dad, on the other hand, was the exact opposite. Sure, he loved the Christmas cookies and other goodies, but growing up, his family would put up their Christmas tree the day before Christmas and take it down the day after, or so he said.

He would often tell my mom to buy what she wanted and he would wrap it and put it under the tree. Over the years, he started to get into it more and I think even began to enjoy picking out gifts for all of us and eventually came to understand the element of surprise, however, his wrapping always left a lot to be desired! See picture above; that is VHS tape wrapped around a present. My dad also had a vast collection of holiday music and liked to play it constantly the week of Christmas.

One of my favorite family holiday traditions on Christmas day was after all the presents were opened and prominently displayed in front of the tree (another tradition), we would go to a movie. Many big blockbusters open on Christmas day and we had fun trying to agree on which one to see. After the movie we would come home and make leftover turkey sandwiches and each have a slice of pie. Chocolate pudding for me, pumpkin for my dad, and pecan for my mom and sister.

It’s hard to believe that this will be my fourth Christmas without my parents and second with Lucas. It is very different now and for me it has lost some of the magic.

Leah and I have kept the tradition of seeing a movie on Christmas Day, followed by lunch together, just the two of us. We spend a lot of time reminiscing and looking forward too.

My in-laws have done their best to include me and my sister in their holiday, but I am looking forward to creating new traditions with Lucas and hopefully seeing some of that lost Christmas spirit shine through him.
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